tell me about your sex life

[Pope Lecherous]

Wait, I meant to say:

I AM A SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS.

Could you ever see yourself as a transsexual tyrannosaurus?

I don't know if you write, and I don't care, that there is legitimate 

Legitimate what?

[Ben Shapiro]

I have a question.

In the somewhat early stages of your sex lives, did any of you ever have a difficult time sexing because you were so overwhelmed by the absurdity of it all that you frequently broke into hysterical laughter? or found yourself thinking (possibly even out loud) things like "two of my fingers are in a vagina. people actually do this? this is ridiculous, like, what's up with the world"?

I'm going through that now.

I did. It's hilarious to me now.
The first time I got laid I gave her 1st orgasm. It was a major ego boost to me at a young age, and it also involved me asking every few minutes is the stimulation good? I learned also to not feel like shit since some women don't get off with penetration from that experience, and I later I become a aggressive/ dominate dick during that relationship.

The hilarious part was I rarely got off from having sex with her.

That's trying too hard.  Way I see it, you are there, (presumably) naked, about to engage in what is arguably one of the few things you can do in life that's pure pleasure.  To spend the whole experience focusing on anything other than losing yourself in the passion of a moment more beautiful than anything else on this fleeting moment you have on the planet strikes me as "doing it wrong".

I was 16 god damn it. Be happy I didn't fart.

[minuspace]

Wait, I meant to say:

I AM A SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS.

Could you ever see yourself as a transsexual tyrannosaurus?

I don't know if you write, and I don't care, that there is legitimate 

Legitimate what?

= lulz = haha

[Pope Lecherous]

Wait, I meant to say:

I AM A SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS.

Could you ever see yourself as a transsexual tyrannosaurus?

I don't know if you write, and I don't care, that there is legitimate 

Legitimate what?

= lulz = haha

Thanks for your Illumination

[Reginald Ret]

My sex life? i'll let you know when one happens. 

Seriously, it seems like i've had everything up to but not including, full penetrative sex. I've even been told i'm pretty decent at the lead up: kissing, fondling all that good stuff, but someway or another, the actual sex part has never happened. It's like i'm stuck in a highly contrived romantic comedy. The part that really drives me up a wall is the fact that the parts i just mentioned are some of the most present i've been in my life. I have anxiety in almost every part of my life, but hanky panky seems to be the only state in which all those switches get shut off and i'm entirely focused on the activity at hand. For that brief moment, i'm not a quivering pile of insecurities, I am MAN, a primal by product of millions of monkeys successfully fucking in exactly this fashion. And then the director yells cut, the set shuts down, and i'm left with balls the exact shade of the ocean.

That is hilarious!
Also, on a more serious note, enjoy what you get and don't worry too much.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

"You wanna do something stupid?"

15 minutes later

"That was stupid. Why did we do that?"





(also BUMP)

[Cain]

LOL OK

So my building has a guest policy that also applies to staff, that means anyone I have staying, I have to sign in with my co-workers watching.  They can only stay until a specified time in the evening and, because they're not DBS checked, I have to be with them at all times.

So...yeah.  That's not happening.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have a question.

In the somewhat early stages of your sex lives, did any of you ever have a difficult time sexing because you were so overwhelmed by the absurdity of it all that you frequently broke into hysterical laughter? or found yourself thinking (possibly even out loud) things like "two of my fingers are in a vagina. people actually do this? this is ridiculous, like, what's up with the world"?

I'm going through that now.

I did. It's hilarious to me now.
The first time I got laid I gave her 1st orgasm. It was a major ego boost to me at a young age, and it also involved me asking every few minutes is the stimulation good? I learned also to not feel like shit since some women don't get off with penetration from that experience, and I later I become a aggressive/ dominate dick during that relationship.

The hilarious part was I rarely got off from having sex with her.

That's trying too hard.  Way I see it, you are there, (presumably) naked, about to engage in what is arguably one of the few things you can do in life that's pure pleasure.  To spend the whole experience focusing on anything other than losing yourself in the passion of a moment more beautiful than anything else on this fleeting moment you have on the planet strikes me as "doing it wrong".

I can't get over how bad this advice is. I mean, it's pretty much the worst sexual advice to give anyone, ever. "Just focus on how good you feel, don't waste your time figuring out what feels good to your partner or what gets them off" is a recipe for a bad, bad, bad lover. Spending that extra awkward time in the beginning figuring out what makes the other person's motor tick is what makes the big payoff later, when you're both comfortable and know exactly how to get the other one off and can frolic unself-consciously together.

