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The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.

Started by Suu, May 01, 2013, 01:29:36 AM

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Q. G. Pennyworth

Well, that wrapped up in a neat little package everything I hate about people who feel the need to judge couples for having kids in their 20s.


Cain

They write for the Huffington Post.

Of course they're douchebags.

Elder Iptuous

Quote*Editor's note: This dad wishes to remain anonymous, so we've published this piece under a pen name.
anonymous author?
i call troll.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Elder Iptuous on May 01, 2013, 04:23:15 PM
Quote*Editor's note: This dad wishes to remain anonymous, so we've published this piece under a pen name.
anonymous author?
i call troll.

I think Ippy might be onto something.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


hooplala

I haven't read most of the comments in this thread, so forgive me if this comment has been thoroughly danced all over like a mexican sombrero (are there sombreros which aren't mexican?  Is that a real poncho, or is that a Sears poncho?).  But, I found this comment to be the key to the entire rant:

Quote(I never did figure out what exactly was appropriate to masturbate to: A bigger house? Moving to the suburbs?)

So instead of thinking of Grover, like the rest of us, he's wanking to mental images of a house in the suburb.

And, Nigel's right, we don't know what the wife is actually like, since she didn't write this piece, but... she married the piece of shit, so I would imagine she's as big a wiener as he is.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Hoopla on May 01, 2013, 04:41:25 PM
I haven't read most of the comments in this thread, so forgive me if this comment has been thoroughly danced all over like a mexican sombrero (are there sombreros which aren't mexican?  Is that a real poncho, or is that a Sears poncho?).  But, I found this comment to be the key to the entire rant:

Quote(I never did figure out what exactly was appropriate to masturbate to: A bigger house? Moving to the suburbs?)

So instead of thinking of Grover, like the rest of us, he's wanking to mental images of a house in the suburb.

And, Nigel's right, we don't know what the wife is actually like, since she didn't write this piece, but... she married the piece of shit, so I would imagine she's as big a wiener as he is.

I'm not quite ready to go that far, because I married an enormous douche and stayed with him for seven years. He was charming at first, and then I'd made a commitment and was going to stick with it, and then we had a baby, etc. etc.

He would TOTALLY go around misrepresenting my thoughts and feelings. For a while there I did a lot of cleanup around that, basically following him around saying "PEZ SPEAKS ONLY FOR HIMSELF AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE NIGEL HOUSEHOLD". Then we split up and I kept all our friends.

I'm not saying that's what's going on here, they could both be as douchey as the author is, but there is insufficient evidence to conclude that anyone other than the author is as douchey as he is.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


hooplala

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 01, 2013, 05:03:09 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on May 01, 2013, 04:41:25 PM
I haven't read most of the comments in this thread, so forgive me if this comment has been thoroughly danced all over like a mexican sombrero (are there sombreros which aren't mexican?  Is that a real poncho, or is that a Sears poncho?).  But, I found this comment to be the key to the entire rant:

Quote(I never did figure out what exactly was appropriate to masturbate to: A bigger house? Moving to the suburbs?)

So instead of thinking of Grover, like the rest of us, he's wanking to mental images of a house in the suburb.

And, Nigel's right, we don't know what the wife is actually like, since she didn't write this piece, but... she married the piece of shit, so I would imagine she's as big a wiener as he is.

I'm not quite ready to go that far, because I married an enormous douche and stayed with him for seven years. He was charming at first, and then I'd made a commitment and was going to stick with it, and then we had a baby, etc. etc.

He would TOTALLY go around misrepresenting my thoughts and feelings. For a while there I did a lot of cleanup around that, basically following him around saying "PEZ SPEAKS ONLY FOR HIMSELF AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE NIGEL HOUSEHOLD". Then we split up and I kept all our friends.

I'm not saying that's what's going on here, they could both be as douchey as the author is, but there is insufficient evidence to conclude that anyone other than the author is as douchey as he is.

I find it highly unlikely this turd was ever charming. 
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Cuddlefish

Quote from: Hoopla on May 01, 2013, 05:09:13 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 01, 2013, 05:03:09 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on May 01, 2013, 04:41:25 PM
I haven't read most of the comments in this thread, so forgive me if this comment has been thoroughly danced all over like a mexican sombrero (are there sombreros which aren't mexican?  Is that a real poncho, or is that a Sears poncho?).  But, I found this comment to be the key to the entire rant:

Quote(I never did figure out what exactly was appropriate to masturbate to: A bigger house? Moving to the suburbs?)

