I originally posted this on POEE.co.uk, and I figured whoring my kopyleft work a little more wouldn't hurt. Most of this is written in the vein of the
Principia, because, like most young schmucks who discover Discordianism for the first time, I once thought I was gonna write the next
<insert Latin word here> Discordia. It seems we've generally come to agree, that the BIP, the way it is now, is basically good, but perhaps too antagonistic and in need of the goofy formatting that makes the
Principia and
Apocrypha so amusing to read.
So burn a couple brain cells on this:
*The author apologizes for any offense this text may cause, but isn't really sorry*
A Tale of the Prudish OneZarath the Confused Sage, whilst joyously throwing acorns into a river and at the occasional squirrel, a man walked up to him and asked, "Why do you throw acorns?"
After a moment's speculation, Zarath replied "Because it is more enjoyable than eating them, and it is safer than throwing hand grenades."
"But why interact with them at all?" asked the man.
"Well, why not? It does no harm," Zarath replied.
"But what is the reason for throwing them? Does it serve a purpose; is it part of a plan; what is gained from it?" the man pressed for an answer. Zarath became irritable.
"What is your problem, man? Does it bother you that I have no organized plan of action for dealing with these acorns? Perhaps I do it so the acorns will be carried downstream, where they might find a place to take root."
"But you should find a place to plant the acorns yourself if that is your reason," the man said, not understanding Zarath's irritation, for he was too disturbed by the confusing, un-purposeful nature of the Sage's behavior. "There are more efficient ways to plant acorns; you should not waste your time if you do not have a plan."
"Why are you so prudish? What care I if my throwing of acorns yields no future benefit to me? I throw them because I wish to, as it pleases me. If an acorn does take root because of my actions, then something has been gained, otherwise, nothing has been lost."
"Why should you wish to do anything at all, if it is not part of a plan for future gain? Idle pursuits are sinful!" the man seethed, himself becoming annoyed with the apparent lack of order in Zarath's mind. He worked himself half to death to maintain a particular order in his own thoughts and actions, so it seemed wrong, even offensive, that someone could be so contrary to his values. "The world is orderly in nature, and we must ourselves be organized in all things. Else we shall engage in the destructive ways of chaos and disorder!"
"Know-nothing!" screamed Zarath. "Without chaos, there can be no creativity, only mindless repetition and eventual stagnation!" With that, Zarath threw his remaining acorns at the prudish man and began hopping around, making chicken noises (bwauk, bwauk, bwaaauk!). The man fled and returned to his dull, comfortable life, and willingly bloted out his confusion with predictable, orderly thoughts of lunch and tax forms.
Zarath realized that he had met his nemesis.
-----
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==Haiku==
The Tao of Eris
Many things to think about
Best to forget them
==Limerick==
On Tuesday I read a book,
'Cause I thought it was worth a look.
I found it quite boring,
By the end I was snoring,
So a nap is what I took.
The Book of DewlapZarath the Confused Sage was speaking with his companions during teatime (being an American, who was in America at that time, this meant he was having tea at the proper, Greenwich Mean Time when it was the middle of the working day according to his local time zone. It made no difference), when one of them asked a question of him:
"Zarath, the conundrum that we know as the 'Chicken or the egg' argument has vexed me lately. Which came first?"
Sipping his tea, Zarath realized too late that the tea was very hot, and he proceeded to burn his tongue. Unable to answer the question, he waved his hand in an attempt to get another to speak for him.
Rising to meet the Confused and now Slightly Burned Sage's needs, a perceptive young companion spoke aloud: "What Zarath means to say is that neither the chicken nor the egg seems to give a damn which came first, so we may conclude that they were born, simultaneously, from a wombat."
Satisfied, Zarath shrugged and those present were enlightened.
-----
A farmer told a man from the
city: "My cows are invisible, good sir."
Disbelieving, the city fellow looked into
the farmer's field,
And Lo! he could not see any cows.If I find Jesus, does that mean the game is over, or is it my turn to hide?
Concerning the Number Eleven*A Numerological Principle*
- Wherefore, if there are exactly eleven people present at a party, it shall be nigh impossible to divide the cake into eleven pieces, making it necessary to acquire more cakes of the same size to make eleven, or some multiple thereof.
