titles can go fuck themselves

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

i ahve no idea how to pronounce it.

but look forward to some fun twists on modern aztec myth.

Your name is sort of like "tha-ka-sheepeh-wah-LEES-thi"

i prefer to pronounce it tlacasoemthignorother.

You don't just want to be "tlaca" or whatever becuase "tlaca" refers to eating and left alone it is akin to fellatio.

[LMNO]

I pronounce it "horab".

[datacorruption]

so good i come from self-imposed posting exile to praise it.

[Horab Fibslager]

it must be rather smashing then.


are you ont eh drugs again ak? or uh dc. uhmmm urgh. brain melting.

[Horab Fibslager]

ch5 pi in teh face


bills. i have an unfettered respect for bills, waht with their complete contempt for  my bank account, adn wether or ot my bank accoutn is full enough to apy them. which it decidedly was not. how i love bills. trudging up teh stairs i wondered fi a "post no bills" sign on my maibox would help any. probaly not, it didnt' seem tohelp those guys in teh movies much anyway. i contemplated how great the day would be now that the worst fo it was over, relaxign in my easy chair doodling with my pencils whiel awaiting non existent clients. mom was right, i should've been a lumberjack. of course i didn't suspect that someone would eb waiting for me, a man wearing aviators and a classy brown suit. i should've recognized him right away but... well there was somethign odd abotu him, as if he'd got a hair cut or something, if deadmen got their hair cut that is.

EL!!!! dude! i've been waiting for you all day!!! man i thought i was a late riser!
is.. that...? Horab fuckin Fibslager!!! did you get a haircut?
soemthign liek that the old lady gave me flesh, got time fora job man?
nothign but time, what's the case?
well igot this here coupon for 250 dolalrs worth of donoughts or coffeee and i need to track it down!
he stood up as i sat down and began gesturing wildly.
that's a lot of coffe man
or donoughts!!! he pointed wildly at me, empahsizing his point.
well what have you got then?
well it's from someone calling hismelf the coffee terroist. it could eb a trap but it's too good an offer not to spring! you keep your ear to the ground what do ya think man?
coffee terrorist? that sounds liek mal, maybe. a trap? he looked around and then spun coming round to meet me with a level gaze
yes! but nevwer mind about that man! donoughts!!! HAHA!!! think fo it man!! dare to dream el. dare to fuckin dream!!!!
i put on ym best quizzical look and failed, and decided to put on my best ocnfused look instead, which may have worked otu ebtter except for the bannan which smached through my office window at that precise moment.
They've found me again! jesus! damned forces of 3vi1!!! do you have a car?
yeah yeah, downstairs
more fruit began flying through th eother windows, leaving glass and gooey bits all over my office.
quick! to the en oh mobile!!!
uhh right. you got money for gas?
will a million dolalrs do?
what?
ok ok hundred mill, whatever let's go!
we got outside and there were monekys everywhere flinging variosu fruits they got from goddess knows where at us, horab seemed to avoid tehm lazily withotu paying the fruti mind, shouting curses and shaking his fist wildly. i got a peach int eh face. any suspicions i had abotu hroab's deadness vanished when he caught one of the bannas lodged at him and whipped it back at the offending hominid before ducking into the passenger seat of my camaro.
DRIVE MAN DRIVE HAHA!!! they got a classic rock station in this town?
...ing where the water tastes like wine, We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time.... adn mad guitar distortion rang through th espeakers as i gunned it into 2nd. what a perfect day.

[B_M_W]

This is the most perfectly Erisian story I have ever read! Not only is the content Chaos, confusion, and disorder, but Mr Figslaber's typing style adds all the more Erisian content.


~BMW

Eager for the next chapter

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

That was great, no really, it was, but, where is the goddess   j/k, it was great.  Unexpected twists are always good, keeps the reader on her toes.

[datacorruption]

are you ont eh drugs again ak? or uh dc. uhmmm urgh. brain melting.

again? you never told me I stopped! Best not to eh, how will you ever finish this story if i'm not bollocksed?

