ITT: TGRR helps you with your personals ads.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

A logical deduction.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
I'm enjoying this.

SHIT this is good!

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sleepytiem
I'm enjoying this.

Education: Dropped out of space camp

It was too perfect!

Also, first response:

I concur!

What? I have no iea how to respond. There's nothing for him to concur with, and the fact that he's a decently high match with that account makes me wonder if he's serious  (I gave the most batshit, contradictory answers I could think of).

He's joking! A smart one! GET HIM.

He's not! I trawled through his profile and all signs point to real, and he's evidently totally serious in agreeing with sleeptiem that all liberals are whores.

OMG! Then PLAY IT PLAY IT PLAY IT for all it's worth!

Trolling: Making dating FUN again. 

[Juana]

ON IT.



ETA: I LOVE THIS KID.
Have started a new thread for this, so as to not spag up this one.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

ON IT.



ETA: I LOVE THIS KID.
Have started a new thread for this, so as to not spag up this one.

SWEEEEET

[Juana]

Here

[Cain]

What is your message to the single women of London, Roger?

I'm still coming up with my own, but I have actual emails to respond to as well, so it is taking time.

This Century's Dylan Thomas Looking for His Muse.
30/M/Chelsea.  I am a poet, and a rather good one if I do say so myself, no matter what soul-less editors may say.  My problem is that I am at the moment lacking inspiration, and that's where you come in.  "You" are an upper middle class woman who can keep things going around me while I churn out timeless prose.  Cooking skills and a job a plus.  The ideal woman knows where the brandy is, can speak to me almost at my own level (I am easily threatened, as most great artists are), and doesn't question why poets need nude models at 2AM.

When the inevitable breakup finally happens, rest assured that I will never, in fact, leave you.  Instead, I shall stand on the walk outside your house in the rain, reading Emily Dickenson (or, for the right girl, my own work) in a vain attempt to soften your heart.  This will continue, more or less, for 8-9 years...At which time I plan to drink myself to death outside of a pub in New York City.  Then you'll be sorry.

No critics, please.

And done.

I just realised, your former job as a romance novel editor is likely perfect for this kind of thing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What is your message to the single women of London, Roger?

I'm still coming up with my own, but I have actual emails to respond to as well, so it is taking time.

This Century's Dylan Thomas Looking for His Muse.
30/M/Chelsea.  I am a poet, and a rather good one if I do say so myself, no matter what soul-less editors may say.  My problem is that I am at the moment lacking inspiration, and that's where you come in.  "You" are an upper middle class woman who can keep things going around me while I churn out timeless prose.  Cooking skills and a job a plus.  The ideal woman knows where the brandy is, can speak to me almost at my own level (I am easily threatened, as most great artists are), and doesn't question why poets need nude models at 2AM.

When the inevitable breakup finally happens, rest assured that I will never, in fact, leave you.  Instead, I shall stand on the walk outside your house in the rain, reading Emily Dickenson (or, for the right girl, my own work) in a vain attempt to soften your heart.  This will continue, more or less, for 8-9 years...At which time I plan to drink myself to death outside of a pub in New York City.  Then you'll be sorry.

No critics, please.

And done.

I just realised, your former job as a romance novel editor is likely perfect for this kind of thing.

He has a gift.

[Cain]

I'm still getting emails back from my replies to actual personal ads.

I think I'm going to need a rota system or something, I'm essentially booked up to Xmas, unless they just wanna grab coffee or lunch down the road. 

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Can I have one too?  Pretty please.

Missouri Lady Needs Elvis

I'm waiting for The King, baby.  Ideal man will be 40-50 pounds overweight, have a pompadour (or wear a wig), and must sing "Love Me Tender" on command.  Leisure suits and/or a pink convertible a definite plus.  My hobbies include knitting, going to Branson, and pouring lye down gopher holes while my partner (maybe you!) strips to A Little Less Conversation, and holds off the PETA goons with a packaging stapler.

Christians only, please.

I will post this when I get home! 

Thank you.

Well it was interesting before they took the ad down.  It seems Missouri has no sense of humor....

I think you may be joking but on the chance that you aren't I would like to meet you.  I love Elvis and already have the costume.

- the only comment I might have responded to.

