The Little Man

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

The Little Man is six years old, has blue eyes and dark hair, loves Iron Man and My Little Pony and FUCK YOU.

The Little Man has a few friends in school, and is starting to get his work done more reliably, but that's only because he wants to and FUCK YOU.

The Little Man has a smile on his face and he tells you THIS SMILE MEANS BAD THINGS FOR YOU and he clenches his teeth and the whole world boils down to the one little conflict in front of him and he will never will never give an inch or surrender, and you just have to put his shoes on and drag him bodily out the door, because he is a little ball of FUCK YOU.

The Little Man was born into a world that knew for at least two generations they were fucking up the atmosphere and now HE has to deal with the weird weather patterns and storms and if things go much worse his city might end up underwater in his lifetime, and even if he doesn't know the whole of it he knows enough and FUCK YOU.

The Little Man doesn't cuss, because his whole life is one giant middle finger at the whole fucking universe for daring to spawn him, and he will ruin the shit out of everything and burn it all to the ground. He glares like he's expecting laser beams to come out of his eyes. The Little Man rejects this reality wholesale. Return to sender. FUCK YOU.

The Little Man smiles when he lies and when he tries to steal things, beams with pride at his forgery attempts. He is intensely proud of his picture of a tornado, the only one of his drawings I've ever seen him happy about. He's good at math and reads the dictionary like a novel and knows how cancer works and what the spleen does and the difference between a frog heart and a human one. He knows that when you die you're gone forever, and everyone dies and FUCK YOU.

The Little Man likes to hold signs and hand out flyers, even if you tell him not to. Especially if you tell him not to because FUCK YOU.

This is what The Future looks like.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Shit yeah

[LMNO]

Whoa.  Nicely done!

[P3nT4gR4m]

The Scottish Empire wholeheartedly approves of this infant!

[Reginald Ret]

Hah! Great kid!

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

The Little Man has never taken a good school portrait. Well, I say "good" but what I mean is "traditional." This year he has a scowl on his face and if you ask him why he says BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE AT SCHOOL but what he really means is FUCK YOU.

The Little Man has a vocabulary that rivals college students' and a firm grasp of grammar and his favorite word is triskadectaphobia. He can spell ridiculous and superstitious and document, and he can do it in writing or fingerspelling. He wrote an excellent story about being a pumpkin, but he has no fucking patience for writing or drawing because his brain is moving a million miles an hour and his hands are too small and too clumsy and too six-years-old and nothing comes out the way he sees it in his head and FUCK YOU.

The Little Man learned about segregation and the Civil Rights movement and he looked up with me with those dark blue eyes of his and said BUT IT'S ALL BETTER NOW, RIGHT? and I had to tell him no, it's not all the way better yet, even though progress has been made. And we kept walking but I know he was thinking about his step-mother and step-cousins who he loves, who are black, and there was another little spike of FUCK YOU.

The Little Man made condescending remarks at everyone who didn't get his costume on Halloween, until I reminded him that this is a holiday where strangers literally give you candy for no reason, and he still had some trouble holding in the FUCK YOU.

The Little Man will talk your ear off about Pokemon and the difference between steam engines and electric trains and knows that most of our electricity still comes from a coal fire plant, because the world is a bag of dicks. All the time. He wishes the problems around him were things he could punch, because that would be easy and FUCK YOU.

The Little Man does not know how to pull punches, and he screams I HATE YOU and tosses in I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME and you just have to suck it up because he's trying to get under your skin and the hate he feels towards you isn't really personal, it's just another bit of FUCK YOU.

The Little Man is a nightmare to parent, because he bounces from happy and awesome to chernobyl in a heartbeat and all you can do is leave the door open for him to bounce back and make sure he gets to school on time and gets in the car when it's time to leave and try to pave the way for a good day however you can manage. And I love him, because FUCK YOU.

[Eater of Clowns]

I really love this, Gogira.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

The best love letters don't look like love letters at all

[Eater of Clowns]

The best love letters don't look like love letters at all

Aw. 

[Junkenstein]

Big words this. It's going to be a great birthday present for him at some point.

That point may not be that far away either.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is great. 

And I don't know if it will work this way for you but my crazy crazy littlest one is now the most supremely mature and calm and easy-to-parent (if sarcastic and bossy and occasionally condescending) little ten-year-old thirty-year-old ever.