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tell me about your sex life

Started by rong, June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM

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UB

If the damned AC wasn't always blasting frigid frost into an already chilly climate, sex could get hot and sweaty instead of "Hurry the hell up, it hurts!"   Blaahhh.... boring? Haha That's not the word I would use.
Within the grip of Err.... some are fucked in the head by a fist of fire.

Reginald Ret

Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 03:15:48 AM
Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 01:33:58 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 12:53:12 AM
Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 12:50:40 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 12:45:22 AM
Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 12:35:17 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 12:34:31 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 06:35:04 PM
I kinda chuckled at the idea of this being a 'sticky' thread.  But, yeah, I saw a comment about someone's inability to refrain from spagging up other threads with comments about their sex life and thought maybe if there was a thread devoted to just that, it may help.

:lulz: @ sticky.
The idea is growing on me, we kinda have to now  :lulz:

If people actually start using it to talk about their grotty details, I will too. And nobody wants that, trust me.
I hate to do this to you, but you have to set the right example.
This thread needs more examples of being used in the right way.
I'm afraid you will have to make a sacrifice before the altar of Social Engineering.

But you know it always ends the same way, and then I run the dildos through the dishwasher.
Look, this is a free for all thread. Just go for it.

My boyfriend is on his way over here right now with surgical gloves and beets. Looks like I need to put the red sheets on the bed tonight.


Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz: Ofuk. You glorious bastards are going to start a one-up battle aren't you... Though I don't know how Nigel can top a vestigial twin swapping body modification kink.
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 05:14:01 PM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 03:15:48 AM
Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 01:33:58 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 12:53:12 AM
Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 12:50:40 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 12:45:22 AM
Quote from: Regret on June 22, 2014, 12:35:17 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 22, 2014, 12:34:31 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 06:35:04 PM
I kinda chuckled at the idea of this being a 'sticky' thread.  But, yeah, I saw a comment about someone's inability to refrain from spagging up other threads with comments about their sex life and thought maybe if there was a thread devoted to just that, it may help.

:lulz: @ sticky.
The idea is growing on me, we kinda have to now  :lulz:

If people actually start using it to talk about their grotty details, I will too. And nobody wants that, trust me.
I hate to do this to you, but you have to set the right example.
This thread needs more examples of being used in the right way.
I'm afraid you will have to make a sacrifice before the altar of Social Engineering.

But you know it always ends the same way, and then I run the dildos through the dishwasher.
Look, this is a free for all thread. Just go for it.

My boyfriend is on his way over here right now with surgical gloves and beets. Looks like I need to put the red sheets on the bed tonight.


Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz: Ofuk. You glorious bastards are going to start a one-up battle aren't you... Though I don't know how Nigel can top a vestigial twin swapping body modification kink.

Same way I'd top anyone else. Jenn and Chaz might have something to say about that, though.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Cainad (dec.)

Ain't dated anybody or gotten laid since December 2013 and nothing about my current situation is conducive to meeting people. I don't exactly have a sweet bachelor pad to bring ladies back to either. :lol:

"Hey good lookin', wanna get comfortable in a cramped, cluttered space that feels pretty much exactly like a student's cheap-ass living arrangements?"

Yeah, it's not looking great for me right now on that front.

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz:

This sort of thing is precisely why my sex life is only interesting to Villager and myself. How can we top that?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Ållnephew Tvýðleþøn on June 22, 2014, 10:40:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz:

This sort of thing is precisely why my sex life is only interesting to Villager and myself. How can we top that?

Something I really didn't get until I was in my mid-late 30's; most people's sex lives are only interesting to themselves. And sometimes to medical anthropologists, as in the case of Roger.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I have a young friend who has been all dramatic and moany lately about how hard it is to date when you're kinky, and how will she ever find a kinky boyfriend, blah blah blah. I'm like, how about you start by finding a guy you LIKE?

She discovered bondage six months ago. That's it. Bondage. It's not like she has some weird specialized fetish that's hard to get people to indulge. It's not even anything I think most people other than the most straightlaced would consider kinky, any more than spanking or cross-dressing or threesomes.

I am starting to think that for some people, their kink is thinking of themselves as kinky.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 23, 2014, 12:07:55 AM
I have a young friend who has been all dramatic and moany lately about how hard it is to date when you're kinky, and how will she ever find a kinky boyfriend, blah blah blah. I'm like, how about you start by finding a guy you LIKE?

She discovered bondage six months ago. That's it. Bondage. It's not like she has some weird specialized fetish that's hard to get people to indulge. It's not even anything I think most people other than the most straightlaced would consider kinky, any more than spanking or cross-dressing or threesomes.

