Discordian Grin: You're Not My REAL Dad.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Note:  I can only speak for myself, of course, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.

People call us the "Doom & Gloomers" in other Discordian communities.  I don't understand this, because we're always GRINNING.  Sure, we may be snickering about things that other people wouldn't even bring up, sure the smile might be a combination of The Fear, indignity, and media-induced Bell's Palsy...But it's still a GRIN, and that's what matters.

Me, I'm always smiling, even when it looks like (online) I'm raging.  I am raging, of course, but I'm wearing a shit-eating grin while I'm doing it.  I am told by certain freaks that this means I am not a "real Discordian", whatever the fuck that is.  Okay, so I'm not.  Excommunicate my spotty arse...I'll be GRINNING while you do it, and I'll STILL be doing my shit the exact same way.  I just won't have the "happy dancing children in the wildflowers" badge of approval while I'm at it.

Neither will I have an Eris that is basically internet soft-core porn.  Eris is and was a hag, a horrible old woman with the hem of her dress soaked in the blood of the people NEXT to the people who were NEXT to the guy who pissed her off.  The continual urge shown by people to depict her as a barely-legal hippie stripper is fucking hilarious, and just ANOTHER reason to laugh LIKE HELL.

Now, everyone who knows me (and a bunch of other people as well, apparently), knows that I don't have much time for the absurdist/dadaist/happy chaos crowd.  This is true, I really don't.  But that doesn't mean that I don't consider them Discordians (which is more than some of my detractors can say).  It's just that THEIR discordia is different than MY discordia which is probably different from YOUR discordia.  I don't feel the need to make excuses for anyone's discordia, particularly my own. 

The problem is, people mistake my pooping on people for an attempt at censorship.  It is of course no such thing.  While I may be voiding my bowels from a great altitude on any given person, that doesn't mean I expect them to conform to my way of thinking or to stop talking about what they were talking about.  It is, as the kids say, a "doggy-dog world", and if some random asshat on the internet pisses you off so much that you feel an aching need to either ragequit or go stalking, then let's just say that this ain't gonna be your century.  I'M just telling you to SHUT UP.  The people you need to worry about don't WANT you to shut up. They want you to keep talking, while they record each and every word.

But worrying about a world-wide police state in what we used to call "the free world" (HAW HAW!) takes more energy than telling hot dog jokes on Friday or telling people they're doing it wrong, or board-nannying.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think Discordia is or will ever be ready to TOPPLE THE MACHINE™, but you can at LEAST stick a crowbar in the gears here and there, can't you?

I'LL GET ON THAT TOMORROW!

Yes, yes, we know.  Much like the tumblr nation, you are too busy cleansing the temple to deal with the torch-bearing mob of yahoos OUTSIDE of the temple.  Your priorities are all fucked up.

In any case, MY entire Discordia boils down to "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" and "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD".  That is to say, while I am willing to listen to an argument about the validity or non-validity of any given opinion I may have, that doesn't mean that I am willing to bend the fuck over to please the Myspace Facebook Discordians, or the twitter legions, or the tumblr assmonkeys.  Or anyone else.  And if YOU are never wrong, then you don't have a lot of credibility when you tell OTHER people that THEY are Doin' It Wrong.

I will in fact say that if you are aiming your shit cannon INSIDE of The Church™, then you are in fact an idiot.  If, on the other hand, you just have an accidental discharge that gives your pals an Elmer Fudd face (only with poop instead of soot), then you're MY kind of idiot; that is to say, the giggling loon who won't go after his own side, but doesn't worry too much about collateral damage.  And sure, I get butthurt when that collateral damage is ME, but I get over it, just like everyone should.  So long as it's collateral damage, of course.  I don't get mad at the man who accidentally runs me over with a steam roller, but I get pissed LIKE HELL at the person who shoots me intentionally with a spitwad. 

As the martyred Saint ECH once said, "Sack up".

As the late, lamented Badbeast once said, "Never Mind the Bollocks".

And, finally, as my favorite Scotsman once said, "HAW HAW HEE heeeee ho ho rumpy pumpy"
(Translation:  Fuck you and your bullshit, I'm gonna drink paint thinner and get laid).

OR KILL ME!

[LMNO]

Your rants make so much more sense after meeting you in person.


Ok, they already make "sense", but that's when people can see the grin.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Your rants make so much more sense after meeting you in person.


Ok, they already make "sense", but that's when people can see the grin.

I wrote this with last Friday night in mind.  It occurs to me that I need to GRIN harder while online, so people can see it.  Teeth all up in you plasma screen, like EoC coming up on the punchline.   Hot diggity!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  This is excellent. And fully awesome advice for life.

I sincerely hope that someone compiles a bible of your writings after you die. For future generations.

[LMNO]

Your rants make so much more sense after meeting you in person.


Ok, they already make "sense", but that's when people can see the grin.

I wrote this with last Friday night in mind.  It occurs to me that I need to GRIN harder while online, so people can see it.  Teeth all up in you plasma screen, like EoC coming up on the punchline.   Hot diggity!

Oh, that's right, he finally became a Level 3 User.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is excellent. And fully awesome advice for life.

I sincerely hope that someone compiles a bible of your writings after you die. For future generations.

THEN THEY CAN START ANYTIME.

TGRR,
In Tucson, after all.  Live people get turned away at the rope out front.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Fucking preach it, brother!

[Eater of Clowns]

Shit yes to this.

Me, I am a GRINNER.

[hooplala]

Your rants make so much more sense after meeting you in person.


Ok, they already make "sense", but that's when people can see the grin.

I can confirm this as well.

[LMNO]

Shit yes to this.

Me, I am a GRINNER.

Yes, but when you grin, continents crack and slip into the sea.

[Eater of Clowns]

Shit yes to this.

Me, I am a GRINNER.

Yes, but when you grin, continents crack and slip into the sea.

Atlantis had it coming.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Discordia is or will ever be ready to TOPPLE THE MACHINE™, but you can at LEAST stick a crowbar in the gears here and there, can't you?

If not a crowbar, then at least a vibrating dildo!