Fruit is fucking awesome. It's all growing on trees and shrubs and shit, and you can totally just leave a fruit-bearing plant in your backyard, never do any work (except the initial planting if you don't already have one), and BAM it'll give you a bunch of awesome fruit FOR FREE.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
If you're really hardcore, you can grow shit like cantaloupes and watermelon in a garden but that's work so screw that.
(http://www.port-international.de/images/katalog_neu/1/mangos.jpg)
MANGOES FUCK YEAH
Eat these sweet bitches straight (gotta slice 'em up though 'cause the skin and seed are some nasty shit) or make a delicious-as-fuck mango chutney to smear all over your boring-ass chicken, and possibly you or your significant other's tits if you're into that.
Some of 'em are like WEEDS and once you have them they just spread everywhere, dumping delicious fruit ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. I just walked out of my house and BAM! Right in the middle of a raspberry patch. I just grabbed handfuls of those little fuckers off the bush and popped 'em right in my mouth until my belly was full.
Fucking raspberries:
(http://www.raspberries.us/red-raspberries-318.jpg)
Oh HELL yeah raspberries. Think I'm gonna pay whatever the hell they're charging for a tiny box of them at the store? Fuck no. Get 'em for free right off of mother nature's bountiful awesomeness.
Strawberries:
(http://makeitdo.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/strawberry_sweet_temptation.jpg)
They grow on the motherfucking ground, like sweet little ninjas of fruity reproduction. These motherfuckers are so badass that they not only propagate by seed, but they also divide at the root, and not content with that, they ALSO send out runners to colonize nearby soil. These badass bitches would take over the world if they weren't stopped by force, and on top of that they have enlisted humankind to help them in their domination by tempting us with sweet, delicious fruit, which they will gladly produce great bounties of even in the poorest soil, with almost no maintenance (other than trying to keep them out of everywhere else in your garden).
Hey guise, wanna know what?
My parents have a papaya tree. MOTHERFUCKING PAPAYAS.
(http://mossagrow.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/papaya1.jpg)
Ever see the fucking size of a papaya? HOLY FUCK they're like a GODDAMN rugby ball, FUCK!
(http://www.gmc2u.com/FtFiles/FEA00021_16-%20papaya.jpg)
And look at all those GODDAMN SEEDS. You can grow a whole GODDAMN orchard of fucking papayas with those fuckers! SHIT!
PAPAYAS! :fap:
Holy motherfucking shit, Crabapple trees!
(http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h14/Angie_HomeGrown/crabapple1.jpg)
What's that, you say? You don't like crabapples?
Well FUCK YOU. This bitch puts out so many goddamn apples that you seriously don't know what to do with the motherfucking things. You'll choke to death on sour-tinged heaven, and this mean, green, botanical machine will still have enough to feed a fucking army.
(http://images.mooseyscountrygarden.com/gardening-journals/garden-journal-04/crab-apple-autumn.jpg)
You will nom, and you will fucking love it.
Quote from: Suu on June 30, 2010, 11:35:59 PM
Hey guise, wanna know what?
My parents have a papaya tree. MOTHERFUCKING PAPAYAS.
(http://mossagrow.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/papaya1.jpg)
Ever see the fucking size of a papaya? HOLY FUCK they're like a GODDAMN rugby ball, FUCK!
(http://www.gmc2u.com/FtFiles/FEA00021_16-%20papaya.jpg)
And look at all those GODDAMN SEEDS. You can grow a whole GODDAMN orchard of fucking papayas with those fuckers! SHIT!
i AM SO GODDAMNED JEALOUS!
Papaya juice and spiced rum FTW!
TWO WORDS:
CRABAPPLE JELLY
FUCK YEAH!
GRAPES
(http://www.piercemattiepublicrelations.com/fitnessdivision/HangingGrapes.jpg)
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S A HUGE FUCKING PIC
BECAUSE LOOK AT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PLANT 'EM, JUST THROW A STICK ON THE GROUND AND IN A COUPLE YEARS IT'S A 70-FOOT VINE CLIMBING TREES AND SHIT. AND THEN IN THE FALL THAT SONOFABITCH WILL PRODUCE A MILLION POUNDS OF UNCONTROLLABLE CLUSTERS OF FRUIT
YOU CAN MAKE WINE WITH THESE BITCHES, OR RAISINS, OR JELLY, OR JUST EAT 'EM FRESH OFF THE VINE LIKE GODDAMN VINE CANDY.
You see that white powdery shit?! THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING YEAST ON THOSE GRAPES!
WINE! NAO!
(http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq354/dickthecat/foodporn_loquat_boobs.jpg)
Quote from: Richter on July 01, 2010, 12:19:01 AM
(http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq354/dickthecat/foodporn_loquat_boobs.jpg)
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
I am pretty sure I want to eat it, whatever the fuck it is.
Kumquats!
TEN POSTS APPEARED IN THIS THREAD SINCE I LAST CHECKED
I THINK I MAY HAVE JIZZED MYSELF ON ACCOUNT OF ALL THIS FRUIT
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/234/freakingblueberriescopy.jpg)
BLUEBERRIES, GOD DAMN
THEY'RE NOT ALL OVER THE SHITTING PLACE LIKE BLACKBERRIES AND RASPBERRIES, BUT HOLY HOT DAMN IN A TOASTED SESAME BUN WITH A HOT SEX SAUCE DO THEY PRODUCE ONCE THEY'VE GOT GOING
WHAT YOU'RE SEEING HERE IS THE PRODUCT OF MAYBE A WEEK'S GROWTH ON TWO BLUEBERRY BUSHES. NOT EVEN, BECAUSE THERE WERE MORE LEFT OVER WE JUST GOT TIRED OF ALL THAT GODDAMN PICKING
THERE'S SO MANY I HAD TO USE PAYNE'S FACE A 9-VOLT BATTERY JUST FOR A SCALE REFERENCE 'CAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW MANY OF THIS DELICIOUS FREAKING BERRIES WE'VE GOT HERE
Quote from: Richter on July 01, 2010, 12:40:32 AM
Kumquats!