Just focusing on your own pleasure is a good way to ensure you never even have the chance to GET to that point with another person, because you are a shitty lay and won't be invited to a second go-round. But if your goal in life is a series of one-night stands, I guess it's a viable strategy.

[Doktor Howl]

I have a question.

In the somewhat early stages of your sex lives, did any of you ever have a difficult time sexing because you were so overwhelmed by the absurdity of it all that you frequently broke into hysterical laughter? or found yourself thinking (possibly even out loud) things like "two of my fingers are in a vagina. people actually do this? this is ridiculous, like, what's up with the world"?

I'm going through that now.

I did. It's hilarious to me now.
The first time I got laid I gave her 1st orgasm. It was a major ego boost to me at a young age, and it also involved me asking every few minutes is the stimulation good? I learned also to not feel like shit since some women don't get off with penetration from that experience, and I later I become a aggressive/ dominate dick during that relationship.

The hilarious part was I rarely got off from having sex with her.

That's trying too hard.  Way I see it, you are there, (presumably) naked, about to engage in what is arguably one of the few things you can do in life that's pure pleasure.  To spend the whole experience focusing on anything other than losing yourself in the passion of a moment more beautiful than anything else on this fleeting moment you have on the planet strikes me as "doing it wrong".

I can't get over how bad this advice is. I mean, it's pretty much the worst sexual advice to give anyone, ever. "Just focus on how good you feel, don't waste your time figuring out what feels good to your partner or what gets them off" is a recipe for a bad, bad, bad lover. Spending that extra awkward time in the beginning figuring out what makes the other person's motor tick is what makes the big payoff later, when you're both comfortable and know exactly how to get the other one off and can frolic unself-consciously together.

Just focusing on your own pleasure is a good way to ensure you never even have the chance to GET to that point with another person, because you are a shitty lay and won't be invited to a second go-round. But if your goal in life is a series of one-night stands, I guess it's a viable strategy.

Raz Tech never struck me as a person who cares about other people.

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

My sex life? i'll let you know when one happens. 

Seriously, it seems like i've had everything up to but not including, full penetrative sex. I've even been told i'm pretty decent at the lead up: kissing, fondling all that good stuff, but someway or another, the actual sex part has never happened. It's like i'm stuck in a highly contrived romantic comedy. The part that really drives me up a wall is the fact that the parts i just mentioned are some of the most present i've been in my life. I have anxiety in almost every part of my life, but hanky panky seems to be the only state in which all those switches get shut off and i'm entirely focused on the activity at hand. For that brief moment, i'm not a quivering pile of insecurities, I am MAN, a primal by product of millions of monkeys successfully fucking in exactly this fashion. And then the director yells cut, the set shuts down, and i'm left with balls the exact shade of the ocean.

That is hilarious!
Also, on a more serious note, enjoy what you get and don't worry too much.

Update on this: Same shit different year.

[minuspace]

My sex life? i'll let you know when one happens. 

Seriously, it seems like i've had everything up to but not including, full penetrative sex. I've even been told i'm pretty decent at the lead up: kissing, fondling all that good stuff, but someway or another, the actual sex part has never happened. It's like i'm stuck in a highly contrived romantic comedy. The part that really drives me up a wall is the fact that the parts i just mentioned are some of the most present i've been in my life. I have anxiety in almost every part of my life, but hanky panky seems to be the only state in which all those switches get shut off and i'm entirely focused on the activity at hand. For that brief moment, i'm not a quivering pile of insecurities, I am MAN, a primal by product of millions of monkeys successfully fucking in exactly this fashion. And then the director yells cut, the set shuts down, and i'm left with balls the exact shade of the ocean.

That is hilarious!
Also, on a more serious note, enjoy what you get and don't worry too much.

Update on this: Same shit different year.

Record heat-wave and obsessively sexual tv commercials got teens on the rise, though population growth rate remains the same IN July!

