Mirror Universe?

[BadBeast]

I am forced by the dread USGOV^TM, that horrid and foul monster to routinely remove both my Beard of Power^TM and my Goatee of Possibly Evil^TM. Take a moment and place yourself in my backwards boots and visualize how much turmoil I have to go through to make sure there is enough Freedom^TM to go around. And I know IT is saving those fragments of my Goatee to power ITS dread machines. Those not nice ones. The ones that manufacture Those People^TM.

I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one to "get" this.