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PlayboyGASM

Started by Lord Quantum, April 16, 2010, 10:31:24 PM

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Lord Quantum

At the end of AbbyGASM (where we sent about 50 emails complaining about a non-existent Discordian festival to 10 national advice columnists) we started talking about how we could keep the prank alive and Nigel came up with the idea of marathon meta-meta jake. The idea is to send 1,000 letters to Playboy in which we attempt to connect every known conspiracy theory to a specific Discordian cabal. So who's in?

Quote from: Cain on March 28, 2010, 09:44:45 PM
Fuck it.  I'm going to get ordained as a Catholic priest and start robbing banks and mugging people.  I mean, apparently, you can be excused any crime if you're in with the Big V.

Quote from: Requia ☣ on September 28, 2008, 02:09:45 AM

Lets try it on an even simpler level:

1) There is a minimum energy/mass things can have, everything can be measured in a multiple of this minimum.

2) Objects at this size, or close to it, don't have an exact position or velocity, so they look like waves in most experiments.

3) If you try to measure the location, they act more like particles, just to fuck with you, but the velocity gets more uncertain, also just to fuck with you.

Conclusion: God hates physicists.

GASMs - PosterGASM (Calvinball edition), AbbyGASM

Pirate Pass Off Scorecard (5)

Dimocritus

HOUSE OF GABCab ~ "caecus plumbum caecus"

NotPublished

In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

Cramulus

but I don't have a subscription to playboy. How will we know if we're having any effect?

Lord Quantum

For completely unrelated reasons, I'm actually about to get a subscription myself. But thanks for bringing up the point, Cram. 'cause I was wavering between Esquire and Playboy, so consider me tipped. So are you coming along for the ride as well?
Quote from: Cain on March 28, 2010, 09:44:45 PM
Fuck it.  I'm going to get ordained as a Catholic priest and start robbing banks and mugging people.  I mean, apparently, you can be excused any crime if you're in with the Big V.

Quote from: Requia ☣ on September 28, 2008, 02:09:45 AM

Lets try it on an even simpler level:

1) There is a minimum energy/mass things can have, everything can be measured in a multiple of this minimum.

2) Objects at this size, or close to it, don't have an exact position or velocity, so they look like waves in most experiments.

3) If you try to measure the location, they act more like particles, just to fuck with you, but the velocity gets more uncertain, also just to fuck with you.

Conclusion: God hates physicists.

GASMs - PosterGASM (Calvinball edition), AbbyGASM

Pirate Pass Off Scorecard (5)

Lord Quantum

I'm the man and here's the plan (as it currently stands);

1. Make a list of every conspiracy theory we can think of. Everything from the now classic 9/11 conspiracy theories to the recent "musician X is a member of the Illuminati". Just to be clear, this means that every iteration of a conspiracy theory will be counted as a different theory. So the Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Jay-Z Illuminati rumors will be counted as three separate conspiracy theories, not one. And the various 9/11 theories will also be counted as separate theories. The only qualification is that we will not invent conspiracy theories for PlayboyGASM.

2. Get a list of every Discordian cabal, including defunct cabals. I doubt that there are a thousand cabals out there, so fake cabals and ones made up especially for PlayboyGASM are ok. In fact, I'm gonna make one up now. I hereby declare myself the Bishop of the Playboy Cabal. Playboy Cabal is composed of everyone who posts or has posted in this the thread.

3. Come up with a set of template scenarios to aid the process of figuring out how (for example) The Playboy Cabal could possibly be responsible for the death of Marilyn Monroe (obviously we're time traveling mobsters. And this connects us to the Philadelphia Time Travel Experiment Conspiracy Theory and to all mob related conspiracies) As Nigel said, these scenarios don't have to be convincing, the point is simply an Olympic level of insanity.

4. Using the previously mentioned lists and templates we will then write a series of 1,000 letters to Playboy. All of the letters should explicitly mention Discordianism at some point. And some of the letters should be handwritten (just to let 'em know how serious we are).

5. Then we'll make t-shirts with the playboy bunny inside of a golden apple.

The GASM will end either when we reach 1,000 letters or when Playboy acknowledges what's going on by either (a) sending one of us a letter that is obviously not a form letter (b) prints one of the letters or (c) makes a comment about it somewhere in the magazine.

