"Maybe..." (a parable)

[Cramulus]

A modern adaptation of an old story

A young Discordian named Nopants's car broke down on his way to the market. His friends in the car all said "Awww! This is going to be expensive to fix. That's terrible!" Nopants said "Maybe..." The mechanic closed the hood and told him that it was lucky he came in when he did. It turns out the engine had a much more expensive problem that they caught before it exploded in a deadly fireball. The car was fixed, but Nopants was broke. So he applied for a job in a big office building. He nailed the interview and was told he could start on Monday. His friends were overjoyed for him. "Congradulations on getting that job, that's great news!" Nopants replied "Maybe..." From then on, he spent his days staring at four gray cubicle walls, entering data onto spreadsheets. It was a boring, dead-end job full of stresses and bereft of meaning. Years passed inside the stale office building. One day, another position within the company opened. It offered good pay, meaningful work, and an office with a window. Nopants interviewed, and was perfect for the job, but a lot of people had applied for it too. A few days later, Nopants's boss told him they weren't hiring him for that position. Nopants's family was frustrated on his behalf, "We're really sorry to hear that, Nopants. That's terrible news and you deserve better." "Hmmmm," said Nopants, "Maybe..." The next week, the company was bought by another company, and the position Nopants applied for was made redundant. The person in the office with a window was laid off. Nopants had become good at filling out spreadsheets, and had enough spare time to work on his art and poetry. His cubicle walls were no longer gray, but covered with silly collages that made him laugh like a ninny. One day, a girl was passing his cubicle, and saw the artwork within. Intrigued, she started up a conversation with Nopants, and they hit it off. Soon, they started dating. "I'm so happy for you Nopants," said his friends, "You two make a great couple, and I'm sure you'll live happily ever after!" Nopants smiled, "Maybe..." And for a few years, they lived happily. But eventually the girl became enamoured with someone else, and left Nopants for a spag who worked in sales. The spag gave Nopants the "finger guns" every time they saw each other in the hall. The girl clinged to his arm and avoided eye contact. "Aww Nopants," said his family, "It's too bad she left you," Nopants laughed, "Maybe..."

[Luna]

I like this one.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Good stuff, Cram. It's kinda true too, people make a judgment on an event before the repercussions of it happen.

Also if it's somewhat autobiographical, you should do something about that gun hands thing.

Incidentally, where did the character Nopants come from? I've seen him in some other stuff here before.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nopants seems to me to either be A) a mystic who isn't bothered by events and therefore "Bobs" along mid-stream while everyone else is ground into chum in the rapids, or B) a sissy who lets the world run him over.

From a pragmatic POV, of course, it doesn't matter.  The meek shall inherit the Earth, it is said, and their first responsibility will be to close all the windows that the mighty jumped out of.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also if it's somewhat autobiographical, you should do something about that gun hands thing.

Yeah.  Something that involves twisting a bunch and a trip to the paper shredder in the mail room.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also if it's somewhat autobiographical, you should do something about that gun hands thing.

Yeah.  Something that involves twisting a bunch and a trip to the paper shredder in the mail room.

The paper shredder I hadn't thought of.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also if it's somewhat autobiographical, you should do something about that gun hands thing.

Yeah.  Something that involves twisting a bunch and a trip to the paper shredder in the mail room.

The paper shredder I hadn't thought of.

You need a few more years, Twid.  There's a reason most of the Old Testament prophets were ancient.  You need time as a falling-down old bastard to dream up shit like that.  We're mean old fucks, and we like to share our pain.

[Cramulus]

Incidentally, where did the character Nopants come from? I've seen him in some other stuff here before.

He appears in The Parable of the Gong. I invented him as an exemplar of the Discordian Monk. I visualize him wearing a bathrobe and no pants. It's kind of like - is he overprepared or underprepared?

Nopants seems to me to either be A) a mystic who isn't bothered by events and therefore "Bobs" along mid-stream while everyone else is ground into chum in the rapids, or B) a sissy who lets the world run him over.

Yeah, he can be seen as both, but the trick is that he never gets flattened. His pearl is inside, the world can't touch it.

