The History of Cybin Part1

[P3nT4gR4m]

Spiders smoking cigarettes invaded my home town
Killed everyone with a deadly mix
of passive smoke and venom

I was just a babe in arms I hid inside the teevee
I was brought up by the cast of beverly hills 90210
and some bears from a documentary on discovery channel

Shannon Doherty was my mom
and my dad was Tyson the alpha male grizzly

I'd divide my time between trips to the mall for the latest must-have fashion accessories
and practicing catching fish, in my teeth, at my favourite spot in the forest up the road.

One night the remote broke and me, my mom and dad and Lisa Simpson, who we'd met up with while late night channel hopping for food one night, got stuck in the movie The Shining and had to hide from Jack Nicholson for a while, as he chased Shelly Duvall around with a fireaxe.

Eventually I found out in CNN that the spiders had all died from emphysema and cancer and I climbed out the back of the teevee set a boy of thirteen with no knowledge of this strange new world I found myself in, other than the shows I'd visited, most of which, I later found out, weren't based on the single reality I found when I landed on my living room carpet in a shower of sparks and static.

It was a ghost town, littered with the silk-shrouded, dried out husks of it's former inhabitants. I found a supermarket. At least they were real, shame about the federation starship replicators but at least I could be pretty sure there'd be food inside. Some of the names I recognised, some of the sell by dates were still unreached. I filled a holdall I'd picked up in aisle 13, with as much food and drink and firm-hold stying gel as I could comfortably carry. I turned back on second thoughts, when I'd almost reached the exit and rifled the tills for cash, then I left. Next stop - a set of wheels then I really had to get my wardrobe in order.

[hunter s.durden]

Damn, I like this.

I wish I could animate. This would make a sweet fucking trip-toon.

[LHX]

nice bro

this would be a interesting style to develop

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'd driven forever when the skyliner ran out of gas. I got out, grabbed my pack from the back seat and set off on foot, into the desert, along the straight blacktop which extended forever, right up to the horizon. Some dogs were fighting with a predatory ostrich which had disturbed their nest looking for young. The tone of the place was menacing but I'd made a decision to keep going in a straight line until I'd worked out the circumference of the planet. I wanted to know where I was, it looked like earth but I had to be sure, something was gnawing away in the back of my mind.

I tried fast forward and even cutting a montage but it looked like that shit didn't work here so I kept walking.

No more than 25,000,000 steps later I arrived back at the Nissan with a can of gas I'd picked up along the way. Just as I suspected - this wasn't earth. Earth was over thirty eight and a half million steps. And there should have been water, I'd walked the whole way round.

I'd passed through cities and towns, farms and deserts and never seen another single human being the whole time, plenty of animals, all behaving strangely if discovery channel was to be believed. I'd seen everything from meowing alligators to worms that mimicked my voice back at me from the branches of trees.

I filled up the car and headed back to the town. I needed to get back inside the teevee and find out what the hell had happened.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I was surprised when I drove back into town and it was full of people. I turned around one eighty degrees, they all disappeared. I turned back, there they all were again. It was then I realised - this whole world was backwards. I walked up to one of them and said hi. He ignored me. He just kept on walking, right through me. I never felt a thing. Except, maybe, pity.

All thoughts of returning to the teevee left my mind like ever decreasing radio waves. I had to find a way to communicate with these poor creatures. Some kind of 6^th or maybe 7^th sense was telling me they were in danger. I looked around and then I saw it, an internet cafe. I closed the door and walked in.

The place was deserted. In both directions. I turned off the nearest terminal, got out my seat, closed a browser and logged out of a file dump site. A couple of mouseclicks later I watched the status bar slowly climb up to 100% and that was it, I'd uploaded myself to the internets. I made a quick backup to cd, just in case the server I was hosted on crashed or something, then I placed an ad on myspace and navigated to a pr0n site to kill some time until I got noticed.

Sure enough the profile pic of miss hotpants 05 paid off. I couldn't have been more than half way through my third facial cumshot when someone downloaded me. Time to put on my gameface. I was only going to get one shot at this and god only knew who was downloading.

My screen went blank as whoever it was installed and rebooted. Next thing I know I'm handcuffed to a chair and someone is shining a light in my face.

"Who are you and what do you know about the HIMEOBS project?"

[Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)]

And if you liked that reality twister, you'll probably get off on this too:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Only-Forward-Michael-Marshall-Smith/dp/0006512666

[P3nT4gR4m]

I strained to see the figure in the shadows behind the glare but it was no use. The poorly concealed snickering, however, belied the seriousness of the situation.

I decided I had very little to lose.

"Do you mind cutting the bullshit and explaining what's going on here?" I demanded.

"yeah okay, sorry dude, sometimes I forget you earthlings don't share our sense of humor."

The stranger went on to explain that he was an alien, from outer space. His name was a complex arrangement of pebbles which, roughly translated into earth language, was something along the lines of 'inserting eggs in you while you sleep'.

They, the space aliens, had set up this replica planet, in a museum, after reconstructing it from historical records found in the ruins of our civilization countless millenia after we had existed. It turned out the human race had been utterly obliterated by the cigarette smoking spiders and the world I stepped into when I left the safety of the teevee was an artificial reality, created on a complex network of highly advanced alien supercomputers.

It all sounded so plausible I almost believed him, but for one glaring flaw in his account ...

"There's no such thing as aliens." I told him.

"Quite so, young earthling, quite so, " he snickered, "Allow me to explain how we managed to get around that one."

The light was turned off and, as my eyes adjusted to the gloom I could make out my captor. He was a short fellow, about 5 foot with a heavy stoop and huge bushy eyebrows. If I didn't know better I'd have said he was a chimpanzee.

"You're a fucking monkey!" I exclaimed (I didn't know better)

"No I'm not," he smirked, "I'm a space alien, from the *ahem* gonad nebula *snort* I come in peace. Please, follow me. All will be revealed."

Before I had the chance to argue with him some more he turned on his little hand-like feet and hobbled through a doorway and out of the room. I rose and followed him, dragging my chair awkwardly along with me.