What's Your Story?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I dwell on the disappointments dished about by those around me, who couldn't be arsed to be human, or to consider me human.  So what do I do?

Why, I spend most of every day plotting ways to rid the world of all humans.

And then I write funny 2-pagers about my motivations here, and everyone gives me mittens, because...Hell, he can't be serious, right?  No, it's just that funny old reverend telling tales.

I secretly think you want to save the humans. Shhh.

In a deep freezer perhaps, yes....

[maphdet]

I dwell on the disappointments dished about by those around me, who couldn't be arsed to be human, or to consider me human.  So what do I do?

Why, I spend most of every day plotting ways to rid the world of all humans.

And then I write funny 2-pagers about my motivations here, and everyone gives me mittens, because...Hell, he can't be serious, right?  No, it's just that funny old reverend telling tales.

I secretly think you want to save the humans. Shhh.

In a deep freezer perhaps, yes....

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I hear they're good eatin'.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I want to cut back drinking and quit smoking too, Twid. I think it will help my overall well being enormously. I was just about quit with both just a couple of months ago, but the breakup... yeah. Excuses.

I just right now kind of have these mileposts I want to hit. I want to build my shrine, and lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. I feel like, when I accomplish those, things will be way better.

[maphdet]

I want to cut back drinking and quit smoking too, Twid. I think it will help my overall well being enormously. I was just about quit with both just a couple of months ago, but the breakup... yeah. Excuses.

I just right now kind of have these mileposts I want to hit. I want to build my shrine, and lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. I feel like, when I accomplish those, things will be way better.

Devils' advocate---why would that be much better(lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. ) --other than the time factor?
Just curious, is all.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I want to cut back drinking and quit smoking too, Twid. I think it will help my overall well being enormously. I was just about quit with both just a couple of months ago, but the breakup... yeah. Excuses.

I just right now kind of have these mileposts I want to hit. I want to build my shrine, and lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. I feel like, when I accomplish those, things will be way better.

Devils' advocate---why would that be much better(lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. ) --other than the time factor?
Just curious, is all.

Because alcohol really messes with my emotional state; for the next couple of days after I have more than two or three drinks, I have mood swings and am much more emotionally sensitive, and far more prone to impulsive outbursts.

Cigarettes just make me feel crappy.

As far as everything, in general, being much better once I've accomplished those goals, it's mostly because it will take me a couple of months to build my shrine, and if at the same time I minimize drinking and smoking, the combination of finishing the project, the passage of time, and taking good care of my body should leave me in a place where I'm feeling good about myself and am significantly over my breakup.

[Reeducation]

Usually after work I just sit down, light a cigarette and think about reality.
I do that for about one hour and then it's time to do something fun/cool with my family.

At one point, months ago, I decided to stop drinking.
After two months or so, I had my un-enlightenment and realized that being sober all the time would be boring. Too boring.
Now I'm using some of my time to hunt different red wines. I'm trying to re-learn this drinking-skill.
In not so distant past, I was one of those fucking-idiot-drinkers, waking up from jails and shit, but I'm now able to just take a bottle (or few) of red and be "nice" to people around me. So that's good. I'm also getting better at it.

I read everyday (not really, but almost). All kinds of books, but mostly about how this human-thing works, so I read about different philosophies, religions, psychology, history, death, brains and dragons.
I like to write too. I have this weird book under construction.
It's a personal diary/"profound" experiences + psychedelic fiction + rants + drawings/paintings all thrown together.
At the moment it has about 300 pages full of this awesomeness and the point is that I'm going to do it for the rest of my life. Then some day, when I die, my daughter will have it. She can do whatever she wants with it. The reason for her to have it is that if I don't have the time to tell all my "wisdom" to her before I die, then she can just read it from a weird looking book. Well that's the idea anyway.

I'm fighting with my stupid fucking nicotine addiction! Holy shit this is insane to stop smoking for about 30 times and always start again.
It's so annoying to be the only intelligent part of this body, the rest of it just loves to fuck it up.
"Gimme a cigarette!" No! You can't have it.
"Let's smoke one!" Oh, ok let's do so. On and on.

I like to run. It is fun.
I listen to grindcore from my mp3-player at the same time, because it really makes you run faster.
I run everyday for at least 30 minutes. Fast.
Ultra-fast.

I was/am a screamer/singer in a band (it's complicated).
Industrial metal/techno/rock/experimental/swing/doom kind of stuff.

I don't sleep enough, that's probably my only real problem at the moment.
When the clock hits nine at the evening, it means that my brains start to work. All my best thoughts and ideas come during the night.
And then it's three in the morning and I go to bed and sleep for a few hours.

I'm a caffeine-addict. About 12-20 cups per day.
If I don't have my coffee at morning, I get very sick.
Vomiting, head-aches and that kind of greatness.

So basically I'm slowly destroying my body while I'm trying to figure shit out and I like to think about this all, all the time.
But it works!

[Juana]

I write, but lack motivation to make a habit of doing a page or two a night.

I'm into history (specifically American labor from the 1880s to about 1925). It's what I'm in school for, and I want to teach it at the college level.