- Wherefore, be it known that eleven is therefore an impractical and awkward number to use in any situation
- Wherefore, any person interested in promoting Holy Discord should attempt to apply the number eleven as often as possible, for obvious reasons.
The Reverend Gamalost was known
to wax philosophic very often,
because philosophic tended to lose
its glossy sheen all too easily.
I'll say this about your post: It's the first thing someone's written in this subforum in a couple of weeks.
Good post, Cainad.
A Tale of the Prudish One - What I like about this is that it's like a zen parable with a reverse punchline. These things usually end in enlightenment or some sort of moral. But instead, Zarath meets his nemesis. Which I guess is a sort of realization, but not the one one might expect.
The Book of Dewlap - Good as well. I like the burning and waving hands. My personal opinion is that the word Wombat is too "intentionally weird". Know what I mean?
Concerning the Number Eleven - I'm not quite sold on why 11 is important.
My favorite line from the post is:
"If I find Jesus, does that mean the game is over, or is it my turn to hide?"
as this is kopyleft, I reserve the right to YOINK it in the future.
I already X Posted this on P3nTs boards for you, Cram.
When I saw it on POEE, I thought you'd like it. Cainad agreed then that you could YOINK it.
Fuck you Cainass.
This thing was dying, and you had to ruin it.
Quote from: hunter s.durden on September 13, 2007, 06:42:56 PM
Fuck you Cainass.
This thing was dying, and you had to ruin it.
You're welcome.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on September 13, 2007, 03:36:32 PM
The Book of Dewlap - Good as well. I like the burning and waving hands. My personal opinion is that the word Wombat is too "intentionally weird". Know what I mean?
I see what you mean. Perhaps 'echidna' would be better? Or maybe 'mongoose'?
hmmmm how about
Quote"What Zarath means to say is that neither the chicken nor the egg seems to give a damn which came first, so we may conclude that they were born, simultaneously, from a vagina."
Vag is teh WIN
I thought wombat was womb with "at" on the end of it...
i know he's a newb and all, but this was all fail.
Quote from: Prater Festwo on September 20, 2007, 08:14:25 AM
i know he's a newb and all, but this was all fail.
Nah, I didn't think it was fail... it seemed like a pretty decent start at a bit of Round Eye Zen.
Quote from: Prater Festwo on September 20, 2007, 08:14:25 AM
i know he's a newb and all, but this was all fail.
Perhaps I should put a little disclaimer at the top to warn readers that the crap I write isn't for 'lulz' or 'win'?
Oh wait, this is the interwebz. My bad.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on September 14, 2007, 07:13:08 AM
hmmmm how about
Quote"What Zarath means to say is that neither the chicken nor the egg seems to give a damn which came first, so we may conclude that they were born, simultaneously, from a cloaca."
Fixxored for biological accuracy.
Quote from: Ratatosk on September 20, 2007, 09:33:33 PM
Quote from: Prater Festwo on September 20, 2007, 08:14:25 AM
i know he's a newb and all, but this was all fail.
Nah, I didn't think it was fail... it seemed like a pretty decent start at a bit of Round Eye Zen.
perhaps i'm becoming biased in my advanced snootiness.
i should remove the operative word "all"- but i'll fight to the death to defend my right to be wrong.
mmm...Defend the Right to be Wrong - memebomb?
i like it. as well as-
defend the right to be left
(handed)
my son used to be left handed till his elementary school "corrected" it
:?
:sad:
Quote from: Prater Festwo on September 21, 2007, 07:55:54 AM
mmm...Defend the Right to be Wrong - memebomb?
how about:
Don't just defend the right to be wrong - exercise it!
Quote from: Cthulhu's Squidling on September 24, 2007, 05:41:29 AM
i like it. as well as-
defend the right to be left
(handed)
my son used to be left handed till his elementary school "corrected" it
:?
:sad:
there are places that still do that?
that shit's fucked up.
Quote from: Prater Festwo on September 27, 2007, 11:03:45 PM
Quote from: Cthulhu's Squidling on September 24, 2007, 05:41:29 AM
i like it. as well as-
defend the right to be left
(handed)
my son used to be left handed till his elementary school "corrected" it
:?
:sad:
there are places that still do that?
that shit's fucked up.
yeah I recall from some psych class that forcing a lefty to become a righty is correlated with reading disabilities.
not to scare you or nothin', CS.