He doesn't get hung up on these good/bad labels because they're just cosmetic descriptions--illusions! He's the kind of guy that can live well no matter where he is. He's always smirking, and he never has a bad day.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Incidentally, where did the character Nopants come from? I've seen him in some other stuff here before.

He appears in The Parable of the Gong. I invented him as an exemplar of the Discordian Monk. I visualize him wearing a bathrobe and no pants. It's kind of like - is he overprepared or underprepared?

Nopants seems to me to either be A) a mystic who isn't bothered by events and therefore "Bobs" along mid-stream while everyone else is ground into chum in the rapids, or B) a sissy who lets the world run him over.

Yeah, he can be seen as both, but the trick is that he never gets flattened. His pearl is inside, the world can't touch it.

He doesn't get hung up on these good/bad labels because they're just cosmetic descriptions--illusions! He's the kind of guy that can live well no matter where he is. He's always smirking, and he never has a bad day.

??????

[Cramulus]

 yeah, they could probably be cousins 




(and incidentally, the finger-gun guy is fiction)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

yeah, they could probably be cousins 




(and incidentally, the finger-gun guy is fiction)

No, he's very real.  He's every fucking sales geek with perfect teeth and a smug, yet utterly unfounded sense of superiority.  They all need to be neutered, and the world will not miss their progeny.

[Cramulus]

Oh! So the feedback I'm looking for is: I'm trying to find good examples of good/bad being really subjective, transient.




     The original story is about a farmer.

     The farmer's prize horse runs away
     and everybody's so sorry for him.

          and the horse comes back a week later, leading a herd of horses,
          so it's good news

               but while the farmer is wrangling his horses, he breaks his leg,
               and everybody thinks this is bad news

                    but the next week, the army comes by to draft all able bodied men for the war,
                    and the farmer doesn't have to go.




I wanted to carry this into 2012, talking about issues we're all familiar with: possessions, money, jobs, and love

and I want to show a glimpse of the primal chaos behind the subjective illusions of good and bad, fate and fortune.

Do my examples succeed at this? Is there a way to make it more poignant, easy to relate to?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Incidentally, where did the character Nopants come from? I've seen him in some other stuff here before.

He appears in The Parable of the Gong. I invented him as an exemplar of the Discordian Monk. I visualize him wearing a bathrobe and no pants. It's kind of like - is he overprepared or underprepared?

Nopants seems to me to either be A) a mystic who isn't bothered by events and therefore "Bobs" along mid-stream while everyone else is ground into chum in the rapids, or B) a sissy who lets the world run him over.

Yeah, he can be seen as both, but the trick is that he never gets flattened. His pearl is inside, the world can't touch it.

He doesn't get hung up on these good/bad labels because they're just cosmetic descriptions--illusions! He's the kind of guy that can live well no matter where he is. He's always smirking, and he never has a bad day.

I FUCKING HATE THAT GUY.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

But I really like your parable, so...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh! So the feedback I'm looking for is: I'm trying to find good examples of good/bad being really subjective, transient.




     The original story is about a farmer.

     The farmer's prize horse runs away
     and everybody's so sorry for him.

          and the horse comes back a week later, leading a herd of horses,
          so it's good news

               but while the farmer is wrangling his horses, he breaks his leg,
               and everybody thinks this is bad news

                    but the next week, the army comes by to draft all able bodied men for the war,
                    and the farmer doesn't have to go.




I wanted to carry this into 2012, talking about issues we're all familiar with: possessions, money, jobs, and love

and I want to show a glimpse of the primal chaos behind the subjective illusions of good and bad, fate and fortune.

Do my examples succeed at this? Is there a way to make it more poignant, easy to relate to?

I heard it as Irish luck.

Guy falls out of a plane.  Bad luck.
He's wearing a parachute.  Good luck.
Parachute doesn't open.  Bad luck.
There's a hay bale below him.  Good luck.
There's a pitchfork in the hay bale.  Bad luck.
He misses the pitchfork.  Good luck.
He misses the hay bale.  He's Irish.