I'LL KUM IN YOUR QUAT! THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, SWEET AND TANGY ALL UP IN YOUR MOUTH AND THEY POP WHEN YOU BITE INTO 'EM!
Fuck yes! Fruit is the entire reason this planet still exists. Even universe trekking aliens know to leave us alone because if they blew us up, no more fucking fruit for them.
I mean, just look at these mother fucking bananas:
(http://nazret.com/blog/media/blogs/new/banana.jpg)
You would slap your mom for bananas like this. Everything tastes better with bananas in it. EVERYTHING!!!!
:banana: :banana: :banana:
Quote from: Cainad on July 01, 2010, 02:40:57 AM
TEN POSTS APPEARED IN THIS THREAD SINCE I LAST CHECKED
I THINK I MAY HAVE JIZZED MYSELF ON ACCOUNT OF ALL THIS FRUIT
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/234/freakingblueberriescopy.jpg)
BLUEBERRIES, GOD DAMN
THEY'RE NOT ALL OVER THE SHITTING PLACE LIKE BLACKBERRIES AND RASPBERRIES, BUT HOLY HOT DAMN IN A TOASTED SESAME BUN WITH A HOT SEX SAUCE DO THEY PRODUCE ONCE THEY'VE GOT GOING
WHAT YOU'RE SEEING HERE IS THE PRODUCT OF MAYBE A WEEK'S GROWTH ON TWO BLUEBERRY BUSHES. NOT EVEN, BECAUSE THERE WERE MORE LEFT OVER WE JUST GOT TIRED OF ALL THAT GODDAMN PICKING
THERE'S SO MANY I HAD TO USE PAYNE'S FACE A 9-VOLT BATTERY JUST FOR A SCALE REFERENCE 'CAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW MANY OF THIS DELICIOUS FREAKING BERRIES WE'VE GOT HERE
:aaa:
I just fapped myself unconscious.
NEVER RUB ANOTHER MAN'S RHUBARB.
(http://www.allotment.org.uk/greenhouse/fruit/assets/rhubarb.jpg)
AND THEN THIS THREAD INSPIRED ME TO MAKE A BLUEBERRY+BLUE STILTON+CREAM CHEESE TOAST SANDWICH:
(http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/4557/blueberrybluecheesetoas.jpg)
WHICH I AM EATING AS I POST THIS
AND IS CAUSING DELICIOUS PURPLE GREEN BLUE ORGASM EXPLOSIONS IN MY MOUF
Oh my god zippletits
I am actually drooling over here
oh I forget to mention it was blueberry jam, and not actual blueberries, but personally I like them better as jam anyway.
I might need to make another one, yeah?
Quote from: Nigel on July 01, 2010, 03:03:52 AM
Quote from: Richter on July 01, 2010, 12:40:32 AM
Kumquats!
I'LL KUM IN YOUR QUAT! THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, SWEET AND TANGY ALL UP IN YOUR MOUTH AND THEY POP WHEN YOU BITE INTO 'EM!
:fap:
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 01, 2010, 11:09:27 AM
AND THEN THIS THREAD INSPIRED ME TO MAKE A BLUEBERRY+BLUE STILTON+CREAM CHEESE TOAST SANDWICH:
(http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/4557/blueberrybluecheesetoas.jpg)
WHICH I AM EATING AS I POST THIS
AND IS CAUSING DELICIOUS PURPLE GREEN BLUE ORGASM EXPLOSIONS IN MY MOUF
Get rid of the Stilton and I'd totally rock this.
Not that I think it's gross, it's just that, you know, it will kill me.
HOLY FUCKING DICKS, THIS THREAD NEEDS SOME MOTHERFUCKING KIWIFRUIT ALL UP IN IT.
YEAH, THESE HAIRY LITTLE BASTARDS WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND.
(http://static.zooomr.com/images/3051616_6ce63fd5a0_o.jpg)
THIS SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH ISN'T ACTUALLY RELATED TO THE KIWI AT ALL, BUT IT'S WEARING A RATHER CLEVER DISGUISE TO SCARE AWAY PREDATORS BY MASQUERADING AS A FLIGHTLESS BIRD. THE THING IS, UNLIKE A REAL KIWI, WHEN YOU CUT ONE OF THESE FLUFFY BROWN EGGS OPEN... IT'S BRIGHT FUCKING GREEN ON THE INSIDE.
LIKE SOME SORT OF SPACEFRUIT.
WHAT IS WITH THIS SHIT?
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 01, 2010, 11:09:27 AM
AND THEN THIS THREAD INSPIRED ME TO MAKE A BLUEBERRY+BLUE STILTON+CREAM CHEESE TOAST SANDWICH:
(http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/4557/blueberrybluecheesetoas.jpg)
WHICH I AM EATING AS I POST THIS
AND IS CAUSING DELICIOUS PURPLE GREEN BLUE ORGASM EXPLOSIONS IN MY MOUF
I
WANT
THIS
NAO!!!
*Homer Simpson gaaaharrrahraarhrrr* Blueberries AND stilton!?! OMFG
HOW CAN ANY OF YOU BITCHES FORGET TO MENTION MOTHERFUCKING JUICY-AS-YOUR-ASS NECTARINES? THEY ARE THE NECTAR OF THE GODS! THEY MAKE YOU CUM IN YOUR PANTIES JUST THINKING ABOUT THEIR TASTY GOODNESS!
(http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h183/Jenne73/nectarines.jpg)
PLEASE TO NEVAR FORGET THE FLAVORS RUNNING DOWN YOUR MOUF, BETWEEN YOUR BREASTES, ALONG YOUR CALVES AND INTO YOUR SOCKS! ONE BITE OF A RIPE ONE OF DEEZ, AND YOU WILL FAINT DEAD AWAY. THEY WILL HAVE TO SHOCK YOU BACK TO LIFE AFTER YOU SWALLOW.
the Stilton was a happy deal, in the supermarket they discount 35% if it's on the "best before" date ... but really what's blue cheese going to do, get extra mouldy? :lol:
and for Suu... well the entire point of the toast sandwich was the Stilton of course. BUT!! Maybe you're not allergic to goat cheese? Cause in that case I have another awesome recipe which has the blueberry jam, soft goat cheese, walnuts and fresh spinach leaves (inna baguette, I had it, but anything works). Which is also great. And if you're allergic to walnuts, they are optional-ish. But a bit of strong tasting cheese isn't.
YOU FUCKERS FORGOT PLUMS! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
(http://www.freshplaza.com/2008/0523/sunworld.jpg)
LOOK AT THAT BITCH, SHE'S JUST ASKING TO GET BIT. ALL SWEET AND DELICIOUS, JUICES RUN DOWN YOUR FACE.
EAT EM PLAIN OR MAKE SOME FRUIT GOO WITH EM. PUT EM IN A PIE. IF THEY DRY OUT, NO PROBLEM CUZ NAO YOU HAVE PRUNES. STILL FUCKING TASTY. I BET THEY'D GO GOOD IN A SALAD, TOO.
Plum preserves...mmmmmmmmmmm
FUCKING APPLES, COCKSUCKER!
(http://childreach.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/20080920inseason-apples2.jpg?w=458&h=291)
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, THESE CRISPY-ASS BITCHES WILL THROW DOWN AND OWN ALL OTHER FRUIT WITH THEIR AWESOME GENETIC DIVERSITY, PLUS THEY GROW EVERYFUCKINGWHERE
DO NOT FUCK WITH THESE HIGH-IN-DIETARY-FIBER MOTHERFUCKERS BECAUSE IF YOU EAT ENOUGH OF THEM THEY WILL GIVE YOU A FULL RDA OF VITAMIN C AND THE SHITS
YOU CAN MAKE PIE WITH THESE NINJA FRUITS, OR APPLESAUCE, OR APPLE BUTTER, OR CIDER, OR BRANDY, OR FRUIT LEATHER... FUCK, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN'T MAKE WITH 'EM???
CRUNCH INTO ONE AND LET THE SWEET-TART CRISPINESS FILL YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH HAVE YOU EVER EATEN ANYTHING SO QUINTESSENTIALLY WHOLESOME? NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT. THESE FRUITS ARE STRAIGHT FROM GOD'S MOTHERFUCKING CRADLE OF HUMANITY, D/N/T.
CRAMULUS GET YOUR ASS IN HERE, IT'S TIME TO REPRESENT AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT FOR, YOU PULP-SHITTING STICK-FIGHTING FLAXEN-HAIRED SON OF A BASTARD.
I ATE A FEW OUNCES OF HONEYDEW MELON YESTERDAY.
DOES THAT COUNT?
HOLY FUCK WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING? DO YOU HAVE RENAL DAMAGE OF THE BRAIN OR SOMETHING???
FRUIT IS NOT GOOD, IN FACT IT'S BAD
FRUIT WILL MAKE YOU SHIT 8 TIMES A DAY IN THE COLOR OF THE FRUIT YOU'VE BEEN EATING
WHILE NORMALLY THIS WOULD BE COOL, IT IS ACTUALLY PAINFUL AND AWFUL
BY PROMOTING FRUIT, YOU ARE ENCOURAGING THE YOUTH TO FUCK UP THEIR RENAL SYSTEMS. THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS OR SOME SHIT, IT'S NOT TIME FOR RENAL MADNESS.
HAVE YOU EVER MADE LOVE TO A FRUIT? IT'S DISAPPOINTING. AFTER YOU'VE GOTTEN YOUR FRUIT OFF, THEY RARELY RECIPROCATE. TRY EXPLAINING THAT ONE TO YOUR FISTS AS THEY HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK.
WHAT THE FUCK, CRAMULUS
WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING US ABOUT THE GLORY AND WONDER OF ORANGES?
(http://www.solarnavigator.net/solar_cola/cola_images/Oranges_Ambersweet.jpg)
IN GREAT DETAIL?
BLALALLALALLALHHHHGH
^
DID YOU READ THAT?
I DIDN'T TYPE THAT, MY VOMIT DID
MOTHERFUCKING TOMATOES, CUNTFACE!!!!
(http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc26/TheAskCy/Tomato%20Soup/Photo0074.jpg)
THAT'S RIGHT! TOMATOES ARE FUCKING FRUIT! IF YOU CAN MAKE A FUCKING PIE OUT OF IT, THEN IT IS A FRUIT! EVER HEARD OF PIZZA?
TOMATOES ARE IN THE DEADLY NIGHTSHADE FAMILY, ALSO, THEY HAVE A LOT OF ITALIAN FRIENDS! TOMATOES HAVE MOTHERFUCKING CONNECTIONS AND THEY WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP FOR CALLING A TOMATO A VEGETABLE!
COMBINE THIS WITH THE TOMATO'S HIGH LEVELS OF VITAMIN A, C, AND LYCOPENE, ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL ANTIOXIDANTS KNOWN TO MAN, AND YOU HAVE AN OFFER YOU CAN NOT REFUSE!
WHAT'S THAT? YOU DON'T LIKE TOMATOES?
ENJOY YOUR CANCER MOTHERFUCKER!
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2010, 07:14:05 PM
I ATE A FEW OUNCES OF HONEYDEW MELON YESTERDAY.
DOES THAT COUNT?
WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING ODE TO MELON???
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 01, 2010, 06:19:16 PM
the Stilton was a happy deal, in the supermarket they discount 35% if it's on the "best before" date ... but really what's blue cheese going to do, get extra mouldy? :lol:
and for Suu... well the entire point of the toast sandwich was the Stilton of course. BUT!! Maybe you're not allergic to goat cheese? Cause in that case I have another awesome recipe which has the blueberry jam, soft goat cheese, walnuts and fresh spinach leaves (inna baguette, I had it, but anything works). Which is also great. And if you're allergic to walnuts, they are optional-ish. But a bit of strong tasting cheese isn't.
mmm must try the goats cheese version, without the walnuts.