[LMNO]

Love it, man.


You gotta watch out for the monkeys.  No, really.



little Simian bastards.

[Bob the Mediocre]

This is the most perfectly Erisian story I have ever read! Not only is the content Chaos, confusion, and disorder, but Mr Figslaber's typing style adds all the more Erisian content.


~BMW

Eager for the next chapter

Yeah. Took me a while to figure out who was telling it, but it works

[Hoshiko]

I demand updates!


Please?

[Horab Fibslager]

I demand updates!


Please?

yes yes, soon soon, i ahve the plot and general story outline for ht enext 2 or  three chapters in my brain. i'm jsut waiting for th amoment of spontaneity topunch me in the face and say "you fuckin hsoer, get to that keyboard and write a few paragraphs damn you!"

also i'm tryig to decide how to justapose the plot inversely to the backstory while alluding to the past and totally givign away the future, not to mention...

[Horab Fibslager]

chapter 6- a sudden change of plot

there were sounds not uncommon to the night here, and the darkness was not out of place for this time of day. what was unsual was the several hundred pirates which had invaded the city at dusk and were moving stealthily towards their prey.youn gmen turned away thei rfaces, women and children rushed to any nearby haven. yet one man stood alone, wandering drunken, and taking a piss on a street light which was not illuminating anything at this very moment.

what do you mean you don't know? she asked?
"hell the fuck should i know i duno man, i'm not th eauthor here, go ask him"
"but aren't you? and why are you all red? if you weren't a ghost i'd be worried it looks like blood."
"i'm not anymore and it is"
"what?"
"you don't have any beer? doersn't matter anyway, my stomach is killing me, mind i fa smoke in here?"
"what do you mean by 'i'm not and it is?" she looked suddenly uncomfortable with the idea, as if it was unusual for people to be about alive and welled and renched in blood
"uh, you know, well for the latter, i got bored and went to a place that is full of myselves, and in a fit of, i'm not sure which here, either sadism or masochism, i had at er so to say. well er i killed myself, alot of me. i'll tell you more about it later in the chapter if you'd like"
"please don't. and you know you aren't allowed to smoke in here. go outside. adn the former?"
"what do you mean? i know...?" he was confused by this, it made him loook liek he was scowling or about to lose his temper. or take a really mean shit.
"you've been haunting my basement for years, have you lsot your mind again or something?"
"i lost my mind before?i haunted your basement?"

i'm not sure what words in particular did it, but she looked at me with tears brimming. she looked hurt, really hurt, and i was even more confused for it. i didn't understand it any mroe than i coudl say i understand anything in this story, but like i had told her,  iwas not the one writig this story, and so i very little to say or do, except to follow the plot, or what passes for one here. wu wei. teh illusion of free choice was overbearing on some folks, so i just stopped.

a bell rang and a cock crowed and from the rooftops, from tehwindows, from the alleys and from behind cars and grom sewer grates they rushed. they were all screaming log a log or yarrr or any number of foul insults or battle cries.it was an aural orgy, adn dissecting this din is not our piroity concern as we watch the unfolding violence. as if making some magic trick happen for a show of kiddies having a birthday party in the middle of a dark street in a rundown part of town, he gestures, quietly slowly, and those pirates, scraggly scrawny scurvied and smelly, who were at one moment running toward him, were suddenly flyifn backwards in every direction. and for a breif moment it was quiet, except for the sound of fire lighting upa ciggarette, of a moan and a curse. adn then the cacophony drew up on itself again and launched itself at him and yet another lazy gesture and light upon lights, soul upon souls, what those who suffer beg for and those who do not deserve it fear, mercy sang to those poor souls, those fools who coudl defeat thei ropponent because, liek emperor palpitine in return of the jedi, they had underestimated their enemy. underestimated his willingness to die by their hand, and hteir ability to make their imagination his reality. mercy sang and danced a merry jig, it hummed and whistled and pirates fell about, he was mercy, and this was his forgiveness. after it was all said and done, the lone figure stood there, a long deep drag on his smoke. the man wore brown.