Naw im not worried about his reading abilities.
he always scores above the national average for that
he's in all IB classes and such.
its the damned math... :argh!: the MAAAAATH!!!
it just pissed me off that they slid that right under my nose and i didnt even realize it till it was too late and he'd already been re-programmed.
that's sick. goddamn it and this is just one of the symptoms of the Machine's grip on society. God forbid someone use "the other hand" for something.
Tell me about it. I was excited when he first started writting, cause I'm left handed. Then he comes home one day and all of a sudden... he's right handed.
I give him the "wtf is this??" and he says "they made me change it"
I asked him why he didn't argue, he said he tried but he was gonna get in trouble.
The next year we moved, placing him in a better school.
I know how that is. I do some things left handed too. (not writing though). I was kinda proud when I gave my daughter a bat and she immediately took a left handed stance. Of course that was short lived after she whacked me in the leg with it.
:lulz:
i love those "parent gets whacked w/ ______" stories.
cause theyre funny and not.
yeah i had to learn to adapt to righty's world cause those left handed scissors feckin suck.
so i write and eat (hold fork) w/ my left hand but do everything else w/ the right. oh no, i have to cut my food w/ the left and then switch. otherwise i ens up w/ food in my ear. you know... i never really realized how annoying this shit really is.
im constantly switching hands and trying to get comfortable.
:sad:
maybe they should teach kids to be ambidextrous?
Since started this thread, I'll hijack it for my own twisted purposes.
Dismembership Application For Society In General
In response to the growing disillusionment with mainstream society among the intelligent, perceptive, and those who like to think they belong to either of those categories, Your Government has dutifully provided you with a means of estranging yourself from "normal people" in a quick, efficient, and safe manner. Please complete this form to the best of your ability.
1. I prefer to be labeled as (pick one):
[ ] Deviant [ ] Weirdo [ ] Oddball [ ] Eccentric
[ ] Outlandish [ ] Other (please specify):______________
2. I will distance myself from others by being a (pick one):
[ ] Hermit [ ] Crazy cat person [ ] Street corner soapbox preacher
[ ] Discordian [ ] SubGenius [ ] Drug addict [ ] Computer geek [ ] Furry
[ ] Hippie [ ] Goth [ ] Emo [ ] Wiccan/Pagan [ ] Satanist [ ] Vegetable
[ ] Catholic priest [ ] Wanker [ ] Other (please specify):______________
3. Will your estrangement be genuine, or will you be a poser?
[ ] Genuine [ ] Poser
4. Explain in the space provided what makes you think you can ever actually escape from us:
nice.
i like ending with the "explain" question, just like in one of vex's flyers, it makes for a good kicker.
needs "select all that apply" instead of "pick one"
i noticed that "slice of cake" is not an option anywhere.
Quote from: Cthulhu's Squidling on October 09, 2007, 07:23:26 AM
i noticed that "slice of cake" is not an option anywhere.
It's a government-issued form. OBVIOUSLY it's going to suck and be inadequate, just like me. Fill in the 'Other' option if you feel like an underrepresented minority.
Quote from: Cthulhu's Squidling on October 09, 2007, 07:23:26 AM
i noticed that "slice of cake" is not an option anywhere.
Is that a HGT
2G reference?
Quote from: LMNO on October 09, 2007, 05:25:18 PM
Quote from: Cthulhu's Squidling on October 09, 2007, 07:23:26 AM
i noticed that "slice of cake" is not an option anywhere.
Is that a HGT2G reference?
no.
sorry, i just like cake.
a lot.
Well, that's a relief.
Quote from: LMNO on October 09, 2007, 05:25:18 PMQuote from: Cthulhu's Squidling on October 09, 2007, 07:23:26 AMi noticed that "slice of cake" is not an option anywhere.
Is that a HGT2G reference?
is it bad that i caught the reference just because you mentioned it could have been?
- 000,
read the entire omnibus like 7 times or so
Yes.
YUO MUST BE PUNISHED.
"Not again."
Oh, fuck you.
:argh!:
:lulz:
I like it..
QuoteIf I find Jesus, does that mean the game is over, or is it my turn to hide?
Better than Shakespeare
Quote from: Agrippa on October 14, 2007, 09:20:38 PM
I like it..
QuoteIf I find Jesus, does that mean the game is over, or is it my turn to hide?
Better than Shakespeare
:thanks: