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For my part, I've replaced optimism and believing the best of people by default with a grin and the absolute 100% certainty that if they cannot find a pig to fuck, they will buy some bacon and play oinking noises on YouTube.

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A New Masochism for the Enlightented Masturbator

Started by 3n1g, December 02, 2013, 11:39:34 PM

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3n1g

The Meditation of Never-Eating-Again

On the given day, (A Thursday in November we'll say) eat the largest meal available, and then a second smaller meal 30-45 minutes afterwards.

Some way towards the end of the first meal or half way through the second you will begin to feel a 'centering' sensation deep in your core. Breathe into this with each bite. If you feel nauseous this is probably just the toxins being pressed out of your organs by the ever expanding 'Food Baby'.

Let the total security of knowing you will never be hungry again flow over you, as you lay down nearly unable to move or speak. Once you have sublimated to the totality of food as the center of your structure you will no longer be dependent on it.

*A note on recreational drugs: If you use them, they can and should be incorporated through out the ceremony.


3n1g

Opening Your Heart Chakra With Compulsive Porn Consumption

If you are indeed a Masturbator in the modern age I'm sure you've had an experience with this procedure.

It is a useful technique when one is not occupied with fucking someone else, writing, eating a sandwich, or doing hand-stand yoga. The essential direction your practice should maintain is so fundamental it is probably something you already do!

Masturbate to pornography. It is that simple folks.
If you do this as frequently as you like you will gain new insight.

The deeper level is this: Focus on the pornography not as a subject of masturbation but as the object. Place yourself in context, as a worshiper at the altar of NetPus/E-Peen and see the grander picture: Never have we had more access to orgasms. You can watch an Orgasm a minute (trust me, a good orgasm deserves at least a minute of attention) for the rest of your life an not even consume 1% of the total available footage of Orgasms.

See the wider implication? This is only the section of Human Peak Sexual Experience available on film! There are actually another couple billion orgasms you will never get to see, already in the hands of Aneris.

So, by all means, indulge in some porn worshiping dick beating (or sensual clit massage). And don't forget to invite your asshole!

The Good Reverend Roger

Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:15:44 AM
Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.

FTFY.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:36:11 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:15:44 AM
Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.

FTFY.

Gonna get deader.

Seriously.  I got redirected (not even honestly banned) for something I didn't do.  So I'm gonna shit all over Sunny's little kingdom.  Not because I'm pissed about being thrown out of that morgue, but because EVERYTHING is personal.

I've got the CI tards lined up.  They haven't swamped a board in months.  They're not my "personal army", mind you.  They're just destructive and incredibly tenacious little bastards who kill anything they notice.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

3n1g

A Friend's Guide to Ritual Sacrifice

Don't you just love the feeling of the container in your hand slowly unwinding its contents until it is empty? There is a strange satisfaction, when that last drop of milk flows into your bowl. To alleviate the sorrow of a lost friend, this balm should be applied liberally. The most common form of this is the "One for my Homies" spilling of beer. The waste of a valuable resource is a perfect meditation on loss.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:41:21 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:36:11 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:15:44 AM
Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.

FTFY.

Gonna get deader.

Seriously.  I got redirected (not even honestly banned) for something I didn't do.  So I'm gonna shit all over Sunny's little kingdom.  Not because I'm pissed about being thrown out of that morgue, but because EVERYTHING is personal.

I've got the CI tards lined up.  They haven't swamped a board in months.  They're not my "personal army", mind you.  They're just destructive and incredibly tenacious little bastards who kill anything they notice.

Yeah, they seem to have me on redirect too, and I have done exactly nothing except what I have done in all the years I've had an account there, which is show up and post cheerfully once every month or so to see if anything's going on.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:48:25 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:41:21 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:36:11 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:15:44 AM
Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.

FTFY.

Gonna get deader.

Seriously.  I got redirected (not even honestly banned) for something I didn't do.  So I'm gonna shit all over Sunny's little kingdom.  Not because I'm pissed about being thrown out of that morgue, but because EVERYTHING is personal.

I've got the CI tards lined up.  They haven't swamped a board in months.  They're not my "personal army", mind you.  They're just destructive and incredibly tenacious little bastards who kill anything they notice.

Yeah, they seem to have me on redirect too, and I have done exactly nothing except what I have done in all the years I've had an account there, which is show up and post cheerfully once every month or so to see if anything's going on.

Interfering with King Sunny and his little prince Redd.

Certainly a capital offense.

If he wasn't such a chickenshit about it, I'd have just let it go, I think.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:49:47 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:48:25 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:41:21 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:36:11 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:15:44 AM
Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.

FTFY.

Gonna get deader.

Seriously.  I got redirected (not even honestly banned) for something I didn't do.  So I'm gonna shit all over Sunny's little kingdom.  Not because I'm pissed about being thrown out of that morgue, but because EVERYTHING is personal.

I've got the CI tards lined up.  They haven't swamped a board in months.  They're not my "personal army", mind you.  They're just destructive and incredibly tenacious little bastards who kill anything they notice.

Yeah, they seem to have me on redirect too, and I have done exactly nothing except what I have done in all the years I've had an account there, which is show up and post cheerfully once every month or so to see if anything's going on.

Interfering with King Sunny and his little prince Redd.

Certainly a capital offense.

If he wasn't such a chickenshit about it, I'd have just let it go, I think.

I didn't interfere with a thing. Apparently just posting like usual is a bannable offense there now.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:51:50 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:49:47 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:48:25 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:41:21 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 02:36:11 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:15:44 AM
Oh boy.   :|

How outrageous.  I am filled with anger at your masterful trolling techniques.  Grrrr.

And Fizzy Grizzly is dead the moment registration opens.

FTFY.

Gonna get deader.

Seriously.  I got redirected (not even honestly banned) for something I didn't do.  So I'm gonna shit all over Sunny's little kingdom.  Not because I'm pissed about being thrown out of that morgue, but because EVERYTHING is personal.

I've got the CI tards lined up.  They haven't swamped a board in months.  They're not my "personal army", mind you.  They're just destructive and incredibly tenacious little bastards who kill anything they notice.

Yeah, they seem to have me on redirect too, and I have done exactly nothing except what I have done in all the years I've had an account there, which is show up and post cheerfully once every month or so to see if anything's going on.

Interfering with King Sunny and his little prince Redd.

Certainly a capital offense.

If he wasn't such a chickenshit about it, I'd have just let it go, I think.

I didn't interfere with a thing. Apparently just posting like usual is a bannable offense there now.

It's more like you failed to pay proper respect to Sunny and in fact pointed out that the emperor has no posts.

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

And it's not like the name "3nig" wasn't a dead giveaway.

Sunny and Redd are both gigantic racists.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:56:24 AM
And it's not like the name "3nig" wasn't a dead giveaway.

Sunny and Redd are both gigantic racists.

Ah, so is he also an authority whore with dreams of grandeur? :lulz: That's pathetic.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 03, 2013, 08:01:56 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 03, 2013, 02:56:24 AM
And it's not like the name "3nig" wasn't a dead giveaway.

Sunny and Redd are both gigantic racists.

Ah, so is he also an authority whore with dreams of grandeur? :lulz: That's pathetic.

Internets are srs bsnss.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO