Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 05:35:37 PM
So, I posted two ads. One says:
QuoteI'm a girl who is really pretty apathetic about life, and I don't have much use for fun, humor, or laughter. I can't remember the last time I laughed, actually. I usually spend a good part of my morning sobbing uncontrollably before I can get myself together. I'm in my late 30's but look at least five years older... probably more, actually, now that I think of it. The sleeplessness, despair, and heavy drinking really takes a toll on looks. I think it's safe to say that I'm more or less completely out of touch with reality... I don't know what month I was born in and I also could give not a single flying rat's ass about what kind of clothes I wear, so most of the time you'll find me just huddled in a sheet. I'm not particularly bright and wouldn't consider myself much of a catch in the looks department, and most of the people I know say I'm fairly unpleasant to be around.
I'm pretty narcissistic and have a lot of pics and will be happy to send them all to you so I hope your email have good bandwidth and also hope you won't mind that I can only send four at a time, so you'll be receiving a LOT of emails over the next couple of days. There's not really much of anything I enjoy doing... I'd pretty much say that I hate going outside. I'm not really looking for anything in particular and I don't believe in souls so you won't have to worry about any of that. I kind of have a hard time getting attached to people. Oh, and you should know that I'm currently on the thin side, but I plan on chunking up as soon as I'm in a relationship.
The other says:
QuoteI'm just a girl in the world...
I'm a single mom, 5'3" and slim/fit, looking for a date. Seriously, I would love to just find a nice/sweet/hot guy around my age to go on a date with and see if there's a spark. I broke up with a boyfriend 8 months ago and have been pretty solitary since then, but it's time to break out of my shell and see what's going on out there... I like alt/punk/artist types (open to interpretation) a lot, I have a couple small tats and a few piercings myself, but nothing wild. I like going to see shows, hiking, sandwiches, pickles, beer, reading in bed, road trips, art, cooking, and social justice. I own my house and am self-employed, which means I work a lot. I eat meat, I drink, and sometimes I smoke cigarettes even though they also kind of gross me out. I would prefer a nonsmoker, because I know that if you smoke I'll be tempted to smoke one with you and we all know where THAT leads. It leads straight to dancing, which is a sin.
I am nonreligious/spiritual/Discordian/pagan with a touch of woo-woo. If you're a rabid Atheist or a rabid Theist we will probably not get along.
If you enjoy hiking, pranks, live shows at tiny local venues, road trips, fighting the power by stapling pieces of paper to telephone poles, reading in bed, and playing video games once in a while, within a few years of my age and slim and fit, shoot me an email with your pic and I will return with a couple of mine!
GUESS WHICH ONE HAS GOTTEN REPLIES.
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:30:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
You can get away with anything in a personal ad if you end it with "No freaks."
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:34:18 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:30:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
You can get away with anything in a personal ad if you end it with "No freaks."
Can I have you rewrite my OK Cupid profile? I'll give you totally free rein over it. And you can choose the pics, too.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:36:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:34:18 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:30:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
You can get away with anything in a personal ad if you end it with "No freaks."
Can I have you rewrite my OK Cupid profile? I'll give you totally free rein over it. And you can choose the pics, too.
Heeeeee!
You betcha.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:46:36 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:36:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:34:18 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:30:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
You can get away with anything in a personal ad if you end it with "No freaks."
Can I have you rewrite my OK Cupid profile? I'll give you totally free rein over it. And you can choose the pics, too.
Heeeeee!
You betcha.
YAY!
You will be pleased to know that the first two responses have rolled in:
QuoteHey there! I would love to hook up sometime :) my name is D--, im 24, 5 ft 7, 160, tan, athletic build, tattoos, good lookin? Lol. Well email me back, leave a number to text or text me at ###-###-####. Send pics if you can too please :) thanks!
QuoteTell me more, you've peeked my intrest - D--- / 40
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:59:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:46:36 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:36:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:34:18 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:30:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
You can get away with anything in a personal ad if you end it with "No freaks."
Can I have you rewrite my OK Cupid profile? I'll give you totally free rein over it. And you can choose the pics, too.
Heeeeee!
You betcha.
YAY!
You will be pleased to know that the first two responses have rolled in:
QuoteHey there! I would love to hook up sometime :) my name is D--, im 24, 5 ft 7, 160, tan, athletic build, tattoos, good lookin? Lol. Well email me back, leave a number to text or text me at ###-###-####. Send pics if you can too please :) thanks!
QuoteTell me more, you've peeked my intrest - D--- / 40
That second guy, you have to abuse righteously.
It's "piqued".
WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?
Someone is not so dumb:
Quote
Didn't you post another similar, but opposite in content, ad that got flagged?
Aren't you actually 38?
And OH MY GOD DOK, I THINK YOU GOT ME ONE!
QuoteI was purely browsing when I read your post. Too fucking cool. What the hell is a flensing knife? And who the hell doesnt keep a bag of lime handy? Trully if we met it would cause a black hole that would suck half the hipsters in this town to a crushing demise. I prefer Aardvark sauce to mayonnasie and skinny dipping to wet suits. Cheers J---
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:02:16 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:59:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:46:36 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:36:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:34:18 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 06:30:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 06:09:42 PM
:lulz:
Try this one:
QuoteI am too fucking hot for any of you, but this is Portland, so I'll have to settle. I am 5'3", in good shape, and have kids that are more important to me than you are. I am an avid collector of flensing knives, and I always keep a few sacks of quick lime in the basement in case things don't work out (I hate saying goodbye). I like hiking, art gallery openings, and indoor skeet shooting. When I'm feeling wild, I stuff myself into a dead horse. When I'm feeling really wild, I'll use you.
I expect that our relationship will start off fairly normally, then spiral out of control into shame, failure and degradation that will keep your friends talking for months if not years. That being in mind, you must provide your own wet suit and mayonaise.
Serious inquiries only, no freaks.
BRB, POSTING
You can get away with anything in a personal ad if you end it with "No freaks."
Can I have you rewrite my OK Cupid profile? I'll give you totally free rein over it. And you can choose the pics, too.
Heeeeee!
You betcha.
YAY!
You will be pleased to know that the first two responses have rolled in:
QuoteHey there! I would love to hook up sometime :) my name is D--, im 24, 5 ft 7, 160, tan, athletic build, tattoos, good lookin? Lol. Well email me back, leave a number to text or text me at ###-###-####. Send pics if you can too please :) thanks!
QuoteTell me more, you've peeked my intrest - D--- / 40
That second guy, you have to abuse righteously.
It's "piqued".
WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?
I can't even. I should copypaste some of the guys ads, they're WRETCHED. I mean, shit is written.like this,,,and they haef no ideeya of speling or puncshations.
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I've gotten more good responses to that ad than I've gotten good responses to any ad I've written, ever. Including when I'm trolling. With you as my personal Love Guru, my OK Cupid will be blowing up in NO TIME.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:40:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I've gotten more good responses to that ad than I've gotten good responses to any ad I've written, ever. Including when I'm trolling. With you as my personal Love Guru, my OK Cupid will be blowing up in NO TIME.
I can top that. Easy.
You might want to use an alternate account, though, because if I do, you'll be up to your ovaries in stone FREAKS.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I want one!
For scientific purposes only, of course.
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 08:00:13 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I want one!
For scientific purposes only, of course.
Okay.
Quote25/single/man hater. I am here to take out years of frustration on any man that crosses my path. Needless to say, that will attract dozens of you little fucking weasels...So just line right up: Hunks on the left, weedy types on the right. Hobbies involve hitting people with sticks, making period clothing, and jamming a small America flag up my junk and singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. The ideal man will be able to play a fife, heal quickly, and be understanding when I get all fucked up on wine and choke him like the cheating bastard he is. Serious inquiries only.
THAT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT!
Seriously, you can start a goddamn business with this.
This is amazing. :lulz:
I'm going to have to split this off into a thread, for testamonial purposes. :lulz:
This is one of the few times I wish I wasn't married.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:42:41 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:40:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I've gotten more good responses to that ad than I've gotten good responses to any ad I've written, ever. Including when I'm trolling. With you as my personal Love Guru, my OK Cupid will be blowing up in NO TIME.
I can top that. Easy.
You might want to use an alternate account, though, because if I do, you'll be up to your ovaries in stone FREAKS.
I figured I could use my DoloresAzure account, because I'm pretty damn tired of all the frat boys hitting on that bitch.
Oh, and ML. Did I tell you that ML hit on her? LOL.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 08:26:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:42:41 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:40:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I've gotten more good responses to that ad than I've gotten good responses to any ad I've written, ever. Including when I'm trolling. With you as my personal Love Guru, my OK Cupid will be blowing up in NO TIME.
I can top that. Easy.
You might want to use an alternate account, though, because if I do, you'll be up to your ovaries in stone FREAKS.
I figured I could use my DoloresAzure account, because I'm pretty damn tired of all the frat boys hitting on that bitch.
Oh, and ML. Did I tell you that ML hit on her? LOL.
What? When?
We can tailor an ad for him, if you'd like. :lulz:
Holy shit, this is amazing. Roger, you may see me married yet.
Most successful ad I've EVER placed, and amazing it hasn't been flagged yet.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 08:28:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 08:26:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:42:41 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:40:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
OMG another one!
QuoteHello what a lovely post. Although I am not a collector of whaling knives I appreciate a gal who is. I will bring the wetsuit and mayo, as well as a live chicken, quart of blue paint and rubber gloves!! No freaky stuff!!
That's it. From now on Roger is my official love guru.
THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN.
TGRR,
Can write personals ads all damn day. It's like a ticket to the sideshow.
I've gotten more good responses to that ad than I've gotten good responses to any ad I've written, ever. Including when I'm trolling. With you as my personal Love Guru, my OK Cupid will be blowing up in NO TIME.
I can top that. Easy.
You might want to use an alternate account, though, because if I do, you'll be up to your ovaries in stone FREAKS.
I figured I could use my DoloresAzure account, because I'm pretty damn tired of all the frat boys hitting on that bitch.
Oh, and ML. Did I tell you that ML hit on her? LOL.
What? When?
We can tailor an ad for him, if you'd like. :lulz:
It was right after we first broke up. I wrote back "LOL, you know this is me, right?" and then he was all freaked out.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 08:28:14 PM
Holy shit, this is amazing. Roger, you may see me married yet.
Most successful ad I've EVER placed, and amazing it hasn't been flagged yet.
What gets you flagged?
I'll need to know this.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 08, 2011, 08:17:58 PM
This is one of the few times I wish I wasn't married.
You can still run personals ads. I do...With Enabler looking over my shoulder and laughing (IMPORTANT ADVICE: IF YOU PLAN TO TROLL THIS WAY, INFORM YOUR SPOUSE. Otherwise, she'll never believe it was a gag. Women are funny that way, they think men might run around on them or something.)
Working on MY next one now. BRB.
I have been inspired.
After I have dinner and send some emails (OMG work wtf?) I shall work on a couple, and submit drafts here for "improvement", as well as all responses.
And here we go:
Quote43/M/Professional type. Like many people in the heirarchy of American industry, I am a guilt-ridden, self-centered jackass, and I want to meet a woman who accepts that and takes me as I am. My hobbies include being rude to the wait-staff, stiffing the bartender on tips, talking loudly during private conversations, and making cell phone calls while we eat dinner. I am also prone to insulting people for no reason, just because I can...Concepts like the future and possible consequences are alien to me, and hopefully to you as well.
The right woman will be a virgin in public and a whore in bed, won't hesitate for an instant when I yell "HAMMER THAT YAM RIGHT UP MY GUTS, MISTRESS!", and knows how to discipline a naughty, naughty boy when he lays off 10 people because they were insufficiently attentive at the large-group staff meeting.
No gold diggers.
:mittens: !!!
thread gets 10/10
Oh, I'll take one of those, sir.
Quote from: Alty on November 08, 2011, 08:53:53 PM
Oh, I'll take one of those, sir.
BRB, Filthy Assistant is talking at me.
Mine has been posted on Craigslist. Let the games begin!
Can I have one too? Pretty please.
QuoteHay what's going on . i would love too see the fag and you singing yankee doodle dandy lol..i think it would make for a exciting night.
Not good enough!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 08:29:48 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 08:28:14 PM
Holy shit, this is amazing. Roger, you may see me married yet.
Most successful ad I've EVER placed, and amazing it hasn't been flagged yet.
What gets you flagged?
I'll need to know this.
Being female is usually the main thing.
Quote from: Alty on November 08, 2011, 08:53:53 PM
Oh, I'll take one of those, sir.
QuoteYou be Prince William Sound and I'll be the Exxon Valdez!
Suffice it to say, the results will be a sticky mess that may involve birds and ocean-dwelling mammals. I'll be drunk and over-tired, and you just lay there, in the way. The ideal person will be able to make collision avoidance alarm system noises, which I will be too drunk to acknowledge (No safewords on THIS voyage, matey!), and will refrain from making any comments about my nose (A result of an accident while playing You Be Palin and I'll be the Wolf. Don't ask.).
No EPA employees need apply.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:15:22 PM
Quote from: Alty on November 08, 2011, 08:53:53 PM
Oh, I'll take one of those, sir.
QuoteYou be Prince William Sound and I'll be the Exxon Valdez!
Suffice it to say, the results will be a sticky mess that may involve birds and ocean-dwelling mammals. I'll be drunk and over-tired, and you just lay there, in the way. The ideal person will be able to make collision avoidance alarm system noises, which I will be too drunk to acknowledge (No safewords on THIS voyage, matey!), and will refrain from making any comments about my nose (A result of an accident while playing You Be Palin and I'll be the Wolf. Don't ask.).
No EPA employees need apply.
GodDAMN this is some good shit!
Quote from: Khara on November 08, 2011, 09:05:48 PM
Can I have one too? Pretty please.
QuoteMissouri Lady Needs Elvis
I'm waiting for The King, baby. Ideal man will be 40-50 pounds overweight, have a pompadour (or wear a wig), and must sing "Love Me Tender" on command. Leisure suits and/or a pink convertible a definite plus. My hobbies include knitting, going to Branson, and pouring lye down gopher holes while my partner (maybe you!) strips to A Little Less Conversation, and holds off the PETA goons with a packaging stapler.
