Renamed: GOD. DAMN. IT.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is the worst day of interraction with the ex yet.

He told me that he went and asked a couple of friends to babysit on Mondays, Turesdays, and Wednesdays, and I'd get him the rest of the week. He then told me that he'd be paying THEM THE TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS I NEED TO FUCKING FEED MY GODDAMN SON AND CLOTHES HIM AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE I CAN WHICH ISNT MUCH CONSIDERING IM ONLY GETTING 200 A MONTH!

So inside I'm fuming, but I don't let on. All I do is be like  "No."

So he's like " Well then I'm going to apply for full child custody, cuz we agreed to 50/50, and that means everything! AZ state law says 30 days is plenty of time to find a job, and that's how long you've had! I'm not gonna keep paying for everything, and you sprung it on me at the beginning of the month (that list I gave him), and if I had gotten the clothes and the car seat that alone would have cost me two hundred bucks! I got my other two boys who need sneakers and shit too!"

And I, who are not so good at the wording when I'm angry, (can you tell?) don't say anything, just stand there like 

Inside I'm like, "You have a responsibility for him too!" and "You bastard, you think that 200 bucks once a month is going to be enough?!" and "So by this I'm guessing that you are not going to fork over the money you owe me."

He says that there's a guard class on the 16th, which I'm going to have go to, as it is a guaranteed job, even though it's gonna totally suck because I'm not a night person, and my mom isn't gonna let me sleep as long as I need to during the day, and a whole lot of other crap that's gonna put more strain. And he's like, at the end of the conversation, "and when you've saved up enough, you can have himi back. It's either that or you MOVE BACK IN."

And then I go inside and I tell my parents they have to fork over the money to pay for the guard card, (which they can do, but she couldn't put up for me to apply at the courts for child support and custody, so I had to go pro bono and I have to wait 4-6 weeks now just to fill out the paperwork), and they're like, "sure, we can help you with that, and we can help watch [the monkey] but not all day every day, and blah blah blah I'm a dirty whore."

And then we got in a fight cuz if I don't have a babysitter or enough sleep I'm gonna giet fired I know.

I could cry right now, I really could.

Let him apply for custody.  Until then, no contact.  If he wants to play hardball, let him.  Once he applies for custody, fight it on grounds of the ex's drug problems, and then slam him for child support.

And why did you have to go pro bono?  It's a form you turn in.  There is no need for legal counsel until and unless he fights it.

[Freeky]

I went to the court's website. There's all sorts of fees, I didn't know what they were for. Is that for the legal counseling?

And I know he'll fight it, he already told me he didn't want to be paying for the monkey 100%. Which I don't totally blame, but I still think he ought to do his part, and his part is whatever the state tells him it is.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I went to the court's website. There's all sorts of fees, I didn't know what they were for. Is that for the legal counseling?

And I know he'll fight it, he already told me he didn't want to be paying for the monkey 100%. Which I don't totally blame, but I still think he ought to do his part, and his part is whatever the state tells him it is.

Call the office's number and ASK what is required.

[Jenne]

Wow, you really need to get out from under the people who are holding all the power, Freeky.  You can do this, for your child.  Moms have this strange store of strength when they know they have to sacrifice for the kids, and they can move mountains even while starving and exhausted.

Time to move some mountains, Girl.  Don't let this ex have control over you any longer.  And don't let your mom get the best of you either.  When she goes off, leave.  Leave the house, leave the room.  Do whatever you can to NOT give her an audience for the bullshit.  She says it because she knows it hurts, and for some anit-maternal bullshit reason, she feels the need to hurt someone who's on a lower plane than her at the moment.

Whatever plans you can make to get the fuck out of there, to get full child support, just do it.  Put all your energies there.  Nigel and Rog are giving great advice about how to start that process, but leave these fuckers to themselves, and once you start ignoring them but still expecting them to ante up (tell the ex he pays you and that's that, you expect him to comply, tell your mom you need the truck, please, at such and such a time if it's free--don't grovel, don't plead, just state it simply and as if it's going to be done), they will see you as a powerful being in her own right.

