Random News Stories

[P3nT4gR4m]

I think the guy's fucking inspirational. He exposes the lie that is Justice. On trial for bribery? No worries - bribe the court. I'm innocent of anything I can get away with. Anyone who thinks the system can be fixed, think again. It can only be played.

[Junkenstein]

I'm innocent of anything everything(?) I can get away with

QG - Big words? There's potential there for something. Must start a new thread for these. (Edit - Done, see project board)

As much as I hate to admit it, the man is right. I suspect it will take many more billionaires being prosecuted and forced to cough up cash before there's any realisation that the level of penalty has no impact at all on their general lifestyle.

Then the lynchings can begin, but that's just because entertainment is scarce in the upcoming uncomfortable times.

In other dumb news:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-28890069

Kate Kelly stands frozen at an empty intersection in Salt Lake City. There is no traffic coming in either direction.

"I need to wait for the signal," she says, "I'm obedient, I'm a Mormon." She laughs, her eyes twinkling behind her thick, retro-style glasses.

But if Ms Kelly thinks she's an obedient Mormon, her Church leadership does not. She was excommunicated in June for founding a campaign to ordain women to the priesthood.

"You know, normally excommunication in our Church is for really grave sins like murder and child abuse," she says. "I was excommunicated for stating a fact, which is that men and women are not equal in our Church."

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) - which claims a membership of 15 million worldwide - any male from the age of 12 and "in good standing" can join the priesthood. No female can.

"We're talking about an Inquisition," she says. "The men who punished me think they are kicking me out of heaven."

Mike Otterson, the managing director of public affairs for the LDS, says he will not speak specifically about Ms Kelly's case, but he insists that the excommunication process is always fair, conducted locally, and decided only after careful consideration.

"We often refer to these proceedings as courts of love," he says.

"We show a great deal of patience, because ultimately, frankly, there's a soul at stake here and we're concerned about that."

The exclusion of black men from the priesthood is a long and painful chapter in Mormon history. The leadership changed that in 1978, after what they described as a revelation from God, and more than a decade after the passage of the Civil Rights Act.

And while the practice of polygamy was dropped in 1890, the concept remains in the afterlife. A man can be married or "sealed" to more than one woman after death, but not the other way around.

Nothing particularly extraordinary, I just occasionally forget how insane Mormons are.

Other edits to fix typos.

[Junkenstein]

Had a look at 10 mins or so of "debate" footage regarding Scottish Independence.

I would pay quite a bit for a "Drown everyone and start again" option. There are some occasions where old testament wrath really does seem like the best solution and I can't think of a better one.

[Cain]

I'm still struggling to determine who is more deluded - Darling or Salmond.  According to the former, Scotland would immediately slip under the sea 5 minutes after voting for secession, while according to the latter it would immediately ascend to the Heavens.

There's a disturbing lack of detail in regards to, for example, the NHS, on top of disagreements on the status of North Sea Oil and sterling. 

I think at this stage, the "no" team have it.  Not because they've put forward a better argument, which has been mostly hyperventilating and scaremongering anyway, but that the "yes" side have basically botched the entire enterprise, relying overly on emotional and nationalistic sentiment to the detriment of actual policy.  People don't like those kind of unknowns.

[Junkenstein]

Much like AV, I suspect there's a serious mandate from on high about what changes are and are not acceptable. Just consider how much effort the various campaigns have each put forth. One seems to be considerable more active than the other. I'm sure it's co-incidence that the one which is given the most attention is the one that directly appeals to the status quo.

I would be amazed at this point if independence occurs. There's enough fear kicking around the older generations to ensure a solid No vote, the only real question for me is what margin this will occur by and what the "plan B" is after these years of posturing and self importance turn to shit.

The other thing that's been odd is that people seems to be declaring one side or the other the winner. There are no winners here. I've seen 9 year olds hold more reasonable and structured debates. The only way I can work this out is that people seem to mean "My chimp seemed to scream louder than your chimp so I win". It's almost comical how well people are able to focus on their own monkey and claim victory for them. Particularly when the other side is making identical claims.

It's apparently been viewed by Catalonia as a possible strategy for them and their aims. Good fucking luck, you're looking at the wrong place. I'd say take a page out of Gaza's book, but the ETA are already quite capable of that.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I would be amazed at this point if independence occurs. There's enough fear kicking around the older generations to ensure a solid No vote, the only real question for me is what margin this will occur by and what the "plan B" is after these years of posturing and self importance turn to shit.

