Okay, Enrico, I'm Ready for the Finals™.

[Doktor Howl]

I have successfully passed all the qualifying events:

1.  "Made Sexy Time" with Courtney Love, bareback.

2.  Stuffed kimchee up my nose and sang Neil Sedaka tunes.

3.  Touched myself inappropriately while watching the police beat a homeless man.

4.  Used a midget as a toilet plunger.

5.  Fucked the midget afterward.

I have also killed all the other contestants.  So you will of course be setting me up that date with Diabo for me, yes?  You welch on me this time, and I'll give that kid of yours the combination to the safe.  Yes, THAT safe.

Anxiously,
Doktor Howl

[Enrico Salazar]

Ah, poor deluded sewer slug that you are, you believe you have look in to heart of darkness, but nothing is preparing you for the dark gaping toothless maw that is time spended with Diabo.  Is not just visual, Howl, is visceral.  Is feel.  Is the feel of juggling Jell-o brand Jell-o while riding a bush pig bareback through rage river of razor wire.  Is taste.  Is the taste of gargling used Band-Aid brand band-aids to wash out residue of 6000 year of bad genetic, you should think Diabo momo is worse then Diabo, like all momo-in-law, but is not true.  Her momo is a refreshing type of eyesore, and her momo momo is still less objectionable, in all sense.  Yes, her line of genes is become worse and worse with each new generation.  She is metaphor, Howl.  Living, breathing, sweating and farting metaphor.  She is Planet Houston.  She is us.  Ah, were was Enrico?  Yes.  Smell.  Is smell.  Is the smell of rotting sloths snorting isonitrile lines in a sulphur factory.  This smell is living.  Is alive, and it want to fuck a hole in your back it kicked in itself.  She nickname in high school was Amorphophallus Titanum.  Is say it all, yes?

Ron Jeremy think she is ugly, Howl.  Sarah Palin call her stupid.  Idi Amin refuse to eat her.  

There is law against her in seven countries.  Not law against her entering country, no, law against her existence.  

In US of A they scare children with tales of the Boogeyman.  In Salazore there is no need to tell tales.  Each child know he or she has a 63% chance of being consumed by her before age of seven.  Is a fact.  These numbers, she don't lie.  Is population control, yes, but that is not why she do it.  She do not even do it out of hunger, she has lost all desires and urges, she do it because THAT IS WHAT SHE DO.

Yet, despite all this, you have fulfilled required obligation to receive ride in her chamber of horrors.  But.  You still need to do two more things.  Get rabies shot for you eyeballs, and buy a seat belt.  A big big seatbelt.


Your friend,

in good time and bad,

still waterproof after all these year,


Enrico.

[Uday Salazor]

Papa, is good contestant.  Is push rival "Cain" into Liz Taylor feed hopper, is use random passer-by as condom.  Is also has chainsaw attached to stump of left leg.  Uday is watch Doktor Howl perform the surgery on hobo, is say medical necessity, is anesthetize hobo with boot when scream too loud.

Also, is see new conditions, is give Uday combination to safe.  Haha, Papa!  Is all your illegal sex toy is belong to us.  Where is battery?  Is just steal one from limo?

Is your devoted son,
Uday

[Doktor Howl]

On the plus side, I have lured Enrico out of his faked death obscurity.

On the negative side, I must now retrofit the Jeep and get a needle in my eye.

I WILL HAVE HER, ENRICO!  ENOUGH OF YOUR TRICKS!

[Enrico Salazar]

Papa, is good contestant.  Is push rival "Cain" into Liz Taylor feed hopper, is use random passer-by as condom.  Is also has chainsaw attached to stump of left leg.  Uday is watch Doktor Howl perform the surgery on hobo, is say medical necessity, is anesthetize hobo with boot when scream too loud.

Also, is see new conditions, is give Uday combination to safe.  Haha, Papa!  Is all your illegal sex toy is belong to us.  Where is battery?  Is just steal one from limo?

Is your devoted son,
Uday

O Uday, how you make Enrico both laugh and weep at same time, one eye for each.  One eye, she is real, is laugh, and other eye, she is fake, is cry.  You as well also dissapoint Enrico, and yet also at same time and as well make Popo so proud he could strangle you in joy. 

The battery, is obvious, is SWEAT.  Most precious resource in all of Salazore.  How you do not remember this, you twisted little faggot?  Two things are precious to island nation of Salazore, second is of course the vast polyester mines which give much need work to children, and first is certainly the sweat.  Without sweat, what would Salazorians be?  Just gypsies.  Is not good.

Where your head gravy is, son? 

And when do you go find Del Mar and slit his throat for both him and Enrico?  Eh? EH?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Bump

[Suu]

It's been a while since our Salazorian friends have made an appearance.

[Cainad (dec.)]

  Sweet jesus this is golden

[Pæs]

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/Salazar/

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?