Quote from: Nigel on July 01, 2010, 09:23:26 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2010, 07:14:05 PM
I ATE A FEW OUNCES OF HONEYDEW MELON YESTERDAY.
DOES THAT COUNT?
WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING ODE TO MELON???
melons hate me, bastards make my face swell
HOLY FUCKING SHITCOCKS!!! AM I MISSING A THREAD ABOUT FUCKING FRUIT APPRECIATION? DID I JUST FUCKING SPELL THAT WRONG?!? I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW!
LET ME TELL YOU TUBESHITS ABOUT MOTHERFUCKING STAR FRUIT!
THAT'S RIGHT YOU FUCKBUCKETS! STAR FUIT. FUCKING FRUIT, SHAPED LIKE A GOD DAMNED STAR. WHAT JIZZPUMPING ALIEN PLANET DID THESE BITCHES COME FROM ANYWAY.
SMELL EM! SMELL THAT? YEAH MOTHERFUCKER, THEY TASTE JUST THAT GOOD! AS GOOD AS THEY SMELL!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!
I am currently eating a bowl of steamed vegetables.
Does that qualify?
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/forum/brochead.png)
Quote from: Cramulus on July 01, 2010, 10:53:12 PM
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/forum/brochead.png)
I can't see that, but judging from the URL, I imagine that it is a less than properly respectful picture of myself. I'm a DOKTOR, for chrissakes, and should be held in reverence, not kicked around photoshop like some day laborer!
(ho ho ho!)
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2010, 10:55:17 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on July 01, 2010, 10:53:12 PM
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/forum/brochead.png)
I can't see that, but judging from the URL, I imagine that it is a less than properly respectful picture of myself. I'm a DOKTOR, for chrissakes, and should be held in reverence, not kicked around photoshop like some day laborer!
(ho ho ho!)
It's "My head is a broccoli, your argument is invalid."
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 01, 2010, 06:19:16 PM
and for Suu... well the entire point of the toast sandwich was the Stilton of course. BUT!! Maybe you're not allergic to goat cheese? Cause in that case I have another awesome recipe which has the blueberry jam, soft goat cheese, walnuts and fresh spinach leaves (inna baguette, I had it, but anything works). Which is also great. And if you're allergic to walnuts, they are optional-ish. But a bit of strong tasting cheese isn't.
I'm starving now!!!!!
BLACKBERRIES
(http://dandeliondiadem.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/wild_blackberries.jpg)
AND THEIR PREMATURELY RIPENING COUSINS, THE DEWBERRIES
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o152/hi_loh2o/IMG_0057.jpg)
ARE WEEDS. MOTHERFUCKING DELICIOUS WEEDS. I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN BE TOO LAZY TO MAINTAIN A GARDEN, AND BOOM! NATURE GIVES ME FREE PIE FILLING. WE ALSO MADE DEWBERRY JAM, WHICH WE USE ON BISCUITS AND ON ICE CREAM.
Quote from: Father Kurt Christ on July 02, 2010, 02:19:23 AM
BLACKBERRIES
(http://dandeliondiadem.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/wild_blackberries.jpg)
AND THEIR PREMATURELY RIPENING COUSINS, THE DEWBERRIES
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o152/hi_loh2o/IMG_0057.jpg)
ARE WEEDS. MOTHERFUCKING DELICIOUS WEEDS. I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN BE TOO LAZY TO MAINTAIN A GARDEN, AND BOOM! NATURE GIVES ME FREE PIE FILLING. WE ALSO MADE DEWBERRY JAM, WHICH WE USE ON BISCUITS AND ON ICE CREAM.
:mittens:
HEY
YOU BUTTWEEVILS ON PAGE THREE POSTING ABOUT VEGETABLES
THIS IS A FUCKING FRUIT THREAD
YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE FISH LIQUOR APPRECIATION ASSHOLE CLUB IF YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT VEGETABLES
god damn it now you've got me pissed off
(http://jan.ucc.nau.edu/~jlp92/Images/FrootLoops.jpg)
Look at this fucking abomination. It's spelled wrong and the little neon-colored turds taste like a chemical refinery more than fruit.
ON A LIGHTER AND MORE CHEERY FUCKING NOTE
(http://pested.ifas.ufl.edu/newsletters/2009-01/grapefruit.jpg)
GRAPEFRUITS
DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING HERE? GRAPEFRUIT IS NOT ONLY A MORE SOUR, BITTER ALTERNATIVE TO ORANGES FOR BITTER ASSHOLES LIKE MYSELF, BUT IT IS ALSO MENTIONED IN HUNTER S. THOMPSON'S FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS. I THINK GRAPEFRUIT PRETTY MUCH SPEAKS FOR ITSELF WITHOUT ME EVEN HAVING TO SWEAR TOO MUCH
HOLY TWATWAFFLING FUCKBOTS AT A PRETZEL STAND WHAT IS THIS SHIT?
(http://allfoodsnatural.com/image/fruit/cantaloupe_melon.jpg)
I'LL TELL YOU; IT'S A FUCKING CANTALOUPE. THAT'S RIGHT, A MELON THE SIZE OF YOUR DOGNOGGLING HEAD, ONLY FULL OF SWEET, DELICIOUS MELON-MEAT
SWEET BABY JESUS ON A TOBOGGAN, JUST CUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER IN HALF AND SCOOP OUT THE SEEDS AND PULP AND THEN CARVE THAT BAD BOY UP AND JAM IT INTO YOUR GAPING PIEHOLE UNTIL YOU CAN BARELY GET YOUR JAW CLOSED AND SUCK ON IT UNTIL THE PULPY GOODNESS SLIDES DOWN YOUR THROAT LIKE THE MUSKY JISM OF GOD HIMSELF, IF GOD EJACULATED MELONS
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO BE GOD'S MELON-SUCKING WHORE IF IT MEANS YOU GET TO EAT THIS
AND IF YOU'RE SOME KIND OF FAIRY PRINCESS DOING A PANTYWAISTED NAMBY PAMBY DIET OR SOME SHIT, THESE DIVINE SPERMATAZOAS ONLY HAVE ABOUT 150 CALORIES IN THE WHOLE FUCKING THING SO EAT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN STAND, YOU BODY-DYSMORPHIC-DISORDER-HAVING CRAPWEASEL.