[Meunster]

Oh do I have a story. If you've been following me you'd know recently I had a nice spell of self destructive hedonism. Bassically I met a guy on tinder who was having a party. I show up with a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. After the normal cordial greetings I loudly exclaim "which one of you faggets wants the first ride?". This was the start of a good night. Used almost all the condoms. My favorite part of the night was teaching this qt skinny Mexican how to suck dick. Id show it on him, then he'd copy it on me. Another good one was this really aggressive guy who only cared about himself. He'd pull my hair and yell at me to take it. So after he finished I grabbed his hair and pinned him down. Whispered in his ear "safe word is pinkie pie" then pounded him pretty well. He seemed to enjoy it, but not fully. Always nice to add in some exestential dread to the bed room. The rest where pretty normal starting out akward till I took the lead. There was even a girl. Asian one as well. Anyway, I was driving home with a buttplug in to keep me hard when I saw two shining lights on the side of the road. I slowed down and tried to swur e, but I still ended up cliping a deers front leg.
I am a man of opportunity,  and well, zoo and furry is a thing so why not try it?
I pulled over, and began chasing the deer through a feild. A deer with a broken leg was easy to catch upto, but it was about to jump a ditch into a tree line, i didn't want to cause trouble in the neighborhood so I decided to tackle it. I pinned it underneath me and tried to hold it's front legs down while I unzipped my pants. My hold on the legs slipped when I was fumbling with my belt. The deer gave me a pretty good punch to the face. Needless to say, I got in one little fight and my mom got scared.. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AVbQo3IOC_A

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I sincerely hate you.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh do I have a story. If you've been following me you'd know recently I had a nice spell of self destructive hedonism. Bassically I met a guy on tinder who was having a party. I show up with a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. After the normal cordial greetings I loudly exclaim "which one of you faggets wants the first ride?". This was the start of a good night. Used almost all the condoms. My favorite part of the night was teaching this qt skinny Mexican how to suck dick. Id show it on him, then he'd copy it on me. Another good one was this really aggressive guy who only cared about himself. He'd pull my hair and yell at me to take it. So after he finished I grabbed his hair and pinned him down. Whispered in his ear "safe word is pinkie pie" then pounded him pretty well. He seemed to enjoy it, but not fully. Always nice to add in some exestential dread to the bed room. The rest where pretty normal starting out akward till I took the lead. There was even a girl. Asian one as well. Anyway, I was driving home with a buttplug in to keep me hard when I saw two shining lights on the side of the road. I slowed down and tried to swur e, but I still ended up cliping a deers front leg.
I am a man of opportunity,  and well, zoo and furry is a thing so why not try it?
I pulled over, and began chasing the deer through a feild. A deer with a broken leg was easy to catch upto, but it was about to jump a ditch into a tree line, i didn't want to cause trouble in the neighborhood so I decided to tackle it. I pinned it underneath me and tried to hold it's front legs down while I unzipped my pants. My hold on the legs slipped when I was fumbling with my belt. The deer gave me a pretty good punch to the face. Needless to say, I got in one little fight and my mom got scared.. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AVbQo3IOC_A

[Faust]

Oh do I have a story. If you've been following me you'd know recently I had a nice spell of self destructive hedonism. Bassically I met a guy on tinder who was having a party. I show up with a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. After the normal cordial greetings I loudly exclaim "which one of you faggets wants the first ride?". This was the start of a good night. Used almost all the condoms. My favorite part of the night was teaching this qt skinny Mexican how to suck dick. Id show it on him, then he'd copy it on me. Another good one was this really aggressive guy who only cared about himself. He'd pull my hair and yell at me to take it. So after he finished I grabbed his hair and pinned him down. Whispered in his ear "safe word is pinkie pie" then pounded him pretty well. He seemed to enjoy it, but not fully. Always nice to add in some exestential dread to the bed room. The rest where pretty normal starting out akward till I took the lead. There was even a girl. Asian one as well. Anyway, I was driving home with a buttplug in to keep me hard when I saw two shining lights on the side of the road. I slowed down and tried to swur e, but I still ended up cliping a deers front leg.
I am a man of opportunity,  and well, zoo and furry is a thing so why not try it?
I pulled over, and began chasing the deer through a feild. A deer with a broken leg was easy to catch upto, but it was about to jump a ditch into a tree line, i didn't want to cause trouble in the neighborhood so I decided to tackle it. I pinned it underneath me and tried to hold it's front legs down while I unzipped my pants. My hold on the legs slipped when I was fumbling with my belt. The deer gave me a pretty good punch to the face. Needless to say, I got in one little fight and my mom got scared.. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AVbQo3IOC_A

They called that deer the Aristocrats.