Christians only, please.
:lulz: I totally want one, too.
Fuck. :lulz:
QuoteI have never seen anything like this. It was the best ad I ever saw, are you really that fucking mental?? You must respond because if you are I need to talk with you!!!!!!!!! John
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 09:21:16 PM
:lulz: I totally want one, too.
QuoteCalifornia Girl Looking for Mr Right
I'm 20-something, in good shape, but surrounded by "nice" guys who dance like someone put a hot waffle iron down their pants. I need someone who can dance to take me to the club. The ideal guy will have a decent build, spiked hair, and be constantly covered in fake tan oil that makes him look like a mildy ill tangerine. He should call me "baby" or "chica", because nothing strokes a woman's ego like being treated like a brain-damaged child.
My hobbies include golf, tennis, hiking, and following ex-boyfriends around to make sure they aren't hooking up with SLUTS. I hate when guys leave me for SLUTS...So if you do, just be prepared for a few midnight phone calls, vicious facebook attacks, and maybe even (if you're a really lucky boy) me hiding in the back seat of your car with a little "surprise" for you and your SLUT.
Serious inquiries only. No crazies.
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 09:22:55 PM
QuoteI have never seen anything like this. It was the best ad I ever saw, are you really that fucking mental?? You must respond because if you are I need to talk with you!!!!!!!!! John
:mittens:
Roger is going to get all of us happily married.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 09:28:34 PM
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 09:22:55 PM
QuoteI have never seen anything like this. It was the best ad I ever saw, are you really that fucking mental?? You must respond because if you are I need to talk with you!!!!!!!!! John
:mittens:
Roger is going to get all of us happily married.
For a given value of "happy". :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:28:33 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 09:21:16 PM
:lulz: I totally want one, too.
QuoteCalifornia Girl Looking for Mr Right
I'm 20-something, in good shape, but surrounded by "nice" guys who dance like someone put a hot waffle iron down their pants. I need someone who can dance to take me to the club. The ideal guy will have a decent build, spiked hair, and be constantly covered in fake tan oil that makes him look like a mildy ill tangerine. He should call me "baby" or "chica", because nothing strokes a woman's ego like being treated like a brain-damaged child.
My hobbies include golf, tennis, hiking, and following ex-boyfriends around to make sure they aren't hooking up with SLUTS. I hate when guys leave me for SLUTS...So if you do, just be prepared for a few midnight phone calls, vicious facebook attacks, and maybe even (if you're a really lucky boy) me hiding in the back seat of your car with a little "surprise" for you and your SLUT.
Serious inquiries only. No crazies.
POSTING THIS.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:15:22 PM
Quote from: Alty on November 08, 2011, 08:53:53 PM
Oh, I'll take one of those, sir.
QuoteYou be Prince William Sound and I'll be the Exxon Valdez!
Suffice it to say, the results will be a sticky mess that may involve birds and ocean-dwelling mammals. I'll be drunk and over-tired, and you just lay there, in the way. The ideal person will be able to make collision avoidance alarm system noises, which I will be too drunk to acknowledge (No safewords on THIS voyage, matey!), and will refrain from making any comments about my nose (A result of an accident while playing You Be Palin and I'll be the Wolf. Don't ask.).
No EPA employees need apply.
I couldn't resist... I just posted this with the image Faust posted in the atheist thread.
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 09:28:34 PM
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 09:22:55 PM
QuoteI have never seen anything like this. It was the best ad I ever saw, are you really that fucking mental?? You must respond because if you are I need to talk with you!!!!!!!!! John
:mittens:
Roger is going to get all of us happily married.
I'm chatting with this guy now, too.
:lawl:
You know, I'm beginning to suspect that the inside of my head is different from most peoples'.
:lulz:
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 09:31:03 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:28:33 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 09:21:16 PM
:lulz: I totally want one, too.
QuoteCalifornia Girl Looking for Mr Right
I'm 20-something, in good shape, but surrounded by "nice" guys who dance like someone put a hot waffle iron down their pants. I need someone who can dance to take me to the club. The ideal guy will have a decent build, spiked hair, and be constantly covered in fake tan oil that makes him look like a mildy ill tangerine. He should call me "baby" or "chica", because nothing strokes a woman's ego like being treated like a brain-damaged child.
My hobbies include golf, tennis, hiking, and following ex-boyfriends around to make sure they aren't hooking up with SLUTS. I hate when guys leave me for SLUTS...So if you do, just be prepared for a few midnight phone calls, vicious facebook attacks, and maybe even (if you're a really lucky boy) me hiding in the back seat of your car with a little "surprise" for you and your SLUT.
Serious inquiries only. No crazies.
POSTING THIS.
You know the geeks are going to beat your fucking door down, right?
Disposable accounts here, people.
I know that full well. :lulz: It's a disposable account.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:33:23 PM
You know, I'm beginning to suspect that the inside of my head is different from most peoples'.
:lulz:
It's called GENIUS.
I'm getting a lot of these:
Quoteok, I was having kind of a shitty day, you made me laugh so hard, I had to say hello and thank you, very funny.
Posted mine in m4m because in Anchorage, AK that's where the action is. The icky, icky action.
What is your message to the single women of London, Roger?
I'm still coming up with my own, but I have actual emails to respond to as well, so it is taking time.
Quote from: Alty on November 08, 2011, 09:42:15 PM
Posted mine in m4m because in Anchorage, AK that's where the action is. The icky, icky action.
That Amazing Atheist picture is perfect with it. I laughed and laughed!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:20:08 PM
Quote from: Khara on November 08, 2011, 09:05:48 PM
Can I have one too? Pretty please.
QuoteMissouri Lady Needs Elvis
I'm waiting for The King, baby. Ideal man will be 40-50 pounds overweight, have a pompadour (or wear a wig), and must sing "Love Me Tender" on command. Leisure suits and/or a pink convertible a definite plus. My hobbies include knitting, going to Branson, and pouring lye down gopher holes while my partner (maybe you!) strips to A Little Less Conversation, and holds off the PETA goons with a packaging stapler.
Christians only, please.
I will post this when I get home! :evil:
Thank you.
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
It's a great way to weed out the stupid ones.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Flagged and removed. :(
After I was getting so much damn positive feedback, too. :(
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 10:21:43 PM
Flagged and removed. :(
After I was getting so much damn positive feedback, too. :(
They're never that quick off the mark when I flag someone for being an escort.
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:17:05 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Here's two!
QuoteWhat kind of music u dance too I consider myself a good dancer in fact I might b going to [name of local club] thursday and we can dance together fyi im not into tanning I dont hav spiked hair but I am a good kooking guy who works and is not crazy and looking for sluts lol im 25 hispanic not fat or im toned goatee short blk hair and brn eyes if this sounds kewl let me kno
QuoteHey whats up.u.sound real k well I have natural tan dont nees that fake tan im brown year around if.u like for a true man and u are real.get back to me
:lol: Oh dear.
:lulz: My thoughts exactly. Had two so far who thought it was funny, though.
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:23:52 PM
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 10:21:43 PM
Flagged and removed. :(
After I was getting so much damn positive feedback, too. :(
They're never that quick off the mark when I flag someone for being an escort.
They flagged me because I was getting more hits then the rest of the failboat posts in the Women 4 Men section. Guaranteed.
Fucking catty bitches.
Mine doesn't show though it sent a confirmation email. :?
Give it a bit?
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 10:21:43 PM
Flagged and removed. :(
After I was getting so much damn positive feedback, too. :(
Don't sweat it; mine always get flagged and removed after 10-20 minutes.
Quote from: Alty on November 08, 2011, 10:33:59 PM
Mine doesn't show though it sent a confirmation email. :?
Did you activate it by clicking the link in the email?
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:26:27 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:17:05 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Here's two!
QuoteWhat kind of music u dance too I consider myself a good dancer in fact I might b going to [name of local club] thursday and we can dance together fyi im not into tanning I dont hav spiked hair but I am a good kooking guy who works and is not crazy and looking for sluts lol im 25 hispanic not fat or im toned goatee short blk hair and brn eyes if this sounds kewl let me kno
QuoteHey whats up.u.sound real k well I have natural tan dont nees that fake tan im brown year around if.u like for a true man and u are real.get back to me
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 10:57:17 PM
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 10:21:43 PM
Flagged and removed. :(
After I was getting so much damn positive feedback, too. :(
Don't sweat it; mine always get flagged and removed after 10-20 minutes.
It's because you're too goddamn awesome.
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 09:48:19 PM
What is your message to the single women of London, Roger?
I'm still coming up with my own, but I have actual emails to respond to as well, so it is taking time.
QuoteThis Century's Dylan Thomas Looking for His Muse.
30/M/Chelsea. I am a poet, and a rather good one if I do say so myself, no matter what soul-less editors may say. My problem is that I am at the moment lacking inspiration, and that's where you come in. "You" are an upper middle class woman who can keep things going around me while I churn out timeless prose. Cooking skills and a job a plus. The ideal woman knows where the brandy is, can speak to me almost at my own level (I am easily threatened, as most great artists are), and doesn't question why poets need nude models at 2AM.
When the inevitable breakup finally happens, rest assured that I will never, in fact, leave you. Instead, I shall stand on the walk outside your house in the rain, reading Emily Dickenson (or, for the right girl, my own work) in a vain attempt to soften your heart. This will continue, more or less, for 8-9 years...At which time I plan to drink myself to death outside of a pub in New York City. Then you'll be sorry.
No critics, please.
Hit me. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 11:03:43 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:26:27 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:17:05 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Here's two!
QuoteWhat kind of music u dance too I consider myself a good dancer in fact I might b going to [name of local club] thursday and we can dance together fyi im not into tanning I dont hav spiked hair but I am a good kooking guy who works and is not crazy and looking for sluts lol im 25 hispanic not fat or im toned goatee short blk hair and brn eyes if this sounds kewl let me kno
QuoteHey whats up.u.sound real k well I have natural tan dont nees that fake tan im brown year around if.u like for a true man and u are real.get back to me
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???
This is ACTUALLY what's out there on the dating market.
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 11:04:06 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 10:57:17 PM
Quote from: Suu on November 08, 2011, 10:21:43 PM
Flagged and removed. :(
After I was getting so much damn positive feedback, too. :(
Don't sweat it; mine always get flagged and removed after 10-20 minutes.
It's because you're too goddamn awesome.
Nah, most likely it's because there's some freak who just goes through and flags everything posted by a woman. You can tell because if you look at the past week there are no (or very few) ads on previous days, and the ones that are left are all "Obese Christian lady seeks husband".
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 11:20:02 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 11:03:43 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:26:27 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:17:05 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Here's two!
QuoteWhat kind of music u dance too I consider myself a good dancer in fact I might b going to [name of local club] thursday and we can dance together fyi im not into tanning I dont hav spiked hair but I am a good kooking guy who works and is not crazy and looking for sluts lol im 25 hispanic not fat or im toned goatee short blk hair and brn eyes if this sounds kewl let me kno
QuoteHey whats up.u.sound real k well I have natural tan dont nees that fake tan im brown year around if.u like for a true man and u are real.get back to me
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???
This is ACTUALLY what's out there on the dating market.
Yep. Also, Fresno has its own special shade of dumb. Ask Jenne or Nigel - they'll confirm it.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 11:23:30 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 11:20:02 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 11:03:43 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:26:27 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:17:05 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Here's two!
QuoteWhat kind of music u dance too I consider myself a good dancer in fact I might b going to [name of local club] thursday and we can dance together fyi im not into tanning I dont hav spiked hair but I am a good kooking guy who works and is not crazy and looking for sluts lol im 25 hispanic not fat or im toned goatee short blk hair and brn eyes if this sounds kewl let me kno
QuoteHey whats up.u.sound real k well I have natural tan dont nees that fake tan im brown year around if.u like for a true man and u are real.get back to me
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???
This is ACTUALLY what's out there on the dating market.
Yep. Also, Fresno has its own special shade of dumb. Ask Jenne or Nigel - they'll confirm it.
Yep. And then there are special Portland gems like this: http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/stp/2692417499.html
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 11:29:40 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 11:23:30 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 08, 2011, 11:20:02 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 11:03:43 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:26:27 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 10:17:05 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 08, 2011, 10:06:16 PM
First response. He took it utterly seriously. :lulz:
Quote for the masses?
Here's two!
QuoteWhat kind of music u dance too I consider myself a good dancer in fact I might b going to [name of local club] thursday and we can dance together fyi im not into tanning I dont hav spiked hair but I am a good kooking guy who works and is not crazy and looking for sluts lol im 25 hispanic not fat or im toned goatee short blk hair and brn eyes if this sounds kewl let me kno
QuoteHey whats up.u.sound real k well I have natural tan dont nees that fake tan im brown year around if.u like for a true man and u are real.get back to me
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???
This is ACTUALLY what's out there on the dating market.
Yep. Also, Fresno has its own special shade of dumb. Ask Jenne or Nigel - they'll confirm it.
Yep. And then there are special Portland gems like this: http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/stp/2692417499.html
I...what....GOD DAMNIT REALITY WHY MUST YOU BE SO UNREAL!!!!!
OK, gimme one. :lulz:
Flagged. :lulz: Gonna repost, possibly modified. I'll post here again with the changed one.
Ah, Providence. The ENTIRE post:
QuoteNSA Now - 40 (Warwick)
Date: 2011-11-08, 11:27AM EST
Reply to:
Reply To This Post
Looking for NSA now. Serious Only.
Location: Warwick
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
DO WANT
Quote from: Luna on November 09, 2011, 12:03:50 AM
Ah, Providence. The ENTIRE post:
QuoteNSA Now - 40 (Warwick)
Date: 2011-11-08, 11:27AM EST
Reply to:
Reply To This Post
Looking for NSA now. Serious Only.
Location: Warwick
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
What I love is ads like that, alternated with ads that say "IS ANYONE ON HERE REAL?" and "WHERE ARE ALL THE SERIOUS WOMEN?"
