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More Futurisitic Fun Than You Really Wanted, part I of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 29, 2011, 04:58:14 PM

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Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 13, 2011, 05:36:13 AM
We need more Pixie and Freeky stories.

AND WHAT HAPPENS WITH HAYES AND SAMS, EoC ?!?!?!

You will find out, I promise.  And props on the recent entry.  There's a strange mix of cute and horrific going on.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Placid Dingo

He introduces himself as Alan Smithee. He is a Paynite from the look of him; mostly the kind of harrowed stare, the lack of basic social skills. I offer a drink and he just shakes his head.

"You have something you want me to see" he says, flatly.

I take him downstairs to the room and pull open the door. It is dark for a moment. I pull the switch and a light flickers on. In the middle of the room, arms bound and pulled up to a hook on the roof, is The Kid. His shirt is off, revealing the maze of scar tissue that warps his muscular chest. He looks down, defeated, ignoring us.

"Kid," I say. "I want you to meet someone."

He remains silent. The Paynite stands quietly, unimpressed.

"This is my friend Alan Smithee. Alan, will you kindly tell Kid what your role is?"

"I'm waiting for the part where you're not wasting my time," he growls.

"Alan kills Nessies, Kid."

The Kid looks up and stares into Alan's eyes. Kid has one eye, one black socket, more scar tissue splayed around it.

"Big. Fuckin. Hero." he says, and lets his head drop down again.

I point to the scar tissue. "This is all from the Nessies."

The Kid mumbles.

Alan is growing impatient. "Kid, you got something to help me or not?"

The Kid stays silent.

"I don't know what you've been through. I can see they've hurt you, and you're still here, so I know whatever they've done must be hard to think about but..."

"It's just play!" The Kids yells suddenly, pulling his head up sharply. The room echoes, and is silent.

"They din't mean anyfing by it. They play ruff. They live ruff. I'm not made the same, so I got scratched up more. Dun't mean they're bad! Dun't mean you get run round killin' them like animals! Any time they scrap me up they fix me up. More I can say for the overground."

"They tore out your eye," I snap, baiting him, and he bites.

"That was Herra, and he was an asshole. And the others look after me, they scrap him up, let him know it warn't right. They tore his eye out too, just to make fair. You lot dun't know fair. You dun't know shit. I hope you get ate."

The Paynite is standing, staring, not quite willing to understand. I touch his arm gently and walk out. As he follows I close the door.

"He lived with them?"

"Yes"

"How long?"

"Not sure. Two years, maybe, so far as I can tell."

"He escaped?"

"He got separated in a fight. He was scouting for your teams, giving warning. Something about an explosion, he got separated. He was taken in to mental health for a while, before I obtained him."

"He knows them then. He knows their patterns."

"They're his family. They're the only living things that ever gave a fuck about him. He knows them better than any of us. He knows how they think. How they act. How to kill them. He's a gift. Me to you. It's getting pricey cooking for two."

"You think I can just ask him how to kill the only things he's ever loved?"

"I think maybe you could ask... persuasively."

We stand for a while, in a silence which tells us both that he understands.

"If you have a car, I can juice him up for long enough to be moved," I say.

He nods, hesitantly, and we begin to move upstairs, and from below us we can hear The Kid singing that terrible song.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: Placid Dingo on June 18, 2011, 01:44:12 PM
He introduces himself as Alan Smithee. He is a Paynite from the look of him; mostly the kind of harrowed stare, the lack of basic social skills. I offer a drink and he just shakes his head.

"You have something you want me to see" he says, flatly.

I take him downstairs to the room and pull open the door. It is dark for a moment. I pull the switch and a light flickers on. In the middle of the room, arms bound and pulled up to a hook on the roof, is The Kid. His shirt is off, revealing the maze of scar tissue that warps his muscular chest. He looks down, defeated, ignoring us.

"Kid," I say. "I want you to meet someone."

He remains silent. The Paynite stands quietly, unimpressed.

"This is my friend Alan Smithee. Alan, will you kindly tell Kid what your role is?"

"I'm waiting for the part where you're not wasting my time," he growls.

"Alan kills Nessies, Kid."

The Kid looks up and stares into Alan's eyes. Kid has one eye, one black socket, more scar tissue splayed around it.

"Big. Fuckin. Hero." he says, and lets his head drop down again.

I point to the scar tissue. "This is all from the Nessies."

The Kid mumbles.

Alan is growing impatient. "Kid, you got something to help me or not?"

The Kid stays silent.

"I don't know what you've been through. I can see they've hurt you, and you're still here, so I know whatever they've done must be hard to think about but..."

"It's just play!" The Kids yells suddenly, pulling his head up sharply. The room echoes, and is silent.

"They din't mean anyfing by it. They play ruff. They live ruff. I'm not made the same, so I got scratched up more. Dun't mean they're bad! Dun't mean you get run round killin' them like animals! Any time they scrap me up they fix me up. More I can say for the overground."

