Shameless Slander #8: Demosquid

[Doktor Howl]

Demosquid is the sole survivor of the rescue team from Earth 5.  They've been trying to save us for a long time, you see.  A very long time.  In their world, Hypatia of Alexandria wasn't murdered by religious fanatics, and we had calculus 1200 years early.  And with calculus, we had an amazing burst of science...Math, chemistry, engineering.  Due to steam engines, the Roman empire never fell.  Due to spreading education, the empire was reformed to some degree.

There were no dark ages, thus no 30 years war, thus no 20th century wars.  They fly to the stars on a regular basis, and collection devices remove greenhouse gasses from the air for use elsewhere.

Their scientists learned of us.  The Tunguska explosion was an early attempt to beat their way through to us, to help us.  It failed.  They're not Gods, they're just advanced.

A later attempt partially succeeded.  Demosquid, their archivist, got through; the rest were lost in the in-between spaces, which are best not discussed.  They will try again, they are just that concerned with their fellow primates.  Demosquid waits for that, because he can't quite remember what he was supposed to say.  It got lost out there in the darkness, I guess.

So he waits, while the atmosphere fills up with methane and carbon dioxide, and the seas turn acid, and he wonders how such an intelligent species got everything so utterly wrong.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Eeeeeeeeeeeee! 

[Eater of Clowns]

Serves the benevolent bastard right. If they cared about us at all they'd have destroyed us as soon as they could.

[Demolition Squid]

Serves the benevolent bastard right. If they cared about us at all they'd have destroyed us as soon as they could.

Why would we do that, when you're doing such a good job of it yourself? If we just wanted everything dead, it'd almost be a crime in itself to stop the masters of the art from showing us the end game, no?

Besides. We are trying to help, yes, but it isn't just about that. I can't understand how things went so dreadfully wrong, and how they keep going wrong, here. It isn't as though you're ignorant as a species. Why is it that an entire planet decides to shout down the portion of the population that points out everyone is going to die?

That's the question that keeps me up at night.

I wish I'd at least been able to keep hold of the library - what is an archivist without an archive? But no. I can't help you. I could have, but I messed up. When the others get here, though, maybe I can show them why. Maybe you can help us stop this kind of madness where it can be found in the... other places. It isn't as though there's nothing you can teach us. Its just that, most of it, seems like a lesson in what not to do, you see?

The Empress (if she's still serving her term when I get back) won't believe half the stories I have collected so far. Still acting as though geography has some innate bearing on a person's worth, islands made of plastic refuse ... and cheese is so expensive here! But at least the dormice are plentiful.

But the good Doktor is right. They will be here for me soon. They won't just leave me here. Not here, whilst the whole place decides to commit suicide by - essentially - drowning in its own flatulence. They wouldn't allow that. They can't. I'm sure the very best minds will be on the case.

The others will probably be right along by morning, I'm sure of it.

The end of the week at the latest.

Right?

[EK WAFFLR]

Sweet!