Oh oh oh and shit like this:
Quotelabrador love - 30 (ne portland)
Date: 2011-11-08, 12:16PM PST
my type of lady: between 21-35. likes big dogs. rockhoundig. lapdairy. is cutting and polishing rocks making jewlery. mushroom hunting. camping. drinking & smoking. having good times. if you enjoy these things reply.
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/2692070780.html
Here's a winnar, too:
QuoteJUST WANT A MOVIE DATE , OR DRINKS - 40 (beaverton )
Date: 2011-11-08, 11:07AM PST
JUST WANT TO GO OUT HAVE FUN MOVIES , DRINKS SOMTHING IM BOARD IM TALL , SEXY AND SMELL GOOD , I LIKE CURVY GIRLS
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/2691924884.html
I swear, half the posts on the Providence Craigslist are, "I LIEK PUSSY"
I think I'd like to participate in this.
Remember ladies, guys who post their own personals ads on CL are guaranteed to be retards. You've got a much better chance of finding a non-retard (read: 2% instead of 0%) among the guys who understand internet demographics well enough to realize that their only real chance is in answering YOUR ad.
I'm not serious about the ads, I just had a great laugh.
Roger's ad is magic. I have three dates for sure, and am talking with four other guys, and all of them are hot. WHAT THE FUCK.
I got two guys actually worth talking to. One was 45. Too old, but nice. And the other was a sharp-dressed 36 year old black man who I may go get coffee with for the sake of bullshitting some history. We have no attraction, but we hit it off on the geek factor of things.
Quote from: Suu on November 09, 2011, 01:39:34 AM
I got two guys actually worth talking to. One was 45. Too old, but nice. And the other was a sharp-dressed 36 year old black man who I may go get coffee with for the sake of bullshitting some history. We have no attraction, but we hit it off on the geek factor of things.
And, you can never tall what might happen when you meet someone in person.
Troof.
Why the hell not?
I'll do it.
Wow, just when I decide I'll reactivate my findsomeone.co.nz account and write something, this beautiful thread comes into my life.
This site has the usual space for "about me", "looking for", and "describe yourself in one sentence".
It also wants my thoughts on children, commitment, communication, drugs, expressing yourself, housework, intimacy, love, money, politics, racism, romance, sexism, technology, work and religion... if you feel like trying the BONUS ROUND.
Optional text boxes for holiness overflow include "what I do for exercise", "sports I like to watch", "my hobbies" and "hobbies I'd like to take up", "my favourite foods", "what I like to cook", "MY IDEAL NIGHT OUT", "my typical holiday", "my dream holiday" and "my most memorable holiday".
ETA: I FOUND MORE BOXES TO FILL IN, IF YOU FEEL SO INSPIRED.
Favourites movies, programs, books. Last of each I watched/read and what I thought of it.
Art and theatre that I enjoy.
TGGR, PLEASE PIMP MY PROFILE.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
QuoteEducation: Dropped out of space camp
:lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
:lulz: SHIT this is good!
The Love Doktor is IN.
Here's where I'm at so far: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DoloresAzure
(Awaiting tweaks by the Love Doktor)
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 05:27:35 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
:lulz: SHIT this is good!
:thanks:
Quote from: Cainad on November 09, 2011, 04:02:12 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
QuoteEducation: Dropped out of space camp
:lulz: :lulz:
It was too perfect!
Also, first response:
QuoteI concur!
What? I have no iea how to respond. There's nothing for him to concur with, and the fact that he's a decently high match with that account makes me wonder if he's serious (I gave the most batshit, contradictory answers I could think of).
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 06:04:17 AM
Here's where I'm at so far: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DoloresAzure
(Awaiting tweaks by the Love Doktor)
I have given you an eye candy award.
Conundrum solved. I will see how far I can take this.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 06:18:48 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 05:27:35 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
:lulz: SHIT this is good!
:thanks:
Quote from: Cainad on November 09, 2011, 04:02:12 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
QuoteEducation: Dropped out of space camp
:lulz: :lulz:
It was too perfect!
Also, first response:
QuoteI concur!
What? I have no iea how to respond. There's nothing for him to concur with, and the fact that he's a decently high match with that account makes me wonder if he's serious (I gave the most batshit, contradictory answers I could think of).
He's joking! A smart one! GET HIM.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 06:19:19 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 06:04:17 AM
Here's where I'm at so far: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DoloresAzure
(Awaiting tweaks by the Love Doktor)
I have given you an eye candy award.
:thanks:
For some reason, this profile is showing me guys that are like 1000 times hotter than what my "serious" profile is showing me. I just looked at one who is fucking RETARDED hot and has a 3-year-old kid. I am not dying to jump back into parenting small children, but at least that's one thing I'm damn good at.
I think it's because of the Love Doktor.
A logical deduction. :lulz:
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 06:35:21 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 06:18:48 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 05:27:35 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
:lulz: SHIT this is good!
:thanks:
Quote from: Cainad on November 09, 2011, 04:02:12 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
QuoteEducation: Dropped out of space camp
:lulz: :lulz:
It was too perfect!
Also, first response:
QuoteI concur!
What? I have no iea how to respond. There's nothing for him to concur with, and the fact that he's a decently high match with that account makes me wonder if he's serious (I gave the most batshit, contradictory answers I could think of).
He's joking! A smart one! GET HIM.
He's not! I trawled through his profile and all signs point to real, and he's evidently totally serious in agreeing with sleeptiem that all liberals are whores.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 06:40:46 AM
A logical deduction. :lulz:
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 06:35:21 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 06:18:48 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 05:27:35 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
:lulz: SHIT this is good!
:thanks:
Quote from: Cainad on November 09, 2011, 04:02:12 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 03:54:40 AM
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
:lulz: I'm enjoying this.
QuoteEducation: Dropped out of space camp
:lulz: :lulz:
It was too perfect!
Also, first response:
QuoteI concur!
What? I have no iea how to respond. There's nothing for him to concur with, and the fact that he's a decently high match with that account makes me wonder if he's serious (I gave the most batshit, contradictory answers I could think of).
He's joking! A smart one! GET HIM.
He's not! I trawled through his profile and all signs point to real, and he's evidently totally serious in agreeing with sleeptiem that all liberals are whores.
OMG! Then PLAY IT PLAY IT PLAY IT for all it's worth!
Trolling: Making dating FUN again. :lulz:
:lulz: ON IT.
ETA: I LOVE THIS KID.
Have started a new thread for this, so as to not spag up this one.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 09, 2011, 06:46:55 AM
:lulz: ON IT.
ETA: I LOVE THIS KID.
Have started a new thread for this, so as to not spag up this one.
SWEEEEET
Here (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=30725.new#new)
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 11:11:23 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 09:48:19 PM
What is your message to the single women of London, Roger?
I'm still coming up with my own, but I have actual emails to respond to as well, so it is taking time.
QuoteThis Century's Dylan Thomas Looking for His Muse.
30/M/Chelsea. I am a poet, and a rather good one if I do say so myself, no matter what soul-less editors may say. My problem is that I am at the moment lacking inspiration, and that's where you come in. "You" are an upper middle class woman who can keep things going around me while I churn out timeless prose. Cooking skills and a job a plus. The ideal woman knows where the brandy is, can speak to me almost at my own level (I am easily threatened, as most great artists are), and doesn't question why poets need nude models at 2AM.
When the inevitable breakup finally happens, rest assured that I will never, in fact, leave you. Instead, I shall stand on the walk outside your house in the rain, reading Emily Dickenson (or, for the right girl, my own work) in a vain attempt to soften your heart. This will continue, more or less, for 8-9 years...At which time I plan to drink myself to death outside of a pub in New York City. Then you'll be sorry.
No critics, please.
And done.
I just realised, your former job as a romance novel editor is likely perfect for this kind of thing.
Quote from: Cain on November 09, 2011, 07:56:09 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 11:11:23 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 08, 2011, 09:48:19 PM
What is your message to the single women of London, Roger?
I'm still coming up with my own, but I have actual emails to respond to as well, so it is taking time.
QuoteThis Century's Dylan Thomas Looking for His Muse.
30/M/Chelsea. I am a poet, and a rather good one if I do say so myself, no matter what soul-less editors may say. My problem is that I am at the moment lacking inspiration, and that's where you come in. "You" are an upper middle class woman who can keep things going around me while I churn out timeless prose. Cooking skills and a job a plus. The ideal woman knows where the brandy is, can speak to me almost at my own level (I am easily threatened, as most great artists are), and doesn't question why poets need nude models at 2AM.
When the inevitable breakup finally happens, rest assured that I will never, in fact, leave you. Instead, I shall stand on the walk outside your house in the rain, reading Emily Dickenson (or, for the right girl, my own work) in a vain attempt to soften your heart. This will continue, more or less, for 8-9 years...At which time I plan to drink myself to death outside of a pub in New York City. Then you'll be sorry.
No critics, please.
And done.
I just realised, your former job as a romance novel editor is likely perfect for this kind of thing.
He has a
gift.
I'm still getting emails back from my replies to actual personal ads.
I think I'm going to need a rota system or something, I'm essentially booked up to Xmas, unless they just wanna grab coffee or lunch down the road.
Quote from: Khara on November 08, 2011, 10:02:37 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 08, 2011, 09:20:08 PM
Quote from: Khara on November 08, 2011, 09:05:48 PM
Can I have one too? Pretty please.
QuoteMissouri Lady Needs Elvis
I'm waiting for The King, baby. Ideal man will be 40-50 pounds overweight, have a pompadour (or wear a wig), and must sing "Love Me Tender" on command. Leisure suits and/or a pink convertible a definite plus. My hobbies include knitting, going to Branson, and pouring lye down gopher holes while my partner (maybe you!) strips to A Little Less Conversation, and holds off the PETA goons with a packaging stapler.
Christians only, please.
I will post this when I get home! :evil:
Thank you.
Well it was interesting before they took the ad down. It seems Missouri has no sense of humor....
QuoteI think you may be joking but on the chance that you aren't I would like to meet you. I love Elvis and already have the costume.
- the only comment I might have responded to.
QuoteI wear the suit if you let me fuck you up the ass while having a little less conversation.
And the obligatory.....
QuoteHow dare you bring Elvis into your whore game. People like you should be in jail or dead.
I got about 10 responses all about the same.
SIGH..... I think I'll stay single. :(
Busy this morning. Will respond later.
I am sad to report our Chelsea Poet has had no replies at all, so far. Not flagged either, as far as I can tell. :?
Quote from: Luna on November 08, 2011, 11:13:19 PM
Hit me. :lulz:
QuoteProvidence Woman Seeking Mr Natural
I'm an outgoing divorcee with a new low tolerance for games. My hobbies involve contact sports, pirate radio, and New Guinea cuisine. My ideal man will have at most a nodding acquaintance with personal hygiene, enough patchouli oil to stop bullets, and a pony tail to make him forget both that he's middle aged and that he wasted his youth following the Grateful Dead around. Birkenstocks a plus, but I'll settle for sandals & socks for the right guy.
He will also use slang that is 40 years out of date, wear clothes that Goodwill would turn down, and preach incessantly about whatever esoteric cause gripped his attention last. I'd particularly like to hear him bitch about Tibet, without knowing or caring what the monarchy (prior to the Chinese occupation) was like. A VW microbus will seal the deal.
No slackers.
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on November 08, 2011, 11:32:51 PM
OK, gimme one. :lulz:
QuoteSailor Seeks Brandy
I'm an outgoing, fun-loving sailor who enjoys walking on the beach to stomp on piss crabs, choking skeeter (not the sports term, the other one), and cooking. You are a late 20s/early 30s woman who doesn't mind dressing up like the cabin boy and calling me "Captain Crisco". My perfect woman would also enjoy cooking, finding out what the bottom of the rum bottle looks like, and waking up in strange towns wearing someone else's clothes. You're a fine girl, what a good wife you'd be...But my life, my love, and my lady are the sea. Doo dee dee doo doo.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 05:50:12 PM
Quote from: Luna on November 08, 2011, 11:13:19 PM
Hit me. :lulz:
QuoteProvidence Woman Seeking Mr Natural
I'm an outgoing divorcee with a new low tolerance for games. My hobbies involve contact sports, pirate radio, and New Guinea cuisine. My ideal man will have at most a nodding acquaintance with personal hygiene, enough patchouli oil to stop bullets, and a pony tail to make him forget both that he's middle aged and that he wasted his youth following the Grateful Dead around. Birkenstocks a plus, but I'll settle for sandals & socks for the right guy.
He will also use slang that is 40 years out of date, wear clothes that Goodwill would turn down, and preach incessantly about whatever esoteric cause gripped his attention last. I'd particularly like to hear him bitch about Tibet, without knowing or caring what the monarchy (prior to the Chinese occupation) was like. A VW microbus will seal the deal.
No slackers.
PURE MAGIC. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 05:55:30 PM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on November 08, 2011, 11:32:51 PM
OK, gimme one. :lulz:
QuoteSailor Seeks Brandy
I'm an outgoing, fun-loving sailor who enjoys walking on the beach to stomp on piss crabs, choking skeeter (not the sports term, the other one), and cooking. You are a late 20s/early 30s woman who doesn't mind dressing up like the cabin boy and calling me "Captain Crisco". My perfect woman would also enjoy cooking, finding out what the bottom of the rum bottle looks like, and waking up in strange towns wearing someone else's clothes. You're a fine girl, what a good wife you'd be...But my life, my love, and my lady are the sea. Doo dee dee doo doo.
:mittens:
will post this later and see what sort of magic happens.
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 09, 2011, 12:09:29 AM
DO WANT
QuoteTucson Woman Wants To Meet A Normal Guy
I'm 24/single/1 kid (deal with it or GTFO), and I'm sick of all the weird bastards in this town. I'd like to meet a guy who has a JOB, who doesn't wear Goddamn "Trip Pants" at the age of 30, and understands that mullets didn't look good in the 80s, and they don't look good now. Just a normal guy, you know?
If you have a nickname, don't contact me. If you are a "furry", a goth, a "juggalo", do not respond. If the height of your ambition is working in a call center, I am not for you. If you own a Wii system, find someone else. If, on the other hand, you like going out and doing things, finding some adventure in this Godforsaken shit hole, and have better plans than living and dying in an efficiency apartment, hit me up.
