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My Girl Friday

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, June 25, 2014, 02:22:03 PM

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Raz Tech

Quote from: Pope Lecherous on July 12, 2014, 05:44:35 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 12, 2014, 04:50:26 PM
Quote from: Pope Lecherous on July 12, 2014, 12:04:03 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on July 11, 2014, 05:42:03 PM
Holy Hell.  Things are getting six shades of fucked up around here.

Can you not employ LMinnuendo, whilst in simultanaeity being less vague?

If you read the story, his reply won't be vague.

Again. My reply wasn't regarding what he was referring to but in fact what I referenced in response to the material of his which I quoted. Or...  :? Start a pention to get me gone.

Well, first we would have to create something to call a pention, because as far as I know, there's no such thing.

Or did you mean petition and the actual word you were trying to type got lost in the catacombs of retardation between your brain and your fingers?

Pope Lecherous

Quote from: Raz Tech on July 12, 2014, 06:43:42 PM
Quote from: Pope Lecherous on July 12, 2014, 05:44:35 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 12, 2014, 04:50:26 PM
Quote from: Pope Lecherous on July 12, 2014, 12:04:03 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on July 11, 2014, 05:42:03 PM
Holy Hell.  Things are getting six shades of fucked up around here.

Can you not employ LMinnuendo, whilst in simultanaeity being less vague?

If you read the story, his reply won't be vague.

Again. My reply wasn't regarding what he was referring to but in fact what I referenced in response to the material of his which I quoted. Or...  :? Start a pention to get me gone.

Well, first we would have to create something to call a pention, because as far as I know, there's no such thing.

Or did you mean petition and the actual word you were trying to type got lost in the catacombs of retardation between your brain and your fingers?

Fail!
Demolition Man - Language Violation: http://youtu.be/dz4HEEiJuGo
--- War to the knife, knife to the hilt.

Pope Lecherous

Quote from: Regret on July 11, 2014, 06:21:12 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on July 11, 2014, 06:16:53 PM
Quote from: Regret on July 11, 2014, 05:55:24 PM
I am enjoying this.

Yeah, I heard Hitler made some nice paintings, now and again.

Story over.  I'm not writing for people who despise me.
I don't despise you, I think you are a good person in an imperfect world.

This comment deserves uptokes
--- War to the knife, knife to the hilt.

Reginald Ret

Quote from: Raz Tech on July 12, 2014, 06:43:42 PM
Quote from: Pope Lecherous on July 12, 2014, 05:44:35 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 12, 2014, 04:50:26 PM
Quote from: Pope Lecherous on July 12, 2014, 12:04:03 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on July 11, 2014, 05:42:03 PM
Holy Hell.  Things are getting six shades of fucked up around here.

Can you not employ LMinnuendo, whilst in simultanaeity being less vague?

If you read the story, his reply won't be vague.

Again. My reply wasn't regarding what he was referring to but in fact what I referenced in response to the material of his which I quoted. Or...  :? Start a pention to get me gone.

Well, first we would have to create something to call a pention, because as far as I know, there's no such thing.

Or did you mean petition and the actual word you were trying to type got lost in the catacombs of retardation between your brain and your fingers?
It is an in-joke. A parody of passion-typos IIRC.
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

This story is kick-ass and I am sad it is over. :(
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

trix

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 16, 2014, 02:23:06 AM
This story is kick-ass and I am sad it is over. :(

/|\
|  this.  I have it stuck in my head and I just know anything in my head, as far as what's happening and how it will end, is not even close to how it would have gone.  Roger's stories are of the rare kind for me that I can never, ever, predict where they are going.  I can't even come close.  That and they are creepy as fuck, hauntingly familiar in that bent-reality way, and stay in my head for days. (whether I want them to or not)

I'm going to find some more of his work that I haven't gotten to yet, I can't quit this story cold turkey I need me a fix
There's good news tonight.  And bad news.  First, the bad news: there is no good news.  Now, the good news: you don't have to listen to the bad news.
Zen Without Zen Masters

Quote from: Cain
Gender is a social construct.  As society, we get to choose your gender.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: trix on July 16, 2014, 03:39:46 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 16, 2014, 02:23:06 AM
This story is kick-ass and I am sad it is over. :(