FORGET EVERYTHING YOU "KNOW" ABOUT MELONS.
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e3/Kiwano_2009.jpg/800px-Kiwano_2009.jpg)
THIS TWISTED LITTLE BITCH APPEARS THE BE THE PRODUCT OF A HEDGEHOG FUCKING A BLOWFISH AND ARRANGING SURROGACY WITH SOME KIND OF CUCUMBER VINE. JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS FOUL ABNORMALITY IS GIVING ME THE FEAR. IN MY PANCE. THIS DERANGED MOTHERFUCKER WILL SPIKE YOU IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT IT THE WRONG WAY. IT'S LIKE A BULL, BUT INSTEAD OF HAVING A COW ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ITS HORNS, IT JUST HAS MORE HORNS. OH, AND IN THE MIDDLE? DELICIOUS FUCKING FRUIT.
ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS FUCKER ON?
SLAP ON SOME GLOVES, JIMMY, AND GET WRESTLING. TEAR IT IN HALF WITH YOUR BARE HANDS THEN HOLD IT OVER YOUR FACE AND SQUEEZE IT. GELATINOUS GREEN GOO WILL SPLATTER ALL OVER YOU, AND TEMPORALLY BLIND YOU SO YOU CAN'T TELL WHETHER SOMEONE JUST SNEEZED ON YOU OR IF YOU SOMEHOW FOUND YOURSELF IN THE CENTER OF AN INTERGALACTIC BUKKAKE CIRCLE
THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT, DOOD?!
This newb is GOING PLACES!
(http://www.fancydressnation.co.uk/acatalog/sm30468.jpg)
LOOK AT THIS FRUIT
HE IS WHO I AM VISUALIZING AS I AM READING YOUR INCESSANT FRUITLOVING POSTS
THIS SPAG LOOKS LIKE HE WENT UP TO A CHICK AT THIS HALLOWEEN PARTY AND WAS LIKE,
"HEY BABY LOOK HOW BIG MY BANANA PENIS IS"
OR SOME CORNY SHIT LIKE THAT
YES YOU HAVE A BIG DICK, I GET IT
LUCKILY PENIS SIZE IS A WOMAN'S FIRST AND ONLY CRITERIA FOR SLEEPING WITH A DUDE
SO THIS GUY GETS LAID EVERY NIGHT
I A LITTLE FUCKING JEALOUS, FRANKLY
Quote from: Remington on July 02, 2010, 07:58:51 AM
This newb is GOING PLACES!
FERCA= PAESIOR, not n00b, new account.
MOTHERFUCKING FIGS!!!
OH YEAH, I SAID FIGS. WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THOSE FUCKING NEWTONS OR "FRUIT AND CAKE" WE'RE TALKING FIGS...
BOILED, BAKED, GRILLED, ROASTED, TOASTED OR JAMMED THESE FUCKERS ARE AWESOME. THEY PLAY WELL WITH OTHER FRUITS SO YOU CAN MIX AND MATCH FOR DELICIOUSNESS IN YOUR MOUTH!!!(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/Siochain/figpic.jpg)
SO WHILE YOU THINK YOU MAY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT FIGS THAT YOU WANT TO KNOW, YOU ARE WRONG!!!
FIGS CONTAIN VITAMIN A, VITAMIN B1, VITAMIN B2, CALCIUM, IRON, PHOSPHORUS, MANGANESE, SODIUM, POTASSIUM AND CHLORINE AND YOU THINK BECAUSE OF ALL THAT BULLSHIT THEY TASTE BAD?? OH FUCK NO, THEY HAVE SO MUCH NATURAL SWEETNESS YOUR DENTIST HAS THEM ON HIS NO EAT LIST.
JUST LOOK AT THIS....(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/Siochain/FIGANDBLACKBERRY.jpg)
DON'T YOU WANT TO GET A SPOON AND CRAM THAT IN YOUR MOUTH?
FIGS MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU HAVE TO RECOGNIZE AND SHOW SOME LOVE AND RESPECT!!!
Quote from: Cainad on July 02, 2010, 03:10:31 AM
HEY
YOU BUTTWEEVILS ON PAGE THREE POSTING ABOUT VEGETABLES
THIS IS A FUCKING FRUIT THREAD
YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE FISH LIQUOR APPRECIATION ASSHOLE CLUB IF YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT VEGETABLES
god damn it now you've got me pissed off
(http://jan.ucc.nau.edu/~jlp92/Images/FrootLoops.jpg)
Look at this fucking abomination. It's spelled wrong and the little neon-colored turds taste like a chemical refinery more than fruit.
ON A LIGHTER AND MORE CHEERY FUCKING NOTE
(http://pested.ifas.ufl.edu/newsletters/2009-01/grapefruit.jpg)
GRAPEFRUITS
DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING HERE? GRAPEFRUIT IS NOT ONLY A MORE SOUR, BITTER ALTERNATIVE TO ORANGES FOR BITTER ASSHOLES LIKE MYSELF, BUT IT IS ALSO MENTIONED IN HUNTER S. THOMPSON'S FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS. I THINK GRAPEFRUIT PRETTY MUCH SPEAKS FOR ITSELF WITHOUT ME EVEN HAVING TO SWEAR TOO MUCH
Oh Eris, I screwed up... I thought they were oranges, but then I took one bite and realized that they were fucking GRAPEFRUITS :horrormirth:
Quote from: Ferka Zarco on July 02, 2010, 04:36:19 AM
FORGET EVERYTHING YOU "KNOW" ABOUT MELONS.