"They tore out your eye," I snap, baiting him, and he bites.

"That was Herra, and he was an asshole. And the others look after me, they scrap him up, let him know it warn't right. They tore his eye out too, just to make fair. You lot dun't know fair. You dun't know shit. I hope you get ate."

The Paynite is standing, staring, not quite willing to understand. I touch his arm gently and walk out. As he follows I close the door.

"He lived with them?"

"Yes"

"How long?"

"Not sure. Two years, maybe, so far as I can tell."

"He escaped?"

"He got separated in a fight. He was scouting for your teams, giving warning. Something about an explosion, he got separated. He was taken in to mental health for a while, before I obtained him."

"He knows them then. He knows their patterns."

"They're his family. They're the only living things that ever gave a fuck about him. He knows them better than any of us. He knows how they think. How they act. How to kill them. He's a gift. Me to you. It's getting pricey cooking for two."

"You think I can just ask him how to kill the only things he's ever loved?"

"I think maybe you could ask... persuasively."

We stand for a while, in a silence which tells us both that he understands.

"If you have a car, I can juice him up for long enough to be moved," I say.

He nods, hesitantly, and we begin to move upstairs, and from below us we can hear The Kid singing that terrible song.


:mittens: This is awesome, Placid Dingo! I hope you have more where this came from. :D
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

She woke, as always, warm and content. The creatures around her shifted their positions, as she rose, swallowing the her-shaped hole with their glistening coils. Patting the largest of the beasts, and there for the one in charge, she extracted herself from the pile and meandered over to the fridge they'd moved to the coldest section of the cave.

One spot, the highest point of the cave on a cramped ledge, seemed perpetually icy. She was tempted to have them bring home fresh meat and they could store it here, in this frozen corner. If they did, then she could cook for them. It was one of the few things she missed, cooking for those she cared about. And music. And shoes. Soap, too.

But that was selfish self-indulgence. None of that was necessary here. The creatures sang wonderfully and serenaded her every night. It was hard to imagine trying to sleep without that lullaby being crooned throughout the cave. And shoes were unnecessary. Her feet had hardened up enough to handle the floors, without losing the necessary sensitivity to help guide her through the myriad of tunnels. And soap - well. That was the most unnecessary thing of all. The same pools that offered light scoured her clean every time she took a dip. It was like the stuff ate dirt and muck and turned it into luminescence. It left her skin tingling-fresh if she stayed in for five to ten minutes, but any longer than that and it felt like a sunburn or a road rash. And the water in those pools seemed to be thickening her hair. It was longer, more luxurious, denser. She was going to have to cut it, soon.

Humming to herself, she pulled a hamburger patty, two pieces of bread, and a few slices of cheese out of the fridge. Then picked up a skillet from a bookshelf she'd scavenged from the 'treasure piles' and now used for a pantry and storage. From there she wound her way around piles of sleeping creature to the hottest of the pools. A rock jutted up from the steaming, frothing water. It had once been a sharp spike but when she'd explained what she needed, the creatures had been happy to snap it off and ground down a smooth surface for her. So she sat down, then plopped the skillet on the ever-ready stove and threw in the hamburger and the cheese.

She winced as she caught the still unhealed abrasions on her palms against the cave floor. They hurt constantly and refused to heal. But it was a dull ache and there was so much to do that she just ignored the it. Her hands still worked fine, didn't they? So no need to make a fuss. Later, once the little ones were playing their games of chase-me and stalk-pounce, she'd have a rummage through the huge pile of things the adults brought back from their adventures and maybe find a first aid kit. Some antibiotic cream and a bit of gauze would fix things up proper.

This was her favorite time, just going to bed and just waking, when the caves were quiet except for the occasional sleepy croon and rustling of coils. The littles hadn't yet woken up. Adults hadn't slithered out of the cave to hunt or whatever it was they did all day. It was peaceful. Serene, even.

Her hamburger was done in minutes, the cheese nice and melty over it. She put it between the pieces of bread and ate it before it cooled. Ketchup. That's what she missed the most, she realized. And maybe soap.

The last bite of hamburger was barely chewed when a change came over the cave. A sheen rose on the creatures' scales and coils, their breathing became more rapid. All across the cave, slivers of green, gold, and red luminescence burst into being as eyes cracked open on a new day.

Between one moment and the next, they were awake. She snatched up her skillet and retreated to the fridge and pantry, keeping it casual. Once or twice she'd moved too quickly and the just awakened predators had swiped at her with sweeping limbs to send her tumbling into a wall or pool.

Very contrite, afterwards, the offending creature would stay with her all day and fetch her food or drink depending on what it knew to give her . . . but she preferred to avoid that altogether. Her little one got so upset when she was hurt.