I am starting to think that for some people, their kink is thinking of themselves as kinky.

:lulz: Like some kind of weird meta-eroticism.

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 23, 2014, 12:01:03 AM
Quote from: Ållnephew Tvýðleþøn on June 22, 2014, 10:40:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz:

This sort of thing is precisely why my sex life is only interesting to Villager and myself. How can we top that?

Something I really didn't get until I was in my mid-late 30's; most people's sex lives are only interesting to themselves. And sometimes to medical anthropologists, as in the case of Roger.

If I'm to be quite honest, my sex is vanilla, and that's fine with me. It's usually (but not always) missionary, it usually involves one partner, but not both, getting oral (because either way we're both getting equally warmed up), and once the main event happens, we both finish withing 5 to 10 minutes. Mutually satisfying, but not very interesting to the objective observer. It's certainly not porn worthy.

Actually last night was awesome. I was half asleep, started transitioning from a dream into real life, of course that gradually woke her up and got her in the mood... it was all fondling, so we kinda both half-asleeped the foreplay and were totally awake by the time we got to the main event. Then we both fell back asleep. Interesting to anyone else? Probably not.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 23, 2014, 12:07:55 AM
I have a young friend who has been all dramatic and moany lately about how hard it is to date when you're kinky, and how will she ever find a kinky boyfriend, blah blah blah. I'm like, how about you start by finding a guy you LIKE?

She discovered bondage six months ago. That's it. Bondage. It's not like she has some weird specialized fetish that's hard to get people to indulge. It's not even anything I think most people other than the most straightlaced would consider kinky, any more than spanking or cross-dressing or threesomes.

I am starting to think that for some people, their kink is thinking of themselves as kinky.

It's like SGitR. KGitR.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Pæs

SIGNORA SAYS TO ME, SHE SAYS "EY, FUCKPIG. HOW YOU WANT TO GET NAILED?"

ME, OF COURSE, I COME RUNNING IN, WIDE WIDE GRIN.

BAM. NAIL STRAIGHT THROUGH FOOT. CAR KEYS STOLEN FROM POCKET.

NO MIGUELS COME TO MY AID EVEN AS I SHOUT "MIGUEL".

OUT OF MIGUELS AGAIN. PERHAPS SHE HAS GONE TO GET MORE?

Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: Pæs on June 23, 2014, 12:48:45 AM
SIGNORA SAYS TO ME, SHE SAYS "EY, FUCKPIG. HOW YOU WANT TO GET NAILED?"

ME, OF COURSE, I COME RUNNING IN, WIDE WIDE GRIN.

BAM. NAIL STRAIGHT THROUGH FOOT. CAR KEYS STOLEN FROM POCKET.

NO MIGUELS COME TO MY AID EVEN AS I SHOUT "MIGUEL".

OUT OF MIGUELS AGAIN. PERHAPS SHE HAS GONE TO GET MORE?

And they say romance is dead. :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on June 23, 2014, 12:01:03 AM
Quote from: Ållnephew Tvýðleþøn on June 22, 2014, 10:40:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 22, 2014, 05:57:25 AM
Quote from: rong on June 21, 2014, 02:52:45 PM
go ahead.  if you want to.

since i got divorced my sex life has been fucking great.

Well, things have gotten better since I had that horrible vestigial twin removed from Jenn's back, and surgically attached to my nads.  This brings up some weird potential incest issues on her part, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I'm not just one of your fried chicken tramps, you know.  I have needs.

:lulz:

This sort of thing is precisely why my sex life is only interesting to Villager and myself. How can we top that?

Something I really didn't get until I was in my mid-late 30's; most people's sex lives are only interesting to themselves. And sometimes to medical anthropologists, as in the case of Roger.

They're always JUDGING me.  "That's not how you use a tack hammer", they say, "You can't actually make your leg DO that".

Well, it's MY monkey, and I'll GET IT ON however I please.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Pæs on June 23, 2014, 12:48:45 AM
SIGNORA SAYS TO ME, SHE SAYS "EY, FUCKPIG. HOW YOU WANT TO GET NAILED?"

ME, OF COURSE, I COME RUNNING IN, WIDE WIDE GRIN.

BAM. NAIL STRAIGHT THROUGH FOOT. CAR KEYS STOLEN FROM POCKET.

NO MIGUELS COME TO MY AID EVEN AS I SHOUT "MIGUEL".

OUT OF MIGUELS AGAIN. PERHAPS SHE HAS GONE TO GET MORE?

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.