A thought on sluts

[LMNO]

I realize you're being glib, but enough with the over-gerealizations already.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I realize you're being glib, but enough with the over-gerealizations already.

OK. Thanks for catching the "glib" part.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Attach some notion of virtue to women's sexuality that dictates that her sexuality belongs to one man only, or at least one man at a time; if a woman turns a man down because she's married or has a boyfriend (and thus her sexuality is already "owned" by someone else) or she's "not that kind of girl" (ie. she equates having sex with as entering a contract, and she doesn't want to enter that contract with you), and he can rationalize that she wanted him, but... and walk away with his ego intact. If a slut turns him down, though, there is nothing he can do but face the unpalatable reality of actual rejection; she said no because she simply doesn't want him.

Thoughts?

If a "slut" turns the guy down, his ego is still insulated by the idea that she's an inferior being. If he's already dehumanized her as a slut, why would he stop there upon rejection? "She probably has an STD," is probably the next rationalization. Or, "I bet she's a gold-digger." The sour grapes rationalizations are pretty endless....

I take issue with the idea that being turned down by a monogamous woman who is already in a relationship somehow hurts less. I have been turned down in the recent past and it was clear she had some feelings for me. There's only so much long conversation, mutual blushing, and embarassingly wide grins that someone can give you before you can safely conclude they like you quite a bit. Eventually she said in a confessional tone that she had a boyfriend and it hurt bad.

I was thankful for the time I had to bask in her awesomeness and was glad that she was with someone who made her happy and appreciated that she asserted her boundaries with compassion, but it still killed me.

I don't think I'm rationalizing that she liked me, perhaps I am, but either way, being rejected by someone you have strong feelings for sucks. In my experience, it doesn't matter so much what the given reason is. If the bottom line is that they don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you but you do, it's going to be a painful experience.

[Juana]

"STD" is part of the "she's a slut" thing, IME.

Being turned down by a monogamous gal certainly hurts many men more because they can rationalize it that she can't because another man already has sexual ownership over her (and many men do subconsciously believe this - please see martial rape).
A single lady who says no is a) not owned and b) still rejecting the guy hurts more because she's rejecting him of her own free will.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the examination of the misogynist mind, rather than males in general.

I get it now.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Attach some notion of virtue to women's sexuality that dictates that her sexuality belongs to one man only, or at least one man at a time; if a woman turns a man down because she's married or has a boyfriend (and thus her sexuality is already "owned" by someone else) or she's "not that kind of girl" (ie. she equates having sex with as entering a contract, and she doesn't want to enter that contract with you), and he can rationalize that she wanted him, but... and walk away with his ego intact. If a slut turns him down, though, there is nothing he can do but face the unpalatable reality of actual rejection; she said no because she simply doesn't want him.

Thoughts?

If a "slut" turns the guy down, his ego is still insulated by the idea that she's an inferior being. If he's already dehumanized her as a slut, why would he stop there upon rejection? "She probably has an STD," is probably the next rationalization. Or, "I bet she's a gold-digger." The sour grapes rationalizations are pretty endless....

I take issue with the idea that being turned down by a monogamous woman who is already in a relationship somehow hurts less. I have been turned down in the recent past and it was clear she had some feelings for me. There's only so much long conversation, mutual blushing, and embarassingly wide grins that someone can give you before you can safely conclude they like you quite a bit. Eventually she said in a confessional tone that she had a boyfriend and it hurt bad.

I was thankful for the time I had to bask in her awesomeness and was glad that she was with someone who made her happy and appreciated that she asserted her boundaries with compassion, but it still killed me.

I don't think I'm rationalizing that she liked me, perhaps I am, but either way, being rejected by someone you have strong feelings for sucks. In my experience, it doesn't matter so much what the given reason is. If the bottom line is that they don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you but you do, it's going to be a painful experience.

Yeah, but I don't think the kind of guys I'm talking about in the OP... the kind who would dismiss a woman as being a slut... are the kind who would understand, acknowledge and analyze their feelings like that.

Just saying.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the examination of the misogynist mind, rather than males in general.

I get it now.

BAMF

Disregard my previous response.

[BabylonHoruv]

YOU GUYS

          seem to have covered quite a bit here. it's fun to call girls names, especially things they may not be keen on. referring to a girl as a "slut" by my standards, usually means she's someone who is likely to go home with a person who's poorly chosen, maybe because she's wasted, but it's also kind of a habit of hers. like, she sleeps with people she may not want to remember the details about the next day. yet, again, does this type of thing often. enough so, that as cool as she may be as a person, her sexual activity makes her unappealing, because she has no standards.

I DON'T PERSONALLY

          consider "slut" to be a put down, really, it's just a way of doing things. nigel's "friend/ whatever" is, imo, not so much a slut as she is just an asshole. i've known guys just like that chick. being "slutty" may mean that one eventually sleeps with anyone and everyone in their friend/ social circle, but i think a lot of people mistake sexual intimacy for intimate communication. for some people, sex is the foot in the door to getting to know someone.

THAT SAID,

          when i consider male slut friends, this term is more reserved for guys (i am thinking of mostly gay guy friends, since straight guy friends probably wish they could be sluts, if enough girls would just pay attention to them) who generally are so oversexed, that they really don't care what the anatomical parts are connected to, and will repeat this type of sexual encounter without shame, 'cause they're getting some. sluts can find true love though, i've seen this happen. even if it doesn't change their sexual habits, they just need to find the right partner.

This is how I've always used the word, although I do know straight male sluts.  One of my friends is an attractive guy, he's also marginally musically talented and he is definitely an object of desire for women.  He has no real discretion and sleeps with pretty much anyone.  He's also had his heart broken several times because women don't want to get seriously involved with him. 

I don't see slut as an insult, I'll happily be friends with a slut and there was a lot of time when I would have been a slut if I could have pulled it off.  Its not really healthy, but fuck, neither is smoking and I won't judge you for that and I indulge in it myself now and then. 

I'm also way more likely to use the word slut in reference to a male than a female, because it's more likely to be seen as insulting and degrading by a woman.  Doesn't mean I won't call a woman a slut if I know her and know she's reasonably comfortable with that side of herself.

[E.O.T.]

YOU'RE A SLUT!

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTGCHnPBUxc the music video

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

YOU'RE A SLUT!

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTGCHnPBUxc the music video

YOU are.