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ITT, You ask TGRR anything about history, and get the REAL TRUTH™

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, May 10, 2011, 05:59:54 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

We all know that Herodotus just made shit up, Plutarch wasn't much better, and Tacitus was a gossipy old prude.  Nobody even knows who Homer was, or when he lived, so he isn't very reliable, either.  Modern "historians" are political hacks, and I rather suspect all historians - ever - were, too.

As your Spiritual Advisor™, though, I am pretty much omniscient, and I can give you the real goods.  Ask me anything about what really happened, and I'll set the record straight, once and for all.  This can range from "Who actually won a given war?", to, "How accurate was that one TV show?", to, "What part of Scotland's history caused them to be such amazingly friendly and outgoing people?"

DISCLAIMER:  As most teachers and professors are hidebound worshippers of people like "Bede" and some lady called "Livy", the use of these answers in school/university may garner less than desireable results.  Tell them what they want to hear, and spread the Truth™ in other venues.


" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Thurnez Isa

Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
Divine power made me, Wisdom supreme, and Primal love.
Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.

Dante

Jasper


AFK

Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Cainad (dec.)

Semi-historical: What sociopolitical factors led to the current state of the History Channel? Nostradamus, UFOs, etc.

Luna

Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Thurnez Isa on May 10, 2011, 06:02:30 PM
What were the causes of the decline of the Roman Empire?

Well, you'll hear all sorts of reasons ranging from "lead in the plumbing" to "The Roman Empire was a big hollow shell that cracked like an egg when the Huns, Visigoths, etc, showed up", to "complexity that couldn't be handled with then-current technology, even via an aristocracy", but that's all hogwash.

Likewise, you'll hear from the religious tards that "moral degeneration" (read: homosexuality) led to their downfall, but if that were the case, they'd never have gotten started in the first place.

No, the real reason the Roman Empire declined was that the bloody Christians took all the FUN out of it.  Why BOTHER with an empire, if you can't have kickass Gods like Mithra and Venus?  Fuck that, you're working your ass off for nothing.  So they convinced some schmuck barbarians to take over, then they fucking quit and started up the Mafia, where they could go back to having a good time.

This is why Italy hasn't won a war since.  Think about it...All that work, and what do you get for it?  Piss on that, sit back and drink some Grappa, while the Americans and Germans kick the snot out of each other.  The Italians are still relaxed today, and we're busy dying of stress-related heart attacks.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Sigmatic on May 10, 2011, 06:03:15 PM
Why did Henry 8 REALLY need to keep remarrying?

He didn't.  This was really the biggest mistake of his reign.  I mean, you're the KING, right?  YOU make the rules.  So you just bang hotties until one pumps out a son.  When someone complains, you cut THEIR head off, instead of the hottie's.  Less pissy barons, more smokin' hot babes.

Problem is, Henry had one FUCK of a case of shingles1, and was unable to exert the necessary force of character to make that happen.


1  I've heard it was venereal disease of some kind, which isn't possible, due to the fact that he used Cardinal Wolsey as a condom, and Scurvy is right out, because Henry wasn't a sailor.  Where DO "historians" get this garbage?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: R.W.H.N. on May 10, 2011, 06:04:58 PM
What really caused the sinking of the USS Maine? 

Fidel Castro, obviously.  He's had it out for us since the 1950s.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cainad on May 10, 2011, 06:05:56 PM
Semi-historical: What sociopolitical factors led to the current state of the History Channel? Nostradamus, UFOs, etc.

Market forces.  Do you REALLY imagine that the average American wants to know the history of the Hoover Dam, or the myriad factors that led the world into The Great War?

Or do you suppose that maybe they want to be told that the world operates upon mystic principles that they can control or foresee by watching some tard interpret the drunken ravings of Nostradumbass?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jasper

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 10, 2011, 06:15:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 10, 2011, 06:03:15 PM
Why did Henry 8 REALLY need to keep remarrying?

He didn't.  This was really the biggest mistake of his reign.  I mean, you're the KING, right?  YOU make the rules.  So you just bang hotties until one pumps out a son.  When someone complains, you cut THEIR head off, instead of the hottie's.  Less pissy barons, more smokin' hot babes.

Problem is, Henry had one FUCK of a case of shingles1, and was unable to exert the necessary force of character to make that happen.


1  I've heard it was venereal disease of some kind, which isn't possible, due to the fact that he used Cardinal Wolsey as a condom, and Scurvy is right out, because Henry wasn't a sailor.  Where DO "historians" get this garbage?


I am getting the irresponsible urge to tell this to my history prof, just to see him express an emotion.

ETA:  I will also tell the story exactly like this from now on.

Adios


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Luna on May 10, 2011, 06:10:58 PM
What REALLY happened to the Titanic? 

Torpedoed by a Uboat.  Very sad.  The Germans had this one officer that jumped the fucking gun every time.  "Too Soon Karl", they called him, and not without good reason.  He was told to attack on a particular date and time, but he figured he'd get the credit for the first kill, by starting two years early.

He was sternly reprimanded, and the whole thing was hushed-up and some cock & bull story about an iceberg was advanced, even though everyone knows that ice can't hurt steel.  Take a hammer and beat on an ice cube, to prove it to yourself.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Charley Brown on May 10, 2011, 06:22:06 PM
Why did the Japanese really attack Alaska?

They didn't.  They may have MEANT to, but they "pulled a Columbus" when they found the Aelutian Islands.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Adios

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 10, 2011, 06:27:38 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 10, 2011, 06:22:06 PM
Why did the Japanese really attack Alaska?

They didn't.  They may have MEANT to, but they "pulled a Columbus" when they found the Aelutian Islands.


:spittake:

I do hereby solemnly confirm this as Great Truth™.