To Gabrielle Wilkerson, friend for six years.

[Abbess Jade]

Oh, friend. You aren't fooling anyone any more, sprawled on the floor, lacquering up your fingernails in vibrant  colours (WHICH IN FACT don't exactly match your personality) to hide the damage you nervously afflict them much like you do to your soul (that is, if you have one any more). I've watched them all violate you, move through your transparency.

Frankly, there really isn't anything I can offer, friend, except that you aren't fooling anyone any more.


Not even me.



Sincerely,

Jade, the girl who won't play the fool any more.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That is an interesting piece.

I kind of like it.

[Placid Dingo]

Dr Internets would like to remind you that what goes on the net tends to stay forever, and adressing your letter to a slighly altered fake name may save a lot of future heartache.

Dingo; is familiar with where this can all end up.

[BadBeast]

Oh, friend. You aren't fooling anyone any more, sprawled on the floor, lacquering up your fingernails in vibrant  colours (WHICH IN FACT don't exactly match your personality) to hide the damage you nervously afflict them much like you do to your soul (that is, if you have one any more). I've watched them all violate you, move through your transparency.

Frankly, there really isn't anything I can offer, friend, except that you aren't fooling anyone any more.


Not even me.







Sincerely,

Jade, the girl who won't play the fool any more.

I been looking at this post for what seems like hours, (about 90secs, and it's crying out for a prosaic Devil's advocate type response. I tried to hold myself back, but I'm just too fucking self indulgent

Well friend, I always see you, sat there in your straight backed chair, frowning your disapproval around, trying to find a hold for it's blunt hooks, and the best they can latch onto is, my nails?
They were never painted  to match my personality, Sweety, my personality has no colours, (it is, as you duly noted, my "transparency") but only to hide the encrusted filth that gathers underneath them.
(And quite what my nails have to do with what you call my "soul" is beyond me)

Do you think me unaware of you?  I've seen you watching me, hastily disguising your open expression,  as one of aloof disdain whenever I catch your eye, What you call my "violations" are but distractions, they barely touch me. I only indulge myself because your reaction is so utterly fascinating.

Truly, I  never try to fool anyone,  my sleepy eyed Judge of projected motives, only you, it seems. And this only because, (as you freely admit) you have been "playing the fool."
Things are so much clearer from  here, on the ground my dear, so climb down,  and join me, languishing on the floor. This "Fool" has been playing you, (no shame in that) as you can plainly see from down here.
You say you have nothing to offer me, but there is nothing I ask from you, so unclench your empty hands, and come , let me paint your nails. I insist!

[Abbess Jade]

Oh, friend. You aren't fooling anyone any more, sprawled on the floor, lacquering up your fingernails in vibrant  colours (WHICH IN FACT don't exactly match your personality) to hide the damage you nervously afflict them much like you do to your soul (that is, if you have one any more). I've watched them all violate you, move through your transparency.

Frankly, there really isn't anything I can offer, friend, except that you aren't fooling anyone any more.


Not even me.







Sincerely,

Jade, the girl who won't play the fool any more.

I been looking at this post for what seems like hours, (about 90secs, and it's crying out for a prosaic Devil's advocate type response. I tried to hold myself back, but I'm just too fucking self indulgent

Well friend, I always see you, sat there in your straight backed chair, frowning your disapproval around, trying to find a hold for it's blunt hooks, and the best they can latch onto is, my nails?
They were never painted  to match my personality, Sweety, my personality has no colours, (it is, as you duly noted, my "transparency") but only to hide the encrusted filth that gathers underneath them.
(And quite what my nails have to do with what you call my "soul" is beyond me)

Do you think me unaware of you?  I've seen you watching me, hastily disguising your open expression,  as one of aloof disdain whenever I catch your eye, What you call my "violations" are but distractions, they barely touch me. I only indulge myself because your reaction is so utterly fascinating.

Truly, I  never try to fool anyone,  my sleepy eyed Judge of projected motives, only you, it seems. And this only because, (as you freely admit) you have been "playing the fool."
Things are so much clearer from  here, on the ground my dear, so climb down,  and join me, languishing on the floor. This "Fool" has been playing you, (no shame in that) as you can plainly see from down here.
You say you have nothing to offer me, but there is nothing I ask from you, so unclench your empty hands, and come , let me paint your nails. I insist!

HAH. I just wish she was smart enough with that kind of comeback. The best she could come up with was surrounding herself with 'friends' and complaining that MEAN OL' JADE is talking about her.

