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"Please adopt me, Bill Donohue."

Started by Kai, December 09, 2011, 04:29:22 AM

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Kai

This just cracks me the fuck up.

So, apparently Catholic Ministries have started an "adopt-an-atheist" program. As Bill Donohue explains:

Quote[Let] them know of your interest in "adopting" one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.

    If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who "believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing."


So of course, a classy atheist woman makes a video asking him to adopt her.   :lulz:
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
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- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

Quote from: 'Kai' ZLB, M.S. on December 09, 2011, 04:29:22 AM
This just cracks me the fuck up.

So, apparently Catholic Ministries have started an "adopt-an-atheist" program. As Bill Donohue explains:

Quote[Let] them know of your interest in "adopting" one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.

    If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who "believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing."


Oh my baby Jesus. :lulz:

Kai

I think Miranda is leading by example. We should ALL go email a Catholic and ask them to adopt our pagan asses, because apparently we are Christians and don't know it.

I think this email campaign would be a wonderful way to spend the holiday season. We could even design a template, with a section citing Donohue's statement, so everyone could get in on the Christmas spirit.

Personally, I'm going to send mine to Bill Donohue. I mean, the above video is tough competition, but I think I could make my case.  8)
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish

Kurt Christ

Why don't we adopt the Christians instead?
Formerly known as the Space Pope (then I was excommunicated), Father Kurt Christ (I was deemed unfit to raise children, spiritual or otherwise), and Vartox (the speedo was starting to chafe)

Kai

If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish

Kurt Christ

Formerly known as the Space Pope (then I was excommunicated), Father Kurt Christ (I was deemed unfit to raise children, spiritual or otherwise), and Vartox (the speedo was starting to chafe)

AFK

I'd let Phil Donohue adopt me, only if he gave me one of those puffy microphones. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Triple Zero

But those are the freaks that put all these wood-and-plaster shrines with horrible torture scenes at road intersections all over Southern Europe, and pray and cry and orgasm at huge bloody and gory graphical depictions of the same put on display in these gigantic ancient above-ground stone dungeons--I'm staying the fuck away from those maniacs.

"Adopt" me, uh-huh right.
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

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Will they buy me a new TV for Christmas?

No?

Forget it.
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Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
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hooplala

'Diff'rent Strokes' of the Twenty-First Century.          


WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT, BILL DONOHUE?
                                                 \

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Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
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Suu

As the resident CatholicTM, I will adopt all of you.

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

EK WAFFLR

Quote from: Suu on December 09, 2011, 03:33:24 PM
As the resident CatholicTM, I will adopt all of you.

Do I get a nice Catholic name?
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Suu

Quote from: Waffle Iron on December 09, 2011, 03:45:49 PM
Quote from: Suu on December 09, 2011, 03:33:24 PM
As the resident CatholicTM, I will adopt all of you.

Do I get a nice Catholic name?

Of course.

You are now Mark Luke John, and your Confirmation name is Matthew.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

EK WAFFLR

Quote from: Suu on December 09, 2011, 03:49:33 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on December 09, 2011, 03:45:49 PM
Quote from: Suu on December 09, 2011, 03:33:24 PM
As the resident CatholicTM, I will adopt all of you.

Do I get a nice Catholic name?

Of course.

You are now Mark Luke John, and your Confirmation name is Matthew.

Nice. I'm going to just use Mark and Matthew though. They fit well with the name my parents gave me, which also starts with an M.
This way I can be Triple M Double H.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]