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Bitter Cynic's Test

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, December 20, 2012, 09:34:36 PM

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hunter s.durden

#15
December 21, 2012, 05:32:30 AM
1. An Illusion
2. The method of inquiry by which we discover existence has no inherent meaning
3. Pass
4.You really want this religion thing answered, huh?
5.The source of Earth's comedy
6. water
7. suffering
8. Everyone. Mostly Cain, though.
9.I can't do this.
No right answers.
I'm too cynical to be bitter.
I think I now want to draw a picture of me and Diogenes jacking off onto Korans wrapped in American flags.
This space for rent.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#16
December 21, 2012, 07:44:50 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 20, 2012, 09:34:36 PM
20 points total.  Answers posted Monday.  Winner gets a hate mail.

1.  What is freedom?
2.  What is science?
3.  What is religion?
4.  What is insanity?
5.  What is neurosis?
6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?
7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?
8.  And who commits them?
9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?
10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?
11.  What is the most important information in any message?
12.  Why do some people believe in God?
13.  Why do other people not believe in God?
14.  Who has the hardest belief system?
15.  What's a black hole?
16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.
17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)

Freedom is slavery
Science has ceased to exist
Religion is heresy
Insanity is independence
Neurosis is the tie that binds
A fish is to water as a brain is to the skull
What all of the evils of the world have in common is power
Who commits them is people
The two great keys to lifelong happiness are telling the truth and heavy drinking, and Johnny Cash discovered them
All religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching is directed at Other People
The most important information in any message is What I Think and it's directed At You People
Some people believe in God because they're sheep
Other people do not believe in God because they're sheep
Agnostics have the hardest belief system
A black hole is the Kardashians, whatever the fuck they are
The only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct are me and you
The greatest enemy of truth is Truth


"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

P3nT4gR4m

#17
December 21, 2012, 09:32:35 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on December 21, 2012, 07:44:50 AM
The two great keys to lifelong happiness are telling the truth and heavy drinking, and Johnny Cash discovered them

Nigel wins question 9  8)

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

LMNO

#18
December 21, 2012, 01:52:48 PM
1.  What is freedom?
A useful illusion.

2.  What is science?
The ideal of a self-correcting system.

3.  What is religion?
An un-useful illusion.

4.  What is insanity?
A brain that cannot map to the existent Universe.

5.  What is neurosis?
Bad signal made flesh.

6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?
Itself.

7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?
Humans.

8.  And who commits them?
Other humans (or so they like to think).

9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?
Ignorance and Forgetting – George W Bush

10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?
See answer to number 8.

11.  What is the most important information in any message?
The person delivering it.

12.  Why do some people believe in God?
Bad signal.

13.  Why do other people not believe in God?
More bad signal (most often).

14.  Who has the hardest belief system?
The mother of a sociopath.

15.  What's a black hole?
I do not have enough knowledge of astrophysics to properly answer this.

16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.
Charles Bukowski:
"there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant."

Bruce Campbell
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."


17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)
Consciousness.

LMNO

#19
December 21, 2012, 08:56:59 PM
Hey! I want my score!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#20
December 21, 2012, 09:38:16 PM
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#21
December 22, 2012, 05:39:46 AM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 21, 2012, 08:56:59 PM
Hey! I want my score!

As I said, scores and answers will be posted on Monday.

But I'll probably actually do them Sunday, around 1 PM real time.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Reginald Ret

#22
December 22, 2012, 04:04:56 PM

1.  What is freedom?
             A lie I am willing to die for.
2.  What is science?
             A slightly more accurate way of finding out about reality than guessing.
3.  What is religion?
             A method for controlling people.
4.  What is insanity?
             Trying to be normal in an abnormal world.
5.  What is neurosis?
             A mind stuck in a pointless pattern.
6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?
             Patterns.
7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?
             Those who commited them didn't feel they did anything wrong at the time.
8.  And who commits them?
             People with good intentions.
9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?
             Ignorance and convidence. Machiavelli.
10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?
             The self.
11.  What is the most important information in any message?
             Who sent it.
12.  Why do some people believe in God?
             It is easier than going against their peers.
13.  Why do other people not believe in God?
             It is easier than going against their peers.
14.  Who has the hardest belief system?
             Post-nihilists (We don't even believe in nihilism anymore.)
15.  What's a black hole?
             A point where our brane is punctured. It's where our dimension's gravitons leak out.
16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.
             Protagoras (Sophist and author of 'The Technique of Eristics') and Carneades. (One day in Rome he spoke before a large audience and argued in favour of righteousness. The next day he argued against righteousness. He was enthusiastically applauded both times. He was consequently kicked out of Rome for endangering the established education of youths.)
17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)
             Conviction, as in certainty.
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