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e3/Kiwano_2009.jpg/800px-Kiwano_2009.jpg)
THIS TWISTED LITTLE BITCH APPEARS THE BE THE PRODUCT OF A HEDGEHOG FUCKING A BLOWFISH AND ARRANGING SURROGACY WITH SOME KIND OF CUCUMBER VINE. JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS FOUL ABNORMALITY IS GIVING ME THE FEAR. IN MY PANCE. THIS DERANGED MOTHERFUCKER WILL SPIKE YOU IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT IT THE WRONG WAY. IT'S LIKE A BULL, BUT INSTEAD OF HAVING A COW ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ITS HORNS, IT JUST HAS MORE HORNS. OH, AND IN THE MIDDLE? DELICIOUS FUCKING FRUIT.
ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS FUCKER ON?
SLAP ON SOME GLOVES, JIMMY, AND GET WRESTLING. TEAR IT IN HALF WITH YOUR BARE HANDS THEN HOLD IT OVER YOUR FACE AND SQUEEZE IT. GELATINOUS GREEN GOO WILL SPLATTER ALL OVER YOU, AND TEMPORALLY BLIND YOU SO YOU CAN'T TELL WHETHER SOMEONE JUST SNEEZED ON YOU OR IF YOU SOMEHOW FOUND YOURSELF IN THE CENTER OF AN INTERGALACTIC BUKKAKE CIRCLE
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE FUCKING SEXY ASS BITCH FRUITS ARE!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
:fap:
MOTHER OF GODPUKING ALIEN TITS CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS?!
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/89/Harvey_Fierstein_Shankbone_Metropolitan_Opera_2009.jpg/220px-Harvey_Fierstein_Shankbone_Metropolitan_Opera_2009.jpg)
THIS KINDLY LOOKING SLIGHTLY PORTLY MAN IS HARVEY FUCKING FIERSTEIN, ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND GAY RIGHTS ADVOCATE. YOU THINK ANY OLD TURDWANDERER OFF THE STREET CAN WIN TWO TONY AWARDS IN ONE YEAR? FUCK YOU THEY CAN'T, NOT LIKE THIS AUTHOR OF THE SISSY DUCKLING. MOTHERFUCKER WAS IN INDEPENDENCE DAY ALL HANGING OUT WITH JEFF GOLDLUM AND SHIT BEFORE ALL KINDS OF ALIENS WERE LIKE FUCK YOU EARTH BUT YOU NEVER FIND OUT IF HE LIVES SO YOU CAN ASSUME HE DOESN'T.
THIS MAN IS CELEBRATED, HE'S GOT THIS VOICE THAT'S LIKE GRAVEL SLIDING DOWN A METAL CHUTE GREASED IN PORK FAT.
HE SHOULD BE CALLED FEARSTEIN BECAUSE I'M TERRIFIED OF HIS TALENT.
That took me a second, but motherfucking LOL.
:mittens:
That's it, thread over.
Quote from: Suu on July 08, 2010, 02:09:03 PM
That's it, thread over.
Agreed. I came in here prepared to respond with horrible fruity wrath, but now I've got nothing.
:lol: That was amazing. Thread over.
:thanks:
Bump for awesome. I laughed all the way through this shit.
BEST THREAD EVER.
I totally forgot about this! :lulz:
Quote from: Farka Zarcoberg on July 04, 2010, 06:32:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/testimonial.jpg)
MOAR FRUITS!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 01:45:01 AM
Quote from: Farka Zarcoberg on July 04, 2010, 06:32:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/testimonial.jpg)
:lulz:
Oh my god, that picture is brilliant!
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:58:56 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 01:45:01 AM
Quote from: Farka Zarcoberg on July 04, 2010, 06:32:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/testimonial.jpg)
:lulz:
Oh my god, that picture is brilliant!
You should know. You took it. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 03:07:32 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:58:56 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 01:45:01 AM
Quote from: Farka Zarcoberg on July 04, 2010, 06:32:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/testimonial.jpg)
:lulz:
Oh my god, that picture is brilliant!
You should know. You took it. :lulz:
:lulz: You're shitting me! I was getting pretty cozy with that flask at points during the day.
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:19:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 03:07:32 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:58:56 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 01:45:01 AM
Quote from: Farka Zarcoberg on July 04, 2010, 06:32:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/testimonial.jpg)
:lulz:
Oh my god, that picture is brilliant!
You should know. You took it. :lulz:
:lulz: You're shitting me! I was getting pretty cozy with that flask at points during the day.
Yeah, that was right after the high-speed U-turn, and Mr Language was saying something about how I could please be looking in the direction of travel or some shit.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 04:24:58 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:19:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 03:07:32 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:58:56 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 01:45:01 AM
Quote from: Farka Zarcoberg on July 04, 2010, 06:32:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_melon
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/testimonial.jpg)
:lulz:
Oh my god, that picture is brilliant!
You should know. You took it. :lulz:
:lulz: You're shitting me! I was getting pretty cozy with that flask at points during the day.
Yeah, that was right after the high-speed U-turn, and Mr Language was saying something about how I could please be looking in the direction of travel or some shit.
OH YEAH
That was around the time things started to get terrifying!
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:36:10 PM
OH YEAH
That was around the time things started to get terrifying!
The "panic time" alarm is Freeky. When SHE starts hollering and grabbing the OH SHIT strap, THEN panic. Up until then, everything is under control
1, and there is nothing to worry about. We HAVE to drive erratically here, for the same reason convoy escorts zig-zag, except we're dodging other drivers and perhaps the occasional sniper, where as convoys only have to worry about torpedos.
1 For a given value of "control"...Specifically, it means "rightside up".
:lulz: I am pretty sure that at some point either you or Freeky made Mr. Language drive.
Quote from: Nigel on April 06, 2011, 04:42:58 PM
:lulz: I am pretty sure that at some point either you or Freeky made Mr. Language drive.