So instead of thinking of Grover, like the rest of us, he's wanking to mental images of a house in the suburb.

And, Nigel's right, we don't know what the wife is actually like, since she didn't write this piece, but... she married the piece of shit, so I would imagine she's as big a wiener as he is.

I'm not quite ready to go that far, because I married an enormous douche and stayed with him for seven years. He was charming at first, and then I'd made a commitment and was going to stick with it, and then we had a baby, etc. etc.

He would TOTALLY go around misrepresenting my thoughts and feelings. For a while there I did a lot of cleanup around that, basically following him around saying "PEZ SPEAKS ONLY FOR HIMSELF AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE NIGEL HOUSEHOLD". Then we split up and I kept all our friends.

I'm not saying that's what's going on here, they could both be as douchey as the author is, but there is insufficient evidence to conclude that anyone other than the author is as douchey as he is.

I find it highly unlikely this turd was ever charming.

Charm probably has little to do with it.

F'rinstance, you wouldn't just step in a turd on purpose.
But if someone bagged it up and set it on fire, you might be distracted or dazzled enough to do so.
And that's the thing with shit, yeah? It sticks in all the treads on your shoe, and it's not always easy to get the stink off.
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Hoopla on May 01, 2013, 05:09:13 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 01, 2013, 05:03:09 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on May 01, 2013, 04:41:25 PM
I haven't read most of the comments in this thread, so forgive me if this comment has been thoroughly danced all over like a mexican sombrero (are there sombreros which aren't mexican?  Is that a real poncho, or is that a Sears poncho?).  But, I found this comment to be the key to the entire rant:

Quote(I never did figure out what exactly was appropriate to masturbate to: A bigger house? Moving to the suburbs?)

So instead of thinking of Grover, like the rest of us, he's wanking to mental images of a house in the suburb.

And, Nigel's right, we don't know what the wife is actually like, since she didn't write this piece, but... she married the piece of shit, so I would imagine she's as big a wiener as he is.

I'm not quite ready to go that far, because I married an enormous douche and stayed with him for seven years. He was charming at first, and then I'd made a commitment and was going to stick with it, and then we had a baby, etc. etc.

He would TOTALLY go around misrepresenting my thoughts and feelings. For a while there I did a lot of cleanup around that, basically following him around saying "PEZ SPEAKS ONLY FOR HIMSELF AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE NIGEL HOUSEHOLD". Then we split up and I kept all our friends.

I'm not saying that's what's going on here, they could both be as douchey as the author is, but there is insufficient evidence to conclude that anyone other than the author is as douchey as he is.

I find it highly unlikely this turd was ever charming.

What evidence are you basing that on? Gut feeling? Lots of assholes are charming at first.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Or, maybe everyone who marries an asshole is themselves also an asshole, and deserves it.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

There's the additional possibility that they're both dismal assholes.  People like that do occasionally find each other.

But they usually move to Oro Valley.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 01, 2013, 05:24:27 PM
Or, maybe everyone who marries an asshole is themselves also an asshole, and deserves it.

Some do.  I have met married couples who were both assholes.  We don't have enough information in this case, though, just this guy's say-so.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I REALLY have negative feelings about how this thread has veered so heavily towards WELL WHY AREN'T WE HATING ON THAT WOMAN, SHE PROBABLY DESERVES IT TOO, despite the fact that A. we haven't heard from her, and B. it's not really relevant to whether what HE wrote is fucked up and douchey.

But please, don't let me distract you. By all means get back to THAT FUCKING SLUT, SHE MUST BE A CUNT IF SHE'S KNOCKED UP BY SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 01, 2013, 05:26:29 PM
I REALLY have negative feelings about how this thread has veered so heavily towards WELL WHY AREN'T WE HATING ON THAT WOMAN, SHE PROBABLY DESERVES IT TOO, despite the fact that A. we haven't heard from her, and B. it's not really relevant to whether what HE wrote is fucked up and douchey.

But please, don't let me distract you. By all means get back to THAT FUCKING SLUT, SHE MUST BE A CUNT IF SHE'S KNOCKED UP BY SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

I wasn't saying that.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Elder Iptuous