The right guy will also be able to deal with Knuckles, my ex-boyfriend, when he gets out of the state penitentiary in January. He's the reason I hate Tucson, him and his biker buddies, and he still thinks wrapping tire irons around the heads of my dates will win me back.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:05:48 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 09, 2011, 12:09:29 AM
DO WANT
QuoteTucson Woman Wants To Meet A Normal Guy
I'm 24/single/1 kid (deal with it or GTFO), and I'm sick of all the weird bastards in this town. I'd like to meet a guy who has a JOB, who doesn't wear Goddamn "Trip Pants" at the age of 30, and understands that mullets didn't look good in the 80s, and they don't look good now. Just a normal guy, you know?
If you have a nickname, don't contact me. If you are a "furry", a goth, a "juggalo", do not respond. If the height of your ambition is working in a call center, I am not for you. If you own a Wii system, find someone else. If, on the other hand, you like going out and doing things, finding some adventure in this Godforsaken shit hole, and have better plans than living and dying in an efficiency apartment, hit me up.
The right guy will also be able to deal with Knuckles, my ex-boyfriend, when he gets out of the state penitentiary in January. He's the reason I hate Tucson, him and his biker buddies, and he still thinks wrapping tire irons around the heads of my dates will win me back.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:05:48 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 09, 2011, 12:09:29 AM
DO WANT
QuoteTucson Woman Wants To Meet A Normal Guy
I'm 24/single/1 kid (deal with it or GTFO), and I'm sick of all the weird bastards in this town. I'd like to meet a guy who has a JOB, who doesn't wear Goddamn "Trip Pants" at the age of 30, and understands that mullets didn't look good in the 80s, and they don't look good now. Just a normal guy, you know?
If you have a nickname, don't contact me. If you are a "furry", a goth, a "juggalo", do not respond. If the height of your ambition is working in a call center, I am not for you. If you own a Wii system, find someone else. If, on the other hand, you like going out and doing things, finding some adventure in this Godforsaken shit hole, and have better plans than living and dying in an efficiency apartment, hit me up.
The right guy will also be able to deal with Knuckles, my ex-boyfriend, when he gets out of the state penitentiary in January. He's the reason I hate Tucson, him and his biker buddies, and he still thinks wrapping tire irons around the heads of my dates will win me back.
BRB LOL
Quote from: Dimocritus on November 09, 2011, 12:45:04 AM
I think I'd like to participate in this.
QuotePunk Rocker Astronomy Student Needs His Lenses Cleaned
Providence, straight single male, smoker. I'm the lead singer of a punk band, and am pursuing my degree in Astronomy, as I feel that the pay in the bar circuit is simply too high. Turn ons: Indian food, women that like to dance, and running the "Warwick Gauntlet" naked at 2AM, Guido chicks. Turn offs: Unnecessary drama/stress and women that simply cannot understand what dating an Italian means (in terms of brain power or lack thereof).
If you simply can't get enough of popped collars, fist pumping, spiked hair, and spray on tan, I'm your man. If you feel that black wife beaters and designer jeans are the only thing women should legally allowed to wear, you're my dream girl. Hit me up, and we'll go out to clubs we're both too old for.
Quote from: Kurt Christ on November 09, 2011, 03:05:17 AM
Why the hell not?
I'll do it.
QuoteIf You'll Be My Amelia Earhart, I'll Be Your Howard Hughes
Misanthrope seeking neglect from someone too busy to see me. In short, I'm looking for a soul mate that I never actually have to see. Imagine the years of happiness we'll have, being in a committed relationship that doesn't actually involve dealing with each other! You will fly off and have adventures, and I will sit in my hotel room, obsessively yanking out my pubic hairs and screaming at the help because my newspaper has germs on it.
This is ideal for women that hate men, or women that just plain hate everyone. We can - if absolutely necessary - exchange the occasional telegram, but for God's sake, stay at least two states away. Owning a Lockheed Model 10 Electra a plus, particularly if you have a sense of adventure and poor navigational skills.
Quote from: Beardman Meow on November 09, 2011, 03:46:48 AM
Wow, just when I decide I'll reactivate my findsomeone.co.nz account and write something, this beautiful thread comes into my life.
This site has the usual space for "about me", "looking for", and "describe yourself in one sentence".
It also wants my thoughts on children, commitment, communication, drugs, expressing yourself, housework, intimacy, love, money, politics, racism, romance, sexism, technology, work and religion... if you feel like trying the BONUS ROUND.
Optional text boxes for holiness overflow include "what I do for exercise", "sports I like to watch", "my hobbies" and "hobbies I'd like to take up", "my favourite foods", "what I like to cook", "MY IDEAL NIGHT OUT", "my typical holiday", "my dream holiday" and "my most memorable holiday".
ETA: I FOUND MORE BOXES TO FILL IN, IF YOU FEEL SO INSPIRED.
Favourites movies, programs, books. Last of each I watched/read and what I thought of it.
Art and theatre that I enjoy.
TGGR, PLEASE PIMP MY PROFILE.
QuoteAbout me: I'm just an average guy.
Looking for: An even-tempered woman in her 20s/30s.
Describe my self in one sentence: I'm just an ordinary average guy, my friends all are boring and so am I, we're just ordinary average guys.
Transportation: My friend's got a Chrysler, I've got a Dodge.
Hobbies: Every Friday night we go to the lanes, drink a few beers, bowl a few frames. We're just ordinary average guys. On Saturday we clean up the yard, pick up the dog doo, hope that it's hard. Ordinary average guys.
If you need more, I can rip off another Joe Walsh song.
Hee hee hee! :lol:
Quote from: Khara on November 09, 2011, 04:04:23 PM
How dare you bring Elvis into your whore game. People like you should be in jail or dead.
[/quote]
I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh and laugh. I mean, what the... :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on November 09, 2011, 06:48:07 PM
Quote from: Khara on November 09, 2011, 04:04:23 PM
How dare you bring Elvis into your whore game. People like you should be in jail or dead.
I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh and laugh. I mean, what the... :lulz: :lulz:
[/quote]
This must be the best new America™ detector yet.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:50:54 PM
Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on November 09, 2011, 06:48:07 PM
Quote from: Khara on November 09, 2011, 04:04:23 PM
How dare you bring Elvis into your whore game. People like you should be in jail or dead.
I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh and laugh. I mean, what the... :lulz: :lulz:
This must be the best new America™ detector yet.
It's Missouri. Last good thing to come out of Missouri was Mark Twain.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:50:54 PM
This must be the best new America™ detector yet.
I think you've built it!
I just canceled one of my dates, because for some reason he emailed me "Got any more pics?" three times this morning, and it couldn't have just been a sending glitch because it was in response to three different emails... and I've already sent him a bunch of pics, it's not like I've been evasive.
God, there are a lot of idiots out there.
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 08:04:08 PM
I just canceled one of my dates, because for some reason he emailed me "Got any more pics?" three times this morning, and it couldn't have just been a sending glitch because it was in response to three different emails... and I've already sent him a bunch of pics, it's not like I've been evasive.
God, there are a lot of idiots out there.
Well, now he has pics to jack off to, which is way less terrifying than talking to a woman in person. :)
TGRR,
Wallowing in other peoples' filth since the Johnson administration.
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 08:04:08 PM
I just canceled one of my dates, because for some reason he emailed me "Got any more pics?" three times this morning, and it couldn't have just been a sending glitch because it was in response to three different emails... and I've already sent him a bunch of pics, it's not like I've been evasive.
God, there are a lot of idiots out there.
He likes to have a selection when wanking.
DAMMIT ROGER BEAT ME TO IT.
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 09, 2011, 08:05:59 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 08:04:08 PM
I just canceled one of my dates, because for some reason he emailed me "Got any more pics?" three times this morning, and it couldn't have just been a sending glitch because it was in response to three different emails... and I've already sent him a bunch of pics, it's not like I've been evasive.
God, there are a lot of idiots out there.
He likes to have a selection when wanking.
DAMMIT DOK BEAT ME TO IT.
Who?
you should tell him you'll send more pics if he sends you nudes.
then you should post him on isanyoneup.com
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 08:06:30 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 09, 2011, 08:05:59 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 09, 2011, 08:04:08 PM
I just canceled one of my dates, because for some reason he emailed me "Got any more pics?" three times this morning, and it couldn't have just been a sending glitch because it was in response to three different emails... and I've already sent him a bunch of pics, it's not like I've been evasive.
God, there are a lot of idiots out there.
He likes to have a selection when wanking.
DAMMIT DOK BEAT ME TO IT.
Who?
Uh, sorry. I accidentally the space time. By accident.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 05:50:12 PM
Quote from: Luna on November 08, 2011, 11:13:19 PM
Hit me. :lulz:
QuoteProvidence Woman Seeking Mr Natural
I'm an outgoing divorcee with a new low tolerance for games. My hobbies involve contact sports, pirate radio, and New Guinea cuisine. My ideal man will have at most a nodding acquaintance with personal hygiene, enough patchouli oil to stop bullets, and a pony tail to make him forget both that he's middle aged and that he wasted his youth following the Grateful Dead around. Birkenstocks a plus, but I'll settle for sandals & socks for the right guy.
He will also use slang that is 40 years out of date, wear clothes that Goodwill would turn down, and preach incessantly about whatever esoteric cause gripped his attention last. I'd particularly like to hear him bitch about Tibet, without knowing or caring what the monarchy (prior to the Chinese occupation) was like. A VW microbus will seal the deal.
No slackers.
:spittake:
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on November 09, 2011, 08:06:44 PM
you should tell him you'll send more pics if he sends you nudes.
then you should post him on isanyoneup.com
:lulz:
Next time.
Okay, I'm game. :lol:
I haven't combed the whole thread yet...which sites do you guys suggest? e harmony? OK Cupid? :lulz:
I'm in.
I may or may not join OKCupid with the results.
Too tired to do this right tonight.
Check back in tomorrow.
I'm down.
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 10, 2011, 12:56:13 AM
I haven't combed the whole thread yet...which sites do you guys suggest? e harmony? OK Cupid? :lulz:
I've had better luck with OKCupid, since CL takes stuff down a lot. Pulled a lulzy libertarian so far, but I'm there for the trolling, so I dunno about you.
I just dived into OK Cupid. I copied and pasted some stuff from a friend, she's dizzy but it works for her because she's a blond former model. Then I loaded a pic of an overweight conservative republican woman. :lulz:
Shaylasli
My Self Summary I REALLY DONT HAVE MUCH IN COMMON WITH MOST FOLKS AROUND HERE,NOTHING AGAINST THEM. I LIKE ANIMALS BUT I LIKE THEM OUTSIDE. OK,HERES JUST ONE MORE REASON,ANIMALS BELONG OUTSIDE AND I WOULD NEVER GET MOUTH TO MOUTH WITH ONE ,MY PITBULL SPIKE,WHOM I LOVE DEARLY HAS DUG UP HIS OLD MATE SNOOKIES WHOS BEEN DEAD ABOUT 5 MONTHS,AND HES EATING HER REMAINS,NOW ALL THATS LEFT OF HER IS HER DOGGIE COLLAR WHICH SPIKE LEFT ON THE PORCH,HELL ,HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE WENT AHEAD AND ATE IT TOO!I GUESS IT REALLY IS A DOG EAT DOG WORLD BUT THATS JUST GROSS,MOTHER NATURE CAN BE CREEPY SOMETIMES!!
I'm really good at
STUFF THAT HASNT HAPPENED OR VOICES TELL ME STUFF BUT ONLY BAD STUFF AND IT HAPPENS.YEARS AGO THESE 2 GIRLS WERE MURDRED THEY NEVER FOUND OUT WHO DID IT,BUT THEIR PICS WERE ALLOVER THE NEWS AND I SAW THEM IN MY MIND WALKING IN THE WOODS IT LOOKED LIKE EVENING TIME BUT BEFORE DARK,THEN ONCE I SAW A GIRL ALL TIED UP IN A FETAL POSITION SHE CAME POPPING UP OUT OF THE OCEAN ,REAL FACE ALL TIED UP AND WHEN SHE POPPED TO THE TOPPED SHE LET OUT A SCREAM,I WLL SEE FACES OF PEOPLE I DONT KNOW AND HEAR THINGS LIKE VOICES.AFTER MY MOM DIED ,ON TIME SHE WOKE ME UP DURING THE NIGHT TELLING MY TO TAKE MY DADDY TO THE DR THAT HE WAS GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK,HE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A BAD HEART BUT I TOOK HIM TWICE ,DR SAID HE WAS FINE AND WITHIN 6 MONTHS LATER HE DIED OF A MASSIVE HEART ATTCK,THENMY NEIGHBORWHO WAS LIKE FAMILY ,I STARTED
GETTING VISIONS OF HIM DYING SO I STARTED DOING ALL KIND OF THINGS LIKE COOKING FOR HIM AND STUFF,HE WAS 52 AND MY OTHER NEIGHBOR ASKED ME WHY I KEPT DOING SO MANY NICE THINGS FOR HIM AND I SAID HES GOING TO DIE SOON,WITHIN 2 WEEKS HE HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED TOO,THATS JUST A COUPLE OF THE THINGS,ITS HORRIBLE,IT IS NOT GOOD THINGS LIKE KNOWING LOTTERY NUMBERS OR STUFF LIKE THAT,ITS ALWAYS BAD,AND WHEN I HAVE SICK FRIENDS IN REALITY AND I DREAM THEY ARE WELL THEY DIE WITHIN 24 HOURS,IT IS AWEFUL!!
OK Cupid is already showing me pics of filthy fat bikers with shaved heads.
..
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 10, 2011, 01:49:11 AM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 10, 2011, 12:56:13 AM
I haven't combed the whole thread yet...which sites do you guys suggest? e harmony? OK Cupid? :lulz:
I've had better luck with OKCupid, since CL takes stuff down a lot. Pulled a lulzy libertarian so far, but I'm there for the trolling, so I dunno about you.
DEFINITELY trolling. Personals guys are creepy.
:lulz: Not infrequently, yes.
