PM Responses, 2015 Edition

[Doktor Howl]

As always, the PMs I'm responding to are not included.  I was stuck on 9 PMs for 6 months, but the crazies have come through for me at last.  I knew they would.

1.  When I was a kid, we didn't do that sorta shit.  We just stomped on whatever it was until we stopped caring, and we didn't ask stupid questions.  For example, if someone in authority said the chicken crossed the road, THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR US.  This may not be touchy-feely enough for this brave new century, but I am a man of my time.

2.  That's not possible.  Check the patent office, there are MILLIONS of patent applications that have been turned down because PERPETUAL MOTION ISN'T MATHEMATICALLY OR PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE for reasons that would be obvious to anyone who has taken a physics class.  You get points for originality, though.  I don't think there has been a single application for this "principle" to be used in a sex toy.  You, sir, are my hero.  You're an idiot, but you're my hero.

3.  Yes, I made fun of your PM.  The one you wrote in 2010.  Holy crap, you hold a grudge like a champ.  You remind me of me.  I am eventually going to go back to Newfoundland and kick the crap out of Chris Kerr for pushing me in 3rd grade and making me drop my lunch in a puddle.  I don't care if he's a priest now, I'm kicking his ass anyway.  Up the revolution, my friend.

4.  You have it all wrong.  Nigel is the kind one, it's LMNO that's the prick.  Nigel is only trying to make you UNDERSTAND.  To COMPREHEND why you are a DUMBASS.  She's trying to HELP, you ungrateful slob.  Meanwhile, LMNO is drunk and touching your mom in an inappropriate way.  Even if she's dead.  ESPECIALLY if she's dead.

5.  You are talking to the wrong man.  I believe Whitey's version of events, and the Aztecs were not misunderstood hippies.  They really DID carve peoples' hearts out in truly industrial manner, and they sprinkled the blood on their food and ATE IT.  Cortez's only failing is that he came along so late in the game.  Call the Mexica LUCKY.  What they DESERVED was Pizarro.  Instead they got old softy.  IN ADDITION, "archeological proof" is not "White privilege".  I don't actually expect this to make any sort of impact on you, you're clearly emotionally attached to your bad signal.

6.  I don't even know what the fuck all that even MEANS, but I can assure you that the guy who owns the server is not in our jurisdiction, and I am also certain that being arrested by angels in lieu of the FBI probably doesn't keep him up at night.  The board OWNER is another story...He is a freak and a menace, and if you could whistle up some angels, we'll sort his shit out PROPER.  I have heard that Gabriel likes to put the boot in a bit, and it's no more than the bastard deserves.

7.  You've never even posted, and you're giving me a red ass?  You know, I LIKE that.  It means that someone, SOMEWHERE, is reading my brain-damaged shit.  And SHUTTING UP.  Until now.  And you were doing so well. 

8.  Yes, I believe I DID say that superhero comics suck.  That is what we here in the SANE world call "a personal opinion", which would be SUBJECTIVE.  I think they suck because there isn't a story, there's just endless continuity.  Superman is 75 years old.  How many new things can you say about him?  I understand that this upsets you, and I do appreciate the threat, but you're in some horrible country that isn't America, and I am not scared.  You bastards can't survive in the desert.  It's why you lost Ethiopia.  How the fuck does that even HAPPEN?  You had TANKS.  Crappy tanks, but tanks all the same.  They beat you with FLINTLOCKS.  Some fucking "second Roman empire".  You suck.  Your ancestors suck.  You haven't won a war since 400 AD, so I am less than intimidated by your weak shit.  Good day, and enjoy reading all 17 of your daily newspapers concerning soccer.  Which isn't "football".  It's soccer.  22 hair models running around, then one falls down and cries, just because there's a bone sticking out of his calf.  ONE bone.  Suetonius would be ashamed of you pukes.  GOOD DAY, I SAY!

9.  (Same guy):  What the hell was that?  That wasn't an insult, it was WHIMPERING.  It's because of fuckers like YOU that I take drugs.  Come back with your A-game.  And I DON'T mean soccer.