/|\
|  this.  I have it stuck in my head and I just know anything in my head, as far as what's happening and how it will end, is not even close to how it would have gone.  Roger's stories are of the rare kind for me that I can never, ever, predict where they are going.  I can't even come close.  That and they are creepy as fuck, hauntingly familiar in that bent-reality way, and stay in my head for days. (whether I want them to or not)

I'm going to find some more of his work that I haven't gotten to yet, I can't quit this story cold turkey I need me a fix

If you haven't read the Nessies stuff or the Little Orange saga, I highly recommend.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

trix

#142
I'm finishing Little Orange Breaks Bad right now, thanks to that nice google docs version that I think Paes compiled.  I started this one awhile back, but too many interruptions and competing interests got in my way.

Just about to the end though I think, page 148 in the google docs.

Edit: It was 338 pages, i wasn't even close.  It was also AMAZING but has its own thread I will add to tomorrow.
There's good news tonight.  And bad news.  First, the bad news: there is no good news.  Now, the good news: you don't have to listen to the bad news.
Zen Without Zen Masters

Quote from: Cain
Gender is a social construct.  As society, we get to choose your gender.

LMNO

Every word of this post following this sentence is by Roger.

My Girl Friday, Part 12

Detective Jaxx Josh sat at his desk and read the file, softly cursing under his breath. Ever since he moved here from Chicago, the department had dumped all the really WEIRD stuff on him. His last case was a man who murdered his wife with a vacuum cleaner. Now it was a private investigator wanted for torching the oldest church in the western hemisphere, killing something like 30 people.

30 people, you'd think a task force would be formed. You'd think there'd be FBI involved, all that stuff. Instead, Jaxx's Lieutenant just slid the file across the desk and went back to picking at the track marks on his arm.

He called down to the desk sergeant. "What do we know about this Hamish Howl guy?"

"Not too much. The one guy who really knew him was Sergeant Ahmad...You know, the sergeant who was killed at the front desk? Also, he was present when Wilson killed himself."

"I am beginning to see a pattern, here."

"Well, that's the funny part. We have witnesses that swear up and down that Wilson did himself without any help, and that it was just as much a shock to Howl and his partner as it was to the bartender."

"This partner...?"

"Pretty girl, young thing, call her about 25 or so. You never see one without the other. They keep an office on Congress. From what I gather, they mostly do divorce cases and the occasional missing persons thing."

"Thanks." Jaxx hung up the phone. Then he stared at it a minute. Picking it back up, he dialed the operator.

"Operator", came the bored voice of a woman, "How can I help you."

"I need the address of one "Hamish Howl". He's on congress street, but I don't know the exact address."

"The address you are requesting is 105B Congress Avenue, Tucson."

"Thank you."

"You're going to die, detective." A wash of static.

"What?"

"I said you're very welcome, sir."

"Oh, yes. Okay." Jaxx hung the phone up again and stared at it for a moment. Then he got his jacket on and walked over to Congress Avenue. Reaching 105, he opened the door and followed the stairs up, moving as quietly as he could. Reaching unit B, he stopped, hearing voices on the other side of the door. He put his ear to the door to listen.

A man's voice was speaking. "So, these 'maintenance programs', they're all the jobs nobody would want to do for a living...But have to be filled because the world wouldn't look right without them?"

A female voice said something too quietly for Jaxx to understand. Another female voice spoke. "And all preachers or other influential people are actually just these programs?" More muttering.

At that point, Jaxx felt the barrel of a pistol push against the back of his neck.

"Well", another female voice said, "what do we have here?"

(To be continued)

trix

ITS BACK!!
:hammer:  :hammer:  :hammer:

That bit was short but I'm just supermegaglad the story continues!

I just wish Roger would come back too.  Somebody tell him the moron got himself banned anyway, though I suspect Roger's reasons to be a bit deeper than just the shitty troll.

Either way though I'll take whatever I can get from the Good Reverend and say THANK YOU and PLEASE SIR CAN I HAVE SOME MORE?
There's good news tonight.  And bad news.  First, the bad news: there is no good news.  Now, the good news: you don't have to listen to the bad news.
Zen Without Zen Masters

Quote from: Cain
Gender is a social construct.  As society, we get to choose your gender.

LMNO

I'll x-post as it magically manifests on my FB wall.

