Rant 61: Visitations

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 61
Visitations

,ÄúMany have tried to reach the shores of my wisdom but smashed apart on the rocks of their own seriousness!,Äù
-Eris (from the Dishonest Book of Truth; Revelation 3)

,ÄúI felt it again. She had come. Eris was here reading with me the words I had written. I asked ,ÄúWhat do you think of all this?,Äù And She answered ,ÄúHAHAHAHAHA!,Äù loudly, as, in my own soul, I laughed. She smiled and I felt the tingle that the presence of the Goddess always leaves me with. Eris went off to smite and to roll more golden apples. And then I realized I was laughing out loud.,Äù
-Tequilarius Malignatus (an account of what happened ten minutes ago)

,ÄúThose who know the real truth never rest in the illusion of certainty.,Äù
-Eris (from the Dishonest Book of Truths; Revelation

,ÄúWe saw the White Mouse on that night, no matter how much we tried to drink away the sight. And he had much to say about hairspray,Ķor was it cheese? Such esoteric matters are truly difficult to understand, let alone remember, especially when hung over.,Äù
¬-from the Book of the Tequila M??stica Cabal

,ÄúIf you,Äôre mean to Eris, She,Äôll disbar you and throw you in the nut-house.,Äù

,ÄúThe cloud patterns were clear that night as I looked up. ,ÄúEris is out smiting,Äù I said to myself.,Äù
-from a N?©alad??ireacht (an ancient Gaelic method of night-sky divination)

Eris is an awesome Goddess. She wields Her sledgehammer at times while at other times She wields Her briar staff. And some other times She shows up wielding nothing but Her disheveled robes and laughter that blows minds. Still at other times She just shows up throwing pop-tarts at you. And still even at other times, She just wants to chat,Äîand boy can She talk, but that,Äôs a topic for another time, perhaps. Not only will She show up with Her sledgehammer or staff, but just for giggles, She,Äôll let you wield them, if you wish. What other deity lets you do that? Well, okay,ĶBut we are not here concerned with the other deities. We are here just concerned with Eris and Her visitations, in as much as they can be called visitations, in as much it can be said that Eris actually ever really goes anywhere,Äîafter all, deities like Eris do not need to obey the laws of time and space, being deities and such (and it should go without saying). Some of Her manifestations are so subtle and seemingly ,Äòordinary,Äô that they would be easy to miss. Hell, the people known as THEM get visitations and manifestations of Eris all the time, and THEY never see that it,Äôs Her. But we know better, or at least we like to think of ourselves as knowing better. Her Apples of Discord are rolling all over the place,Äîand we must admit, if only to ourselves and never to THEM, that we helped contribute to that situation. Many people like to believe Hesiod (that old Greek writer) when he wrote that there were two deities called Eris; one a spur in your side to get you off your ass; the other a violent and angry war-causing spiteful power that strikes fear into the hearts of humankind,Äîor probably just ,Äòmankind,Äô as women usually had no reason to fear Eris. However, Hesiod was just fiddling around with semantics. We know both descriptions of Eris are about one and the same being. And She is your Goddess. Of course, the description of Her being the one who spurs you to get off your ass, fits well with modern Discordian ideas, in as much as it can be said that we have ideas, in as much as it can be said that ideas can be possessed. But we know that the angry spiteful description of Eris fits Her as well. Snub Her and watch how She gets. (I must add that insulting Her really doesn,Äôt anger Her, especially if you are one of Her Children, and She sort of expects that sort of thing from people going around calling themselves Discordians anyway.) Hesiod, though ancient and long dead, really didn,Äôt know what he was talking about, and his mindfuck, while possibly effective back when he wrote, has no effect on we Discordians today. Though it might still be useful to use on THEM.