That's because I was having PILLS NOT HERE issues, and I kept thinking I was playing Bump & Jump. So I made Mr Language drive, and he kept bitching about the brakes.
BRAKES? THIS IS TUUUUUUUUUCSON!
BUMP
IT'S THAT TIME OF FUCKING YEAR AGAIN
I'VE GOT TEN POUNDS OF BLUEBERRIES IN MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW
FRUITSPAGS REPRESENT!
Quote from: Cainad on July 28, 2011, 07:34:51 PM
BUMP
IT'S THAT TIME OF FUCKING YEAR AGAIN
I'VE GOT TEN POUNDS OF BLUEBERRIES IN MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW
FRUITSPAGS REPRESENT!
Overingestion of fruit & berries has become a scourge on our communities and on our nation. Why, just last week, a youth in my very neighborhood prolapsed to death after eating 8 pounds of under-ripe cranberries. You've probably read about it in the news.
It can happen to YOUR children.
Fresh fruit & berries
NOT EVEN ONCE
IT'S HIS OWN DAMN FAULT IF HE GOBBLED UNDER-RIPE SHIT
FRUITING IS HARDCORE, THERE IS NO ROOM HERE FOR IDIOTS AND SISSIES
Take half gallon jar. Fill, loosely, with blueberries. Add a cup of sugar. Cover with vodka. Let sit for a couple weeks, shakking occasionally.
Enjoy.
Quote from: Luna on July 28, 2011, 07:40:09 PM
Take half gallon jar. Fill, loosely, with blueberries. Add a cup of sugar. Cover with vodka. Let sit for a couple weeks, shakking occasionally.
Enjoy.
I've half a mind to do just that. Thanks for the tips!
Quote from: Cainad on July 28, 2011, 07:43:25 PM
Quote from: Luna on July 28, 2011, 07:40:09 PM
Take half gallon jar. Fill, loosely, with blueberries. Add a cup of sugar. Cover with vodka. Let sit for a couple weeks, shakking occasionally.
Enjoy.
I've half a mind to do just that. Thanks for the tips!
I have a batch of this on my kitchen counter. Should be about ready this weekend. :mrgreen:
The above is also awesome with strawberries, just cut 'em.
I JUST GOBBLED A FAT JUICY NUTCOCKING NECTARINE!
YES BITCHES!
OH MY FUCK YOU STUPID ASS-SWABS!!!!!
YOU DUMB MUTHERFUCKERS FAIL for not mentioning:
(http://i448.photobucket.com/albums/qq209/Tejrinde/Organic%20Snacks/bing.jpg)
CHERRIES, you shit-fucking ass lickers!
I cannot tell a lie...
THESE THINGS ARE SO DELICIOUS THEY'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!
SO EAT THESE MUTHERFUCKERS BEFORE THEY KILL US ALL!!!!!
CAN'T STAND THE PITS?
THEN MAYBE YOU'RE TOO STUPID FOR EATING!!!!
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE?
ONE OF THESE STUCK UP YOUR SCABBY GAPING ASS??!!!!?
(http://i1023.photobucket.com/albums/af351/babybong-shop/Innotech%20shop/Pineapple-1.jpg)
Doesn't whet your appetite?
THEN TRY EATING ONE, YOU RETARD!!!!
Juicy pears.
That is all.
:lulz:
I love this thread :lulz:
bump
I swear, I'm looking for something in particular, and I'll stop bumping shit when I find it.
Bump.
:lulz: I should go back and fix the broken image links in my own posts
but I'm not gonna
CAINAD
I FOUND THESE FRUITS TODAY
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE!
(https://scontent-b-pao.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1385962_10151743932389069_1012882511_n.jpg)
Quote from: Cramulus on July 01, 2010, 07:21:20 PM
HOLY FUCK WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING? DO YOU HAVE RENAL DAMAGE OF THE BRAIN OR SOMETHING???
FRUIT IS NOT GOOD, IN FACT IT'S BAD
FRUIT WILL MAKE YOU SHIT 8 TIMES A DAY IN THE COLOR OF THE FRUIT YOU'VE BEEN EATING
WHILE NORMALLY THIS WOULD BE COOL, IT IS ACTUALLY PAINFUL AND AWFUL
BY PROMOTING FRUIT, YOU ARE ENCOURAGING THE YOUTH TO FUCK UP THEIR RENAL SYSTEMS. THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS OR SOME SHIT, IT'S NOT TIME FOR RENAL MADNESS.
HAVE YOU EVER MADE LOVE TO A FRUIT? IT'S DISAPPOINTING. AFTER YOU'VE GOTTEN YOUR FRUIT OFF, THEY RARELY RECIPROCATE. TRY EXPLAINING THAT ONE TO YOUR FISTS AS THEY HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK.
Oh my god I need to use this out of context somewhere.
I ate those fruits
They were not very good.
Quote from: Not Your Nigel on October 07, 2013, 11:40:02 PM
I ate those fruits
They were not very good.
Were they on the ground fruits? Sometimes those are no good.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 07, 2013, 11:44:41 PM
Quote from: Not Your Nigel on October 07, 2013, 11:40:02 PM
I ate those fruits
They were not very good.
Were they on the ground fruits? Sometimes those are no good.
No they were vine fruits. Mysterious, mysterious vine fruits.
Quote from: Not Your Nigel on October 07, 2013, 11:48:16 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 07, 2013, 11:44:41 PM
Quote from: Not Your Nigel on October 07, 2013, 11:40:02 PM
I ate those fruits
They were not very good.
Were they on the ground fruits? Sometimes those are no good.
No they were vine fruits. Mysterious, mysterious vine fruits.
I have been told it's a bad idea to eat fruits you don't know. You know, because they may foodpoison you. Or regular poison you.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 07, 2013, 11:49:52 PM
Quote from: Not Your Nigel on October 07, 2013, 11:48:16 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 07, 2013, 11:44:41 PM
Quote from: Not Your Nigel on October 07, 2013, 11:40:02 PM
I ate those fruits
They were not very good.
