AbbyGasm

[Golden Applesauce]

Dear Abby
P.O. Box 69440
Los Angeles
CA 90069

I am sure we can get this woman to publish in national (international? do any brits/aussies get Dear Abby?) papers a letter about a friend who recently joined this "cult" called Discordja.

I'll write up a letter to show what I'm thinking later today.

[Cramulus]

Good idea! Let's flood her!

[Cainad (dec.)]

Ofuk, WIN. We can flood other, lesser-known advice columnists too.

Post the columns if/when they come out. I don't get the newspaper.

I'm on the road right now and can't mail anything, so anyone can take this and use it:
~~~~~~

Dear Abby,

I've always tried to be accepting of other people's religions, especially those of my friends, but lately one of my closest friends (we'll call him "Bob") has been going overboard. He claims to be part of this cult called Discordianism, which he says is 'a joke disguised as a religion and a religion disguised as a joke' or something like that. Now he laughs at all kinds of jokes I don't get, is outrageously suspicious of government activities, and is generally just acting weird. I don't know what to do! He hasn't done anything harmful yet, but I think being part of this "religion" that refuses to take anything seriously could be harmful to "Bob's" mental health. Even worse, he could get other people in on this act, and from what I've read in their supposed holy book (The Principia Discordia), having too many Discordians in one place could be disastrous. Please help!

Yours,
Greg Hill

[Golden Applesauce]

The key will be to make it sound bad enough to get her attention but good enough that some people will want to learn more.

[Verbal Mike]

I think Cainad has it right for that, but his text could use some tweaking to be more convincing.
Let's see here:

Dear Abby,

I've try to be accepting of other people's religions, especially when it comes to my friends, but I think one of my closest friends (we'll call him "Bob") is going too far. He claims to be part of this group called Discordianism, which he says is 'a joke disguised as a religion and a religion disguised as a joke' or something like that. I think it's some kind of hippie cult. Now he laughs at all kinds of jokes I don't get, is outrageously suspicious of government activities, and just acts real weird. I don't know what to do! He hasn't done anything harmful, but I think being part of this "religion" that refuses to take anything seriously could be harmful to "Bob's" mental health. Even worse, he could get other people in on this act, and from what I've read in their supposed holy book, having too many Discordians in one place could be dangerous - not only to them, but to anyone else they get their hands on. Please help!

Yours,
Greg Hill

[Cainad (dec.)]

I think Cainad has it right for that, but his text could use some tweaking to be more convincing.
Let's see here:

Dear Abby,

I've tried to be accepting of other people's religions, especially when it comes to my friends, but I think one of my closest friends (we'll call him "Bob") is going too far. He claims to be part of this group called Discordianism, which he says is 'a joke disguised as a religion and a religion disguised as a joke' or something like that. I think it's some kind of hippie cult. Now he laughs at all kinds of jokes I don't get, is outrageously suspicious of government activities, and just acts real weird. I don't know what to do! He hasn't done anything harmful, but I think being part of this "religion" that refuses to take anything seriously could be harmful to "Bob's" mental health. Even worse, he could get other people in on this act, and from what I've read in their supposed holy book, having too many Discordians in one place could be dangerous - not only to them, but to anyone else they get their hands on. Please help!

Yours,
Greg Hill

fixx0r'd

And you're right, that does a bit more like something you would read in a newspaper advice column.

[Cramulus]

[Verbal Mike]

I actually meant "I try..." but whatever. I was teh tiredz.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  I like this.

[Reginald Ret]

A Dutch translation for the few, unproud dutchies here.

{couldn't think of an example},

Ik heb altijd geprobeerd respect te hebben voor andermans religie, vooral als het om mijn vrienden gaat maar ik geloof dat een van mijn beste vrienden (laten we hem "Bob" noemen) aan het doorslaan is. Hij zegt dat hij lid is van een club die discordianisme heet, hij zegt dat het een grap vermomd als religie en tegelijk een religie vermomd als grap is of zoiets. Volgens mij is het een sekte. Hij lacht nu voortdurend om 'grappen' waar ik neits van snap, is ongelofelijk wantrouwig ten opzichte van de regering geworden, en gedraagd zich steeds vreemder. Ik weet niet wat ik moet doen! Hij heeft nog niemand kwaad gedaan, maar ik denk dat deel zijn van deze "religie" die niets serieus neemt schadelijk voor "Bob" zijn geestelijke gezondheid is. En wat nou als hij anderen overhaalt om mee te doen? En volgens hun zogenaamde heilige geschriften kan het gevaarlijk zijn om te veel discordianen op een plek te hebben, niet aleen voor hunzelf  maar ook voor iedereen die ze te pakken kunnen krijgen. Help me Alsjeblieft!


Bij voorbaat dank,
Anne Ristie

[Triple Zero]

nice! time to check out the crappy magazine section in the supermarket and write down a few addresses .. tina, margriet, libelle, vriendin and uhh, oh there are a bunch of those new "spiritual" mags about stones yoga and reiki and shit, in fact i even saw a magazine about wicca for kidz, but that might have been a one-off issue of some sort of other thing.

and, "gedraagt" tsk tsk,

[Reginald Ret]

pfff you suck as a critic you missed 'neits'

besides i almost failed dutch in highschool (got a 5).

We should try to avoid sending copies of the same letter to the same magazine, we wan to instill the idea of a new cult growing and seeing the same letter 20 times looks more like a prank.

[Verbal Mike]

Any Germans around here? If someone translates this and gives me addresses, I'll do the rest. :\

[Cramulus]

BUMP

because I thought this was a GREAT idea

Golden Applesauce, as the creator, you should set up some distribution material. Explain the project and it's goal, and then pick a date for the flood. Then we can blast it out into Discordian space to let people know what the deal is.

[hunter s.durden]

Yeah, this was pretty fucking brilliant.

I would suggest writing one of these to every advice columnist on the planet, though, not just Abby.