Q. G. Pennyworth


Reginald Ret

Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

The Good Reverend Roger

My Girl Friday, part 13

Jaxx froze, and then spoke softly.  "I'm a cop.  I'm gonna slowly reach into my pocket and pull my badge out."

"Don't bother.  I can smell the cop on you...I just don't care.  And if I want anything out of your pocket, stud, I'll get it myself."  The woman laughed and continued, "Now you just open the door and walk in nice and slow."

Jaxx opened the door, and walked into an office that appeared to be a converted loft apartment.  A man and two women were sitting around a desk that had a bottle of bourbon on it.  The man was obviously Howl.  One of the women was dressed in coveralls with a flak jacket over them, and the other was wearing what appeared to be a French maid's outfit and engineer boots.

Howl looked past Jaxx and said, "What do we have here, Sara?"

"Sneaky cop.  Curious sneaky cop."

"Curiosity killed the cat", the lady in the maid outfit said, in a faraway voice.

"He's not a cat, Friday", Howl said, now looking at Jaxx, "Answer me a question, detective, and think very hard before you do."

"Okay."

"Do you want a bourbon?"  Howl and the women laughed.  Howl poured a shot and handed it to Jaxx.  "Your life has just changed, detective.  You don't know it yet, of course."

Jaxx took a sip.  It was horrible stuff, like a ball of burning fishhooks scraping down his throat.  His eyes watered.  "That's the worst bourbon I've ever tasted."

"Isn't it just", the woman in the coveralls laughed.

"Now I have a question", Jaxx said, "I have this woman behind me with a gun to my head.  Nobody has taken MY gun.  What the hell is going on, and can she please take the gun away from my head?"

"Sure."  Howl gestured, and the pressure of the gun against Jaxx's head disappeared.  "We haven't taken your gun because whether or not you are armed makes precisely zero difference to us, detective.  Also, you're going to need that gun soon.  Very soon, unless I miss my guess."

"Okaaaaay".  Jaxx considered pulling his gun, but decided against it.  He was pretty sure he'd have better luck getting these insane bastards to talk without it, and this Sara person was still behind him.

"So, who are you people?  I know who Hamish is, and I'm guessing that the young lady is named Friday, but who are these other two and what the HELL is going on?"

"You are correct, Detective.  I am in fact Hamish Howl, this is in fact Friday, and these two lovely goons are Sara and Sheila, the Highsmith sisters.  They are badass Panzer Girls from back East, currently working for me as security.  Or muscle.  Take your pick.  As to what is going on, well..."

"Armageddon", Friday said with a smile.

"In a manner of speaking", Howl continued, "A murder has taken place, a murder that your department labeled a suicide and buried.  This murder has led to a breakdown in Normal Services, if you'll pardon some British humor."

"Did you kill Ahmad?"

"No", said Hamish.

"Yes", said Friday.

Hamish looked at Friday sternly.  "You did?"

"He was bent.  And working against you."

"Friday, we have TALKED about gratuitous killing, have we not?"

"No, boss, YOU talked about it.  I just sat there and thought about unicorns and puppies.   You took that for assent."

"Fair enough."

Jaxx broke in, "You murdered a cop, and you're sitting here talking about it in front of ANOTHER cop, like you were talking about parking in the handicapped space?"

Hamish read the concern on his face.  "You're going to leave this apartment alive, detective, have no fear.  Or at least WE won't kill you.  It is utterly not necessary for reasons which will become quite clear very soon."

"Now", said Sara, her head cocked to one side as she listened to the communications implant in her mastoid.  "The janitor just entered the building."

"Well", asked Hamish, "Are you ready for the fight of your life, detective?"

"What the HELL are you talking about?"

The apartment door opened.  Jaxx turned to look, and saw a man in janitor's overalls.  The man was holding a utility knife, and where his eyes should have been, there was only the snow of a television with no signal.

(To be continued)

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

trix

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  :argh!:  :argh!:  :argh!:
you can't cut to a commercial break NOW
it's about to get OMFG awesome!
goddamnit!  :argh!:

(but I love it of course!)
There's good news tonight.  And bad news.  First, the bad news: there is no good news.  Now, the good news: you don't have to listen to the bad news.
Zen Without Zen Masters

Quote from: Cain
Gender is a social construct.  As society, we get to choose your gender.