Rejected Activist Rant

[Doktor Howl]

Not bitching, here.  This was rejected because of a misunderstanding as to what content was desired.  But rather than waste it, I'll post it here.

The Politics of the Average Joe.

So, the world's circling the bowl, and it's all the doing of those bankers.  Or Big Gubmint.  Or Big Pharma.  Or whatever it is you think you need to fight.  Now you're all fired up about it, but you aren't sure what to do.  You went to some rallies, but it all seemed a little pathetic.  Hell, most of the signs were about something else entirely...And The Man not only didn't capitulate, he didn't even arrest you.  You didn't even get noticed. 

So now you're pissed off, and you're wondering how to get your point across.  Yes, I know, we Doktors all go through that.  But before you all crowd into a cramped basement and start building bombs, I'd like to remind you of a couple of things.

First, The Man owns the ball and the ballpark.  If you do something you think of as bold, it will be used to scare the regular folks into accepting more of the same crap, because now there's terrorists running around.

Second, the average person isn't on your side.  This can't be stressed enough.  Sure, they may bitch about whatever it is, but what they really want is for tomorrow to be just like today.  If you "freak the mundanes" enough, it won't be The Man hanging from that lamp post.  It's gonna be you, because you have threatened their comfort bubble.  The Man is inside of that comfort bubble they have.  The Man has to be.  After all, if they didn't want it, they wouldn't pay for it.

Ever wonder why the German and Japanese people fought right to the bitter end in World War II, while the Italians surrendered to just about everyone and got on with their lives?  It isn't because Italians are cowardly; they are not.  But they hadn't been sold on the ideology that Mussolini was pushing, so they dumped him not once but twice.

The Germans and Japanese people needed a little more persuading.  And not just at the end of a gun.

Some dumbass once labeled a pencil "the machine that kills fascism", which is obviously crap.  What kills fascists is tanks and guns and aircraft and eventually a noose.  But then, when the battles are done, you have to win the war, which is done by convincing the average enemy citizen that it's over.

In the one serious burst of brains that the USA has ever had, they decided on the Hershey Bar as the war-winner.  The Axis population had been told that we would rape and murder them when we overran the defenses, but there's this grimy dog-face offering them a Hershey Bar and a Lucky Strike...And there's two messages in there that any activist must understand. 

The first is "We ain't here to hurt you.  Have a Hershey Bar."

The second is "While you were making munitions in your basements and bomb shelters, we didn't even shut the candy factories down.  In fact, they're running three shifts.  And our tobacco got better during the war.  So in case you ever think you maybe want to try this again, you might want to keep that in mind.  Have a Hershey Bar."

So, if you're an activist, the FIRST thing you must sell the population on is that you aren't here to hurt them or turn their lives upside down.  You are here to make things BETTER.  And that isn't done by preaching at them, by haranguing them with the Rightness of Your Cause.  It's done by the metaphorical equivalent of a Hershey Bar.  "Here's the future, here's what we have to offer.  And here's why it's tasty."

The SECOND thing you have to convince them of is that you aren't going away.  You're running three shifts, turning out that Hershey Bar stockpile.  It's easier to go along with you than to fight you, not because you're scary but because you never quit.

So, are we ready to change the world?

[Doktor Howl]

The only thing I took issue with was that the editor-in-chief dude thought I was excusing "hearts and minds", which I sorta WAS, but in the 1945 sense, not the 1965 sense.

I wasn't "excusing" it, really.  I was describing something EFFECTIVE.  As compared to the shit that went on 20 years later.

[Doktor Howl]

It's really too bad.  I was in the mood to do some serious ranting about the election, starting with Jeb Bush.

[President Television]

So I guess the question is what we have to offer. I'm at a loss for that one.

[Doktor Howl]

So I guess the question is what we have to offer. I'm at a loss for that one.

I think there was a bit of a disconnect between the people involved.  A mistake, not a slam.

[Cainad (dec.)]

[President Television]

So I guess the question is what we have to offer. I'm at a loss for that one.

I think there was a bit of a disconnect between the people involved.  A mistake, not a slam.

Oh no, I mean in reference to the contents of the rant itself. What are our Hershey bars?

[Doktor Howl]

So I guess the question is what we have to offer. I'm at a loss for that one.

I think there was a bit of a disconnect between the people involved.  A mistake, not a slam.

Oh no, I mean in reference to the contents of the rant itself. What are our Hershey bars?

Well, that depends on what your objectives are, doesn't it?

If you're pushing LGBT rights, then the Hershey Bar is the fact that damn near everyone has a close friend or relative that is LGBT, and we're not here to make your pastor marry them.  We just don't want people pooping on them.

If you're against the war-as-normalcy thing, then the Hersey Bar is the notion that butter is more profitable than guns.

If you're just a hardcore discordian, forget the Hershey Bar and start flushing toothbrushes down the toilets.

In short, the Hershey Bar is the notion that you're trying to help, not attack.  Anti-tumblr, so to speak.

[President Television]

So I guess the question is what we have to offer. I'm at a loss for that one.

I think there was a bit of a disconnect between the people involved.  A mistake, not a slam.

Oh no, I mean in reference to the contents of the rant itself. What are our Hershey bars?

Well, that depends on what your objectives are, doesn't it?

If you're pushing LGBT rights, then the Hershey Bar is the fact that damn near everyone has a close friend or relative that is LGBT, and we're not here to make your pastor marry them.  We just don't want people pooping on them.

If you're against the war-as-normalcy thing, then the Hersey Bar is the notion that butter is more profitable than guns.

If you're just a hardcore discordian, forget the Hershey Bar and start flushing toothbrushes down the toilets.

In short, the Hershey Bar is the notion that you're trying to help, not attack.  Anti-tumblr, so to speak.

Ah, ok. That's straightforward enough. I'd thought you were talking about some other additional benefit we'd have to offer, but this makes things considerably easier. Thanks for clearing that up.

[Doktor Howl]

No worries.

[LMNO]

Loving this rant. Offers solutions, not just bleak observations.

"We're here to help.  No need to decide now, we'll be back."

[Doktor Howl]

Loving this rant. Offers solutions, not just bleak observations.

"We're here to help.  No need to decide now, we'll be back."

Well, QG asked for "inspirational", not "21C SAYING HELLO".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I love this!

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Would you be opposed to this being done up flyer style?

[Junkenstein]

The only thing I took issue with was that the editor-in-chief dude thought I was excusing "hearts and minds", which I sorta WAS, but in the 1945 sense, not the 1965 sense.

I wasn't "excusing" it, really.  I was describing something EFFECTIVE.  As compared to the shit that went on 20 years later.

I'll take a history lesson and some horror. The Hershey bar thing was news to me, what was the '65 fuckup? It's got to be something to do with Vietnam, right? Bringing troops, "training" and equipment instead of luxury foods?