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Mental Health Question

Started by hooplala, October 22, 2012, 02:03:34 PM

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hooplala

Really not sure if Apple Talk is the preferred area for a thread of this sort, but I'm not sure where else to put it, so I'm plopping it down here.

Not hooting for attention, just a bit concerned and want to feel out opinions from people who I like and trust and yet are slightly anonymous to me... questions like this to people too close can have... consequences I would rather not deal with if this is nothing.

I've had a few episodes lately, which I described to my wife as panic attacks, but I'm not entirely sure if that's what they are.  I've had three in the last month and  a half or so... a feeling of intense disconnect from the rest of the world, and also a feeling of assurances that everyone else is feeling the disconnect.  Nobody really knows anyone else and everything is hollow artifice... accompanying this feeling of disconnect is an intensely visceral feeling of falling apart.  Or maybe just falling.  I often have to grip something tightly and twist or shred it while these (admittedly brief, thank christ, usually no longer than 5-ish minutes) episodes occur, so I don't feel like I am falling, falling apart, or maybe dying.  There is also a feeling of nausea which accompanies, but its in the background of everything else.

OK, so those things... that's been about a month and a half...

But I've been recently realizing that I have enormous difficulty enjoying ANYthing in the moment.  I can enjoy the memory afterwards, but while things are occurring I am just waiting for it to be over, even if its something that should be fun for me.  THIS has been going on for years, I think... at least as far back as 2007.

So, I'm looking for opinions here, are these things everyone goes through but nobody talks about it?  Or are these signs of mental illness?

Any thoughts are very much appreciated.

Also, hi... I was away for a few weeks.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 02:03:34 PM
Really not sure if Apple Talk is the preferred area for a thread of this sort, but I'm not sure where else to put it, so I'm plopping it down here.

Not hooting for attention, just a bit concerned and want to feel out opinions from people who I like and trust and yet are slightly anonymous to me... questions like this to people too close can have... consequences I would rather not deal with if this is nothing.

I've had a few episodes lately, which I described to my wife as panic attacks, but I'm not entirely sure if that's what they are.  I've had three in the last month and  a half or so... a feeling of intense disconnect from the rest of the world, and also a feeling of assurances that everyone else is feeling the disconnect.  Nobody really knows anyone else and everything is hollow artifice... accompanying this feeling of disconnect is an intensely visceral feeling of falling apart.  Or maybe just falling.  I often have to grip something tightly and twist or shred it while these (admittedly brief, thank christ, usually no longer than 5-ish minutes) episodes occur, so I don't feel like I am falling, falling apart, or maybe dying.  There is also a feeling of nausea which accompanies, but its in the background of everything else.

OK, so those things... that's been about a month and a half...

But I've been recently realizing that I have enormous difficulty enjoying ANYthing in the moment.  I can enjoy the memory afterwards, but while things are occurring I am just waiting for it to be over, even if its something that should be fun for me.  THIS has been going on for years, I think... at least as far back as 2007.

So, I'm looking for opinions here, are these things everyone goes through but nobody talks about it?  Or are these signs of mental illness?

Any thoughts are very much appreciated.

Also, hi... I was away for a few weeks.

The bolded part is, in my experience, depressingly normal and something that any rational person should run from while they still have legs.

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"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Q. G. Pennyworth

These things are common symptoms of depression, which is a lot more than just "being super sad all the time." Depression is not a one-size kinda illness, some people can function indefinitely dealing with mild to moderate forms and other folks require medical intervention after just a few weeks of it. If you are concerned about your mental health, or if you feel it's significantly affecting your daily life, it's probably a good idea to shop around for a qualified therapist to talk to about your options. You can also bring it up with your regular doctor, who should give you a referral to someone. There are a lot of ways to start dealing with depression and anxiety if you intervene before it's an emergency situation.

I AM NOT A DOCTOR, YMMV, etc



(Context: I've been hospitalized twice for depression. Both times required short-term medication and longer-term therapy, but I have been very lucky that my depression seems to respond rapidly to treatment.)

Placid Dingo

I've had similar experiences with the first part, the panic attacks. It's never been as bad as yiu describe and if youre not certain what the trigger is it might well.be worth seeking professional advice.

Quote from: Hoopla
But I've been recently realizing that I have enormous difficulty enjoying ANYthing in the moment.  I can enjoy the memory afterwards, but while things are occurring I am just waiting for it to be over, even if its something that should be fun for me.  THIS has been going on for years, I think... at least as far back as 2007.

I apologise in advance for going all Personality test here but theres a large number of NT personality types on this forum and a sense of inability to "just experience" something rather than analyzing the experience, while also being super judgemental of oneself for said inabilitu to "just experience" is super common NT thing. Personally, just bring aware of that tendency was enough for me to start training myself to detach from examining the experience while inside it.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

LMNO

I know the feeling, and I have experienced it myself.

I can't say I know what it is, or why it happens.

I can say that it is a difficult experience.

The only solution I have is, when noticed, to immediately make a concious effort to be as much "in the moment" as you can be.   In 8-circuit language, emphisize the second circuit. Be HERE, be NOW.