And sure enough, here came her very own baby, hurtling across the cave floor like a toddling torpedo. She had the knack of it now and she caught him (she was sure it was a him) and swung him around, using his momentum to spin them instead of letting him barrel into her. That had been her first injury and she still had an occasional twinge in her back to remind her of it.

"Oof!" She said, as she did every morning. "You've grown two sizes while you slept!"

It seemed true. Yesterday her precious bundle had just fit in one arm. Today he was too long to be cradled such and required two hands. He trilled and nuzzled her chin and cheeks just like a loving kitten and she couldn't help but laugh. She nuzzled the top of his head and tickled his tum. Then rolled him out of her arms and sent him rolling-tumbling towards the other littles who were already in a tangle of writhing bodies, cheeping and chirping as they played.

She waved goodbye to the adults as they left the caves. A few lifted a tendril in farewell. Then she was alone with the littles and the nannies. It had become her morning ritual that once the adults were gone, she cleaned the cave. The adults tracked all manner of muck in and though they dipped themselves in the larger pools to clean themselves, no one cleaned the cave. So she spent several hours scraping muck from the sleeping areas into the pools, that briefly bubbled and frothed; then glowed all the brighter.

From there she went off into the adjoining cave that housed all the loot the creatures brought home. But there in the small corridor between the two caves lay a first-aid kit in a pristine white metal box. There were no marks to indicate where it came from, and no glisten-y marks on the metal that indicated it had been carried by a creature. Her hackles were up but she couldn't tell why.

"Psst! Psst!"

She jumped as if she'd been struck. Quick as a shadow, she entered the sleeping cave, standing just inside the opening.

"Psst! Ove here!" The voice, hoarse and gritty, came from inside the creatures' treasure cave. "Come on, girl, get out of there!"

She didn't even pause to consider, she let out a keening beansidhe wail that echoed off the caverns for miles in every direction. Alerting the children, alerting the adults, calling them all to battle.

"Payne's arse, girl, you're mad!" The man shrieked, glaring as he ran past, faster than any man looking so ancient could have. "At least use the kit!" He yelled, disappearing down the tunnels.

Dutifully, she picked it up. For evidence, she told herself, as the adults came howling home. She explained, using much gesticulation and pointing, what had happened. The creatures sniffed the first-aid kit, then the caves, and then tore off down the tunnels howling-wailing with bloodlust that reverberated in her bones.

She returned to the cave, at the far end where the littles were penned into a smaller circle of stone. She had just sentenced a man to die, for what? The audacity of bringing her medical supplies? For trying to talk to her? She shook her head. He was a fool, stealing too close to the littles, her little. No doubt he'd had sinister intentions.

Concluding that, she dropped the first-aid kit into the hottest pool, and began the singing-croon that would calm the littles. It didn't do to upset the children.



Note: Other half of this later. It was supposed to be one long piece. BF wouldn't shut up while I tried to write and now I have to get ready for work. I guess how 'Khara Met Tom' comes before 'Khara gets her Hooks'.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Placid Dingo

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on June 19, 2011, 11:33:52 AM


P3nt! Awesome!

Also Alan Smithee is intended as a pseudonym (it's actually what Japanese directors use to distance themselves from bad movies) so of anyone thinks a particular character would fit into a morally challenging arc, let me know.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Dysfunctional Cunt

jesus Pnt that picture is HOT!!!  I love it!!!  CPD I love this first part. Can't wait to see how it finishes. 

:mittens: to everyone this stuff is still going strong and is amazing!!

Adios

I find myself holding my breath in anticipation of the next story or picture. Incredible job, all of you.

P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: Charley Brown on June 19, 2011, 05:51:24 PM
I find myself holding my breath pressing buttons on my keyboard in anticipation of the next story or picture. Incredible job, all of you.

You're one of the writers, damnit!  :argh!:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Adios

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on June 19, 2011, 06:52:54 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on June 19, 2011, 05:51:24 PM
I find myself holding my breath pressing buttons on my keyboard in anticipation of the next story or picture. Incredible job, all of you.

You're one of the writers, damnit!  :argh!:

:lulz:

There may be one or two more left in me, not sure right now.

Salty

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 13, 2011, 05:36:13 AM
We need more Pixie and Freeky stories.

AND WHAT HAPPENS WITH HAYES AND SAMS, EoC ?!?!?!

You mean the Fracture thing? I think I have some more to go on there, but it's more or less completely uninvolved with the other stories here, just the basic concepts.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: Alty on June 19, 2011, 07:36:17 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 13, 2011, 05:36:13 AM
We need more Pixie and Freeky stories.

AND WHAT HAPPENS WITH HAYES AND SAMS, EoC ?!?!?!

You mean the Fracture thing? I think I have some more to go on there, but it's more or less completely uninvolved with the other stories here, just the basic concepts.

Less chatter, more Fracture!
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.