You'd need an actual vote for that to happen, rather than a PR exercise. What'll happen after "scotland unanimously votes no" is that the dildo of austerity will be rammed so far up our collective asses that we'll all be puking blood by christmas. "You wanted to stay part of the uk" (the real reason we've been give the opportunity to vote 'no') should go some way to quelling any potential uprising that might have happened when Westminster start selling our kids for organ harvesting to fund the next middle eastern freedom bloodbath.

Same old bullshit. Fuck democracy in it's stupid fascist butthole

[Junkenstein]

Yeah, ignore the source, hell, ignore the article and just google the product:
htxp://www.mirror.co.uk/news/ampp3d/knee-defenders-what-really-necessary-4108447

A knee defender is a plastic gadget that you clip onto the meal tray of the airline seat in front of you, to prevent the person sitting there from reclining. This is a pretty good explanation of how it works. It's basically the most passive-aggressive product ever created.

[Junkenstein]

I'm not entirely sure how to react to this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-28948946

A nine year-old girl in the US has killed her shooting instructor by accident while being shown how to use a high-powered automatic weapon.

The instructor was giving the girl a lesson at a shooting range in Arizona when the recoil from the first shot caused her to lose control of the Uzi.

Charles Vacca, 39, was shot in the head and died after being airlifted to a hospital in Las Vegas.

Kinda fucked up. Then I saw the "Arizona" and it all made horrible sense.

[minuspace]

I'm not entirely sure how to react to this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-28948946

A nine year-old girl in the US has killed her shooting instructor by accident while being shown how to use a high-powered automatic weapon.

The instructor was giving the girl a lesson at a shooting range in Arizona when the recoil from the first shot caused her to lose control of the Uzi.

Charles Vacca, 39, was shot in the head and died after being airlifted to a hospital in Las Vegas.

Kinda fucked up. Then I saw the "Arizona" and it all made horrible sense.

It's just a thing you can't expect a little one like that to understand.

"so it's just like regular recoil, only the next one starts before you react to the first one..."

Then, in fear, they apprehensively forget to stop depressing the trigger, more automatic than semi...  Like the guy that handed her the gun didn't remember his fist time, shooting-out the ceiling?  I hope she knows how much she did nothing wrong.

[Junkenstein]

Presented without comment:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/08/11/what-you-should-know-about-exploding-caskets/

You've never heard of exploding casket syndrome (ask your mortician if it's right for you), but funeral directors and cemetery operators have. They sell so-called "protective" or "sealer" caskets at a premium worth hundreds of dollars each, with the promise that they'll keep out air and moisture that — they would have you believe — cause bodies to rapidly deteriorate. Like Tupperware for the dead, they "lock in the freshness!" with a rubber gasket.

But, in reality, you can't protect a corpse from itself. While you're insulating grandma from the outside air, she could be stewing in her own fluids, turning into a slurry from the work of anaerobic bacteria. When the weather turns warm, in some cases, that sealed casket becomes a pressure cooker and bursts from accumulated gases and fluids of the decomposing body. The next time relatives visit grandma, they could find her rotting remains oozing from her tomb in the form of a nauseating thick fluid.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Presented without comment:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/08/11/what-you-should-know-about-exploding-caskets/

You've never heard of exploding casket syndrome (ask your mortician if it's right for you), but funeral directors and cemetery operators have. They sell so-called "protective" or "sealer" caskets at a premium worth hundreds of dollars each, with the promise that they'll keep out air and moisture that — they would have you believe — cause bodies to rapidly deteriorate. Like Tupperware for the dead, they "lock in the freshness!" with a rubber gasket.

But, in reality, you can't protect a corpse from itself. While you're insulating grandma from the outside air, she could be stewing in her own fluids, turning into a slurry from the work of anaerobic bacteria. When the weather turns warm, in some cases, that sealed casket becomes a pressure cooker and bursts from accumulated gases and fluids of the decomposing body. The next time relatives visit grandma, they could find her rotting remains oozing from her tomb in the form of a nauseating thick fluid.

Well that COMPLETELY exacerbates my horror at the whole modern American burial process. I just want to be stuck on a scaffold for the carrion eagles to pick at the old-fashioned way, thank you very much.