Self-confidence doesn't have to be felt to be shown.  That's the lovely part about appearances--fake it if you don't feel it, but it's time to stop backing down when you know you're right.  Time to keep your baby in your focus at all times knowing that these steps are necessary for HIS well-being.

You can do it.

[Freeky]

I went to the court's website. There's all sorts of fees, I didn't know what they were for. Is that for the legal counseling?

And I know he'll fight it, he already told me he didn't want to be paying for the monkey 100%. Which I don't totally blame, but I still think he ought to do his part, and his part is whatever the state tells him it is.

Call the office's number and ASK what is required.

Item #! on tomorrow's to do list... Was on today's to do list, but I ended up going to that pro bobo office and after that, stephen was too fussy to even go to the post office to get the address changed for DES crap to get here. I know, excuses excuses...


Mistress Freeky,
Needs a kick in the arse.

[Freeky]

Wow, you really need to get out from under the people who are holding all the power, Freeky.  You can do this, for your child.  Moms have this strange store of strength when they know they have to sacrifice for the kids, and they can move mountains even while starving and exhausted.

Time to move some mountains, Girl.  Don't let this ex have control over you any longer.  And don't let your mom get the best of you either.  When she goes off, leave.  Leave the house, leave the room.  Do whatever you can to NOT give her an audience for the bullshit.  She says it because she knows it hurts, and for some anit-maternal bullshit reason, she feels the need to hurt someone who's on a lower plane than her at the moment.

Whatever plans you can make to get the fuck out of there, to get full child support, just do it.  Put all your energies there.  Nigel and Rog are giving great advice about how to start that process, but leave these fuckers to themselves, and once you start ignoring them but still expecting them to ante up (tell the ex he pays you and that's that, you expect him to comply, tell your mom you need the truck, please, at such and such a time if it's free--don't grovel, don't plead, just state it simply and as if it's going to be done), they will see you as a powerful being in her own right.

Self-confidence doesn't have to be felt to be shown.  That's the lovely part about appearances--fake it if you don't feel it, but it's time to stop backing down when you know you're right.  Time to keep your baby in your focus at all times knowing that these steps are necessary for HIS well-being.

You can do it.

I know. I know all of that, and i know I'm getting closer to actually doing these things too. I nearly did walk out of the room when they began their bullshit, but their bullshit began "There's the door.." and I have no place else right now. Or any way to get there.

And I nearly told the ex off for all his bullshittery, the fact that I said "no" to him at all shows I came a long way from where I used to be, before even TGRR knew me. It all just moves slowly, but I have been taking steps. They're just small, and that will have to do for now, because it will all come together in the end.

[Jenne]

Wow, you really need to get out from under the people who are holding all the power, Freeky.  You can do this, for your child.  Moms have this strange store of strength when they know they have to sacrifice for the kids, and they can move mountains even while starving and exhausted.

Time to move some mountains, Girl.  Don't let this ex have control over you any longer.  And don't let your mom get the best of you either.  When she goes off, leave.  Leave the house, leave the room.  Do whatever you can to NOT give her an audience for the bullshit.  She says it because she knows it hurts, and for some anit-maternal bullshit reason, she feels the need to hurt someone who's on a lower plane than her at the moment.

Whatever plans you can make to get the fuck out of there, to get full child support, just do it.  Put all your energies there.  Nigel and Rog are giving great advice about how to start that process, but leave these fuckers to themselves, and once you start ignoring them but still expecting them to ante up (tell the ex he pays you and that's that, you expect him to comply, tell your mom you need the truck, please, at such and such a time if it's free--don't grovel, don't plead, just state it simply and as if it's going to be done), they will see you as a powerful being in her own right.

Self-confidence doesn't have to be felt to be shown.  That's the lovely part about appearances--fake it if you don't feel it, but it's time to stop backing down when you know you're right.  Time to keep your baby in your focus at all times knowing that these steps are necessary for HIS well-being.

You can do it.