Then, go out dancing with a large group of friends.  If you have a gay crew, even better.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 02:03:34 PM
Really not sure if Apple Talk is the preferred area for a thread of this sort, but I'm not sure where else to put it, so I'm plopping it down here.

Not hooting for attention, just a bit concerned and want to feel out opinions from people who I like and trust and yet are slightly anonymous to me... questions like this to people too close can have... consequences I would rather not deal with if this is nothing.

I've had a few episodes lately, which I described to my wife as panic attacks, but I'm not entirely sure if that's what they are.  I've had three in the last month and  a half or so... a feeling of intense disconnect from the rest of the world, and also a feeling of assurances that everyone else is feeling the disconnect.  Nobody really knows anyone else and everything is hollow artifice... accompanying this feeling of disconnect is an intensely visceral feeling of falling apart.  Or maybe just falling.  I often have to grip something tightly and twist or shred it while these (admittedly brief, thank christ, usually no longer than 5-ish minutes) episodes occur, so I don't feel like I am falling, falling apart, or maybe dying.  There is also a feeling of nausea which accompanies, but its in the background of everything else.

OK, so those things... that's been about a month and a half...

But I've been recently realizing that I have enormous difficulty enjoying ANYthing in the moment.  I can enjoy the memory afterwards, but while things are occurring I am just waiting for it to be over, even if its something that should be fun for me.  THIS has been going on for years, I think... at least as far back as 2007.

So, I'm looking for opinions here, are these things everyone goes through but nobody talks about it?  Or are these signs of mental illness?

Any thoughts are very much appreciated.

Also, hi... I was away for a few weeks.

That sounds a whole lot like an anxiety attack.  Panic attacks tend to have far more scary symptoms (God stepping on your chest, etc).  They're different manifestations of the same thing.

I dealt with them with PILLS HERE, but I don't necessarily suggest that unless you are also having trouble sleeping.  If I were you, I'd get checked out.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hooplala

Thanks everyone, I do plan to get checked out, to be certain.  It might even be a straight-up health issue, seeing as I haven't been to an actual doctor since 1999... seems it might be time to check one out again.

My thinking was (originally) that in those episodes I was somehow slipping out of the perception grids I was used to viewing the world through and seeing something of the horrifically indifferent underbelly to existence.  I wondered if what I was experiencing was simply the "existential nausea" Sartre wrote about, which was truly terrifying.  Even if my every day experiences were a fabrication I shared with most of my culture, it was preferable to that gaping loneliness which accompanies those moments.  I remember once looking at a pigeon on the street and thinking it knew me as well as my wife did, which is frankly ludicrous.

I just didn't know if everyone felt like this at some point but nobody talks about it, much the same way most people seem to have some sort of bowel issue but nobody talks about it.  TMI?  Probably.

Anyway, I love you fuckers, and I thank you for indulging me in this thread.  Even the people whose names I don't recognize... Gogira = Garbo?
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:20:42 PM
Thanks everyone, I do plan to get checked out, to be certain.  It might even be a straight-up health issue, seeing as I haven't been to an actual doctor since 1999... seems it might be time to check one out again.

My thinking was (originally) that in those episodes I was somehow slipping out of the perception grids I was used to viewing the world through and seeing something of the horrifically indifferent underbelly to existence.  I wondered if what I was experiencing was simply the "existential nausea" Sartre wrote about, which was truly terrifying.  Even if my every day experiences were a fabrication I shared with most of my culture, it was preferable to that gaping loneliness which accompanies those moments.  I remember once looking at a pigeon on the street and thinking it knew me as well as my wife did, which is frankly ludicrous.

I just didn't know if everyone felt like this at some point but nobody talks about it, much the same way most people seem to have some sort of bowel issue but nobody talks about it.  TMI?  Probably.

Anyway, I love you fuckers, and I thank you for indulging me in this thread.  Even the people whose names I don't recognize... Gogira = Garbo?

Gogira = Gogira.  Nice young lady from New England.

Anyway, the worst case I ever had was complete disassociation.  I was driving on River St, and I suddenly had the sensation that I was behind myself, watching myself drive.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hooplala

Quote from: Man Yellow on October 22, 2012, 04:29:07 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:20:42 PM
Thanks everyone, I do plan to get checked out, to be certain.  It might even be a straight-up health issue, seeing as I haven't been to an actual doctor since 1999... seems it might be time to check one out again.

My thinking was (originally) that in those episodes I was somehow slipping out of the perception grids I was used to viewing the world through and seeing something of the horrifically indifferent underbelly to existence.  I wondered if what I was experiencing was simply the "existential nausea" Sartre wrote about, which was truly terrifying.  Even if my every day experiences were a fabrication I shared with most of my culture, it was preferable to that gaping loneliness which accompanies those moments.  I remember once looking at a pigeon on the street and thinking it knew me as well as my wife did, which is frankly ludicrous.

I just didn't know if everyone felt like this at some point but nobody talks about it, much the same way most people seem to have some sort of bowel issue but nobody talks about it.  TMI?  Probably.

Anyway, I love you fuckers, and I thank you for indulging me in this thread.  Even the people whose names I don't recognize... Gogira = Garbo?

