I'm (still) a Discordian because...

[Freeky]

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

I didn't want to...But Nigel said if I didn't get her those rights, she'd pull my spine out through my urethra.

She must have been in a good mood.

[Freeky]

I'm still a Discordian so that I have something to do other than blather my opinion about something I saw on the news that nobody will even remember two weeks from now.  I think it SUCKS!  Or it's HILARIOUS!  I just make sure I HAVE an opinion about every flash in the pan like every other dumbass and then post it on the internet so everyone will know what it is.  And I make sure it's sarcastic or ironic so people will know I am cool.  Especially if it's a "tragedy," then I say it was a conspiracy and then everybody knows I am also hip.

That celebrity died. Ha ha!
That plane crashed. Ha ha!
That politician said something. What an asshole! Ha ha!
That disaster happened. It's a conspiracy! Ha ha!

See?  Tiresome.  That's why I'm a Discordian.

Makes sense.

[Freeky]

I am not precisely a discordian, because discord will take care of itself and I'm not very good at it besides, but if I were a discordian I would be one because I don't have to be one and still be accepted.

SO THERE, YOU BASTARDS. 

[tyrannosaurus vex]

...because in a world full of people asking what the meaning of life is, somebody's got to know the answer!
...because I enjoy helping the less fortunate.
...because what the hell ELSE is there to be? Hare Krishna? Fuck.

[AFK]

...because that Groucho Marx gag was REALLY funny, and I'm richer for it.

[Lenin McCarthy]

...because, at parties, when the discussion turns to religion and people are mostly atheists or "Christian, maybe, sort of", perhaps the odd Pastafarian, I can say I'm Discordian and provoke a wide range of different reactions.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

...because MysticWicks converted me.

[Salty]

...my head will explode if I have to keep all that rotten shit to myself.

...I still miss the community that Jesus Juice has to offer and this is the closest I can get, and it's pretty rad.

...none of the other religions will let me in anymore.

[AFK]

...I took a wrong turn at Albuquereque.

[Eater of Clowns]

...Cain's goons have strongarmed me into staying one.

...someone's going to need to do something when the Nessies come, even if it's laugh.

...I came out the other side.

...I'm legally obligated to act as one of Cain's goons after signing an air tight contract.

[The Johnny]

... atheism is for whiny drama-queen bitches.

... nobody seems to know what agnosticism is.

... there's no other religion which worships a vindictive troll goddess.

[CarvedWood]

... oh, wait.  Duh!

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

... because I've been happily eating beaver asses for a decade and not knowing it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

I didn't want to...But Nigel said if I didn't get her those rights, she'd pull my spine out through my urethra.

She must have been in a good mood.

Yeah, she normally doesn't give warnings.

AND THAT'S HOW WE GET BONELESS CHICKEN, KIDS

[Cain]

I'm still a Discordian so that I have something to do other than blather my opinion about something I saw on the news that nobody will even remember two weeks from now.  I think it SUCKS!  Or it's HILARIOUS!  I just make sure I HAVE an opinion about every flash in the pan like every other dumbass and then post it on the internet so everyone will know what it is.  And I make sure it's sarcastic or ironic so people will know I am cool.  Especially if it's a "tragedy," then I say it was a conspiracy and then everybody knows I am also hip.

That celebrity died. Ha ha!
That plane crashed. Ha ha!
That politician said something. What an asshole! Ha ha!
That disaster happened. It's a conspiracy! Ha ha!

See?  Tiresome.  That's why I'm a Discordian.

I'm still a Discordian because I post on PD!