10.  Good Lord, I haven't seen YOU in a long time.  Years, in fact.  You're still a sociopath, I see, and you will find this board even LESS libertarian-friendly than it was when you got Scorch to ban me from his board.  I never forgave him for that, and I never forgave you, either.  You coming back and pretending that it was "friendly banter" would be like Hugh coming back and saying that he was only kidding.  Only he can't because he's in a mental institution as a result of his very hasty marriage.  It didn't end well.  I hope you don't either.  Now piss off.

[Aucoq]

PM Response day is one of my favorite days of the year.  They're all great.   

4.  You have it all wrong.  Nigel is the kind one, it's LMNO that's the prick.  Nigel is only trying to make you UNDERSTAND.  To COMPREHEND why you are a DUMBASS.  She's trying to HELP, you ungrateful slob.  Meanwhile, LMNO is drunk and touching your mom in an inappropriate way.  Even if she's dead.  ESPECIALLY if she's dead.

5.  You are talking to the wrong man.  I believe Whitey's version of events, and the Aztecs were not misunderstood hippies.  They really DID carve peoples' hearts out in truly industrial manner, and they sprinkled the blood on their food and ATE IT.  Cortez's only failing is that he came along so late in the game.  Call the Mexica LUCKY.  What they DESERVED was Pizarro.  Instead they got old softy.  IN ADDITION, "archeological proof" is not "White privilege".  I don't actually expect this to make any sort of impact on you, you're clearly emotionally attached to your bad signal.

[East Coast Hustle]

I love it when I 100% know who one of these is in response to.

This time, I might even know 2.

[Doktor Howl]

I love it when I 100% know who one of these is in response to.

This time, I might even know 2.

Well, you know who #10 is, if you haven't scrambled your brains with hashish.

[President Television]

I saw the title and got approximately this hype: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjR7JZbdONs

[Cainad (dec.)]

It's like Christmas, except Santa hates you!

#6 sounds like some really good crazy.

[Doktor Howl]

#8 was my favorite.  Who threatens your life because you don't like Superman?

[Demolition Squid]

Probably Lex Luthor, as some sort of insane double bluff.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  I love that it's always YOU that they PM. It's like the universe's special gift to you, personally.

[Doktor Howl]

I love that it's always YOU that they PM. It's like the universe's special gift to you, personally.

They are my people.  They find me, no matter where I flee.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I love that it's always YOU that they PM. It's like the universe's special gift to you, personally.

They are my people.  They find me, no matter where I flee.

They need you, for without you they have no King.

[Doktor Howl]

I love that it's always YOU that they PM. It's like the universe's special gift to you, personally.

They are my people.  They find me, no matter where I flee.

They need you, for without you they have no King.

I bet Arthur felt like this.  His wife is boffing his best friend, he's slept with his half-sister, and his son is out to kill him.  But they're all still needy.  Like all the time.  Avalon, my arse.  He fucked off and blamed the kid.

[Junkenstein]

I love it when I 100% know who one of these is in response to.

This time, I might even know 2.

Well, you know who #10 is, if you haven't scrambled your brains with hashish.

For those that have, backstory?

And #7 - Fucking priceless. That's a classic.

[Doktor Howl]

I love it when I 100% know who one of these is in response to.

This time, I might even know 2.

Well, you know who #10 is, if you haven't scrambled your brains with hashish.

For those that have, backstory?

And #7 - Fucking priceless. That's a classic.

This guy Scorch used to run a board much like PD.  A member here went there because we didn't think his libertarian views were the cat's ass.  A few of us were over there, too.  Anyway, this guy gets made an admin, and he started finding reasons to ban everyone that didn't slobber on Ayn Rand's decomposing posterior.

Then he accused me of being a pedophile, because I'm "not a libertarian" (no shitting you) - this wasn't Scorch, it was the other asshole.  When I complained about it, Scorch made some noise about "freedom of speech", and then asshole banned me in the middle of the conversation.

Then a few months back, he shows up under a new name and asks me what's up.  So I told him.

I didn't ban him or anything, but aside from the above response, I promised him we'd have all kinds of fun.

[Doktor Howl]

A few months later, Scorch's board got plagued by a virus (NOT my doing), and he folded it up.