WARRIORS AGAINST SWORD CONTROL

[trix]

I take the constitution very seriously.  I think that BOTH of the amendments are very very important, but the second one is most.  The right to bear arms.  Not just have them, mind you, the right to bear them.

That means the right to put them right out where everyone can see them.

Personally, I'm glad I live in a country where I can walk down Main Street with my trusty 50lb Broadsword strapped to my back.  This sword is bigger and duller than I am, which in the latter case is really saying something.  Without my sword (which I've named Phallus) I would feel less like the level 3 Human Warrior I am, and more like the skinny little twerp I was before.  Also, yes, I'm level 3.  I think by now I've killed enough Large Rats and Spiders and Snakes to have gained at least two levels.

Ok, sure, technically if I am attacked by bandits, I don't think I can lift Phallus high enough to attack anything above the kneecaps.  And sure, I've been told I'm probably better off with a big knife I can actually lift.  But what you don't understand, is a WARRIOR needs a GIANT SWORD because that's what makes us awesome.  Not our crappy personalities or our complete lack of style, THE BIG, HUGE, UN-IGNORABLE FUCKING WEAPON.

So, when I walk drunk into Denny's at 3am, step up to the hostess, unstrap my trusty Phallus, hoist the fucker as high as I can lift it, point it in the general direction of "slightly above the floor", and shout HOW MUCH GOLD TO STAY AT THIS INN??  I expect my right to drunkenly bear arms to be upheld.

I also expect that when I explain the above to the police, they don't laugh at me and tell me never to go back to that Denny's.

I don't like my second amendment rights being infringed upon.  A monk is allowed to keep his/her fists!  Just because my Phallus is bigger, and more awesome, I have to put it away so others don't feel inadequate? BALLS!

I call for a stance for our second amendment rights.  If I want to try really hard to point my Phallus at your foot, I have a goddamn right to!

Or Kill Me

[trix]

Similarly, when people find out I've been sharpening a giant log all day because I've built a Ballista onto the top of my vehicle, I expect my right to bear vehicular arms to be upheld!

I also expect that when I explain the above to the police, they understand that in the interest of protecting the second amendment, an accident like what happened to the car in front of me when I hit a bump in the road, can be seen as the unfortunate byproduct of freedom that it is.

STAND FOR THE SECOND AMENDMENT!!

[trix]

A couple of months ago I was shopping at the grocery store when some self-righteous managerial prick decided he didn't like my freedom and asked me to leave.  I was just shopping quietly!  What, just because my plate armor, shield, and spear were knocking stuff down a lot, I'm no longer entitled to my second amendment rights??  They should make their isles much wider!  I mean what if I had decided to bring my Great Axe today??

STAND FOR THE SECOND AMENDMENT!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"BOTH" is a nice touch, it definitely drew me in to reading the rest of it. 

[trix]

"BOTH" is a nice touch, it definitely drew me in to reading the rest of it. 

Thanks

I'm just working my fingers, I don't have a real point ITT.  I am trying to become more entertaining and funny in my writings, which I was never great at, so part of this is to get reactions and see what works and what doesn't.  The other part, of course, is passing some time while I work.

[trix]

Last week I was wheeling my trebuchet through the Dunkin Donuts parking lot when I was approached by a filthy bandit demanding money.  This is EXACTLY what I'm always prepared for, EXACTLY why the 2nd amendment exists!  The only thing that stops a bad guy with a blunt weapon is a good guy with a trebuchet!!

Unfortunately due to draconian anti-freedom laws there is no good place to practice aiming a trebuchet, so I slightly miscalculated the trajectory and a rather large boulder is now embedded into the side of the local junior high gym building.  Fortunately, nobody was hurt, so I would expect this to be seen as a lucky reminder why everyone needs access and training with all weaponry so mistakes like this don't happen!

Also it turns out the filthy bandit that approached me demanding money was perfectly OK apparently.  It was explained to me that because he was demanding "change" but not ALL my money, he wasn't a bandit but a "beggar", and his weapon was apparently not a weapon but his "walking stick".  Apparently.

Anyway,

STAND FOR THE SECOND AMENDMENT!

[trix]

I'm trying to get better at ridiculous themes.  I can't just sit down and bam hilarious awesome story comes out.  I have to have a theme, and some filters to push it through.  Thanks to my personal taste, the more ridiculous the theme, the better.

My friends and I have a meme that we often use in our group.  It's usually used at each other for amusement and to make a point, but it's even more funny if one or more of those present, especially the person it's used on, doesn't get it at first.  At a certain prompt, when someone is talking, one of us will suddenly talk loudly over them to tell a made-up-on-the-spot story with a really ridiculous twist, in a calm, sober, deadpan sort of way. 

For example: "I once had a friend named Tim.  Tim liked to go for walks.  One day while walking through a forest, Tim saw a tree that looked bigger, older, and almost lonely, so he sat down next to it, and it ate him."

The sudden, unexpected conclusion is almost always followed by a period of awkward silence, and then some chuckles from those of us that get the meme.  Often, the person interrupted will pause awkwardly, think about it for a few seconds, dismiss the whole thing as nonsense, and try to pick back up where they left off talking.  It's especially funny to watch that whole cycle happen on their face.  If and when they start talking again, right where they left off, another interruption by someone different ensues:

"I once had an older sister that loved her local coffee shop.  One day when she went there, the television was too loud.  She reached up to turn the volume, and got sucked in and died."

Or

"I once knew a fireman named James.  James was not just a fireman, he was obsessed with all things firefighter.  One day James was on his way to work when the car in front of him transformed into Satan, changed lanes without signaling, and then keyed the side of his car."

Usually it takes a few tries for them to get it.  The key is not the stories themselves, the key is that we interrupt each other with those kinds of stories, when we feel it's clear to the group at large that the person speaking has lost all sight of the point and is going on about nothing.  Basically it's our amusing version of "Uh, yeah, anyway..." when someone is clearly rambling.

This kind of nonsense appeals to me.