I Apologize

[Doktor Howl]

I just wanted to do my thing.  My thing doesn't hurt anyone else, but it offends a great many right-thinking Americans.  For that, I apologize. 

I just wanted to talk to my friends on the phone without someone listening in.  I am old-fashioned, and not accustomed to this new "party line" concept, where Uncle Sugar sits and wanks it while listening to my friends and I gossip.  Sometimes I like to say deliberately fucked up things, so the guy wanking has to stop mid-stroke and get his supervisor...And then we're back to regular conversation, and NSA-boy has blue balls.  For that, I apologize.

I just wanted to drive badly, screaming at my fellow drivers and playing Lemmy way too loud, braying spittle and laughter all over my windshield, while I caroom from lane to lane at 4AM, shaking my fist at others, through the open window.  For that, I apologize.

I just wanted to get my own back, to kick Them in the jimmy, and do all manner of rotten shit until their eyes bleed in pure hatred.  I just wanted to slap Them into next week, and pin my horrible acts on Calvinists.  I just wanted to jam up every toilet in the legal district, so They can understand the position the rest of us are in.  I just wanted to, you know, get a little vicious and laugh until my guts bleed...And for THAT, I do NOT apologize.  I gotta be me, I gotta sing my song and do my dance, and I gotta poke the penguin.

It's just who I am.  I could apologize, but it wouldn't be very sincere.

Okay for now,
Dok

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

Maybe good for the Bitter Tea project?

[Doktor Howl]

Maybe good for the Bitter Tea project?

Grab it.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

"UNTIL THEIR EYES BLEED IN PURE HATRED"!!!!!

Long live Dok. 

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Mittens!

[Richter]

Rah!

Though why be sorrh for all that?

[Doktor Howl]

Hello, Austin.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Apologies without being apologetic. Hell yeah! Sorry spy kids butt... 

I say if they pay to watch then they should get a show.

They are an ultimate captive audience after all. UNCLE SAM is keeping them in beer and astrolube and expects full reports. Of course knowing for sure that you're being watched is kind of tricky. Best to simply build fun habits. Innocent things really impossible to call 'crime' or 'of interest' by any judicial standard, no matter how loose.

Like if you're having a friend over to have a serious chat you can help ensure they get an earful on that nifty little laser mic by taping a standard remote controlled vibrator, available at any adult boutique, to the only window in your private conversation room. Just pretend you're *bleeping* the conversation in creative ways. Don't over use and speak softly. Unless you've been SO naughty as to be a high priority they may not have to listen in real time, but they do have to listen. The poor snoop will likely have to review the recording at high volume and get VERY LOUD intermittent screeching in the ear for their trouble.

Or let's say that subtlety is already out the door and there's an obvious pick watching your living room from across the street. Tolerate them as though you're unaware and surreptitiously borrow an obscure friend's phone. Reserve as many of the ugliest and most morbidly obese strippers as you can for a fine day in the not too distant future. They must be instructed to arrive and enter the house all at once and not to touch you at all. When the day arrives begin to clean house a bit. Move furniture to the sides of the room and vacuum and such. Make a clear floor space but be in no hurry or worry.
When at last the time comes put a single chair in the middle of the room facing them. You may now wave or otherwise acknowledge TheMan. Sit on the chair and put on a blindfold and perhaps even a cheeky Guy Fawkes mask. Remote start stereo as 'the talent' arrives. Don't forget to dance a bit in your seat. It's good for your health!

They have to watch. Uncle Sam is paying for this shit. I say give them a memory worth the paycheck.

[Aucoq]

I just wanted to do my thing.  My thing doesn't hurt anyone else, but it offends a great many right-thinking Americans.  For that, I apologize. 

I just wanted to talk to my friends on the phone without someone listening in.  I am old-fashioned, and not accustomed to this new "party line" concept, where Uncle Sugar sits and wanks it while listening to my friends and I gossip.  Sometimes I like to say deliberately fucked up things, so the guy wanking has to stop mid-stroke and get his supervisor...And then we're back to regular conversation, and NSA-boy has blue balls.  For that, I apologize.

I just wanted to drive badly, screaming at my fellow drivers and playing Lemmy way too loud, braying spittle and laughter all over my windshield, while I caroom from lane to lane at 4AM, shaking my fist at others, through the open window.  For that, I apologize.

I just wanted to get my own back, to kick Them in the jimmy, and do all manner of rotten shit until their eyes bleed in pure hatred.  I just wanted to slap Them into next week, and pin my horrible acts on Calvinists.  I just wanted to jam up every toilet in the legal district, so They can understand the position the rest of us are in.  I just wanted to, you know, get a little vicious and laugh until my guts bleed...And for THAT, I do NOT apologize.  I gotta be me, I gotta sing my song and do my dance, and I gotta poke the penguin.

It's just who I am.  I could apologize, but it wouldn't be very sincere.

Okay for now,
Dok

That NSA agent.