Zen/Discord/Zen Discordianism

[Iron Sulfide]

not that this couldn't have been done already with some of the posts in here, given the prolonged longevity of a few threads...

but i think we should write a compiled book of discordian/zen/discordian
zen sayings and phrases etc...

everyone just toss one in and we'll see how close to a book we can get!!
i mean literally anything. just throw it in here. haiku are good, too. i've
been trying to revive the lost art of MuPoo...insulting/offensive haiku.


Mine (MuPoo):

#1

this irritable
bowel syndrome leaves my ass sore
just like you once did

#2

a handful of shit
and a wish in your heart
which one happens first?

#3

just another day
why should your shit smell better?
you're just an asshole.

#4

life is another
STD you cannot cure;
terminal illness.

#5

set up us the bomb
all your base are belong to us
haven't i heard this?

#6

i hate when you speak
to see you makes me vomit
die away from me

[Horab Fibslager]

a young boy is playing ina  field. a zen master approaches the boy and asks "what is the sound of one hundred thousand monkeys singing karaoke?"
the boy replies"
" show me what is not the sound of ten thosuand monkeys singing karaoke, and i will show you..."
and with that the boy wacked the zen master with a stick,
showing him grandchildly kindness.

[Iron Sulfide]

there was once a young zen master named "there was once a zen master named "there was once a zen master named "there was once a zen master named""" , but we'll just call him Zen for now.

zen, one day, came upon a koan that made him believe he had reached
enlightenment. this koan was: "The UpRoar of One Hand Clapping."

long did he live, believing he was enlightened. then one day he saw
something that outdid his koan in a manner of display.

Zen saw the standing ovation of a Quadrupeligic and was then Enlightened.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Some say "mu".
Some say "fnord".
Some say nothing.

[slothrop23]

nothing

[slothrop23]

which is annoying because i wanted to send noyhing but it wouldnt let me....ar the ways of discord and order

[Trollax]

This is an actual Extreme-zen koan that Eris helped me write just the other night.


There was a blown bulb in the zendo that had a habit of flickering while the abbot was meditating, so young Tenzin was sent with a ladder to change it.
Just as he climbed the ladder Nine-Buddhas Mc-gee walked in. He bowed respectfully to the young attendant before asking, "How many Zen monks does it take to change a lightbulb?"
Normally, such an obvious joke would have made Tenzin groan, yet the eccentric monk's formal bow spoke the joke in a different manner. He thought for a few moments before answering, 'the same abmount of bothe the lowest of dogs and the highest of kings." Once again Nine-Buddhas Mc-gee bowed. Once more he asked.
"How many Zen monks does it take to change the lightbulb in your mind?"
Tenzin's whole body tensed, as though he had just been slapped. His brain frantically searched for an answer to the perplexing question. but it was as though he was trying to breathe while holding his breath at the same time. He slumped, utterly confused. Nine-Buddhas Mc-gee continued,
"You have to rotate your mind boy. Nobody else can do it without slapping you around. All this meditation, the koan-study, shikatanza, the rock-gardens it's as though I were to turn the ladder while you hold the bulb. We can only do so much, eventually you have to teach yourself. The joy in this place comes when all meaning ceses and you keep finding enlightenment in all the pointless shit that goes on here."
Tenzin nodded, suddenly experiencing a profound thought...
"and what if my mind is bayonet capped?"
Nine-Buddhas Mc-gee laughed, clapping he said, "then eddison screw is already a piece of cake." He handed Tenzin a remote control, "Here. Now it is your turn to bug the abbot." He whispered pointing to the light socket. Tenzin was suddenly awakened.