The steps don't necessarily have to be done in any sort of order but that's the general outline of what we want to do. If someone wants to start a separate thread to solicit conspiracy theories that would be cool. Or we could just get a hold of a conspiracy theory dictionary (like RAW's "Everything is Under Control") and go straight down the list, matching them up with random cabals as we go. And I'm sure wikipedia has a good, long list of conspiracy theories. I think there's a list of cabals out there too. Anybody seen such a catalog?


Quote from: Cain on March 28, 2010, 09:44:45 PM
Fuck it.  I'm going to get ordained as a Catholic priest and start robbing banks and mugging people.  I mean, apparently, you can be excused any crime if you're in with the Big V.

Quote from: Requia ☣ on September 28, 2008, 02:09:45 AM

Lets try it on an even simpler level:

1) There is a minimum energy/mass things can have, everything can be measured in a multiple of this minimum.

2) Objects at this size, or close to it, don't have an exact position or velocity, so they look like waves in most experiments.

3) If you try to measure the location, they act more like particles, just to fuck with you, but the velocity gets more uncertain, also just to fuck with you.

Conclusion: God hates physicists.

GASMs - PosterGASM (Calvinball edition), AbbyGASM

Pirate Pass Off Scorecard (5)

Herbertina Merrique V

THE MORALE WILL CONTINUE UNTIL DISCORDIANS IMPROVE

Ask me anything. Or else.

Cramulus

Quote from: Lord Quantum on April 17, 2010, 01:06:41 AM
For completely unrelated reasons, I'm actually about to get a subscription myself. But thanks for bringing up the point, Cram. 'cause I was wavering between Esquire and Playboy, so consider me tipped. So are you coming along for the ride as well?

eh, I kind of like to be able to see the fruits of my labor.

it's fun to see something crazy in print, but since I'm not a playboy subscriber, I'm not super charged to be in the letters to the editor column. If I'm going to write and mail more than one crazy letter, I want there to be a good chance of a HOLY FUCK WOW IT WORKED at the end. In ColbertGASM there was an end point, a target date. We sent all our mail during one week. If Playboy doesn't react to our mailing, we could be writing letters forever with no idea when to call it quits.

I still think this is a good idea, I just think Playboy is a bit obscure.

Rococo Modem Basilisk

Quote from: Lord Quantum on April 19, 2010, 04:50:15 AM
I'm the man and here's the plan (as it currently stands);

1. Make a list of every conspiracy theory we can think of. Everything from the now classic 9/11 conspiracy theories to the recent "musician X is a member of the Illuminati". Just to be clear, this means that every iteration of a conspiracy theory will be counted as a different theory. So the Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Jay-Z Illuminati rumors will be counted as three separate conspiracy theories, not one. And the various 9/11 theories will also be counted as separate theories. The only qualification is that we will not invent conspiracy theories for PlayboyGASM.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_conspiracy_theories is a good start. One can probably mine out rigorous intuition and disinfo for more obscure ones.

Quote
2. Get a list of every Discordian cabal, including defunct cabals. I doubt that there are a thousand cabals out there, so fake cabals and ones made up especially for PlayboyGASM are ok. In fact, I'm gonna make one up now. I hereby declare myself the Bishop of the Playboy Cabal. Playboy Cabal is composed of everyone who posts or has posted in this the thread.

http://discordian.com/discordian.html
http://www.poee.org/society/cabals.htm
http://s23.org/wiki/Discordian_Cabals_%28rankings%29

Quote
3. Come up with a set of template scenarios to aid the process of figuring out how (for example) The Playboy Cabal could possibly be responsible for the death of Marilyn Monroe (obviously we're time traveling mobsters. And this connects us to the Philadelphia Time Travel Experiment Conspiracy Theory and to all mob related conspiracies) As Nigel said, these scenarios don't have to be convincing, the point is simply an Olympic level of insanity.

Even if they are not convincing, must they make any sense at all? If sense is not a prerequisite, I can hack up a grammar to generate these as I did http://twitter.com/conspiracybot

Quote
4. Using the previously mentioned lists and templates we will then write a series of 1,000 letters to Playboy. All of the letters should explicitly mention Discordianism at some point. And some of the letters should be handwritten (just to let 'em know how serious we are).

Ditto.

Quote
5. Then we'll make t-shirts with the playboy bunny inside of a golden apple.

The GASM will end either when we reach 1,000 letters or when Playboy acknowledges what's going on by either (a) sending one of us a letter that is obviously not a form letter (b) prints one of the letters or (c) makes a comment about it somewhere in the magazine.

