LIBER NARCOTICUM sub figura 154
being a leisurely published tragi-comedy on the nature of Heroin but known in the world of men as
"Junkies say the funniest things!"
Fragment 1
Dramatis Personae:
Mangrove: A prankster Kabbalist with a polystyrene nose.
Silver Lining: An eternal optimist.
SL: Hey Mang! How are things?
Mang: Well....I can't type because I don't have a keyboard. I can't click because I don't have a mouse. I can't watch a movie because I don't have DVD player. I can't take pictures because I don't have a camera.
SL: How so?
Mang: Because The Junkies took them.
SL: Don't think of them as Junkies so much as Radical Buddhist Guerrillas liberating you from your attachments to material objects.
:spit:
That is some twisted thinking right there. :lol:
Is SL a politician? :lulz: Because that is certainly some spin....
I cannot reveal the identity of Silver Lining at this time. However, he/she is clearly a lot funnier than that Australian news anchor who told the Dalai Lama the 'make me one with everything' pizza joke and bombed spectacularly.
Quote from: Mangrove on July 08, 2011, 04:56:45 PM
I cannot reveal the identity of Silver Lining at this time. However, he/she is clearly a lot funnier than that Australian news anchor who told the Dalai Lama the 'make me one with everything' pizza joke and bombed spectacularly.
:lulz:
Fragment 2 - Mang's amiable phone chats with a drug dealer.
Dramatis Personae: Mangrove - leading skin specialist suffering under the weight of anti-semitism.
Rodney - a drug dealer.
Having done some rather stellar amateur detective work, Mangrove has discovered the name and phone number of a drug dealer. A dealer not smart enough to understand the basic principles of 'caller ID'.
Day 1.
[The phone rings. Mangrove recognizes the number]
Mang: Hello?
Rodney: uhhh......[muffled].....wrong number.
Day 2.
[The phone rings again. Mang' answers again]
Mang: Hello?
Rodney: Hello. Who is this?
Mang: You called me. You tell me who it is.
Rodney: Rodney.
Mang: I don't know anyone by that name.
Rodney: Uhh...sorry sir.
Mang: :?
Fragment 3a
Dramatis Personae: The System.....well, you know, it's The System.
Junkie....self explanatory.
The System: WAR ON DRUGS!!! RAHHHHH!!!!
Junkie: "Well, the war on drugs has taken a real cease-fire in my neighborhood...."*
TS: No, it's working!! WE DON'T NEGOTIATE!!!
J: So system, now that I am a part of you, how do I get out?
TS: Oh....well...since you asked. We'd much prefer that you sought treatment than enroll you into our incredibly violent & expensive prison population.
J: Really? You don't want to throw me in jail?
TS: Not if we can help it. What did you do?
J: Got caught with paraphernalia and some residue.
TS: No problem....if you take our classes, you won't get a record....you know, first offence and all that. Come back in a month!
J: Cool....uhh....I'm still an addict though. What should I do until then?
TS: :|
Fragment 3b
Dramatis Personae: As before.
The System: Junkie! You need treatment!
Junkie: You're right.
TS: You got insurance?
J: Are you fucking joking? I'm an unemployed junkie.
TS: That's ok, go on a state program.
J: Ok. Can I go on your state program then?
TS: Sure! Of course you can. Let me approve you. Ok...all set.
J: I can have treatment? And medicine to help my go through withdrawal and combat cravings?
TS: Yeah....uh...sure...if you want. [coughs]
J: [suspicious] What did you mean by that?
TS: Er...nothing. Off you go.