[EvilPoet]

"A flute without holes, is not a flute.
A donut without a hole, is a danish."
-Ty Webb, Caddyshack

"Do or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda, Star Wars

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps
of the wise. Seek what they sought."
-Basho

"As soon as you try to chase and grab
Zen, you've already stumbled past it."
--Zen Master Yuanwu, Zen Essence

Dongshan asked Yunju, "What are you doing?"
Yunju said, "I am making soy paste."
Dongshan, "Are you using some salt?"
Yunju said, "I turn some in."
Dongshan asked, "How does it taste."
Yunju said, "Done."
-Essential Zen

Bright bright!
bright bright bright!
bright bright!
bright bright bright!
bright bright, the moon.
-Myoe, Zen Poems

Error Message Haiku

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
-Suzie Wagner

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
-Ian Hughe

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
-Peter Rothman

[Iron Sulfide]

one time while i was taking a shower in gym class, this kid looked at me and said that his pet gopher was loosing all his hair and then he walked out of the showers and i was all alone thinking about hairless gophers and i got weirded out so i left the showers too

then then while i was putting my socks on after the shower, coach came up to me and said (coach is my friend tom), "it doesn't really count as cheating if you aren't really gay" and then he winked at me and walked out of the locker room with a grimace on his face and a bounce in his step...that's when i noticed that he had a tail.
***********

usually i'll sing a song about how i have this bunch of cocoanuts and they're standing in a row and whatnot, but one day i got hungry and ate all my cocoanuts, so now i have nothing to sing about. the moral of the story is: don't eat your own nuts.
***********

leprechauns are real....they're the fifth generation that resulted from the cross breeding of a leper colony and some escaped prison inmates.
***********

Even The Reaper Eats Hotdogs. this is scientifically proven by the neuro-chemical-pseudo-psycho-ectoplasmic residue left near all dead people, hotdog stands and the frozen foods isle of every supermarket in the nation.

[Iron Sulfide]

(also, my hostess campaign idea)

(also, as a preface to this, you must know the evil nature of twinkies.
twinkies are the indestructable shells for evil in this world. they suck your
soul out of your body when you bite into them if you aren't careful.
for more info on twinkies, i think this site still exists:

        http://www.twinkiesproject.com/
)

picture: a man standing on a corner, waiting for a bus to show up. another man walks up, "did you know that twinkies can suck your soul straight out of your body?" the man waiting for the bus says "really!?!? let me try!!!" and then he has his soul sucked out of his body....

"Twinkies: Suck your soul out of your body for safe keeping"
**********

picture: a man trying to write a song...he's so desperate, he says "i'd sell my soul if i could write a chart topping song..." then the devil appears and says "i can arrange that...muahahahaha!"  then the scene freezes, and satan steps forward to give a testimonial...

"Hi, my name is Satan, Lucifer, The Dark Prince, etc...I frequently deal in the soul selling business...when i hear someone say, 'i'd sell my soul...' the first thing i do is grab my twinky....i only trust the most soul sucking-ist for my safe keeping of souls..."

"Twinkies: Two out of Three Demons prefer them"
**********

Picture: a man at a convenience store. he walks to the check out counter.
upon reaching the counter, he's faced with a dilemma: he has enough
money left for a treat, but he has to choose the twinkie or the Hoho.
he looks at the twinkie, and cheesy evil horror movie music with
screeching violins starts playing. he looks at the Hoho, and soft, angelic
heavenly music starts playing. he looks at the twinkie. the hoho, the
twinkie. the hoho. the twinkie, the hoho, the twinkie, the hoho.......

he grabs the Hoho.

"Hoho: The Safe Alternative"

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Some say "something"
Some say "nothing"
but both something and nothing concur with "maybe"

[EvilPoet]

Confused Dish said: "Movement is a good thing. It keeps
things ebbing and flowing as they are supposed to do. No
movement, stagnation, only brings a lot of pain and misery
in the long run. Not to mention, a horrible case of fungus
that is very difficult to get rid of. As Publilius Syrus once
said, "A rolling stone gathers no moss."

"I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the
universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do
is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and
be the ball." -Ty Webb, Caddyshack

[mobbing]

are men projecting order on chaos because we just can't stand, that there is something we don't understand, somthing that is not in our control
or
are we just calling something chaos because we aren't able to understand it yet?

[Malaria test subject #777]

are men projecting order on chaos because we just can't stand, that there is something we don't understand, somthing that is not in our control
or
are we just calling something chaos because we aren't able to understand it yet?

Yes

[Bella]

are men projecting order on chaos because we just can't stand, that there is something we don't understand, somthing that is not in our control
or
are we just calling something chaos because we aren't able to understand it yet?

Yes