Bill of Rights for the Real World

[tyrannosaurus vex]

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOSE YOUR JOB AND YOUR FAMILY WHILE WE DECIDE WHETHER YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE OR NOT. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN IMMEDIATE SENTENCING, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO EXPEDITE YOUR CASE, AND SHOULD YOU BE "FEELING LUCKY." YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO INCUR ALL CONSEQUENCES OF CONVICTION, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE ACTUALLY CONVICTED.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYERS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY IN PERPETUITY.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Permission to plunder this thread to make a coherent list?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

No plundering. Pilfering is OK though. Attribution optional, for anything of mine that ends up in there.

[Doktor Howl]

No plundering. Pilfering is OK though. Attribution optional, for anything of mine that ends up in there.

Wholesale sacking is okay for my stuff.  Attribution would be nice if it can be made to work, but not actually necessary in this case.

[Junkenstein]

You have the right to be tried secretly, in a secret court under charges that are secret. You have the right to feel lucky to know this much.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW.


THIS IS NOT EVEN SATIRE.

HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?

I just shat my pants.  SHAT MY PANTS!

How the FUCK can you go 44 years and never notice THAT?

What's worse is the rate of convictions that come from statements immediately following "You have the right to remain silent..."

It'd be awful, but if you're not smart enough to SHUT UP at that point, you're not likely to be curing cancer or anything that weekend.

[Ben Shapiro]

You have a right to go to jail for having a good time, and the right to skip the having a good time part.

[Junkenstein]

You have the right to never actually be told any of these rights.

[Junkenstein]

You have the right to pop-up ads for gambling while you are trying to find porn. And vice-versa.

[LMNO]

You have the right to be responsible for the rules we have not told you about.

[Junkenstein]

You have the right to work without pay on a trial basis for an indefinite period of time. While we assess you.

[Doktor Howl]

You have the right to bleed in the back of a squadcar.

You have the right to get shot in the back of a squadcar.  <--- Portland Only.

You have the right to be turned into pet food.

You have the right to get maced for taking part in the political process.

You have the right to extraordinary rendition for quoting the constitution.

You have the right to pretend "your side" is different.

[Junkenstein]

You have the right to be punished to the fullest extent for ignorance of any of these rights and associated sub-clauses, documents, tarot readings and the newspaper headlines from last Wednesday.

[Junkenstein]

You have the right to demand more arms to lower gun crime.

[Ben Shapiro]

You have the right to send your parents to jail for falling asleep in class.