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The New Threat to the Internet

Started by Cramulus, January 30, 2012, 03:03:09 PM

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Cramulus

Last week, 3 million of us beat back America's attack on our Internet! --- but there is an even bigger threat out there, and our global movement for freedom online is perfectly poised to kill it for good.

KROM - a global treaty - could allow nations to conduct warfare over the Internet. Negotiated in secret by a small number of rich countries and corporate powers, it would set up a shadowy new regulatory body to transmit startling pornographic imagery -- and even impose scatological web filters -- on people they say have harmed their business.

Europe is deciding right now whether to ratify KROM -- and without them, this global attack on Internet freedom will collapse. We know they have opposed KROM before, but some members of Parliament are actually attracted to shock porn -- let's give them the push they need to reject the treaty. Sign the petition -- we'll do a spectacular delivery in Brussels when we reach 500,000,000 signatures!

Cramulus

This is really a pretty big issue. KROM would allow the government to essentially abduct people without a warrant, hold them indefinitely, and subject them to recordings of their loved ones crying.

Cramulus

Here are the list of government officials that currently support KROM:

Harry Reid (D-NV)
Howard Berman (D-CA)
Marsha Blackburn (R-TN)
Viscount Nicodemus Drachenwald (R-WV)
Steve Chabot (R-OH)
Alaric Bloodshadow (D-MI)
Ted Deutch (D-FL)
Vlad Wolfsinger (R-CA)
Bob Goodlatte (R-VA)
Ular the Destroyer (R-AR)
Dennis A. Ross (R-FL)
The Dark One (D-CA)
Mark Soulrender (R-NE)


Cramulus

If KROM passes, every internet search you perform will be forwarded to the government, where it will be subject to an invasive search by homeland security. You will be extremely limited in what you'll be able to search for on the Internet. The KROM rules and regulations in the following list represents information gathered from the TSA, the FAA, and interviews with security warlords at our nation's internet cafes.

The following items will be prohibited search terms:

knives, scissors, razor blades, guns, handguns, alcohol, wine, beer, golf clubs, corkscrew, self-defense sprays, pepper spray, tear gas, tweezers, nail clippers, swords, spray cans, toothpaste, and over two ounces of liquid.

Cramulus

If this shit passes, it's YOUR FAULT for not pressing "Like" on facebook.

Q. G. Pennyworth

Would be funnier if it was less like the truth :(

Scribbly



Upon approval of Krom, it will be illegal to record anyone discussing Krom.

In order to access google, you will need to intone the following prayer:

Krom, I have never prayed to you before –
I have no tongue for it.
No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad,
Why we fought or why we died.
No, all that matters is that two stood against many.
That's what's important.
Valor pleases you, Krom, so grant me one request –
Grant me my search!
And if you do not listen, then the Hell with You!
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.


Nephew Twiddleton

Dammit ds i was going to quote that too.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Cramulus

 :lulz: :lulz: I posted this to facebook. One of my friends thinks its a joke!


Cramulus



If KROM passes, your congressional representatives will call you up and shout at you about what you're doing wrong. It'll be a one-way call; you won't be able to respond. That's how fucked up KROM is.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cramulus on January 30, 2012, 07:19:04 PM


If KROM passes, your congressional representatives will call you up and shout at you about what you're doing wrong. It'll be a one-way call; you won't be able to respond. That's how fucked up KROM is.

If KROM passes, your insurance rates will go up every time anyone you know has an accident.  And your health insurance won't cover herpes, if caught in cybersex chat rooms.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cramulus

It's true. The only way to stop this from being passed is to send your congressional representatives images of tubgirl over and over again until they are too incapacitated with lust to legislate anything.

You know what sucks? Even if this doesn't pass, congress is just going to try to pass it in another form. Like maybe a suppository or something.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cramulus on January 30, 2012, 07:23:55 PM
You know what sucks? Even if this doesn't pass, congress is just going to try to pass it in another form. Like maybe a suppository or something.

A 6' long, 4" wide suppository.  With spikes, and pre-rolled in rock salt.

Because they can.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Triple Zero

Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.