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A new currency.

Started by Pæs, March 18, 2014, 07:39:51 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

#30
April 21, 2014, 05:32:11 PM
When the vending machines ran out of food, they ran tubes through our drop ceilings.  Nobody is allowed to go to the bathroom.  Vicky tried to just quit and walk off the job, but corporate security beat her to a pulp, and while she's sitting in the ICU with no insurance, we're deciding how much we can sue her for, based on non/under-performance.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#31
April 21, 2014, 05:36:44 PM
Half the company is under quarantine.  The oceans are boiling.  The CEO has shot himself.  I haven't even started the annual variance, and here we are in the 4th quarter.  They'll feed me to the dogs for this.  They'll cut me open and shit in the wound.  I'd run and hide, but they've embedded transponders in our genetalia.  Am barricading my office and blasting Blondie songs to keep the chatterbugs away.  It's only a matter of time.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#32
April 21, 2014, 05:38:09 PM
The IT department was "advised" via cattle prod to install keyboard-monitoring trackwar into all employee's computers.  Any employee registering lest than 35,000 keystrokes a day will have their paychecks reduced proportionally post-tax.





And beaten.

The Good Reverend Roger

#33
April 21, 2014, 05:39:25 PM
Maybe this ought to get moved to Neconomicoin?

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#34
April 21, 2014, 05:41:17 PM
Could work.  Maybe keep it here to gain a few more page views/contributions for a bit?

The Good Reverend Roger

#35
April 21, 2014, 05:45:26 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 21, 2014, 05:41:17 PM
Could work.  Maybe keep it here to gain a few more page views/contributions for a bit?

Okay.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#36
April 21, 2014, 05:48:36 PM
Moss has covered the filing cabinets.  The scheduler just sits in her office and decomposes.  The PA system randomly blurts out static and menus for restaurants that no longer exist.  We suck nutrients through the tubes and fill out installation plans for canceled projects.  The ADEQ audit team was found butchered in the conference room, their livers and kidneys removed.  People in hazmat suits circulate around, taking notes.  Our AR/AP lady now has two huge boils where here eyes were.  Every so often, there's a trumpet blast.  I am of a mind to file a greivance.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#37
April 21, 2014, 05:49:03 PM
Ergh.  Can't find the relevant thread, because in true Discordian fashion, it is buried in a thread drift.

Still:  Discreet Self-Categorization.  Having second thoughts, because of this.  http://roygbiv.jezebel.com/think-you-know-what-queer-looks-like-think-again-1564504257/+dodai


I need a clear head to think about it, but I wanted to post it anyway.

The Good Reverend Roger

#38
April 21, 2014, 05:51:03 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 21, 2014, 05:49:03 PM
Ergh.  Can't find the relevant thread, because in true Discordian fashion, it is buried in a thread drift.

Still:  Discreet Self-Categorization.  Having second thoughts, because of this.  http://roygbiv.jezebel.com/think-you-know-what-queer-looks-like-think-again-1564504257/+dodai


I need a clear head to think about it, but I wanted to post it anyway.

What do left-handed people look like? 

TGRR,
CIS-handed.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#39
April 21, 2014, 05:54:43 PM
To: All Contracted Humanoids
From: Upper Management
Re: Feedback Survey

Attention Loyalists:

The annual survey shall take place at C6 Franklin, in the elevated confrence room.  Please note that the room has been pressurized to accomodate our newest board members, so earplugs are suggested.  As per the dress code and our previous communique, natural fabrics are encouraged, as biodegradibility is but one of our long-term goals.  Please remember to remove shoes and any cellular device prior to entering.

The Good Reverend Roger

#40
April 21, 2014, 06:00:37 PM
We found the janitor today.  We have decided never to speak of it again.  My boss walked out of his office screaming quotes from the Book of Daniel, ripped his pants off, and shat on the floor.  Two of the hazmat guys ran up, ran a survey meter over it, and then scooped it up and ran off in the direction of the cafeteria, while Jim slid to the floor in the corner and started weeping.  Our quarterly profit & loss statement was just a sheet of paper with "REPENT!" scrawled in what would appear to be blood, if it was the right color.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#41
April 21, 2014, 06:02:48 PM
NOTICE: EXECUTIVE FACILITIES HAVE BEEN SEALED OFF FROM THE GENERAL POPULATION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

The Good Reverend Roger

#42
April 21, 2014, 06:07:33 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#43
April 21, 2014, 06:35:12 PM
On Tuesday, the bathrooms were blocked off by armed guards.  Troughs had been installed running through the cubicle field.  When the 10:00 am morning coffee kicked in, it was only a matter of time before the sight of pale buttocks sqatting over a corrugated gutter became commonplace.

The Good Reverend Roger

#44
April 21, 2014, 06:39:27 PM
People came in waving guns and badges today.  They said they were government.  They painted all the windows black and took all the clocks off the walls.  We were told that our new job description was "sitting at our desks with our hands flat on the top of the desk.  We aren't allowed to look at each other.  We were also told that despite not being allowed to type, deadlines were still unchanged.  Then the government people all went out into the hall and shot each other.  The last wounded survivor lay in the hall whimpering about nothing making sense until he finally died.  I forgot to pack my energy bar in my lunch.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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