I wear the suit if you let me fuck you up the ass while having a little less conversation.

And the obligatory.....

How dare you bring Elvis into your whore game.  People like you should be in jail or dead. 

I got about 10 responses all about the same.

SIGH.....  I think I'll stay single.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Busy this morning.  Will respond later.

[Cain]

I am sad to report our Chelsea Poet has had no replies at all, so far.  Not flagged either, as far as I can tell. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Hit me.   

Providence Woman Seeking Mr Natural

I'm an outgoing divorcee with a new low tolerance for games.  My hobbies involve contact sports, pirate radio, and New Guinea cuisine.  My ideal man will have at most a nodding acquaintance with personal hygiene, enough patchouli oil to stop bullets, and a pony tail to make him forget both that he's middle aged and that he wasted his youth following the Grateful Dead around.  Birkenstocks a plus, but I'll settle for sandals & socks for the right guy.

He will also use slang that is 40 years out of date, wear clothes that Goodwill would turn down, and preach incessantly about whatever esoteric cause gripped his attention last.  I'd particularly like to hear him bitch about Tibet, without knowing or caring what the monarchy (prior to the Chinese occupation) was like.  A VW microbus will seal the deal.

No slackers.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

OK, gimme one.

Sailor Seeks Brandy
I'm an outgoing, fun-loving sailor who enjoys walking on the beach to stomp on piss crabs, choking skeeter (not the sports term, the other one), and cooking.  You are a late 20s/early 30s woman who doesn't mind dressing up like the cabin boy and calling me "Captain Crisco".  My perfect woman would also enjoy cooking, finding out what the bottom of the rum bottle looks like, and waking up in strange towns wearing someone else's clothes.  You're a fine girl, what a good wife you'd be...But my life, my love, and my lady are the sea.  Doo dee dee doo doo.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hit me.   

Providence Woman Seeking Mr Natural

I'm an outgoing divorcee with a new low tolerance for games.  My hobbies involve contact sports, pirate radio, and New Guinea cuisine.  My ideal man will have at most a nodding acquaintance with personal hygiene, enough patchouli oil to stop bullets, and a pony tail to make him forget both that he's middle aged and that he wasted his youth following the Grateful Dead around.  Birkenstocks a plus, but I'll settle for sandals & socks for the right guy.

He will also use slang that is 40 years out of date, wear clothes that Goodwill would turn down, and preach incessantly about whatever esoteric cause gripped his attention last.  I'd particularly like to hear him bitch about Tibet, without knowing or caring what the monarchy (prior to the Chinese occupation) was like.  A VW microbus will seal the deal.

No slackers.

PURE MAGIC. 

[East Coast Hustle]

OK, gimme one.

Sailor Seeks Brandy
I'm an outgoing, fun-loving sailor who enjoys walking on the beach to stomp on piss crabs, choking skeeter (not the sports term, the other one), and cooking.  You are a late 20s/early 30s woman who doesn't mind dressing up like the cabin boy and calling me "Captain Crisco".  My perfect woman would also enjoy cooking, finding out what the bottom of the rum bottle looks like, and waking up in strange towns wearing someone else's clothes.  You're a fine girl, what a good wife you'd be...But my life, my love, and my lady are the sea.  Doo dee dee doo doo.

will post this later and see what sort of magic happens.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

DO WANT

Tucson Woman Wants To Meet A Normal Guy
I'm 24/single/1 kid (deal with it or GTFO), and I'm sick of all the weird bastards in this town.  I'd like to meet a guy who has a JOB, who doesn't wear Goddamn "Trip Pants" at the age of 30, and understands that mullets didn't look good in the 80s, and they don't look good now.  Just a normal guy, you know?

If you have a nickname, don't contact me.  If you are a "furry", a goth, a "juggalo", do not respond.  If the height of your ambition is working in a call center, I am not for you.  If you own a Wii system, find someone else.  If, on the other hand, you like going out and doing things, finding some adventure in this Godforsaken shit hole, and have better plans than living and dying in an efficiency apartment, hit me up.

The right guy will also be able to deal with Knuckles, my ex-boyfriend, when he gets out of the state penitentiary in January.  He's the reason I hate Tucson, him and his biker buddies, and he still thinks wrapping tire irons around the heads of my dates will win me back.