[Sita]

Presented without comment:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/08/11/what-you-should-know-about-exploding-caskets/

You've never heard of exploding casket syndrome (ask your mortician if it's right for you), but funeral directors and cemetery operators have. They sell so-called "protective" or "sealer" caskets at a premium worth hundreds of dollars each, with the promise that they'll keep out air and moisture that — they would have you believe — cause bodies to rapidly deteriorate. Like Tupperware for the dead, they "lock in the freshness!" with a rubber gasket.

But, in reality, you can't protect a corpse from itself. While you're insulating grandma from the outside air, she could be stewing in her own fluids, turning into a slurry from the work of anaerobic bacteria. When the weather turns warm, in some cases, that sealed casket becomes a pressure cooker and bursts from accumulated gases and fluids of the decomposing body. The next time relatives visit grandma, they could find her rotting remains oozing from her tomb in the form of a nauseating thick fluid.

I'm gonna stick with cremation, I think.
Harvest any useful organs from me and burn the rest.

[Eater of Clowns]

Presented without comment:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/08/11/what-you-should-know-about-exploding-caskets/

You've never heard of exploding casket syndrome (ask your mortician if it's right for you), but funeral directors and cemetery operators have. They sell so-called "protective" or "sealer" caskets at a premium worth hundreds of dollars each, with the promise that they'll keep out air and moisture that — they would have you believe — cause bodies to rapidly deteriorate. Like Tupperware for the dead, they "lock in the freshness!" with a rubber gasket.

But, in reality, you can't protect a corpse from itself. While you're insulating grandma from the outside air, she could be stewing in her own fluids, turning into a slurry from the work of anaerobic bacteria. When the weather turns warm, in some cases, that sealed casket becomes a pressure cooker and bursts from accumulated gases and fluids of the decomposing body. The next time relatives visit grandma, they could find her rotting remains oozing from her tomb in the form of a nauseating thick fluid.

Man, I was all for cremation before this but how can a guy pass up the opportunity to HAVE HIS CASKET EXPLODE.

[minuspace]

Presented without comment:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/08/11/what-you-should-know-about-exploding-caskets/

You've never heard of exploding casket syndrome (ask your mortician if it's right for you), but funeral directors and cemetery operators have. They sell so-called "protective" or "sealer" caskets at a premium worth hundreds of dollars each, with the promise that they'll keep out air and moisture that — they would have you believe — cause bodies to rapidly deteriorate. Like Tupperware for the dead, they "lock in the freshness!" with a rubber gasket.

But, in reality, you can't protect a corpse from itself. While you're insulating grandma from the outside air, she could be stewing in her own fluids, turning into a slurry from the work of anaerobic bacteria. When the weather turns warm, in some cases, that sealed casket becomes a pressure cooker and bursts from accumulated gases and fluids of the decomposing body. The next time relatives visit grandma, they could find her rotting remains oozing from her tomb in the form of a nauseating thick fluid.

Man, I was all for cremation before this but how can a guy pass up the opportunity to HAVE HIS CASKET EXPLODE.

Ideally, it would be a natural process, possibly augmented by detonation of some shaped charges.  It just seems like cemeteries would benefit from a little more action, right?  Really, members of the family could confront death more directly, being apart, together, and together, apart.

[Junkenstein]

Presented without comment:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/08/11/what-you-should-know-about-exploding-caskets/

You've never heard of exploding casket syndrome (ask your mortician if it's right for you), but funeral directors and cemetery operators have. They sell so-called "protective" or "sealer" caskets at a premium worth hundreds of dollars each, with the promise that they'll keep out air and moisture that — they would have you believe — cause bodies to rapidly deteriorate. Like Tupperware for the dead, they "lock in the freshness!" with a rubber gasket.

But, in reality, you can't protect a corpse from itself. While you're insulating grandma from the outside air, she could be stewing in her own fluids, turning into a slurry from the work of anaerobic bacteria. When the weather turns warm, in some cases, that sealed casket becomes a pressure cooker and bursts from accumulated gases and fluids of the decomposing body. The next time relatives visit grandma, they could find her rotting remains oozing from her tomb in the form of a nauseating thick fluid.

Man, I was all for cremation before this but how can a guy pass up the opportunity to HAVE HIS CASKET EXPLODE.

At least one of you got the right motorcycle. Well done Psudeo-Mexico. Well done.