Gogira = Gogira.  Nice young lady from New England.

Anyway, the worst case I ever had was complete disassociation.  I was driving on River St, and I suddenly had the sensation that I was behind myself, watching myself drive.

My apologies to Gogira... I just assumed it was a name change.  Mea culpa.

That sounds ghastly Roger.  How did you handle it?
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:35:10 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 22, 2012, 04:29:07 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:20:42 PM
Thanks everyone, I do plan to get checked out, to be certain.  It might even be a straight-up health issue, seeing as I haven't been to an actual doctor since 1999... seems it might be time to check one out again.

My thinking was (originally) that in those episodes I was somehow slipping out of the perception grids I was used to viewing the world through and seeing something of the horrifically indifferent underbelly to existence.  I wondered if what I was experiencing was simply the "existential nausea" Sartre wrote about, which was truly terrifying.  Even if my every day experiences were a fabrication I shared with most of my culture, it was preferable to that gaping loneliness which accompanies those moments.  I remember once looking at a pigeon on the street and thinking it knew me as well as my wife did, which is frankly ludicrous.

I just didn't know if everyone felt like this at some point but nobody talks about it, much the same way most people seem to have some sort of bowel issue but nobody talks about it.  TMI?  Probably.

Anyway, I love you fuckers, and I thank you for indulging me in this thread.  Even the people whose names I don't recognize... Gogira = Garbo?

Gogira = Gogira.  Nice young lady from New England.

Anyway, the worst case I ever had was complete disassociation.  I was driving on River St, and I suddenly had the sensation that I was behind myself, watching myself drive.

My apologies to Gogira... I just assumed it was a name change.  Mea culpa.

That sounds ghastly Roger.  How did you handle it?

I pulled over and waited for it to stop.  Then I continued on my way home.

I mean, this IS Tucson, Hoops...We're USED to that sort of shit.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hooplala

Quote from: Man Yellow on October 22, 2012, 04:45:04 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:35:10 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 22, 2012, 04:29:07 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:20:42 PM
Thanks everyone, I do plan to get checked out, to be certain.  It might even be a straight-up health issue, seeing as I haven't been to an actual doctor since 1999... seems it might be time to check one out again.

My thinking was (originally) that in those episodes I was somehow slipping out of the perception grids I was used to viewing the world through and seeing something of the horrifically indifferent underbelly to existence.  I wondered if what I was experiencing was simply the "existential nausea" Sartre wrote about, which was truly terrifying.  Even if my every day experiences were a fabrication I shared with most of my culture, it was preferable to that gaping loneliness which accompanies those moments.  I remember once looking at a pigeon on the street and thinking it knew me as well as my wife did, which is frankly ludicrous.

I just didn't know if everyone felt like this at some point but nobody talks about it, much the same way most people seem to have some sort of bowel issue but nobody talks about it.  TMI?  Probably.

Anyway, I love you fuckers, and I thank you for indulging me in this thread.  Even the people whose names I don't recognize... Gogira = Garbo?

Gogira = Gogira.  Nice young lady from New England.

Anyway, the worst case I ever had was complete disassociation.  I was driving on River St, and I suddenly had the sensation that I was behind myself, watching myself drive.

My apologies to Gogira... I just assumed it was a name change.  Mea culpa.

That sounds ghastly Roger.  How did you handle it?

I pulled over and waited for it to stop.  Then I continued on my way home.

I mean, this IS Tucson, Hoops...We're USED to that sort of shit.

Good point.  We probably get a lot of that in Etobicoke.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Juana

I second everything in this thread, but I wanna that you may wish to be cautious in letting a GP prescribe anything for a potential mental illness. Get a referral, but think twice.
This, of course, is my own horrible fucking millage speaking and yours might suck less.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 22, 2012, 04:52:53 PM
I second everything in this thread, but I wanna that you may wish to be cautious in letting a GP prescribe anything for a potential mental illness. Get a referral, but think twice.
This, of course, is my own horrible fucking millage speaking and yours might suck less.

Yeah, it took me a year of horror to finally get dialed in, and it only worked in the end because I changed doctors.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hooplala

I don't have a GP anyway, so no danger there.  When I have aches and pains, I do what my dad did before me and go to the local witchy woman.  She usually rubs an egg on my head, puts it in a little sack and hits it with a hammer.  Inside is an assortment of cracker jack prizes, of which I get to pick one.  I always pick the yoyo, because hey - free yoyo.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Hoopla on October 22, 2012, 04:57:55 PM
I don't have a GP anyway, so no danger there.  When I have aches and pains, I do what my dad did before me and go to the local witchy woman.  She usually rubs an egg on my head, puts it in a little sack and hits it with a hammer.  Inside is an assortment of cracker jack prizes, of which I get to pick one.  I always pick the yoyo, because hey - free yoyo.

I eventually settled on 2mg of lorazapam (a benzodiazapam derivative), as it is the least disruptive, and because it makes me feel horrible and sexy.  Do NOT let them give you Klonopin (another benzo), as the side effects are a little extreme.

And yes, free yoyo is better than the damn Chinese finger trap.  You can always get your fingers out.  But not other things.  No.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.