Written for a friend who wants to rant at X-Day

[Pope Lecherous]

Don't Be a Dick

Take a look at the news today.  There will be gleeful stories about people being dicks.  People raping people.  People murdering people.  People raping and THEN murdering people.  All of them dicks, and a special kind of dick sitting behind the news desk, telling you all the gory details with a look of studied concern on his face.  He seems to be puzzled as to why the peasants would act in such a fashion...Whereas a normal person being forced to barf up this litany of dickishness would have a look of profound disgust on their faces.

And if you listen to that guy, you'll think being a dick is NORMAL.  It isn't.

And if you change the channel, there's Jack Bauer torturing some bastard because he's a SPECIAL kind of dick, the sort of dick we need to protect us from dicks from other countries.  You know what I mean.  Smudgy dicks who blow people up because "why the hell not?"  This might lead you to believe that ONE kind of dick is better than ANOTHER kind of dick, and that one kind of dick is somehow "heroic".  They aren't.

No, brothers and sisters, the plain fact of the matter is that being a dick is just that...Being a dick.  The one thing dicks have in common is that they make the world WORSE for people around them.  Some more than others, obviously, but that's just a matter of SCALE.  Lester Maddox was a medium-scale dick, for example, and  Jerry Falwell was a gigantic dick. 

But the kind of dick that causes the most damage is the small-time dick.  The LITTLE dick.  Because they make up for in volume what they lack in scale.  I'm looking at YOU, dick who is slipping roofies in that girl's drink.  I'm talking to you, dick who is tormenting the cashier or being rude to the waiter because you can.  I'M LOOKING AT YOU, DICK WHO JUST FEELS THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING MEAN TO SOMEONE FOR ANY REASON OR NO REASON AT ALL.

Dicks always have excuses, too.  "I had a bad day", when the behavior happens every day.  Or perhaps "My love life isn't what it ought to be, so all members of my target gender are fair game for dickery".  PROTIP:  You aren't a dick because you can't get laid, you can't get laid because YOU ARE A DICK.  All of these excuses boil down to the same thing, and that thing is "I am a small person and I feel bigger when I shit all over everyone around me, like the baboon that I am."

Everyone acts like a dick now and again.  It happens.  But if it happens on a regular basis, then you are no longer ACTING like a dick, you're BEING a dick.  It has become your new state of normalcy.  What, after all, is an evil person?  Obviously, an evil person is a person that does evil things.  And a dick is a person who does dickish things...And the ONLY difference between an evil person and a dick is that at least the evil person has some level of over-the-top, widescreen mania to thier bad actions.  Dicks are just boring in their evil.

Now, if you mull things over and realize that you are in fact a dick, there's still hope.  There is in fact a CURE for being a dick.  We Doktors refer to this cure as "STOP BEING A DICK".  It's easier than it sounds.  You just stop being a passive aggressive sack of shit.  You stop trying to be an "alpha" pick up artist.  You stop deliberately trying to torque people up because it is the ONLY MEANING LEFT IN YOUR LIFE.

And that's the real trick, isn't it?  If you go out and BUILD A LIFE for yourself, you will be so interested in that life that you won't have TIME to shit on other people, and YOU WON'T EVEN WANT TO.  Happy people aren't dicks.  It's just that simple.

Thank you, and good night.

Quick question before I dive into your monologue. What's wrong with being a dick and do you address it in your piece? Why/not?

[Pope Lecherous]

Don't Be a Dick

I have considered your words Reverend Roger. My reply contains explicit lyrics

Juicy J - THC Believe (Lil Wayne - Believe Me) (O...: http://youtu.be/zQjy2G99rOM

[von]

Don't Be a Dick

Take a look at the news today.  There will be gleeful stories about people being dicks.  People raping people.  People murdering people.  People raping and THEN murdering people.  All of them dicks, and a special kind of dick sitting behind the news desk, telling you all the gory details with a look of studied concern on his face.  He seems to be puzzled as to why the peasants would act in such a fashion...Whereas a normal person being forced to barf up this litany of dickishness would have a look of profound disgust on their faces.

And if you listen to that guy, you'll think being a dick is NORMAL.  It isn't.

And if you change the channel, there's Jack Bauer torturing some bastard because he's a SPECIAL kind of dick, the sort of dick we need to protect us from dicks from other countries.  You know what I mean.  Smudgy dicks who blow people up because "why the hell not?"  This might lead you to believe that ONE kind of dick is better than ANOTHER kind of dick, and that one kind of dick is somehow "heroic".  They aren't.