"ok so i lied. not this chapter, but th enext one maybe? i still have a promise to keep and i like to keep my word when i can." he looked down at her sitting on the couch, and went outside for a smoke. "where do i know her from anyway?"

[Bella]

 Another chapter. Cool.

[Horab Fibslager]

ch 7 - this one's for you

i stood up and went outside. he was sitting on the step, his jacket on the grass being soaked through. i'd never seen him wear his gun belt before, the wood paneled handle sticking out underneath his arm. he raised a dark red hand and took a slow drag from his ciggarette. his te was unloosed his shirt unboottoned at the neck. he looked tired. he looked like jesus.
"so why are you covered in blood then?"
i bit my lip as he looked somewhere beyond the grass and the street adn the house across it. somewher far i imagined. hestayed that way in a freize for a time. a long time and i almsot thought he was ignoring me, just as he looked up and said quietly, "i was drunk, and feeling self pity and hatred and all that sorta thing one feels after one has just bribed hte author to break the story line irrevocably at four in teh morning. i went for a walk, and soem pirates attackedf me, so i killed them, and then, i went to a universe around the corner... i eman i dunno did i ever tell you i was infinite?"
he didn't wait fo rme to answer.
"i once won a game of poker. i don't know how to play poker,not really, but jehovah, whom was one of the other players, said i had won th epot. oneof the things in the pot was infinitness. that is the state of being infinite.   or maybe, it was that incdent with the tranlocationer, and the chocolate, and that woman, but it's all preetty fuzzy, alot of thigns are fuzzy. but anyways. i began multiplying. fractures in reality or causality or linearity. or something.
anyways, there was a point when iw as going around collapsing whole realities by simply being too many. so i went to a place which was inhabited soley by myself. yeah kind of freightening i know. but i get my sick kicks from that sorta thing, so i went there, adn i said hello to some of myselves. we began arguing abotu something, man i love to argue sometimes. ad they, or i, or me's or whatever, tried to tak emercy from me. i woudl think i'd be smarter than that. even among myselves only i can weild mercy. but i have this effect on myself that i think i am myself, when in reality i am not myself but merely some abherent accidental carbon copy that's not quite right. that' smissing something. we got into it and well, i killed myself. alot. it was pretty brutal.  liek i said, i'm not sure if it was being sadistic or masochistic at that moment. adn then..."
he stood up then, and fixed my eyes in his gaze.
i'm not sure. i was here. the author is having fun at my expense, or maybe it's Her, i thinki pissed Her off."
he dropped his smoke down, and crushed it with his shoe. and raised a hand and paced his bloody palm agains my cheek, still gazinginto my eyes.
"i shoudl go. i can't remember anything right now. i think i know you, but. but i don't know. i should go. " he turned away and i watched him walk down the street, watched him as he walked into the sunset. somehow i knew this wasn't the end though.

and this was an entirely correct satori moment. it was a premature hero cliche, adn as the sun burned, he kept walking along, a wound up coil, waiting to spring. but that's also a mistatement. he was not waiting, nor the opposite. adn itwas no surprise, when She walked out of thin air and gave him a look that would have killed a mere mortal.

"i had a mission for you and you broke it. i'm very unhappy with you H."
"i bet. look i can't even recall what the mission was."
"that hasn't stopped you before"
"who was that woman?"
"oh, her? jsut your ex-wife. sorta. you can't marry a dead man, so you can't divorce him either."
"so i'm hunting then."
"hunting?"
"hunting for wabbits. be vewy, vewy quiet."

or rather wabbits were hunting him, for at that moment, a rathe rlarge one erupted out of the tarmac and threw a clenched fist into the groudn where horab was standing. or rather had been standing. he pointed and a fireball erupted from his index finger's tip. and beneath his breath he muttered, "special effcts eff tee double yoo.". the oversized wabbit didn't catch fire tho. instead it's colours inverted themselves and it shook itself from this plane, liek dustmotes beign caught in the sun light. it was dark now, btu still early.