I know. I know all of that, and i know I'm getting closer to actually doing these things too. I nearly did walk out of the room when they began their bullshit, but their bullshit began "There's the door.." and I have no place else right now. Or any way to get there.

And I nearly told the ex off for all his bullshittery, the fact that I said "no" to him at all shows I came a long way from where I used to be, before even TGRR knew me. It all just moves slowly, but I have been taking steps. They're just small, and that will have to do for now, because it will all come together in the end.

Good, well, it sounds like you are at least going towards the goal you have set for yourself: independence.  Just be as strong as you can when they start flinging the shit.  I'm serious--walk out on them.  Even if they are threatening to throw you out, walk out.  Taking the abuse doesn't mean that you're any safer than if you don't.

[Freeky]

True enough. :/

[LMNO]

Damn.




Freeky, do me a favor:  Get Out of the House.  Just go.  Take Monkey with you.  You are being abused.  Just because the bruises don't show doesn't mean it's not assault.  Find a shelter.  Find a friend's house.  Spend the night camping, even.  Just show them that they can't keep slapping you around.

[Freeky]

So today's agenda sees me going to the child support enforcement office, cuz it'' be quicker than waiting 4-6 weeks, and is only 25 bucks.

I'm debating going to the courts and putting in an application for custoday as well, because when the shit hits the fan the ex is gonna go ballistic and probably not let me see the monkey.

Anyone know if working at the same place he does where he would be my boss is a bad idea?

[LMNO]

Anyone know if working at the same place he does where he would be my boss is a bad idea?

YES.

[Triple Zero]

Freeky, there's not a whole lot I can do for you, but just know that I care. Listen to Jenne and Nigel's advice, they are both incredibly strong women that fought their own shares of trouble and it warms my heart that they are trying to help (srsly, that's awesome of you, ladies). And Roger and LMNO and others, of course.
You can do this, Freeky. I get the idea that you sometimes do not think much of yourself, but the situation you're in, the way you're already dealing with all of it RIGHT NOW, tells me otherwise. Big respects.

[Freeky]

Freeky, there's not a whole lot I can do for you, but just know that I care. Listen to Jenne and Nigel's advice, they are both incredibly strong women that fought their own shares of trouble and it warms my heart that they are trying to help (srsly, that's awesome of you, ladies). And Roger and LMNO and others, of course.
You can do this, Freeky. I get the idea that you sometimes do not think much of yourself, but the situation you're in, the way you're already dealing with all of it RIGHT NOW, tells me otherwise. Big respects.

Thank you.

And thank you everyone else, too, that's been supportive and gave me advice and stuff.

YES.

Okay then.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

So today's agenda sees me going to the child support enforcement office, cuz it'' be quicker than waiting 4-6 weeks, and is only 25 bucks.

I'm debating going to the courts and putting in an application for custoday as well, because when the shit hits the fan the ex is gonna go ballistic and probably not let me see the monkey.

How is he gonna do that?  He can't even manage the kid on the weekends he agreed to.  

Anyone know if working at the same place he does where he would be my boss is a bad idea?

Yes.  It's a REALLY bad idea.

[Jenne]

Thanks, Trip.  And Freeky--there HAS to be other jobs than where he's working.  DO NOT let him bully you into taking it just so he won't file for full custody.  Not having a job will NOT get the courts to give him the kid.  NO.  NO and NO and NO.

Remember:  the GOAL is INDEPENDENCE.  You won't get this by clocking in day in and day out where he does.  Fuck no.  He'll be able to keep tabs on everyfuckingthing you do from then on out. 

Get ALL the info you can.  Every bit of it.  Surf the net, go to the library, go hang out at the county offices.  Find a pro bono family lawyer, do everything YOU can to get free info.  Get a gameplan, make lists.  Prioritize said lists.

Top of them should be "NO LONGER GIVING EX AND PARENTS POWER OVER ME."  Keep it at the top and only cross it off when 1) you are out of your 'rents' house and 2) you have court papers affording you full custody and a child support settlement from the ex.

You can do this.  You really can.