Quote from: Luna on November 09, 2011, 08:08:52 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 05:50:12 PM
Quote from: Luna on November 08, 2011, 11:13:19 PM
Hit me. :lulz:
QuoteProvidence Woman Seeking Mr Natural
I'm an outgoing divorcee with a new low tolerance for games. My hobbies involve contact sports, pirate radio, and New Guinea cuisine. My ideal man will have at most a nodding acquaintance with personal hygiene, enough patchouli oil to stop bullets, and a pony tail to make him forget both that he's middle aged and that he wasted his youth following the Grateful Dead around. Birkenstocks a plus, but I'll settle for sandals & socks for the right guy.
He will also use slang that is 40 years out of date, wear clothes that Goodwill would turn down, and preach incessantly about whatever esoteric cause gripped his attention last. I'd particularly like to hear him bitch about Tibet, without knowing or caring what the monarchy (prior to the Chinese occupation) was like. A VW microbus will seal the deal.
No slackers.
:spittake:
Dear Roger,
I will put this ad on hold. I was considering posting it... and got a call for a date. I hadn't even gotten the bloody thing up, yet.
Truly, your ads have magickal powers beyond the comprehension of mere mortals.
Nobody has responded to mine. :(
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:24:59 PM
Quote from: Dimocritus on November 09, 2011, 12:45:04 AM
I think I'd like to participate in this.
QuotePunk Rocker Astronomy Student Needs His Lenses Cleaned
Providence, straight single male, smoker. I'm the lead singer of a punk band, and am pursuing my degree in Astronomy, as I feel that the pay in the bar circuit is simply too high. Turn ons: Indian food, women that like to dance, and running the "Warwick Gauntlet" naked at 2AM, Guido chicks. Turn offs: Unnecessary drama/stress and women that simply cannot understand what dating an Italian means (in terms of brain power or lack thereof).
If you simply can't get enough of popped collars, fist pumping, spiked hair, and spray on tan, I'm your man. If you feel that black wife beaters and designer jeans are the only thing women should legally allowed to wear, you're my dream girl. Hit me up, and we'll go out to clubs we're both too old for.
Fucking brilliant :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Dimocritus on November 10, 2011, 05:45:35 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:24:59 PM
Quote from: Dimocritus on November 09, 2011, 12:45:04 AM
I think I'd like to participate in this.
QuotePunk Rocker Astronomy Student Needs His Lenses Cleaned
Providence, straight single male, smoker. I'm the lead singer of a punk band, and am pursuing my degree in Astronomy, as I feel that the pay in the bar circuit is simply too high. Turn ons: Indian food, women that like to dance, and running the "Warwick Gauntlet" naked at 2AM, Guido chicks. Turn offs: Unnecessary drama/stress and women that simply cannot understand what dating an Italian means (in terms of brain power or lack thereof).
If you simply can't get enough of popped collars, fist pumping, spiked hair, and spray on tan, I'm your man. If you feel that black wife beaters and designer jeans are the only thing women should legally allowed to wear, you're my dream girl. Hit me up, and we'll go out to clubs we're both too old for.
Fucking brilliant :lulz: :lulz:
He is THE MAESTRO.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:24:59 PM
Quote from: Dimocritus on November 09, 2011, 12:45:04 AM
I think I'd like to participate in this.
QuotePunk Rocker Astronomy Student Needs His Lenses Cleaned
Providence, straight single male, smoker. I'm the lead singer of a punk band, and am pursuing my degree in Astronomy, as I feel that the pay in the bar circuit is simply too high. Turn ons: Indian food, women that like to dance, and running the "Warwick Gauntlet" naked at 2AM, Guido chicks. Turn offs: Unnecessary drama/stress and women that simply cannot understand what dating an Italian means (in terms of brain power or lack thereof).
If you simply can't get enough of popped collars, fist pumping, spiked hair, and spray on tan, I'm your man. If you feel that black wife beaters and designer jeans are the only thing women should legally allowed to wear, you're my dream girl. Hit me up, and we'll go out to clubs we're both too old for.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Pls to be looking mine over, Roger, THIS CHARACTER NEEDS THE MASTER'S TOUCH TO DEVELOP :lulz:
(http://i524.photobucket.com/albums/cc322/fennario99/shayla.jpg)
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 10, 2011, 06:09:57 AM
(http://i524.photobucket.com/albums/cc322/fennario99/shayla.jpg)
Ahahahahaha oh shit!
Guys lurv psycho grrls. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:24:59 PM
Quote from: Dimocritus on November 09, 2011, 12:45:04 AM
I think I'd like to participate in this.
QuotePunk Rocker Astronomy Student Needs His Lenses Cleaned
Providence, straight single male, smoker. I'm the lead singer of a punk band, and am pursuing my degree in Astronomy, as I feel that the pay in the bar circuit is simply too high. Turn ons: Indian food, women that like to dance, and running the "Warwick Gauntlet" naked at 2AM, Guido chicks. Turn offs: Unnecessary drama/stress and women that simply cannot understand what dating an Italian means (in terms of brain power or lack thereof).
If you simply can't get enough of popped collars, fist pumping, spiked hair, and spray on tan, I'm your man. If you feel that black wife beaters and designer jeans are the only thing women should legally allowed to wear, you're my dream girl. Hit me up, and we'll go out to clubs we're both too old for.
Holy fuck. We need to do the Warwick Gauntlet. :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Phox on November 09, 2011, 11:40:02 PM
Okay, I'm game. :lol:
QuoteSouthern Illinois Christian Woman Seeks Like-Minded Soul Mate
I'm a 20-something church-going gal who likes listening to gospel music, arranging church functions, and making nice home decorations out of stray dogs. I'd like to meet a man who believes in the LORD, doesn't listen to foul-mouthed rock and roll or "hip hop", doesn't drink or smoke, and who can get over the fence at the pound without getting caught. No divorcees (that's against the LORD), no liberals, and nobody from the ruins of Indianapolis, please (it's still radioactive, and I do plan to have kids one day). Serious inquiries only.
Quote from: Richter on November 10, 2011, 01:00:23 AM
I'm in.
I may or may not join OKCupid with the results.
QuoteAre You Tired of Games?
Hi, I'm a 30-ish Providence man who has grown tired of the constant games that dating involves. I figured, "Why not cut to the chase?", so here's what I'm offering. I'll meet you at the bar or club of your choice, and when I introduce myself, you simply punch me in the bits and then take all the cash out of my wallet and buy yourself drinks with it. It's going to wind up that way anyway, right? Let's just save ourselves 3-6 months of grief and drama.
A few of my favorite things include attitude adjustments for pay, collecting overdue gambling debts, and teaching Sunday School. My ideal woman would be just as bitter and cynical as I am, and doesn't mind occasionally having to duck drive by attempts.
Quote from: Net on November 10, 2011, 01:10:05 AM
I'm down.
QuoteLiberal California Man Seeks Florida Conservative Woman
I'm a 30-ish anti-gun, pro-forced abortion, global warming advocate who is looking for Ann Coulter, or someone just like her. My ideal woman wants poor people to have to forage in the city dump for food, and thinks Arab states exist so that we have somewhere to deliver our short-shelf life smart bombs. She will also have a very good understanding of the book of Timothy, and the roles it describes for women.
My hobbies involve OWS rallies, editing the Berkeley Newspaper, collecting old copies of The Village Voice, and harassing Christian protestors outside of Planned Parenthood clinics.
Stella, I can't improve on that. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 03:50:11 PM
Quote from: Richter on November 10, 2011, 01:00:23 AM
I'm in.
I may or may not join OKCupid with the results.
QuoteAre You Tired of Games?
Hi, I'm a 30-ish Providence man who has grown tired of the constant games that dating involves. I figured, "Why not cut to the chase?", so here's what I'm offering. I'll meet you at the bar or club of your choice, and when I introduce myself, you simply punch me in the bits and then take all the cash out of my wallet and buy yourself drinks with it. It's going to wind up that way anyway, right? Let's just save ourselves 3-6 months of grief and drama.
A few of my favorite things include attitude adjustments for pay, collecting overdue gambling debts, and teaching Sunday School. My ideal woman would be just as bitter and cynical as I am, and doesn't mind occasionally having to duck drive by attempts.
[/quote]
Holy fuck. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 03:57:14 PM
Quote from: Net on November 10, 2011, 01:10:05 AM
I'm down.
QuoteLiberal California Man Seeks Florida Conservative Woman
I'm a 30-ish anti-gun, pro-forced abortion, global warming advocate who is looking for Ann Coulter, or someone just like her. My ideal woman wants poor people to have to forage in the city dump for food, and thinks Arab states exist so that we have somewhere to deliver our short-shelf life smart bombs. She will also have a very good understanding of the book of Timothy, and the roles it describes for women.
My hobbies involve OWS rallies, editing the Berkeley Newspaper, collecting old copies of The Village Voice, and harassing Christian protestors outside of Planned Parenthood clinics.
:spittake:
Roger, first and only reply to the Chelsea Poet advert!
QuoteCoincidentally I've been muse to two poets, a playwright and a short story writer.
Being a writer too helps a little, though I do believe my skills at "economics" - the word's Greek origins meaning housekeeping or household duties, now thought of the nation's finances but once including the everyday pleasures of food, drink, and sex - had something to do with my bemuseds' productivity.
That being said I'm almost certain that computer geeks make better lovers & partners in crime. They're more "object-oriented."
Care to prove me wrong? I'm 28, dark hair with curls, pale skin with freckles, vivacious and lively, currently at home with this year's flu.
<3 J
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 04:38:57 PM
Roger, first and only reply to the Chelsea Poet advert!
QuoteCoincidentally I've been muse to two poets, a playwright and a short story writer.
Being a writer too helps a little, though I do believe my skills at "economics" - the word's Greek origins meaning housekeeping or household duties, now thought of the nation's finances but once including the everyday pleasures of food, drink, and sex - had something to do with my bemuseds' productivity.
That being said I'm almost certain that computer geeks make better lovers & partners in crime. They're more "object-oriented."
Care to prove me wrong? I'm 28, dark hair with curls, pale skin with freckles, vivacious and lively, currently at home with this year's flu.
<3 J
RIDE THAT POWNEY!
:lulz:
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 10, 2011, 04:41:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 04:40:58 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 10, 2011, 04:40:31 PM
:lulz:
NOTHING is too over the top. I swear to fucking God.
Actually, I think you broke it with mine. :lulz:
No, yours was actually too mundane for Tucson. It's too close to how things really work. It would have been fine anywhere else.
I shall work on a replacement.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 04:42:45 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 10, 2011, 04:41:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 04:40:58 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 10, 2011, 04:40:31 PM
:lulz:
NOTHING is too over the top. I swear to fucking God.
Actually, I think you broke it with mine. :lulz:
No, yours was actually too mundane for Tucson. It's too close to how things really work. It would have been fine anywhere else.
I shall work on a replacement.
YES!
ETA: For the record, I thought it was brilliant. But you're right, it is too close to reality.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 04:40:05 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 04:38:57 PM
Roger, first and only reply to the Chelsea Poet advert!
QuoteCoincidentally I've been muse to two poets, a playwright and a short story writer.
Being a writer too helps a little, though I do believe my skills at "economics" - the word's Greek origins meaning housekeeping or household duties, now thought of the nation's finances but once including the everyday pleasures of food, drink, and sex - had something to do with my bemuseds' productivity.
That being said I'm almost certain that computer geeks make better lovers & partners in crime. They're more "object-oriented."
Care to prove me wrong? I'm 28, dark hair with curls, pale skin with freckles, vivacious and lively, currently at home with this year's flu.
<3 J
RIDE THAT POWNEY!
So many potential replies to that.... I'm communing with my own inner Muse for guidance on this issue.
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 04:46:53 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 04:40:05 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 04:38:57 PM
Roger, first and only reply to the Chelsea Poet advert!
QuoteCoincidentally I've been muse to two poets, a playwright and a short story writer.
Being a writer too helps a little, though I do believe my skills at "economics" - the word's Greek origins meaning housekeeping or household duties, now thought of the nation's finances but once including the everyday pleasures of food, drink, and sex - had something to do with my bemuseds' productivity.
That being said I'm almost certain that computer geeks make better lovers & partners in crime. They're more "object-oriented."
Care to prove me wrong? I'm 28, dark hair with curls, pale skin with freckles, vivacious and lively, currently at home with this year's flu.
<3 J
RIDE THAT POWNEY!
So many potential replies to that.... I'm communing with my own inner Muse for guidance on this issue.
She seriously replied.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN ENGLAND???
I'm not entirely sure myself. I'm going to blame Kate Middleton, though. It makes intuitive sense, and I'll let someone else figure out the details to make it work.
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 04:53:11 PM
I'm not entirely sure myself. I'm going to blame Kate Middleton, though. It makes intuitive sense, and I'll let someone else figure out the details to make it work.
Yours was like Freeky's. It wasn't an obvious over-the-top parody, at least not overwhelmingly so.
I didn't actually expect you to get one serious answer.
I thought the second paragraph would've given it away, but then I am almost certainly overestimating the intelligence of the average CL reader. To be fair, at least one woman I've met from there knows who Moliere is, so it's not like everyone there is a moron. Just, like, 95% or so.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 03:50:11 PM
Quote from: Richter on November 10, 2011, 01:00:23 AM
I'm in.
I may or may not join OKCupid with the results.
QuoteAre You Tired of Games?
Hi, I'm a 30-ish Providence man who has grown tired of the constant games that dating involves. I figured, "Why not cut to the chase?", so here's what I'm offering. I'll meet you at the bar or club of your choice, and when I introduce myself, you simply punch me in the bits and then take all the cash out of my wallet and buy yourself drinks with it. It's going to wind up that way anyway, right? Let's just save ourselves 3-6 months of grief and drama.
A few of my favorite things include attitude adjustments for pay, collecting overdue gambling debts, and teaching Sunday School. My ideal woman would be just as bitter and cynical as I am, and doesn't mind occasionally having to duck drive by attempts.
:lulz:
This is great stuff, Rev. I never would have taken you for a matchmaker.
Quote from: Risus on November 10, 2011, 05:09:11 PM
This is great stuff, Rev. I never would have taken you for a matchmaker.
It's just one more service I offer.