Sano

#23
December 23, 2012, 12:54:22 AM
1. The only game impossible to escape from.
2. A game where people input empirical facts and the output is crazy sometimes
3. A game where people input their beliefs and the output is crazy sometimes
4. A dissonance on the game rules as utilized by different players
5. The hurtful result of said dissonance
6. Games
7. Human presence
8. Everybody's answer is always "not me"
9. No idea
10. To the Wrong People(tm)
11. The amount of game-savvyness the speaker displays while transmitting the message
12. It makes a fun game to believe it
13. It makes a fun game not to believe it
14. Those who are 1 second away from dying and know it
15. Everyone's heads
16. No idea
17. To think you have it.
Everything comes to an end, reader. It is an old truism to which may be added that not everything that lasts, lasts for long. This latter part is not readily admitted; on the contrary the idea that an air castle lasts longer than the very air of which it is made is hard to get out of a person's head, and this is fortunate, otherwise the custom of making those almost eternal constructions might be lost.

Phox

#24
December 23, 2012, 01:17:45 AM
1.  What is freedom?

     Nothing.

2.  What is science?

     The best attempt possible to explain the universe.

3.  What is religion?

      Rejection of the merely real in favor of the possible and/or unreal. 

4.  What is insanity?

     Inability to mesh reality and perception.

5.  What is neurosis?

     The barbarians at the gates of reason.

6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?

     The fish.

7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?

     They are perceived.

8.  And who commits them?

     The eye of the beholder.

9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?

       Accepting that it is neither fair nor pleasant, and refusing to accept the words of others without thinking. Thomas Hobbes.
   
10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?

       Anyone who will listen, the gullible, and the converted.

11.  What is the most important information in any message?

       What is the larger intent?

12.  Why do some people believe in God?

       As an excuse for not accepting empirical data.

13.  Why do other people not believe in God?

       As an excuse for acknowledging the limit of knowledge.

14.  Who has the hardest belief system?

       Those who struggle to change theirs.

15.  What's a black hole?

       The brightest part of the universe.

16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.

         Hobbes and P.T. Barnum.   

17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)
        Itself.

trix

#25
December 23, 2012, 07:35:39 AM
1.  What is freedom?

In my opinion:  Being left the fuck alone to do whatever I want, as long as I leave other people the fuck alone to do whatever they want.
These days:  A tired meme and overused catchphrase, but not much else.

2.  What is science?

The study of reality.

3.  What is religion?

A large collection of nutjobs that have to be put down from time to time when the murder or pedo rate gets too high.

4.  What is insanity?

The lingering belief that you can relax in the Web all day year after year and the Spiders will still let you leave.
Sort of like drug addicts that tell themselves they can stop any time they want.

5.  What is neurosis?

Um, isn't that when the flesh turns all gross after somebody dies?

6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?

No idea, but now I'm hungry for fish.  Asshole.

7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?

Dollar Signs.

8.  And who commits them?

You do.  I do.  Also, your mom.

9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?

Lifelong happiness?  If that were the goal, I'd imagine the best two things that would help would be a healthy dose of ignorance and/or a lot of drugs.
And since that was off of the top of my head, I am the great modern thinker that discovered them.

10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?

At each other.  And the wall.  And the TV.  And probably a whole lot of dogs and cats, too.

11.  What is the most important information in any message?

The context

12.  Why do some people believe in God?

Because we can see her influence in everything we do.

13.  Why do other people not believe in God?

Because obviously Eris doesn't like those people.

14.  Who has the hardest belief system?

Ron Jeremy.  ( :rimshot: )

15.  What's a black hole?

A hole.  That's black.  Serious question?

16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.

Aha so many traps in this "Test" it's like Admiral Ackbar wrote it.  But to answer the question:  Me.

17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)

Also me.
There's good news tonight.  And bad news.  First, the bad news: there is no good news.  Now, the good news: you don't have to listen to the bad news.
Zen Without Zen Masters

Quote from: Cain
Gender is a social construct.  As society, we get to choose your gender.

Dildo Argentino

#26
December 23, 2012, 01:13:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 20, 2012, 09:34:36 PM
20 points total.  Answers posted Monday.  Winner gets a hate mail.

