Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.

[Salty]

Oatmeal is super nutritional, yeah? And you need it because your metabolism is a small black hole, no mass can escape it. Its a miracle you don't digest yourself away in the night and you need some fucking CALORIES right? RIGHT?

Then again, maybe you just need a simple staple food to start the day that isn't sweet potatoes. But, like, oats are nasty. You can add peanut butter, until your body betrays you and you can't, and banana. This will make eating oatmeal bearable. If you cannot eat peanut butter you are FUCKED FOREVER...

Unless....

Rolled oats or steel cut.
Banana or other similarly enjoyable fruit.
COCONUT MILK
Salt
Cinnamon
Honey

Oh my sweet Jesus fuck. Oatmeal is suddenly no longer a laborious burden to bear. It actually easily transfers from a bowel to your belly. Magic.

[Cain]

easily transfers from a bowel to your belly

That doesn't sound entirely sanitary...

[Reginald Ret]

I never tried cinnamon. Good idea!
Coconut milk sounds strange, can you describe the taste?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It tastes like fucking coconut.

[Salty]

It tastes like fucking coconut.

Fuck yeah, it does!

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

As I lurve coconut, I must try this. I imagine it would work with almond milk or rice milk, yes?

[Salty]

Sure but I used canned coconut milk, that boxed stuff is horrible to me.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Sure but I used canned coconut milk, that boxed stuff is horrible to me.

Canned stuff is horrible to me so I feel ya.

[Eater of Clowns]

I get 100% of my coconuts straight from the coconut's teat.

[Eater of Clowns]

Ah fuck I thought I filtered that through my "too stupid to say" area and deleted it before hitting post.

[Salty]

Ah fuck I thought I filtered that through my "too stupid to say" area and deleted it before hitting post.

That's how I Derp about half the shit I've posted recently. I blame solar flares and Barack Obama.

Wow. I'm just going to leave that autocorrect there.

[Richter]

Wow, I want to try this, and I consider oatmeal fucking abhorent.  It's one of those "Health foods" that concerned hippie parents were always sliding into the cookies.  Motherfuckers.  Goddamn cookies shouldnt be like chewing sheetrock.  Fuckign raisins.

I've got a few other alternate versions:

Rolled oats + Dark beer.  Traditional Richterran wedding breakfast.

Oats + milk + whiskey.  Scottish brose.

[Don Coyote]

Wow, I want to try this, and I consider oatmeal fucking abhorent.  It's one of those "Health foods" that concerned hippie parents were always sliding into the cookies.  Motherfuckers.  Goddamn cookies shouldnt be like chewing sheetrock.  Fuckign raisins.

I've got a few other alternate versions:

Rolled oats + Dark beer.  Traditional Richterran wedding breakfast.

Oats + milk + whiskey.  Scottish brose.

If an oatmeal cookie is like chewing sheetrock someone done fucked up hardcore. Oatmeal raisin is supposed to be CHEWY and moist.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oatmeal is fucking tasty as fuck. You fuckers are doing something WRONG if it isn't. For instance, don't fucking stir it, what is fucking wrong with your fucking head? Also, quick oats are gross, and instant oats are gross.

Look that shit up on the internet, it isn't the fucking 1990s anymore. Seriously.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

BASICALLY, IF YOUR OATS ARE GROSS, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.