OMFG I am cracking the fuck up
Roger, you are a paragon of humanity.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2011, 05:15:08 PM
OMFG I am cracking the fuck up
Roger, you are a paragon of humanity.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Someone has to do this shit, Cram. Personally, I'd rather be jacking off to Japanese Reality TV, but like some Chinese guy named Musashi said, "Death is a feather, duty is a mountain".
Can you write me one? I need to find the freaks. ("No freaks!") I get so sick of the inane "getting to know you" conversations, and as such, have never put much effort into the online dating thing -- so instead, I should probably just take it TO THE WALL.
TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL, I SAY!
/
:judge:
I think someone's biting your style, Rog... look what I just found:
QuoteSociopath Partner wanted...... - 59 (PDX)
Date: 2011-11-09, 10:03PM PST
I am a mainstream "empath" individual seeking to connect with a sociopath/bpd type personality as I enjoy the intrigue and adventures associated with said personality traits in place of regular vanilla type relations. We all have our dark sides and life is meant to be lived to the fullest in varied experiences. Regular relationships become mundane and routine in due time and sociopaths are superb at keeping relations interesting and mentally stimulating. Non smokers only please. Feel free to inquire with any questions.
Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2011, 05:26:56 PM
Can you write me one? I need to find the freaks. ("No freaks!") I get so sick of the inane "getting to know you" conversations, and as such, have never put much effort into the online dating thing -- so instead, I should probably just take it TO THE WALL.
TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL, I SAY!
/
:judge:
QuoteBuddhist Seeks Neurotic Woman to Knock Him Out of Satori
I have become bored with enlightenment and celibacy, and I need a woman with eyes like flint and a heart like a 9 pound hammer to knock me back down to Earth. I'd list my hobbies, but they're all utter garbage. Meditation techniques, shit like that. Instead, you tell me YOUR hobbies, and which of them will strip away my holiness the fastest. The ideal woman will also help me learn how to dress like an American male, instead of some saffron dress-wearing hippie from India...And also which bottles of what will help me erase a lifetime of navel-gazing, and which end of town is most suitable for wallowing in filth.
The only thing I want to keep from my previous life is the Zazzen thing, so you can hit me with sticks if you like.
Quote from: Nigel on November 10, 2011, 05:32:13 PM
I think someone's biting your style, Rog... look what I just found:
QuoteSociopath Partner wanted...... - 59 (PDX)
Date: 2011-11-09, 10:03PM PST
I am a mainstream "empath" individual seeking to connect with a sociopath/bpd type personality as I enjoy the intrigue and adventures associated with said personality traits in place of regular vanilla type relations. We all have our dark sides and life is meant to be lived to the fullest in varied experiences. Regular relationships become mundane and routine in due time and sociopaths are superb at keeping relations interesting and mentally stimulating. Non smokers only please. Feel free to inquire with any questions.
Yeah, I think I know who that is. But it's cool. The idea here is to poop all over the standard interbutts dating crap.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: PERFECT
posting that tonight
I owe you a handjob
BUT NOT FROM ME
I'll find a way.... :ECH:
Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2011, 05:45:23 PM
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: PERFECT
posting that tonight
I owe you a handjob
BUT NOT FROM ME
I'll find a way.... :ECH:
:spittake:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 05:41:46 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 10, 2011, 05:32:13 PM
I think someone's biting your style, Rog... look what I just found:
QuoteSociopath Partner wanted...... - 59 (PDX)
Date: 2011-11-09, 10:03PM PST
I am a mainstream "empath" individual seeking to connect with a sociopath/bpd type personality as I enjoy the intrigue and adventures associated with said personality traits in place of regular vanilla type relations. We all have our dark sides and life is meant to be lived to the fullest in varied experiences. Regular relationships become mundane and routine in due time and sociopaths are superb at keeping relations interesting and mentally stimulating. Non smokers only please. Feel free to inquire with any questions.
Yeah, I think I know who that is. But it's cool. The idea here is to poop all over the standard interbutts dating crap.
It's entertaining the shit out of me, actually... I love the idea of just clotting the fuck out of Craigslist with funny ads.
BTW, I now have four dates lined up from the ad you wrote for me, and the metal band guy must be doing OK because their practice pad is next to Produce Row, not a low-rent space. Apparently he's a fire alarm tech for a living, and he lives in Laurelhurst (very high-rent). My god, a man with a job, a car, a place, and a social life? Pinch me, I'm dreaming!
Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2011, 05:45:23 PM
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: PERFECT
posting that tonight
I owe you a handjob
BUT NOT FROM ME
I'll find a way.... :ECH:
:lulz:
HELLPP
I need some Libertarian rhetoric to put into a CL troll I'm writing right now.
Context?
Start with the idea of "privatize everything", and then TAKE IT TO THE WALL.
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 08:38:35 PM
Context?
I'm using your idea as the basis for a personals ad by a supremely arrogant 28-year-old woman who absolutely will not consider anyone with less than a six-figure income.
Quote from: Nigel on November 10, 2011, 09:01:04 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 08:38:35 PM
Context?
I'm using your idea as the basis for a personals ad by a supremely arrogant 28-year-old woman who absolutely will not consider anyone with less than a six-figure income.
This should be of assistance http://www.mrdestructo.com/2010/05/meet-thomas-sowell-moron.html
The first few paragraphs, anyway.
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 09:14:37 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 10, 2011, 09:01:04 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 10, 2011, 08:38:35 PM
Context?
I'm using your idea as the basis for a personals ad by a supremely arrogant 28-year-old woman who absolutely will not consider anyone with less than a six-figure income.
This should be of assistance http://www.mrdestructo.com/2010/05/meet-thomas-sowell-moron.html
The first few paragraphs, anyway.
SWEEEET thank you!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 03:58:15 PM
Stella, I can't improve on that. :lulz:
:D Flattered!
...
...
I think. :?
Nobody messaged me, some jerk just grabbed me on chat and tried to get his pole greased. :horrormirth:
I'm gonna have him go to Telephone Road or some other slum in Houston and wait for me. :evil:
f18hornet59 52/M/StraightKaty, Texas.
[4:08:46 pm]f18hornet59:Hey there
[4:08:53 pm]f18hornet59:I been lookin for u
[4:09:02 pm]shaylasli:HI
[4:09:09 pm]f18hornet59:how r u
[4:09:10 pm]shaylasli:HOW R U???
[4:09:18 pm]f18hornet59:fine
[4:09:19 pm]shaylasli:IM GOOD
[4:09:31 pm]shaylasli:YOUR IN KATY?
[4:09:34 pm]f18hornet59:I luv yur picture
[4:09:37 pm]f18hornet59:yes
[4:09:46 pm]shaylasli:I LIKE YOURS TOO
[4:10:05 pm]f18hornet59:So tell what it is u like to do
[4:10:52 pm]shaylasli:FISHING KARAOKE GOING TO THE BEACH EXCEPT I HEARD PPL ARE GETTING SICK GOING TO THE GULF NOW
[4:11:18 pm]f18hornet59:Well i dont go to Galveston
[4:11:32 pm]shaylasli:THAT'S GOOD
[4:11:55 pm]f18hornet59:So tell me what is it u r looking for on here
[4:12:11 pm]shaylasli:THERE WAS THINGS ON YOUTUBE SAYING PPL ARE GETTING NUROLOGICLE DISORDERS
[4:12:20 pm]shaylasli:FRIEND MAYBE MORE IDK
[4:12:39 pm]f18hornet59:Do u have any kids
[4:12:54 pm]shaylasli:YES THREE BUT THEY ARE GROWN
[4:13:26 pm]f18hornet59:Ok! i have 2 16 & 12
[4:13:53 pm]shaylasli:THAT'S GOOD AGES THEY KNOW THE RULES DONT ALWAYS LISTEN THO
[4:14:07 pm]f18hornet59:how long u been divorced
[4:14:15 pm]shaylasli:8 YEARS
[4:14:23 pm]f18hornet59:me 1 1/2
[4:14:26 pm]shaylasli:ARE YOU DIVORCED???
[4:14:32 pm]f18hornet59:yes
[4:14:41 pm]shaylasli:THAT'S NOT VERY LONG
[4:15:01 pm]f18hornet59:thats ok cuz i lived as roomates for 8 yrs
[4:15:16 pm]shaylasli:HAHA I KNOW HOW THAT IS
[4:15:42 pm]f18hornet59:so i have not been intamate with aowman in that length of time
[4:15:59 pm]shaylasli:OUCH! OUCHOUCHOUCH
[4:16:15 pm]shaylasli:R U PICKY?
[4:16:34 pm]f18hornet59:sorta
[4:17:00 pm]f18hornet59:but i did not feel it was important to go out i spent time with my kids
[4:17:21 pm]shaylasli:ME TOO I DON'T WANT TO GET IN THE SITUATIN I USED TO BE IN I GUESS THAT'S CALLED BAGAGE :(
[4:17:57 pm]shaylasli:THAT'S GOOD YOU SPENT TIME WITH THE KIDS YOU NEVER GET THAT BACK PPL WHO DONT SPEND TIME W/THEIR KIDS REGRET IT!!!!
[4:18:46 pm]f18hornet59:Im looking for someone who might like to start off as friends with benifits and then see where it goes from there
[4:19:07 pm]shaylasli:YOU WANT BENEFITS RITE AWAY? IDK...
[4:19:48 pm]f18hornet59:Meet and see how things r then go from there. See if there is any chemistry
[4:20:01 pm]shaylasli:YEAH THAT SOUNDS GOOD
[4:20:34 pm]shaylasli:WE CAN SET SOMETHING UP. RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO GO THE PHONE IS RINGING TAK LATER?
:lulz: Yes!
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 10, 2011, 10:27:06 PM
:lulz: Yes!
Send him to a gay bar to meet you.
"I saw this place, it looks good..."
:lulz: These are so great. I may have dislodged a rib from laughing so hard.
I got one scam, an email that solely consisted of "Hey I", a suspiciously horny woman who sent naked pics, and what seems to be a real person.
Next, we'll see what OKCupid has to offer...
Awww Stella, that guy seems nice enough... he's just a single dad looking to get out, and he was honest without being gross.
Quote from: Net on November 10, 2011, 10:46:15 PM
:lulz: These are so great. I may have dislodged a rib from laughing so hard.
I got one scam, an email that solely consisted of "Hey I", a suspiciously horny woman who sent naked pics, and what seems to be a real person.
Next, we'll see what OKCupid has to offer...
You should respond to "Hey I" with "Me too!"
Scratch that, they all turned out to be scammers who just needed a little prodding to use the same copypasta.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 03:50:11 PM
Quote from: Richter on November 10, 2011, 01:00:23 AM
I'm in.
I may or may not join OKCupid with the results.
QuoteAre You Tired of Games?
Hi, I'm a 30-ish Providence man who has grown tired of the constant games that dating involves. I figured, "Why not cut to the chase?", so here's what I'm offering. I'll meet you at the bar or club of your choice, and when I introduce myself, you simply punch me in the bits and then take all the cash out of my wallet and buy yourself drinks with it. It's going to wind up that way anyway, right? Let's just save ourselves 3-6 months of grief and drama.
A few of my favorite things include attitude adjustments for pay, collecting overdue gambling debts, and teaching Sunday School. My ideal woman would be just as bitter and cynical as I am, and doesn't mind occasionally having to duck drive by attempts.
OH SHIT. :lulz:
I don't know what else to say, but it perfectly captured what my neighbors (Lady Meercat, Artiste and Captain Beer) think of me.
and I gotta say Roger, you've got a KEEN grip on that zazzen stick
THIS WHOLE THREAD.
(http://angrywhitedude.com/wp-content/uploads2/2010/05/are-you-wizard.jpg)
Quote from: Nigel on November 10, 2011, 11:05:01 PM
Awww Stella, that guy seems nice enough... he's just a single dad looking to get out, and he was honest without being gross.
True. But Luna's gay bar idea is SOOOOO tempting.
Anyway, if he's telling the truth that he hasn't been laid in 8 years, there's probably a VERY good reason. Not the one he gave, either. A good man can find a way to get laid in a fucking vaccuum. :lol:
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 01:28:35 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 10, 2011, 11:05:01 PM
Awww Stella, that guy seems nice enough... he's just a single dad looking to get out, and he was honest without being gross.
True. But Luna's gay bar idea is SOOOOO tempting.
Anyway, if he's telling the truth that he hasn't been laid in 8 years, there's probably a VERY good reason. Not the one he gave, either. A good man can find a way to get laid in a fucking vaccuum. :lol:
:lulz:
I swear to gawd this fread delivers and how.
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 01:28:35 AM
A good man can find a way to get laid in a fucking vaccuum. :lol:
An outstanding man
prefers to get laid in vacuums.
Quote from: Net on November 11, 2011, 02:35:18 AM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 01:28:35 AM
A good man can find a way to get laid in a fucking vaccuum. :lol:
An outstanding man prefers to get laid in vacuums.
Yes. And proves his outstandingness time and time again. :lulz:
(http://i.imgur.com/GZMkl.png) (http://imgur.com/GZMkl)
Quote from: Net on November 11, 2011, 02:50:14 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/GZMkl.png) (http://imgur.com/GZMkl)
EW. YUO JUST ROONT SECKS.
I blame you Anna Mae, for making me think that.
Quote from: Net on November 11, 2011, 03:15:08 AM
I blame you Anna Mae, for making me think that.
I probably need to work on getting my ideas across more clearly. :shudder:
So you wanna be a playa,
but your ad ain't fly.
You've gotta hit Dok up,
to get a pimped out bride!
YOU'VE GOTTA PIMP MY BRIDE!
Damn right!
YOU'VE GOTTA PIMP MY BRIDE!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 10, 2011, 03:43:37 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on November 09, 2011, 11:40:02 PM
Okay, I'm game. :lol:
QuoteSouthern Illinois Christian Woman Seeks Like-Minded Soul Mate
I'm a 20-something church-going gal who likes listening to gospel music, arranging church functions, and making nice home decorations out of stray dogs. I'd like to meet a man who believes in the LORD, doesn't listen to foul-mouthed rock and roll or "hip hop", doesn't drink or smoke, and who can get over the fence at the pound without getting caught. No divorcees (that's against the LORD), no liberals, and nobody from the ruins of Indianapolis, please (it's still radioactive, and I do plan to have kids one day). Serious inquiries only.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Oh yes, I'm abusing the HELL out of this. :lulz:
Some old fossil called turquoiseheart4 messaged me that I had a "most interesting profile". :lulz:
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 02:42:25 PM
Some old fossil called turquoiseheart4 messaged me that I had a "most interesting profile". :lulz:
Christ, what is it with the OLD men?