1.  What is freedom?
2.  What is science?
3.  What is religion?
4.  What is insanity?
5.  What is neurosis?
6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?
7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?
8.  And who commits them?
9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?
10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?
11.  What is the most important information in any message?
12.  Why do some people believe in God?
13.  Why do other people not believe in God?
14.  Who has the hardest belief system?
15.  What's a black hole?
16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.
17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)

1. A necessity of life that's always within our grasp but which we often do not allow ourselves to have.
2. A collective edifice of knowledge built on reason and convivial dispute.
3. An organised complex of ritual, practice and ideation whose purpose is to create social stability. It often persists beyond utility.
4. Dionysus to the Apollo of its twin brother, sanity.
5. An inadequate response to dire circumstances.
6. Language. Or community.
7. Coercion, manipulation or deceit of the weak by the strong. Objectification of persons. Exploitation for selfish gain.
8. Everyone. Some learn and change, some don't.
9. No idea who and what you might be thinking of. But the question put me in mind of this: "There are two stupid things you can do in life. Insist on your principles - and not give a shit about them."
10. Those who know less according to the person doing the preaching.
11. The addressee.
12. Some because they were brought up to. Some because it decreases their fear. A precious few, because it increases their sense of freedom.
13. Some because they were brought up not to. Some because that decreases their fear. A precious few, because it increases their sense of freedom.
14. The hardest thing (in the sense of hard to achieve) is not to have one. Or: the hardest one (in the sense of hard to destroy) is the one of the fanatic. Or the hardest one (as in the badassest one that wins against all others): secular capitalist consumerism.
15. A hole that is black.
16. I think there were more than two. Buddha and Krishnamurti come to mind. Einstein, too.
17. Fear, I think.
Not too keen on rigor, myself - reminds me of mortis

PopeTom

#27
December 23, 2012, 03:25:57 PM
Quote
1.  What is freedom?

The state of having nothing left to lose.

Quote
2.  What is science?

A process used to determine if your personal view of reality matches up with real reality.

Quote
3.  What is religion?

Formalized superstition.

Quote
4.  What is insanity?

A biological floating point error.

Quote
5.  What is neurosis?

A stress induced biological floating point error.

Quote
6.  A fish is to water as the mind is to. . . ?

Neurons

Quote
7.  What do all the evils in the world have in common?

They put the needs of the few above the needs of the many.

Quote
8.  And who commits them?

Everyone

Quote
9.  What are the two great keys to lifelong happiness and what great modern thinker discovered them?

Knowing when to be good and knowing when to be evil.

Quote
10.  To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?

To anyone willing to listen.

Quote
11.  What is the most important information in any message?

The subtext.

Quote
12.  Why do some people believe in God?

They find looking for answers to be too difficult.

Quote
13.  Why do other people not believe in God?

They read the Bible.

Quote
14.  Who has the hardest belief system?

Quakers

Quote
15.  What's a black hole?

An astronomical phenomenon where the gravitational pull of a body causes that body's escape velocity to exceed the speed of light.

Quote
16.  Name the only two humans in history whose theories on the nature of reality were correct.

Malaclypse the Younger and J.R. "Bob" Dobs.

Quote
17.  What is the greatest enemy of truth? (this one is worth 4 points)

Lawyers
-PopeTom

I am the result of 13.75 ± 0.13 billion years of random chance. Now that I exist I see no reason to start planning and organizing everything in my life.

Random dumb luck got me here, random dumb luck will get me to where I'm going.

Hail Eris!

The Good Reverend Roger

#28
December 25, 2012, 04:26:13 AM
Correct answers have been edited into the thread opener.

Scores are:

Pent:  0/20.  No cynicism at all.  Hopeless believer.
Cainad:  1/20.  Unicorn poop huffer.
Paes:  0/20.  Where do You People come from?
Twid:  2/20.  RAINBOWS.  UP YOUR ASS.
Richter:  1/20.  I am bitterly, bitterly disappointed.
Wallified:  1/20.  I expect better from Eskimos.
Deepthroat Chopra:  1/20.  Have fun in pleasantville.
Hunter Durden:  0/20.  I don't even KNOW you anymore.
Nigel:  I have high hopes here...Lemme go grade it...AW SHIT, 1/20.  I AM SO ALONE!
LMNO:  2/10.  I am giving up hope, here.
Regret:  1/20.  Fucking Belgians.
Sano:  1/20.  This isn't going well.
Phox:  1/20.  What ARE they teaching in schools these days?
Trix:  0/20.  Don't quit your day job for stand up.
Holist:  0/20.  Hungarians are supposed to be cynical, dammit!
Pope Tom:  0/20.  WTF, BOSTON?


Okay, Twid and LMNO are tied for SUCKING ASS.

Elimination round tomorrow.  One question, one answer each.




I think the problem here was everyone was trying to give some answers that would make them look wise.  This wasn't a test for wisdom, it was a test for bitter cynicism.  So you all failed.  WHICH IS HARDLY SURPRISING!

:crankey:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#29
December 25, 2012, 04:34:44 AM
Dude i beat out phox nigel and richter?

That said i noted that i would do poorly. Miserable bastard tho i may be from time to time i am an optimist.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS
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