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Just a Cloud (Poem)

Started by Zurtok Khan, February 25, 2005, 06:37:42 AM

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Zurtok Khan

February 25, 2005, 06:37:42 AM
Stretched to the center, syncopation.
Fortunately found the elevation,
rhythm scheme, a mix of lights
she's the one for which he fights.
Empty, empty coronosphere,
Who is the one left here?
The Individual Empty Night,
has nothing left but starlight.
No passion enters here,
nothing left but to fear,
it's not enough, not allowed,
nothing to hope for,
you're just a cloud,
paralyze'd by rejection
to be with you might mean infection.
Can't have that,
no way, no how.
What do you think about her now?
Resistance is Fertile.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
-Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
-Mark Twain

East Coast Hustle

#1
February 25, 2005, 03:12:06 PM
shit.

utter shit.

isn't there a crappy poetry forum somewhere on the web? why must people polute our discordian forum with something as structured as poetry? verse, meter, rhyme, reason...it's really pretty aneristic when you think about it...and to make matters worse, 99% of it (at least what gets posted here) is absolute and total self-indulgent crap that wouldn't pass muster in a 3rd grade creative writing class...

just sayin'

8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
February 25, 2005, 04:00:52 PM
Quote from: McStabshit.

utter shit.

isn't there a crappy poetry forum somewhere on the web? why must people polute our discordian forum with something as structured as poetry? verse, meter, rhyme, reason...it's really pretty aneristic when you think about it...and to make matters worse, 99% of it (at least what gets posted here) is absolute and total self-indulgent crap that wouldn't pass muster in a 3rd grade creative writing class...

just sayin'

8)

Hey...at least he's trying.  While free-form isn't my style, different strokes for different folks, no?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Solitaire

#3
February 25, 2005, 04:16:14 PM
Quoteshit.

utter shit.

isn't there a crappy poetry forum somewhere on the web? why must people polute our discordian forum with something as structured as poetry? verse, meter, rhyme, reason...it's really pretty aneristic when you think about it...and to make matters worse, 99% of it (at least what gets posted here) is absolute and total self-indulgent crap that wouldn't pass muster in a 3rd grade creative writing class...

just sayin'

Cool

Before you go off on a tangent about structure and how it is aneristic, pause and consider which is more "grey":

a). A completely structureless, formless venting of words which apparently convey some deep, meaninful message about the nature of reality and is only intelligible to the author and perhaps a few people of the same persuasion.

2). Something which accomplishes the above, or even carries subversive messages or in-jokes (if a metaphor, say, is considered from a specific angle), all within the "aneristic" structure of a "grey" poem. To convey the essence of chaos and disorder within a structured, mundane code-vessel is surely more impressive.

I would also direct you toward the fact that order and chaos can be viewed in different ways: A finite, closed system of molecules could be said to be aneristic if it were homogenous throughout - you will always find the same things, with the same average momentums and so on. If the system had molecules arranged in a specific shape (an "order" of molecules, perhaps) the result would be eristic because the vectors could not have been predicted.

In addition to this I direct you to page 00056.

Quoteand to make matters worse, 99% of it (at least what gets posted here) is absolute and total self-indulgent crap that wouldn't pass muster in a 3rd grade creative writing class...

I would, however, agree with this. Poetry for poetry's sake alone is a different thing altogether.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
February 25, 2005, 04:34:08 PM
Quote from: Solitaire
I would, however, agree with this. Poetry for poetry's sake alone is a different thing altogether.

Um...how does one improve without practice?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cain

#5
February 25, 2005, 04:39:26 PM
Quote from: McStabisn't there a crappy poetry forum somewhere on the web?

Ask, and ye shall recieve.

Vogon Poetry

Don't say I never give you anything. And play nice with them.

LMNO

#6
February 25, 2005, 05:14:44 PM
Why on earth would I ever want to click on something listed as "Vogon Poetry"?

I'm scared.  Hold me?

Cain

#7
February 25, 2005, 05:41:15 PM
Go on, click it.  You know you want to.  Its like viewing a car crash. Its nasty, and you'll regret it, but you just cant help yourself, out of morbid fascination.  Click it.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
February 25, 2005, 05:45:25 PM
Quote from: KenseiGo on, click it.  You know you want to.  Its like viewing a car crash. Its nasty, and you'll regret it, but you just cant help yourself, out of morbid fascination.  Click it.

Well..it IS shiny...
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

slothrop23

#9
February 25, 2005, 05:57:57 PM
did someone say car crash

http://poetry.rotten.com/redlight/
Wind turbines.

I'm a big fan

East Coast Hustle

#10
February 25, 2005, 06:31:10 PM
I just threw up in my mouth a little....

8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

slothrop23

#11
February 25, 2005, 09:21:22 PM
thats disgusting. you dirty dirty boy

http://poetry.rotten.com/weightlifter/    you probably don't want to see this!
Wind turbines.

I'm a big fan

Cain

#12
February 25, 2005, 09:24:42 PM
Quote from: slothrop unloadedthats disgusting. you dirty dirty boy

http://poetry.rotten.com/weightlifter/    you probably don't want to see this!

:lol:  I heard about that one before!

slothrop23

#13
February 25, 2005, 09:29:05 PM
dare i say that its badarse.
Wind turbines.

I'm a big fan
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