[Adios]

You are giving her too much power over you.

[Abbess Jade]

You are giving her too much power over you.

I know, I really am. I suppose half of me is really, really angry, and fed-up. But the other side is just really sad, who wants her old, sweet, wonderful, funny, exciting self with a I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-what-popular-kids-think-of-me attitude. Part of me hopes she does enough drugs to kill herself, whilst the other wishes she would listen to me for once.

I'm not one who makes a lot of friends. I don't really like the people around me. However, when I do make friend I always like to think that they will always be such---my friend. I guess I was very stupid, very naive, for thinking that people don't change.

I just thought she was different, like she was a person with a soul so beautiful that it would be impossible (or at least really fucking hard) to change. Now she's so ugly---she was so beautiful, in and out, and nw she's so ugly. She's so ugly that it's starting to show on the outside.

And that just pisses me off. And that just makes me so, so sad.

[Adios]

Lose your 'I don't give a damn' button?

[Abbess Jade]

Now that I've got that out, I feel a whole lot better though.


I can go find it, now.

[memy]

If you don't have many friends and are conflicted with losing the one you've got to addiction, I know how you feel.

Only, replace friend with "dad" and drugs with "alcohol".

I don't give a damn about him anymore, it's just that he's always around, I have to live with him right now, and I just can't completely rip out whatever makes my heart beat for him when I see him collapsed on the ground dribbling words like vinegar.

Especially because he only says he's proud of me when he's drunk. That's a laugh, he resents me the rest of the time. I know not to take it seriously. But I'm human.

I just stay away from him mostly, when I can.

[Abbess Jade]

If you don't have many friends and are conflicted with losing the one you've got to addiction, I know how you feel.

Only, replace friend with "dad" and drugs with "alcohol".

I don't give a damn about him anymore, it's just that he's always around, I have to live with him right now, and I just can't completely rip out whatever makes my heart beat for him when I see him collapsed on the ground dribbling words like vinegar.

Especially because he only says he's proud of me when he's drunk. That's a laugh, he resents me the rest of the time. I know not to take it seriously. But I'm human.

I just stay away from him mostly, when I can.

Gah. I'm terribly sorry. But I can understand what you mean to an extent.

I'm losing her to addiction, and the need to be famous. She's not a rock star yet, but she's already got the 'drugs and sex' down.

The girl lives too close to me, and goes to the same school as I do. She's around the same group of people I hang with, and friends with the people who I managed to befriend.

So I don't care, but when I hear about the things that she's doing by the people I'm with, or see her doing something--popping pills, smoking some unknown substance, and chasing it down with a Jello shot or whiskey or vodka---yeah, it's not really easy to turn my head.

But now that school is out, it'll be easier. I know I'll still see her around, but it's easier to stay away from her and just slowly try to erase her from my mind, since it will be impossible to erase her from my heart.

[memy]

The trick is to not get so bothered by it that you accidentally become like the addict. My mom's counselor says my family is the perfect example of an addicted family. Only my dad has the explicit addiction, but the rest of us are caught up in it so bad we either act badly because of it or just don't do right. Plus we're more likely to abuse alcohol too. I'm always scared of that, especially because of what people say about Native Americans when it comes to alcohol tolerance and addiction.

But really, from the floor things can only go up as long as you're still conscious. Even though certain things are more than likely going to continue spiraling, other things will improve.

[Abbess Jade]

The trick is to not get so bothered by it that you accidentally become like the addict. My mom's counselor says my family is the perfect example of an addicted family. Only my dad has the explicit addiction, but the rest of us are caught up in it so bad we either act badly because of it or just don't do right. Plus we're more likely to abuse alcohol too. I'm always scared of that, especially because of what people say about Native Americans when it comes to alcohol tolerance and addiction.

But really, from the floor things can only go up as long as you're still conscious. Even though certain things are more than likely going to continue spiralling, other things will improve.

You really don't know how much that helps. Thank you.

[BadBeast]

Speaking from both sides of the addiction dynamic, one of the addicts instinctive survival strategies, is to surround themselves with as many people who can take up the slack,  as they can. These people will unwittingly have their concern, and their need to help in some way, turned into enabling, deflection, blame taking, and emotional pressure. So even your initial rejection of her, becomes part of her justification for being how she is. And you really have no power to change her.
Let it go, before you become part of the wreckage, because it's gonna go how it's gonna go anyway, whether you are there or not. So duck out, and find new friends. There's a lot of people out there.

[the last yatto]

if you think six years is bad, you should try being her sister...