Quote from: Nigel on November 11, 2011, 10:02:52 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 02:42:25 PM
Some old fossil called turquoiseheart4 messaged me that I had a "most interesting profile". :lulz:
Christ, what is it with the OLD men?
They're too tired to prowl. They want to roll over in the morning and have a woman there...just nobody within 30 years of their own age.
Looking at the matches, everybody's old, obese, borderline retarded and/or butt ugly and they're BORING, they mostly watch TV. Though to be fair, I'm not exactly putting my best foot forward. :lulz:
Last night I was up and stressing because I'd lost my phone (I need it to make a living...replaced it this morning, good thing I got the protection plan) and I clicked over there at about 3 in the morning to see what was happening. The guy in Katy had been hovering all that time, apparently, he INSTANTLY tried to grab me on chat. Wasn't in the mood to realtime troll, so I closed the window. Maybe he really hasn't gotten any in 8 years. Probably because he's desperate and stalkerish. :P
If I was doing this for real, it would depress the fuck out of me. Like "THAT'S my speed?????" :horrormirth:
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 10:30:58 PM
If I was doing this for real, it would depress the fuck out of me. Like "THAT'S my speed?????" :horrormirth:
It IS depressing the fuck out of me. And I don't believe for even a split second that this is my speed.
Nonetheless, it takes a toll on a girl.
Quote from: Nigel on November 11, 2011, 10:42:28 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 10:30:58 PM
If I was doing this for real, it would depress the fuck out of me. Like "THAT'S my speed?????" :horrormirth:
It IS depressing the fuck out of me. And I don't believe for even a split second that this is my speed.
Nonetheless, it takes a toll on a girl.
Yeah, they're like buzzards hopping around something that's dying. :x
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:42:53 PM
If you need more, I can rip off another Joe Walsh song.
I AM HAVING TROUBLE PULLING FREAKS WITH THIS.
CAN I REROLL MY CHARACTER?
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 10:49:24 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 11, 2011, 10:42:28 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on November 11, 2011, 10:30:58 PM
If I was doing this for real, it would depress the fuck out of me. Like "THAT'S my speed?????" :horrormirth:
It IS depressing the fuck out of me. And I don't believe for even a split second that this is my speed.
Nonetheless, it takes a toll on a girl.
Yeah, they're like buzzards hopping around something that's dying. :x
<shudder>
hay roger, can i haz some of your sauce? Milwaukee.craigslist needs moar funny
Roger, I need a new personal summary on my OKC page. Halp? Currently I have your Prince William Sound/Exxon Valdez ad in there, but for some reason it's just not drawing in the fine fine gentlemen.
I think I need to tone mine down a little. I'm not getting anything. D:
This is entirely too :vom: ...I quit.
Thanks for showing me my troll limits, guys. :horrormirth:
One thing I've learned about dating is that no matter what you put in your ad, there will be several much-older guys who think they can somehow trick you into sleeping with them even though they're very specifically NOT what you asked for.
Lulz, YES. On my real account (which very specifically says "not looking for dating/sex), I just got a message from a fifty one year old man asking to be my sugar daddy.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 13, 2011, 09:56:03 PM
Lulz, YES. On my real account (which very specifically says "not looking for dating/sex), I just got a message from a fifty one year old man asking to be my sugar daddy.
SO GROSS.
I know, right? :lulz: I'm going to troll him into the ground, though.
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 04:29:55 AM
Currently I have your Prince William Sound/Exxon Valdez ad in there, but for
I worked that into a question about roleplay, because it was MAGIC.
Roger's personal ad magic strikes again! (though on my actual account, not the crazy Sleepytiem one) I'm reconsidering my this-is-not-for-dating thing for this guy (he said he IS there for that, but I sounded too cool to pass up because I'm not looking for it and he sounded pleasingly regretful that I wasn't) - cute, very well educated, employed, matches my social and political conscious fairly well, and our hobbies line up nicely. :D
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 14, 2011, 07:34:56 AM
Roger's personal ad magic strikes again! (though on my actual account, not the crazy Sleepytiem one) I'm reconsidering my this-is-not-for-dating thing for this guy (he said he IS there for that, but I sounded too cool to pass up because I'm not looking for it and he sounded pleasingly regretful that I wasn't) - cute, very well educated, employed, matches my social and political conscious fairly well, and our hobbies line up nicely. :D
SCIENCE! ?
I'm thinking about keeping him, so not yet. He's kind of naive from all appearances (despite being like five years my senior and having gone to a fucking Ivy League school - you think he'd be at least little jaded after that), so I'd have to be gentle at first.
Good luck with him, chicka. Try not to let him get away, if you like him, because I think his kind (saying that your first impression is correct) are Limited Edition, now.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 14, 2011, 07:49:09 AM
I'm thinking about keeping him, so not yet. He's kind of naive from all appearances (despite being like five years my senior and having gone to a fucking Ivy League school - you think he'd be at least little jaded after that), so I'd have to be gentle at first.
Actually, the Ivy League school thing screams naitivety to me. No-one is more naive than a graduate of Harvard, for example, except a graduate from Yale.
Quote from: Cain on November 14, 2011, 07:59:25 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 14, 2011, 07:49:09 AM
I'm thinking about keeping him, so not yet. He's kind of naive from all appearances (despite being like five years my senior and having gone to a fucking Ivy League school - you think he'd be at least little jaded after that), so I'd have to be gentle at first.
Actually, the Ivy League school thing screams naitivety to me. No-one is more naive than a graduate of Harvard, for example, except a graduate from Yale.
Than I will have to educate him. He's in for a rude awakening anyway, since he wants to work in the fucking Fresno prosecutor's office (what the hell is he doing here anyway?).
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 14, 2011, 07:59:02 AM
Good luck with him, chicka. Try not to let him get away, if you like him, because I think his kind (saying that your first impression is correct) are Limited Edition, now.
Oh yeah. I'm reserving total judgement until (if) we actually met up in person, but I think I may want to keep him.
Are you sure he just doesn't want to met your only local celebrity, the War Nerd?
Who? Unless you mean Victor Davis Hanson, who lives in LA now, I can't think of anyone else you might mean. Because our only other local celeb is one of the weather guys on a local station.
I cannot believe you are not aware of Fresno's only claim to actual fame (as opposed to infamy, in the case of VD Hanson)
http://exiledonline.com/cat/war-nerd/
http://exile.ru/articles/list.php?IBLOCK_ID=35&SECTION_ID=156
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Brecher
He's the exact opposite of V.D. Hanson (with whom he had a hilarious spat, back in 2005 or so). He's genuinely funny, not at all pompous and, while he is a hardware nerd at heart, realises it is people, not weapons, that win wars in this modern age.
Oooh, I like this guy. *adds him to columnists to follow* And we're also responsible for Cher and Chris Colfer.
Quote from: trix on November 12, 2011, 06:47:15 PM
hay roger, can i haz some of your sauce? Milwaukee.craigslist needs moar funny
QuoteCollege Student Seeks Older Woman for Dysfunctional Romance
I am a callow university student, who is looking for a fat 45 year old woman with a grand total of two teeth that have never met. You help me indulge my mommy issues, and I'll let you pretend you haven't burned up more than half your life expectancy swilling cheap liqour and bad crank. It will be sort of like what happens to young soldiers who don't take their sergeant's advice, except without the paycheck (roach infested apartments are still an option, though!), but is guaranteed to end in shame, failure, and disgrace. Respond now, as quantities are limited.
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 04:29:55 AM
Roger, I need a new personal summary on my OKC page. Halp? Currently I have your Prince William Sound/Exxon Valdez ad in there, but for some reason it's just not drawing in the fine fine gentlemen.
Give me the list of form items, and I will make things horrible.
Quote from: Beardman Meow on November 12, 2011, 09:33:01 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:42:53 PM
If you need more, I can rip off another Joe Walsh song.
I AM HAVING TROUBLE PULLING FREAKS WITH THIS.
CAN I REROLL MY CHARACTER?
Okay.
Are we filling out a form, or just putting up a regular ad?
I can't believe I still have no hits with mine. Not even a "r u real" sort of post. :lol:
I got one hit. From someone trying to argue with me about the "divorcees" line. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Murderbitch Deezy Mac C on November 14, 2011, 05:29:01 PM
I got one hit. From someone trying to argue with me about the "divorcees" line. :lulz:
The bit about Indianapolis didn't raise an eyebrow?
You have a winner, there. Go for it!
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 14, 2011, 05:32:30 PM
Quote from: Doktor Murderbitch Deezy Mac C on November 14, 2011, 05:29:01 PM
I got one hit. From someone trying to argue with me about the "divorcees" line. :lulz:
The bit about Indianapolis didn't raise an eyebrow?
You have a winner, there. Go for it!
:lulz:
When I replied, he didn't send anything back, and that was a couple days ago, so I'm thinking I scared him off. Oh well.
I've decided to reply to the one who contacted me. I think I'm going to go with the "confess all my sins" angle, and see how that works out.
I mean, her reply is either incredibly wry or completely serious, so either way, I'm sure the response will be good.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 14, 2011, 05:02:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2011, 04:29:55 AM
Roger, I need a new personal summary on my OKC page. Halp? Currently I have your Prince William Sound/Exxon Valdez ad in there, but for some reason it's just not drawing in the fine fine gentlemen.
Give me the list of form items, and I will make things horrible.
Woooo! They are:
My self-summaryWhat I'm doing with my lifeI'm really good atThe first things people usually notice about meFavorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodThe six things I could never do withoutI spend a lot of time thinking aboutOn a typical Friday night I amThe most private thing I'm willing to admitYou should message me ifI can't wait to see what awful shit you come up with!
My self-summary 40/F/Portland/Single/Misanthrope.
What I'm doing with my life Working artist, trying to maintain a social life while cranking out enough product to make the house note and cover the bills. That's even harder than it sounds.
I'm really good at Fucking up relationships, snapping your limp hippie wrist from across the room just by flexing my womb, putting out glass on time and on spec, and wounding the inner child of people who can't get it through their stinking heads that "working at home" means "WORKING AT HOME", not "Patiently waiting for you to drop in or call during working hours."
The first things people usually notice about me I have angry, angry cheek bones, and a Mubarek (An ass that won't quit).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Boondock Saints, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, City of Lost Children, Lassie Returns.
The six things I could never do without My three children, bourbon, smokes, and my parang.
I spend a lot of time thinking about Why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. WTF?
On a typical Friday night I am at an art gallery opening, or rolling drunk tea party freaks behind the sports bar.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit I have no time for people who won't work. Look, I don't care WHAT you do for a living, as long as you DO something. In my head, layabouts aren't really human. That's terrible, I know, but I don't need any couch potatos in my life.
You should message me if your survival instincts are as bad as mine. Seriously, not for the faint of heart. I go through hipsters at a pace that would make Tallulah Bankhead blush, and you won't even get any sex out of it. They'll just find you out behind your house with ahead full of bad crank, your thumbs tied together, wearing a pink tutu and bearing horrible new tattoos that you won't be able to hide from mom. REAL MEN ONLY. OR ELSE.
ETA: I printed the list off, and I'll work on improving that. But the parang stays in because, gosh darn it, I LOVE parangs.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 14, 2011, 07:19:41 PM
My self-summary 40/F/Portland/Single/Misanthrope.
What I'm doing with my life Working artist, trying to maintain a social life while cranking out enough product to make the house note and cover the bills. That's even harder than it sounds.
I'm really good at Fucking up relationships, snapping your limp hippie wrist from across the room just by flexing my womb, putting out glass on time and on spec, and wounding the inner child of people who can't get it through their stinking heads that "working at home" means "WORKING AT HOME", not "Patiently waiting for you to drop in or call during working hours."
The first things people usually notice about me I have angry, angry cheek bones, and a Mubarek (An ass that won't quit).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Boondock Saints, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, City of Lost Children, Lassie Returns.
The six things I could never do without My three children, bourbon, smokes, and my parang.
I spend a lot of time thinking about Why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. WTF?
On a typical Friday night I am at an art gallery opening, or rolling drunk tea party freaks behind the sports bar.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit I have no time for people who won't work. Look, I don't care WHAT you do for a living, as long as you DO something. In my head, layabouts aren't really human. That's terrible, I know, but I don't need any couch potatos in my life.
You should message me if your survival instincts are as bad as mine. Seriously, not for the faint of heart. I go through hipsters at a pace that would make Tallulah Bankhead blush, and you won't even get any sex out of it. They'll just find you out behind your house with ahead full of bad crank, your thumbs tied together, wearing a pink tutu and bearing horrible new tattoos that you won't be able to hide from mom. REAL MEN ONLY. OR ELSE.
ETA: I printed the list off, and I'll work on improving that. But the parang stays in because, gosh darn it, I LOVE parangs.
LOVE!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 14, 2011, 05:00:47 PM
Quote from: trix on November 12, 2011, 06:47:15 PM
hay roger, can i haz some of your sauce? Milwaukee.craigslist needs moar funny
QuoteCollege Student Seeks Older Woman for Dysfunctional Romance
I am a callow university student, who is looking for a fat 45 year old woman with a grand total of two teeth that have never met. You help me indulge my mommy issues, and I'll let you pretend you haven't burned up more than half your life expectancy swilling cheap liqour and bad crank. It will be sort of like what happens to young soldiers who don't take their sergeant's advice, except without the paycheck (roach infested apartments are still an option, though!), but is guaranteed to end in shame, failure, and disgrace. Respond now, as quantities are limited.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Now to register at craigslist!