I read either comic books or non fiction. Recently, this has included a memoir sort of thing about dead rock stars, women, drugs, and a cross country roadtrip in a Taurus the author redubbed the "Tauntan". It's extremely funny.

I enjoy running, but again, lack motivation. I also enjoy hiking, and hope to do it more this summer.

Photography is something I really love, but haven't done much of in years.

[Slyph]

I have a relationship with skepticism that basically amounts to "Whoah I've stumbled on to something." I'm not a particularly intelligent person, but I have an amazing ability to escape the usual pitfalls of being a dum-dum by following basic rules of evidence. My defining intellectual characteristic is that I see the flaws. I identify with "The Emperor's New Clothes" a lot. However, I find it way, way easier to break a doctrine than to create one. I'm not creative, but I'm sometimes rational.

I like to eat, drink and carouse. I like barbecue, I like burging, I like to cook, I like Das Racist, Bad Brains and Black Flag. Dubstep's okay. I like a lot of music. I can't make music, I can't even sing along, I sound like shit, but I like to listen. I think that while it's totally aok to wail on popular music, the versificator culture of the top ten, I try not to automatically shit on genres I don't automatically "get". I always try and give everything a fair hearing.

Big Adam Curtis fan.

I'm playing at being apolitical, because I want to be more rational. I want to suspend judgement until I've read more fucking books, but I'm inescapably Socialist at heart.

I'm from Liverpool, but I've lived in Janesville, WI and Chicago, IL. If I'm really pressed on the matter, I'd say I support Liverpool over Everton, but I don't really watch footie. I have nothing against it, I've loved every game I've ever watched, but I'm just so out of the loop now that I don't even know the player's names. I watched the last Superbowl, it was rad. I dug it, and Packers won, so that was cool too.

I've thought about escaping my scrub ass social care job to join either the Royal Navy or the US Army, but as a married man, (I married at 21) it'd be bloody irresponsible of me, I'm also aware that I'm uncoordinated and crap at sports, which would probably make me a poor seaman/soldier, anyway.

During a CAT scan to determine the cause of my clumsiness as a child, abnormalities never properly explained to me were found. "slight cerebral palsy" was mentioned, but I think that was for comparison. I'm pathologically forgetful, and I think it's related. I will forget your name, unless it's weird.

I try to be civil. It's an experiment, I wasn't always this way, I'm just trying something new. It's hard as fuck.

[Faust]

I don't often post about personal stuff and interests but why not:

I host and maintain a few websites including this one.

For the last six months I have been fencing and though I am not very good I've found its improved my fight or flight reactions no end and not just in a duel but in everthing.

I write semi-satirical speculative fiction at a rate of about 200 words a week, it relaxes me and focus's my mind on areas I don't use enough.

I'm working on Phd composed of a mix of Astronomy and data basing for our local observatory, at the rate of one day a week I'll be finished that some time before I'm thirty but I enjoy it immensely so I'm going to keep with it.

I like to draw, I can't do anything well but one day I would love to be able to get to pencil a comic of my own creation. I've been in love with art deco since I was a teen so I'll probably keep with that.

My Job is actually fun, I work for an embedded networks research center and the projects I'm on are pretty cool. I've done cool shit with indoor tracking of people and tools for interactive educational media for children and older.

I run lovecraft style RPG's once every quarter for a one or two game scenario. I used to love playing long term games but I don't have it in me.

I collect comics, I love buying completed series and devouring them. Because of the short amount of time comics have been around and the small size of their files my goal is apart from buying as much as I can creating a digital repository of every comic series since the medium took off.

There's my girlfriend of the last few years who I am considering proposing at some stage this year or next depending on a few factors.

[AFK]

Well, I think everyone knows about my paid gig, since it tends to come up every couple of months in particularly vivacious discussions. 

I'm also a family guy.  I've got my two kids and my drop dead gorgeous wife.  (Still don't know how I pulled that one off.)  I look forward every night to picking up the kiddos, getting home, having some dinner, and then running around the yard with the family, or walking round the neighborhood with the clan. 

I used to do music.  I used to record stuff in my off-time but with two kids that has been next to impossible.  You can hear some of my old stuff at either www.myspace.com/theillegitimatesonofconvention  or my multiply site which is www.multiply.com/rwhn 

I obviously enjoy dry humor and puns.  I think it comes from my late Grandmother who had a very quick/dry wit and would frequently make up gags and jokes on the spot.  And of course I grew up watching some of the old comedy stuff like the Stooges and Groucho Marx. 

But I love that little snap in the brain that happens after a pun or some other kind of wordplay or absurdist gag.  It pleases me greatly. 

I also like to write the occasional poem.  It's sort of a release for some of the emo/cliche shit that swirls in my head in the wee dreadful hours of the night. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I want to cut back drinking and quit smoking too, Twid. I think it will help my overall well being enormously. I was just about quit with both just a couple of months ago, but the breakup... yeah. Excuses.

I just right now kind of have these mileposts I want to hit. I want to build my shrine, and lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. I feel like, when I accomplish those, things will be way better.

Devils' advocate---why would that be much better(lay off the booze and cut smoking back to maybe two a week. ) --other than the time factor?
Just curious, is all.