The steps don't necessarily have to be done in any sort of order but that's the general outline of what we want to do. If someone wants to start a separate thread to solicit conspiracy theories that would be cool. Or we could just get a hold of a conspiracy theory dictionary (like RAW's "Everything is Under Control") and go straight down the list, matching them up with random cabals as we go. And I'm sure wikipedia has a good, long list of conspiracy theories. I think there's a list of cabals out there too. Anybody seen such a catalog?


I am not "full of hate" as if I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, and my rage is a renewable resource, like sunshine.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Awesome! I kept  meaning to start this thread, but then forgot. Thanks for taking the initiative LQ!

I think that we should collaborate on the letters here, and only send 1-2 per month. They'll be a lot more interesting and better if they're well-thought-out, unique, and not an obvious "letter-writing campaign".
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I also think that the 1-2/month should be sent from different locations, so each of us gets to send some... but they should all be written in the same "voice" and signed by only one pseudonym. To add to the intrigue.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Lord Quantum

Enki! Woooo! Great post man, it really organizes things. And I like Nigel's ideas too. So now we need to create some sort of character. I'm kinda thinking of Rorschach from Watchmen for some reason. Or maybe we should be more like Charles Fort. Maybe we're looking for some sort of crazy gimmick, like a business man who travels a lot (to explain the multiple addresses) who writes letters to Hugh Hefner warning him about various things. So I guess that's the Phillip K. Dick character. I don't know, maybe we want to pretend to be an angry Baptist preacher hellbent on getting Playboy to do a biting expose on this dangerous cult of Discord. So what do you guys think? Any of this sound interesting?

Quote from: Cain on March 28, 2010, 09:44:45 PM
Fuck it.  I'm going to get ordained as a Catholic priest and start robbing banks and mugging people.  I mean, apparently, you can be excused any crime if you're in with the Big V.

Quote from: Requia ☣ on September 28, 2008, 02:09:45 AM

Lets try it on an even simpler level:

1) There is a minimum energy/mass things can have, everything can be measured in a multiple of this minimum.

2) Objects at this size, or close to it, don't have an exact position or velocity, so they look like waves in most experiments.

3) If you try to measure the location, they act more like particles, just to fuck with you, but the velocity gets more uncertain, also just to fuck with you.

Conclusion: God hates physicists.

GASMs - PosterGASM (Calvinball edition), AbbyGASM

Pirate Pass Off Scorecard (5)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I think we should use one or two completely new, non-memetic pseudonyms.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Lord Quantum

What I meant to say was that we should emulate their style. Fort, for example always claimed that he didn't believe his own theories "I offer the data" was his motto. He showed the data and then tried to explain it as best he could, while making fun of the "scientific" explanations of the time. He's the guy who came coined the term, "teleportation" by the way. Rorschach has a very creepy, stop start style. Have you read Watchmen. I haven't actually read anything by Phillip K. Dick, so I don't really know what that character would sound like. And of course, I'm sure we all know what an angry Baptist preacher sounds like. But then again, maybe we should figure out what the first two letters are going to be about before we start talking about style.  Starting with Lady Gaga would be the easiest because we could just say, "they got Colbert, they'll come for her next!".
Quote from: Cain on March 28, 2010, 09:44:45 PM
Fuck it.  I'm going to get ordained as a Catholic priest and start robbing banks and mugging people.  I mean, apparently, you can be excused any crime if you're in with the Big V.

Quote from: Requia ☣ on September 28, 2008, 02:09:45 AM

Lets try it on an even simpler level:

1) There is a minimum energy/mass things can have, everything can be measured in a multiple of this minimum.

2) Objects at this size, or close to it, don't have an exact position or velocity, so they look like waves in most experiments.

3) If you try to measure the location, they act more like particles, just to fuck with you, but the velocity gets more uncertain, also just to fuck with you.

Conclusion: God hates physicists.

GASMs - PosterGASM (Calvinball edition), AbbyGASM

Pirate Pass Off Scorecard (5)

Rococo Modem Basilisk

PKD's style isn't particularly distinctive. His content is, though. I don't know that a style of writing could be pinned as PKD-ish, though he has a tendency to start off in a very mundane manner and then go into wtf territory so gradually that you don't notice the transition until it's over -- kind of like LMNO's thing in the SME thread.

I would probably argue for multiple pseudonyms using different styles. Lovecraft and Rorschach styles are easy to mimic, and aren't immediate indicators of hoaxing. Likewise Fort.


I am not "full of hate" as if I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, and my rage is a renewable resource, like sunshine.