Got Ivy League dude's number. :)
Did! He wanted to hang out tonight, but I unfortunately can't, so I offered a weekend hang out instead. Haven't heard back yet, though.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 14, 2011, 05:03:22 PM
Quote from: Beardman Meow on November 12, 2011, 09:33:01 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:42:53 PM
If you need more, I can rip off another Joe Walsh song.
I AM HAVING TROUBLE PULLING FREAKS WITH THIS.
CAN I REROLL MY CHARACTER?
Okay.
Are we filling out a form, or just putting up a regular ad?
Same form as Nigel's. :D
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 15, 2011, 02:05:06 AM
Did! He wanted to hang out tonight, but I unfortunately can't, so I offered a weekend hang out instead. Haven't heard back yet, though.
Oh, man, chicka, I'm hoping for you!
Replying to him right now. :D
Edit: and he's showing the first signs of disenchantment with the city already (do I tell him EVERYONE will ask him why he picked here? And he's from LA - he should know why no one wants to work here!). Maybe SCIENCE! sooner than I thought...
I saw what you did with HoverCats ad, it's fucking fantastic.
Can you make me an ad, I feel like having some fun.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 13, 2011, 09:56:03 PM
Lulz, YES. On my real account (which very specifically says "not looking for dating/sex), I just got a message from a fifty one year old man asking to be my sugar daddy.
Could always go the financial domination route and tell him he is free to buy you presents and in exchance you'll say "thank you daddy" and smile, but he is not to expect anything more than that, including any more of your time than it takes to pick out what he is buying you.
Ok. I want one.
Quote from: BabylonHoruv on November 15, 2011, 07:01:22 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 13, 2011, 09:56:03 PM
Lulz, YES. On my real account (which very specifically says "not looking for dating/sex), I just got a message from a fifty one year old man asking to be my sugar daddy.
Could always go the financial domination route and tell him he is free to buy you presents and in exchance you'll say "thank you daddy" and smile, but he is not to expect anything more than that, including any more of your time than it takes to pick out what he is buying you.
I was going to raise demands higher and higher with every message, but he's not responded back to the first one.
Quote from: ShoeEars on November 15, 2011, 04:35:47 PM
I saw what you did with HoverCats ad, it's fucking fantastic.
Can you make me an ad, I feel like having some fun.
Okay, Check in tomorrow.
Quote from: ShoeEars on November 15, 2011, 04:35:47 PM
I saw what you did with HoverCats ad, it's fucking fantastic.
Can you make me an ad, I feel like having some fun.
QuoteFresno Girl Looking For Steady Abuse Monkey
Let's face it, guys...I hate you all, and you know it. Yet some of you insist on hitting on me anyway, which tells me that you're a pack of masochists. It occurs to me that we can make this work...You dote on me, and I will shit on you. Not literally, mind you, so you scat freaks can just fuck off right now. No, I mean I will treat you like you obviously want to be treated, because none of you seem to either a) understand how to talk to a woman like she's a human being, or b) think you have what it takes to date someone who doesn't weigh 300 pounds and look like she's slept under a bridge.
Just so you know, I am NOT here to address your mommy issues, or your feelings of inadequacy. I AM here, however, to dump on you BECAUSE of those issues, rather than IN SPITE of them.
Ever wonder why so many women hate men? It's because we've never met one.
Get the hell off of my planet, you useless retards. Christ, I hate you all. Drink arsenic.
Serious inquiries only.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: YES
Quote from: Waffle Iron on November 16, 2011, 12:25:01 AM
Ok. I want one.
QuoteNORWAY - Cuban Superman Seeks Gullible Woman For Obvious Reasons
30s/M/Not Picky - I am an Albino Cuban, currently living in Oslo. Every woman wants a Cuban, admit it...We're like weasels on speed in bed, and we have no other purpose in life, so there's no hassles in between bouts of frenzied bed-wrecking. That's right, it's like having a boyfriend, except without the relationship hassles. I realize this objectifies me, and makes me into something like an appliance, but I'm comfortable with that.
My perfect woman would be a) female and b) female. I don't care if you're a mess of bad wiring and substance abuse issues, as I honestly have no opinions outside of the sack. It's almost like I cease existing when the lights are on. Isn't this what you've always dreamed of? Of course it is. Reply today.
That is BEAUTIFUL. :lulz:
Quote from: Beardman Meow on November 15, 2011, 03:46:22 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 14, 2011, 05:03:22 PM
Quote from: Beardman Meow on November 12, 2011, 09:33:01 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 09, 2011, 06:42:53 PM
If you need more, I can rip off another Joe Walsh song.
I AM HAVING TROUBLE PULLING FREAKS WITH THIS.
CAN I REROLL MY CHARACTER?
Okay.
Are we filling out a form, or just putting up a regular ad?
Same form as Nigel's. :D
Okay, here goes.
QuoteMy self-summary 20s/M/Straight/Single/looking
What I'm doing with my life Collecting Bay City Rollers albums and converting them to digital. No, seriously. This is the sort of shit I do for a living. FML.
I'm really good at Backrubs, cooking, and playing whack-a-mole with the rats in my apartment.
The first things people usually notice about me rat stains on the shins of my jeans, my nice smile, and my missing right ear. I'm kind of sensitive about that last one, so please don't stare. It happened in Tampico, and I really don't want to talk about it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Power of Positive Thinking, anything by Albert Camus (I still get chills up my spine when I watch the film adaptation of My Dinner With Andre).
The six things I could never do without pulse, respiration, hormone balance, electrolytes, food, water, and sleep.
I spend a lot of time thinking about Why I am still single. This is an utter mystery to me.
On a typical Friday night I am in my apartment, making sure the upside down people don't steal my stuff.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit sometimes I get all fucked up on diarrhea medication.
You should message me if you have no common sense.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 16, 2011, 07:47:53 PM
Quote from: ShoeEars on November 15, 2011, 04:35:47 PM
I saw what you did with HoverCats ad, it's fucking fantastic.
Can you make me an ad, I feel like having some fun.
QuoteFresno Girl Looking For Steady Abuse Monkey
Let's face it, guys...I hate you all, and you know it. Yet some of you insist on hitting on me anyway, which tells me that you're a pack of masochists. It occurs to me that we can make this work...You dote on me, and I will shit on you. Not literally, mind you, so you scat freaks can just fuck off right now. No, I mean I will treat you like you obviously want to be treated, because none of you seem to either a) understand how to talk to a woman like she's a human being, or b) think you have what it takes to date someone who doesn't weigh 300 pounds and look like she's slept under a bridge.
Just so you know, I am NOT here to address your mommy issues, or your feelings of inadequacy. I AM here, however, to dump on you BECAUSE of those issues, rather than IN SPITE of them.
Ever wonder why so many women hate men? It's because we've never met one.
Get the hell off of my planet, you useless retards. Christ, I hate you all. Drink arsenic.
Serious inquiries only.
This should be committed to memory for IRL use. :mittens:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 16, 2011, 07:55:47 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on November 16, 2011, 12:25:01 AM
Ok. I want one.
QuoteNORWAY - Cuban Superman Seeks Gullible Woman For Obvious Reasons
30s/M/Not Picky - I am an Albino Cuban, currently living in Oslo. Every woman wants a Cuban, admit it...We're like weasels on speed in bed, and we have no other purpose in life, so there's no hassles in between bouts of frenzied bed-wrecking. That's right, it's like having a boyfriend, except without the relationship hassles. I realize this objectifies me, and makes me into something like an appliance, but I'm comfortable with that.
My perfect woman would be a) female and b) female. I don't care if you're a mess of bad wiring and substance abuse issues, as I honestly have no opinions outside of the sack. It's almost like I cease existing when the lights are on. Isn't this what you've always dreamed of? Of course it is. Reply today.
I THINK I LOVE YOU!
Quote from: Waffle Iron on November 16, 2011, 10:25:24 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 16, 2011, 07:55:47 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on November 16, 2011, 12:25:01 AM
Ok. I want one.
QuoteNORWAY - Cuban Superman Seeks Gullible Woman For Obvious Reasons
30s/M/Not Picky - I am an Albino Cuban, currently living in Oslo. Every woman wants a Cuban, admit it...We're like weasels on speed in bed, and we have no other purpose in life, so there's no hassles in between bouts of frenzied bed-wrecking. That's right, it's like having a boyfriend, except without the relationship hassles. I realize this objectifies me, and makes me into something like an appliance, but I'm comfortable with that.
My perfect woman would be a) female and b) female. I don't care if you're a mess of bad wiring and substance abuse issues, as I honestly have no opinions outside of the sack. It's almost like I cease existing when the lights are on. Isn't this what you've always dreamed of? Of course it is. Reply today.
I THINK I LOVE YOU!
I know *I* do. What's not to love?
WHAT THE FUCK
Roger is MAGIC
I changed my OKC profile and just got flirted with by a guy who is six years younger, articulate, smart, well-read, hot as hell, loves pork, likes kids, and runs a doggie daycare.
And now, a guy my age who is tall, handsome, athletic and articulate is chatting me up.
I've NEVER had my online profile hit on by guys of this caliber! I am going to sacrifice a Vindaloo to the Great Love God Roger tonight.
:lulz: I should do the same.
Hey, can I please have an OKCupid profile thing? This just looks like too much fun not to get in on. :lol:
Roger, goddamn it. I KNOW you're responsible for this. :horrormirth:
http://vimeo.com/31041703
Ad for a neurotic Canadian?
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on November 20, 2011, 02:27:37 AM
Ad for a neurotic Canadian?
Horrible personal ad that may have permanently slammed my lady bits closed.
Quote from: Luna on November 20, 2011, 02:30:11 AM
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on November 20, 2011, 02:27:37 AM
Ad for a neurotic Canadian?
Horrible personal ad that may have permanently slammed my lady bits closed.
Haha, I was requesting.
Quote from: Luna on November 20, 2011, 02:08:37 AM
Roger, goddamn it. I KNOW you're responsible for this. :horrormirth:
http://vimeo.com/31041703
:lulz: Brilliant!
Viable tactic discovered: mocking the adverts of others. This has the advantage of selecting for people who are not complete idiots, thus wasting less time.
I am feeling particularly Holy™, with this round of brain flukes.
The Love Doctor is IN.
:lulz: I still get hits on the one you wrote for me.
Quote from: Juana Go? on March 01, 2013, 03:52:40 AM
:lulz: I still get hits on the one you wrote for me.
Holiness™ doesn't wear off.
Now that I am not currently a seagoing person, I probably need a new one. It should probably account for the fact that I hate just about everyone these days.
Quote from: Balls Wellington on March 01, 2013, 07:04:27 AM
Now that I am not currently a seagoing person, I probably need a new one. It should probably account for the fact that I hate just about everyone these days.
Will get that today.
Once again, I will request an ad for a neurotic Canadian.
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on March 02, 2013, 06:33:59 AM
Once again, I will request an ad for a neurotic Canadian.
M/S/straight/<insert age> in frozen hellhole, seeks hot socialist mama to get my social safety net on with. Must enjoy vinegar on french fries, hockey on Sunday, and 10 extra yards in football for no apparent reason. I'll bring the mukluks, you bring the crotchless wet suit and 5 gallon jug of mayonnaise, and we'll play "frack the shale" on the back patio. My ideal woman votes NDP but has a secret crush on Pierre Trudeau, wears heavier boots than me, and knows where the flannel shirt goes, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Serious inquiries only.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 02, 2013, 06:40:02 AM
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on March 02, 2013, 06:33:59 AM
Once again, I will request an ad for a neurotic Canadian.
M/S/straight/<insert age> in frozen hellhole, seeks hot socialist mama to get my social safety net on with. Must enjoy vinegar on french fries, hockey on Sunday, and 10 extra yards in football for no apparent reason. I'll bring the mukluks, you bring the crotchless wet suit and 5 gallon jug of mayonnaise, and we'll play "frack the shale" on the back patio. My ideal woman votes NDP but has a secret crush on Pierre Trudeau, wears heavier boots than me, and knows where the flannel shirt goes, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Serious inquiries only.
Two layers of mittens. It's cold up here.
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on March 02, 2013, 06:42:15 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 02, 2013, 06:40:02 AM
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on March 02, 2013, 06:33:59 AM
Once again, I will request an ad for a neurotic Canadian.
M/S/straight/<insert age> in frozen hellhole, seeks hot socialist mama to get my social safety net on with. Must enjoy vinegar on french fries, hockey on Sunday, and 10 extra yards in football for no apparent reason. I'll bring the mukluks, you bring the crotchless wet suit and 5 gallon jug of mayonnaise, and we'll play "frack the shale" on the back patio. My ideal woman votes NDP but has a secret crush on Pierre Trudeau, wears heavier boots than me, and knows where the flannel shirt goes, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Serious inquiries only.
Two layers of mittens. It's cold up here.
JUST WHO THE HELL IS THE LOVE DOKTOR HERE, MISTER?
Quote from: Balls Wellington on March 01, 2013, 07:04:27 AM
Now that I am not currently a seagoing person, I probably need a new one. It should probably account for the fact that I hate just about everyone these days.
Is the sound of a chainsaw a serenade to your ears? If so, I'm your Leatherface.SWM, 30-ish, seeks woman with a serious thing for goldfish, ketamine binges, and long walks on the beach. Glandular disorders a plus. I am hulking/looming, and I refer to lesser mortals as "debris". You are capable of driving your fist through concrete with the power of sheer madness alone. Together, we will moonwalk on the ruins of Seattle like Scipio. My ideal woman has no fear of heights, excessive police violence, or long prison terms. Ability to talk like James Cagney a plus, when the moment is right. No freaks.
I am not even looking right now, at all, but I want one anyway. The last one garnered me many many responses of hilarity.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 02, 2013, 06:54:04 AM
I am not even looking right now, at all, but I want one anyway. The last one garnered me many many responses of hilarity.
Too doped up on pills & shit. Not happy with the last two.
Will try tomorrow.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 02, 2013, 06:58:32 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 02, 2013, 06:54:04 AM
I am not even looking right now, at all, but I want one anyway. The last one garnered me many many responses of hilarity.
Too doped up on pills & shit. Not happy with the last two.
Will try tomorrow.
FAIR ENOUGH
I think you shouldn't underestimate the effect of PILLS&SHIT
I need one!