Were they on the ground fruits? Sometimes those are no good.
No they were vine fruits. Mysterious, mysterious vine fruits.
I have been told it's a bad idea to eat fruits you don't know. You know, because they may foodpoison you. Or regular poison you.
THAT ADVICE IS FOR SISSIES
also I identified them before I ate them, they're these: http://www.eattheweeds.com/chocolate-vine-akebi/
LOOKS LIKE SOME KINDA WEIRD BULLSHIT INFERIOR FRUIT IF YOU ASK ME
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on October 08, 2013, 02:59:53 AM
LOOKS LIKE SOME KINDA WEIRD BULLSHIT INFERIOR FRUIT IF YOU ASK ME
THEY WERE FUCKING WEIRD
I'LL GRANT THEM THAT.
Those things look positively alien. :eek:
HOLY BUTT-POLISHING FUCKSNAKES
HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT GOD DAMN CHERIMOYAS
(http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/3553/zs6z.jpg)
ALSO CALLED THE "ICE CREAM FRUIT" BECAUSE ONCE THIS DELICATE, SMOOTH-AS-APHRODITE'S-TITS FRUIT FLESH ENTERS YOUR MOUTH, ALL OF YOUR TASTEBUDS WILL EJACULATE WITH THE FURY OF NIAGRA FALLS
BASICALLY IT'S REALLY FUCKING GOOD IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
SMOOTH, MILDLY CITRUS SWEET FLAVOR
YOU CAN'T EVEN GET THESE IN A NORMAL SUPERMARKET BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO DELICATE TO PACK AND TRANSPORT COMMERCIALLY. TENDER LITTLE BITCHES BRUISE LIKE YOUR NOVICE ASS ON A SATURDAY EVENING AT LEATHER LARRY'S UNDERGROUND FUN-HOUSE.
I had a single spoonful of one of these, six years ago. I've been legally brain-dead ever since.
(https://scontent-b-pao.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/q79/s720x720/1381930_10151743974769069_342980790_n.jpg)
I ate that.
Looks suspicious. Have you acquired any new superpowers since eating it?
GUESS WHAT I HAVE RIPENING ON A GODDAMN TREE RIGHT NOW
FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS TREE I'VE BEEN CODDLING FOR FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS
FUCKING PAW PAWS
(http://www.eattheweeds.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/paw-paw-fruits.jpg)
TESTICULAR TREASURES OF THE TREES, THESE ARE ALSO CALLED CUSTARD-APPLES
CREAMY COUSIN OF THE CHERIMOYA, IF YOU PLANT SOME OF THESE YOU WILL GET SO FUCKING SICK OF THEM BECAUSE THEY RIPEN ALL AT ONCE IN A FUCKING AVALANCHE OF CREAMY SWEETNESS.
COMIN AT YOU, BRO, WITH SO MUCH SWEET BANANA-APPLE FLAVOR WITH A FAINT HINT OF TURPENTINE THAT YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOU UNTIL YOUR BELLY IS SO GORGED AND DISTENDED WITH CUSTARD-LIKE FRUIT THAT YOU CAN'T FUNCTION.
:fap:
Color me GREEN WITH ENVY, because Texas fruit is SHIT, we only get STUNTED PEACHES, WASP-RAVAGED FIGS, CONCRETE PEARS YOU HAVE TO CUT WITH A MOTHERFUCKING MEAT CLEAVER, KUMQUATS (yes, that's the real name), LOQUATS, TUNA (nopal fruit with MORE SEEDS THAN FLESH THAT YOU NEED A FUCKING JACK LALANNE JUICER TO EVEN BOTHER WITH THEM, POMEGRANATE (AKA "Hades fruit", same deal), PLUMS, MUSTAINE GRAPES WITH THICK ASS SKINS AND THE NAME OF THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKER IN METAL, AND SQUISHY-ASS PERSIMMONS WITH THE TEXTURE OF PREDIGESTED DIARRHEA.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, fruitlovers extraordinaire and ordinaire, I give you the treasure of the original Georgia, reputedly the FRUIT whose irresistible desireability got us out of the Garden of Eden in the first place, divine receptacle of very red goodness and a plenitude of seeds, with amazing seven-fold symmetry:
(http://blog.5pm.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/pomegranate-300x199.jpg)
POMEGRANATE
HOLD. THE. FUCK. UP.
Is starfruit on this thread? If not, it fucking should be. Look at these little awesome motherfuckers RIGHT NOW:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3a/Carambola_Starfruit.jpg/1280px-Carambola_Starfruit.jpg)
It's called a carambola, but goddamnit, look at that awesome star-shaped awesomeness! I've never been able to figure out how to eat one, so I have no fucking idea what it tastes like, but GODDAMNIT, IT'S IN THE SHAPE OF A STAR. A RUBBERY YELLOW STAR! We had these fuckers all over the place in Florida.
FRUIT THAT IS ACTUALLY BANNED IN PLACES WHERE IT IS WELL KNOWN: DURIAN
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Iw2mxplg1xo/Tz0tANcTMII/AAAAAAAAACg/QWD3g6x0vM4/s400/4.jpg)
THAT'S RIGHT, THIS LUSCIOUS, DELECTABLE FRUIT SMELLS LIKE A COMBINATION OF A BACKED UP TOILET AND THE ROTTING FLESH OF A ZOMBIE HORDE REGURGITATED BY VULTURES
FEAR THE DURIAN
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tjYbn4y4gbM/TCBG76aaQtI/AAAAAAAAATE/y_na3HZjFFg/s400/durian_177.jpg)
(http://www.brewdog.com/uploaded_images4/no_durians_allowed_sign_penang_malaysia_620.jpg)
Durian is also said to yummy in candy
(http://www.spot.ph/files/2009/06/durian-candy.jpg)
What in the holy fuck of fucks. :eek:
I had a durian once. It took days for the house to air out. I took it out to the porch and my neighbor, in his yard, on his way to his car, said "Oh my god, what's that smell?"