12 steps

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

   12 steps to becoming a drunk suicidal poet

Step 1. Stop at liquor store for tequila and unfiltered cigarettes.

Step 2. Purchase at least 4 Leonard Cohen CDs.

Step 3. Purchase "Prison" by Stephen Jesse Bernstein.

Step 4. Stock up on notepads and pens.

Step 5. Warm up by dimming the lights. A good option is to turn off all the lights except those in the bathroom, and leave the bathroom door wide open.

Step 6. Put on the Leonard Cohen CD of your choice.

Step 7. Commence drinking and smoking. Keep Leonard playing continuously. Start thinking about people you used to have sex with.

Step 8. Once drunk, sit on the floor in the middle of the room and cry. Write down anything that comes to your mind, comprehensible or not, in verse form.

Step 9. At around 2:00am, put on "Prison". Clutch your pen tightly
      and rock back and forth while living the enormity of
      Bernstein's misery.

Step 10. Review the evening's writings; weep while marveling at
       their scope and power. Continue writing in an increasingly
       shaky and illegible hand. Freely omit key words.

Step 11. Enter bathroom. Vomit. Stumble into bedroom and attempt to masturbate. Fail. Pass out.

Step 12. Repeat nightly.

[The Apex, The Harmony Of]

And for the drunk alcoholic suicidal poet, pratice at least 3 times a day.

[East Coast Hustle]

if you fail at masturbating, you have put suicide off for far too long.

[AFK]

[Triple Zero]

anthropomorphic toaster guy says "don't go right, but go down!" ?

[AFK]

it's supposed to be Rippy the Razor.  But, the fail should be expected.  Afterall, I did find this at Warehouse 23. 

[Triple Zero]

ahhhh now i get it

"not across the road, but along the street
you might as well do soemthing right for once."

when done right, coming up with this knowledge seems to really freak people out. someone makes a suicide remark, jokingly, signs their finger going across the wrist, you walk over there and say "nononono that's not how you do it" (grabbing a knife at this point is optional), explaining them "along the street", people stare at you, eyes wide open.

dunno why, actually. thought that was common knowledge.

[East Coast Hustle]

I like to help people.

ECH,
a public service with every post

[Random Probability]

This advice is a daily mantra for me.  I inform as many people as I possibly can.

RP, just helpful like that...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Being able to tell people which way to slit your wrist is probably a prerequisite for being allowed to purchase Stephen Jesse Bernstein. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Although, come to think of it, the correct way is to stab yourself three times in the throat.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

   12 steps to becoming a drunk suicidal poet

12 steppers.   

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Let Go and Let God, Roger.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Let Go and Let God, Roger.

Um.

Rain God.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh god. Worth it if only for the last two posts.