Because alcohol really messes with my emotional state; for the next couple of days after I have more than two or three drinks, I have mood swings and am much more emotionally sensitive, and far more prone to impulsive outbursts.

Cigarettes just make me feel crappy.

As far as everything, in general, being much better once I've accomplished those goals, it's mostly because it will take me a couple of months to build my shrine, and if at the same time I minimize drinking and smoking, the combination of finishing the project, the passage of time, and taking good care of my body should leave me in a place where I'm feeling good about myself and am significantly over my breakup.

I hate the sense of being a slave to something, and that's basically what happens every couple of hours when you need your fix. My birthday is the cut off. I started smoking when I was 20, and I'm turning 30 this year. Risk of health problems later in life jumps after 10 years. It's a good time for me to quit.

And it does make me feel crappy too. I hate feeling winded going up a flight of stairs. I hate having a hangover ten times worse than a normal one because I ended up chain smoking after the first few drinks. And I hate that I cough a lot- which is murder on me when my allergies flare up. I hate having it mess with my singing voice, drying out my throat and making some of my notes crack. Fucking embarrassing if it's live.

Booze generally makes me feel happy and doesn't impact my overall sober mood (at least not these days- probably because I'm noticing myself getting happier anyway), and I've gotten into a pattern that needs to be cut back. Quitting smoking will help that though. I'll be forced to reduce the amount that I drink in order to not start lighting up every 15 minutes. My immediate goal is to reduce it to 4 to 5 a day, which is the equivalent of breathing city air anyway. And can help me stretch a pack out to a work week.

Plus, I'll feel like I've accomplished something and I won't have to waste my money on carcinogens. 

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'm an artist but not a particularly good one. I don't make any money out of it but I have an urge to create shit so I run with it. It's kinda like eating or shitting - if I try to avoid it for too long it sucks and blows in equal measure. My art takes varied forms and I flit back and forth between stringing words of prose and poetry together or painting something in photoshop or whatever. It's like a tao thing for me - potentially everything I do is art and sometimes I see that and making a cup of coffee can be as much an expression of performance, of art, as chopping a dogs head on madonna or some shit like that. It's all art and when I can hang on to that it all feels better. What I do is for me. Nice when other people say good shit about it but that aint the main reason I do it.

I like shit on the edge. If there's a cliff, I'm as near to the precipice as you can get without treading air. If there's a safe way and a dangerous way to do something I'll pick the kamikaze approach every time. Even something as straightforward as navigating a flight of stairs usually carries risk of breaking an ankle or a neck. My favourite method of nearly dying is going to sea in a kayak. I love the rush, the clarity and the tranquillity that comes with being 'in the zone' where if you fuck up there could be a funeral. It's not sensible and there's really no excuse to do it but unless I do I get very bored with life so I figure I'll gamble a long future on a short one, simply for the joy of gambling.

I'm over forty and, aside from some old injuries, I'm physically fitter than the average 20 year old. Lungs have taken a hit from the smoking habit but lots of strenuous exercise has kept this vessel ticking over like a well tuned machine. When I see the state of some people around me I feel like a shark amongst sheep. Recently had a bit of a problem with alcohol but I nipped it in the bud as soon as I started feeling it physically. I'm hanging on to the ability to do the things I do as long as I can and that requires the machine to be in condition.

[The Commander]

I am the Commander of the Discordian Intelligence Agency.

I am Herr Wolfgang Guntherssohn a minor lord in 1500's Schwarzwald outside of Baden-Baden as well as a fencer and a bard.

I am A'rance, Barbarian/Cleric/Fighter Angel, worshiper of Zora'ath and leader of a rebellion whose aim for the past 5 years has been the overthrow of the tyrannical Dragon Empire.

I am Agent Oliver Wendal Holmes, code name Menagerie, a superhero with multiple super personalities which I have little control over.

I am Farquar Balthazar raver goofball. I dream of being Farquario the Latin Lover. I dance like a muppet on fire.

I am a SSgt in the US Air National Guard.  I have been shot at with rockets and did not enjoy it.

I am a low level watch officer and Intel analyst who makes far more money than he is worth but not as much as he desires.

I am a former atheist and current member of the Baha'i Faith.  I am an elected member of the Local Spiritual Assembly of Fairfax County Northwest.

I am a singer in search of a band.  A former world traveler and minstral with stagefright so bad my knees knock together.

I am an only son, but also an older brother.  I am a Papa and a husband who doesn't see his family often enough because I work 12 hour shifts both day and night.

I also like pie.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I dwell on the disappointments dished about by those around me, who couldn't be arsed to be human, or to consider me human.  So what do I do?

Why, I spend most of every day plotting ways to rid the world of all humans.

And then I write funny 2-pagers about my motivations here, and everyone gives me mittens, because...Hell, he can't be serious, right?  No, it's just that funny old reverend telling tales.

I secretly think you want to save the humans. Shhh.

No, I'd rather watch them all drown in their own shit.

This is why I'm taking the tack I am at conservativecave.  I WANT them to keep being dumbasses.

I just also want to destroy the few beliefs they have.