ORIGINS thread.

[EK WAFFLR]

 

Fucking brilliant!

[Doktor Howl]

More tomorrow.  "A few tests" turned out to be 7 hours at the clinic.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Hope it's nothing bad.

[Doktor Howl]

Hope it's nothing bad.

I have something in my skull that doesn't belong.  I'm certain it's scar tissue from the virus 5 years back, but my doc is being a worrier.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Hope it's nothing bad.

I have something in my skull that doesn't belong.  I'm certain it's scar tissue from the virus 5 years back, but my doc is being a worrier.

Wow man, sorry to hear you had a brain infection. I will keep you in my thoughts. Yes THOSE thoughts. Take care sir.

[Doktor Howl]

Hope it's nothing bad.

I have something in my skull that doesn't belong.  I'm certain it's scar tissue from the virus 5 years back, but my doc is being a worrier.

Wow man, sorry to hear you had a brain infection. I will keep you in my thoughts. Yes THOSE thoughts. Take care sir.

Sorry to hear that; you'll need to take The Cure at Generalisso's spa if you ever want to be sexually functional again.

[Doktor Howl]

#5: Queen Gogira

Queen Gogira was a mild-mannered mugger in Boston, when she accidentally mugged Billy Batson. He hollered "SHAZAM", just as she leapt on him with her electro-claws extended, so the lightning bolt struck HER instead of HIM.  Not only was she granted superpowers, but the surge to her electro-claws fried that weasel Batson into something resembling over-cooked bacon.

She spent some time having fun with her new powers, until she got drunk one day and watched Mork & Mindy on cable.  She laughed at the stupidity and said "SHAZBOT" (Mork's signature line), and HALF-engaged her superpowers.  This doesn't mean she got half of the ability, it means the rebuild was only half-completed.  What's more, she was thereafter known as The Horror of Fall River; she was feared for her deadly crumpets.

When Jehovahbubba attacked, Queen Gogira - desperately trying to stay alive, hollered "SHAMWOW", and gained the power of VINCE, allowing her to shrug off a beating that would kill any known hero.  She then sold Jehovahbubba the Ladle of Despair, which distracted him long enough for other heroes and villains to finish him.

Afterward, she found you can't un-SHAMWOW, either, and she has remained stuck on the late-night cable infomercial plane ever since.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Hope it's nothing bad.

I have something in my skull that doesn't belong.  I'm certain it's scar tissue from the virus 5 years back, but my doc is being a worrier.

Wow man, sorry to hear you had a brain infection. I will keep you in my thoughts. Yes THOSE thoughts. Take care sir.

Sorry to hear that; you'll need to take The Cure at Generalisso's spa if you ever want to be sexually functional again.

  thanks for looking out!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

More tomorrow.  "A few tests" turned out to be 7 hours at the clinic.

Any word back yet?

[Doktor Howl]

#6:  Cainad

Cainad started out life as a Shohet in a kosher slaughterhouse.  Since the laws of the Torah demand a blade free of dent or imperfection, Cainad was fond of using a Katana, and he was noted for his weird interpretation of the rest of the rules.  He reasoned that if cutting the trachea botched the slaughter, then he would practice until he could behead the cattle in one shot, without severing the trachea.

He was shocked to realuze that in doing so, he had accidentally become a second Mushashi.

He hit the carnival circuit, beheading all rubes who challenged him, in small towns all across America.  At about the time the general public realized that he was the most dangerous Jew in history (thus cutting his income), Jehovahbubba attacked.  Despite not being a "superhero", as opposed to just the best swordsman in history, Cainad joined the fight. 

Unfortunately, being a mortal, he was killed by Jehovahbubba's very first punch.     

[Doktor Howl]

More tomorrow.  "A few tests" turned out to be 7 hours at the clinic.

Any word back yet?

No, informing the patient is somewhere down the list.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

More tomorrow.  "A few tests" turned out to be 7 hours at the clinic.

Any word back yet?

No, informing the patient is somewhere down the list.

The fuck, dude.

[Doktor Howl]

#7:  Professor Cramulus

The arch-villain known as Professor Cramulus was in fact he who summoned Jehovabubba in the first place.  Embittered by being turned down the role of Professor Xavier in a series of recent bad movies, he decided to show them...To show them all.  So he broke into the Smithsonian and stole the original copy of the bible, which is complete and has all the expurgated bits left in.  He then went out into the wilds of upstate New York...Ye, even unto the howling wilderness known as Tarrytown to those steeped in eldritch lore.

Once there, he lit a bush on fire (the ritual method of dialing God), and spent an hour insulting Jehovahbubba, his mom, and his dawg. 

Now, Jehovahbubba is a vengeful God, and wasn't going to take that kind of shit from some college boy.  Professor Cramulus had planned for this, and turned on his Acme jet-powered rollerskates, and headed for New York at mach 2.  Jehovahbubba, upon reaching New York, was unable to locate him and went on a rampage.  The rest is history.

Popular opinion states that the professor died when he hit bridge traffic at 1400 MPH. 

We believe that at our own peril.

[Doktor Howl]

#8:  Cain Aerte

Cain was the brains of the outfit (which is akin to being the prettiest person in the leper colony), and devised the strategy that banished Jehovabubba. 

He started out as a happy-go-lucky scholar living on Lambeth Road (for non-British folks, Lambeth Road is sort of like the Gaza strip, except for the calm rationalism we have come to expect from Gaza), known for his knowledge of international terrorism and British politics, and also for his deadly aim with a six shooter, a legacy of the 120 years he spent in the American West as a child.

Being more of a planner, Cain hung back during the battle with Jehovabubba, calmly shooting the angry space demon's toes off, one by one.

Cain now runs a school for superhero sidekicks, which is located in Switzerland, London, and Liverpool, changing locations seemingly at random.

[Cainad (dec.)]

And I remain dead to this day.  I'm not as good as Payne at the whole "rising from the dead" bit.