No, brothers and sisters, the plain fact of the matter is that being a dick is just that...Being a dick.  The one thing dicks have in common is that they make the world WORSE for people around them.  Some more than others, obviously, but that's just a matter of SCALE.  Lester Maddox was a medium-scale dick, for example, and  Jerry Falwell was a gigantic dick. 

But the kind of dick that causes the most damage is the small-time dick.  The LITTLE dick.  Because they make up for in volume what they lack in scale.  I'm looking at YOU, dick who is slipping roofies in that girl's drink.  I'm talking to you, dick who is tormenting the cashier or being rude to the waiter because you can.  I'M LOOKING AT YOU, DICK WHO JUST FEELS THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING MEAN TO SOMEONE FOR ANY REASON OR NO REASON AT ALL.

Dicks always have excuses, too.  "I had a bad day", when the behavior happens every day.  Or perhaps "My love life isn't what it ought to be, so all members of my target gender are fair game for dickery".  PROTIP:  You aren't a dick because you can't get laid, you can't get laid because YOU ARE A DICK.  All of these excuses boil down to the same thing, and that thing is "I am a small person and I feel bigger when I shit all over everyone around me, like the baboon that I am."

Everyone acts like a dick now and again.  It happens.  But if it happens on a regular basis, then you are no longer ACTING like a dick, you're BEING a dick.  It has become your new state of normalcy.  What, after all, is an evil person?  Obviously, an evil person is a person that does evil things.  And a dick is a person who does dickish things...And the ONLY difference between an evil person and a dick is that at least the evil person has some level of over-the-top, widescreen mania to thier bad actions.  Dicks are just boring in their evil.

Now, if you mull things over and realize that you are in fact a dick, there's still hope.  There is in fact a CURE for being a dick.  We Doktors refer to this cure as "STOP BEING A DICK".  It's easier than it sounds.  You just stop being a passive aggressive sack of shit.  You stop trying to be an "alpha" pick up artist.  You stop deliberately trying to torque people up because it is the ONLY MEANING LEFT IN YOUR LIFE.

And that's the real trick, isn't it?  If you go out and BUILD A LIFE for yourself, you will be so interested in that life that you won't have TIME to shit on other people, and YOU WON'T EVEN WANT TO.  Happy people aren't dicks.  It's just that simple.

Thank you, and good night.

Quick question before I dive into your monologue. What's wrong with being a dick and do you address it in your piece? Why/not?

"Dick" here is given the definition of (roughly): "someone who causes harm to others pre-emptively or offensively; someone who wages assault or revenge rather than defense". In most western ethical systems inspired by Christian moral discourse, this is considered undesireable behaviour to begin with, thus the entire article rests on the assumption that waging offensive engagements is a priori "bad".

Thus, no, it doesn't explicitly cover why being a dick in and of itself is morally incorrect, as this is understood to be the predilection of the reader to begin with. Rather, the major topic of the article is that the worst kind of dick isn't the "big dicks" of the world (war mongering world leaders, religious groups, etc) but rather the "small dicks" of the world (people who are rude for no reason, people who don't tip their waiters, etc) as it is hoards of "small dicks" who are more pervasive in society, and thus cause an outright culture of distributed dickishness, whereas the "great dicks" of the world only cause warfare, corruption and "centralised" dickishness that can be easily addressed and ousted.

tl;dr
the first half defines dick and assumes the reader already thinks being a dick is bad.
the second explains why being a small dick is worse than being a big dick.

Also, do note: this is a rant. I.e. it is written as internal entertainment directed at sub genii -- it is not a dialectic, and thus doesn't have to stand to rigour on points such as why being a dick is bad, as it is assumed that the intended audience would be down with that idea.

[Pope Lecherous]

[quote author=von link=topic=36572.msg1351504#msg1351504 date=1405169264

tl;dr
the first half defines dick and assumes the reader already thinks being a dick is bad.
the second explains why being a small dick is worse than being a big dick.

Also, do note: this is a rant. I.e. it is written as internal entertainment directed at sub genii -- it is not a dialectic, and thus doesn't have to stand to rigour on points such as why being a dick is bad, as it is assumed that the intended audience would be down with that idea.
[/quote]

Thanks Von. I think I'm getting it thus far. My reply stands. You should consider as well. I'd be interested in your interpretation of the contents.

Regards

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Hey Roger, I just noticed my image of this doesn't have your name on it. Should I attribute to Doktor Howl or...?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Hey Roger, I just noticed my image of this doesn't have your name on it. Should I attribute to Doktor Howl or...?

TGRR, pls.