Let,Äôs forget about Hesiod. In keeping with the law of fives, or something of that sort, there may be five main aspects of Erisian manifestations or visitations; Chaos, discord, confusion, bureaucracy, and the aftermath. Chaos being Eris,Äôs usual aspect of laugh-happy freedom and the dynamic balance between creative order and disorder,Äîthe Hodge and the Podge. Discord being what happens when Eris and/or Her Children are snubbed, ignored, or attacked,ÄîEris gets angry and She gets even, and so does Her Children. Confusion can be considered both the result of this discord started by Eris and Her Children (otherwise known as ,Äòus,Äô), and the result of THEM,Äîthe snubbers, etc.,Äîtrying to manage the ,Äòproblem,Äô. But we know THEY can,Äôt really manage the problem now, can THEY? Because of this confusion, THEY start to make laws, procedures, and ideas to cover every possibility in a feverish attempt to use confusion to get out of confusion, a.k.a. bureaucracy,Äîand it,Äôs because of ,Äòus,Äô that THEY do so. Of course bureaucracy is Eris simply making THEM look silly, and we are, of course, in on this gag. Eris also gets us to stuff the society at large with so many papers, files, reports, revelations, and ideas. So many uncategorizable damned things start popping up everywhere that society at large must use vast resources (such as paper or file space) to try to keep up. (Remember that when faced with Eris,Äôs bureaucracy aspect of confusion trying to solve confusion, THEY begin to go bananas, whereas ,Äòwe,Äô tend to laugh.) It is inevitable that the bureaucracy becomes so large and unwieldy by THEM that THEY begin to succumb to Eris,Äôs whispers or shouts of freedom,Äîthe aftermath being the aspect of Eris turning on the pineal gland. Many of THEM become ,Äòus,Äô and do not even know it, unless we tell THEM. Or Eris tells THEM.

Eris likes Her visitations for the entertainment value alone, although She also wants to let people know that they are free. But people don,Äôt ever get it, do THEY? People resort to all manner of justifications, rules, and reasons to act out their ethnic, racial, social, or economic injuries on others, all the while repeating their fabrications over and over again to try to convince themselves and others that THEY are not free to walk away from the game. Just because a cabbage has intelligent-sounding reasons does not mean a cabbage has intelligence. Cabbages also make the stupid claim that THEY want to be happy, but then go on ahead and inflict their miseries on anyone THEY can find,Äîinstead of trying to really find happiness. (Because cabbages don,Äôt really want happiness, despite all their denials. If THEY did want it, that would mean that THEY would have to stop shitting around with themselves and take some responsibility for the messes THEY create and then have to live in. Hell, we Discordians make messes too, but at least we admit it to ourselves.) What does Eris do with cabbages when She doesn,Äôt dry THEM out to be smoked in our pipes? Or when She isn,Äôt persuading the Irish to eat THEM? Of course, you know the answer. She smites THEM. Why? You know that answer too. THEY,Äôre always leaving Her out of their feasts and parties. She is too colorful, chaotic, free-minded, and happy for THEM and their grayness. THEY don,Äôt want to be happy or free. THEY merely want the simulacra of happiness and freedom that their neurotic obsessive ,Äòcertainty,Äô of grayness provides them with. My fellow Discordians, you don,Äôt have to believe me when I say that Eris smites THEM. Just try an experiment. Ask Her to smite one or some of THEM for you and then watch what happens. (It helps to first determine whether Eris is listening to you when you ask Her.) It sounds a bit too theistic for some people but hell, explain the results how you want to. Just try it out, or at least ask for a visitation from Her. Satisfaction is guaranteed, at least from Eris,Äôs point of view.

Of course She may just start appearing in your life anyway, whether you ask Her to come by and chat or not. And if you do ask Her to smite for you, then you can pretty much bet that She,Äôll be popping in from time to time to check on you and persuade you to try out missionary work in Her name,Äîwhatever such work would entail,Äîor to write revelations down for your Discordian siblings. Then again I might just be crazy.

Hail Eris!

(Bureaucracy 16th, 3170)