How to BE a fat bastard

[Freeky]

Yes m'am. It'll be all baked goods, vindaloo, and ridiculousness forever.

Sounds like Paradise to me.

Oh yeah. Want the recipe?

YES.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It does look lethally awesome.
Treat it the way you would opiates, Freeky: once in a blue moon and only when circumstances warrant it. 

[Juana]

Yeah, I try not to make things like this too often for that very reason.

Yes m'am. It'll be all baked goods, vindaloo, and ridiculousness forever.

Sounds like Paradise to me.

Oh yeah. Want the recipe?

YES.

Here

[Freeky]

It does look lethally awesome.
Treat it the way you would opiates, Freeky: once in a blue moon and only when circumstances warrant it. 

Fuck that noise.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It does look lethally awesome.
Treat it the way you would opiates, Freeky: once in a blue moon and only when circumstances warrant it. 

Fuck that noise.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It does look lethally awesome.
Treat it the way you would opiates, Freeky: once in a blue moon and only when circumstances warrant it. 

I'm glad I am not a fan of pastries; if I liked sweets I'd be completely spherical.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

It has it's benefits, for sure.

But now that I can't see straight I can no longer depend on my martial arts training to defend myself, can't run without hitting something, and can't see my surroundings well enough to use them to my advantage like I used to.

I've already been violently assaulted since I came down with this unidentified disease and it occurred to me that I'm going to need to learn some new tricks fast. Being a physically larger animal, even a few dozen pounds worth, means people can't shove me to the ground as easily.

It also gives me an advantage in grappling. Not much, but I'll take whatever edge I can get at this point.

[Salty]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

It has it's benefits, for sure.

But now that I can't see straight I can no longer depend on my martial arts training to defend myself, can't run without hitting something, and can't see my surroundings well enough to use them to my advantage like I used to.

I've already been violently assaulted since I came down with this unidentified disease and it occurred to me that I'm going to need to learn some new tricks fast. Being a physically larger animal, even a few dozen pounds worth, means people can't shove me to the ground as easily.

It also gives me an advantage in grappling. Not much, but I'll take whatever edge I can get at this point.

Solution=Carry various raw meats on and about your person. Just tie top serloin to your arms, duct tape a rump roast to your rump. In this way you will appear larger than you are, and should you be faced with multiple attackers you can, with a little ingenuity, turn a violent altercation into a BBQ.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

It has it's benefits, for sure.

But now that I can't see straight I can no longer depend on my martial arts training to defend myself, can't run without hitting something, and can't see my surroundings well enough to use them to my advantage like I used to.

I've already been violently assaulted since I came down with this unidentified disease and it occurred to me that I'm going to need to learn some new tricks fast. Being a physically larger animal, even a few dozen pounds worth, means people can't shove me to the ground as easily.

It also gives me an advantage in grappling. Not much, but I'll take whatever edge I can get at this point.

Solution=Carry various raw meats on and about your person. Just tie top serloin to your arms, duct tape a rump roast to your rump. In this way you will appear larger than you are, and should you be faced with multiple attackers you can, with a little ingenuity, turn a violent altercation into a BBQ.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

It has it's benefits, for sure.

But now that I can't see straight I can no longer depend on my martial arts training to defend myself, can't run without hitting something, and can't see my surroundings well enough to use them to my advantage like I used to.

I've already been violently assaulted since I came down with this unidentified disease and it occurred to me that I'm going to need to learn some new tricks fast. Being a physically larger animal, even a few dozen pounds worth, means people can't shove me to the ground as easily.

It also gives me an advantage in grappling. Not much, but I'll take whatever edge I can get at this point.

You need an equalizer, not size. For intimidation, you can just get a decent-sized dog. Some people like to jump the biggest guy in the bar in order to look like a badass, especially if they know the biggest guy has some disadvantage.

Women have to think about equalizers a lot. How do you think women use parking garages, etc. without becoming power lifters? 

Can you get a permit to carry a concealed weapon?
If not, there's knives, CS gas, etc.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

It has it's benefits, for sure.

But now that I can't see straight I can no longer depend on my martial arts training to defend myself, can't run without hitting something, and can't see my surroundings well enough to use them to my advantage like I used to.

I've already been violently assaulted since I came down with this unidentified disease and it occurred to me that I'm going to need to learn some new tricks fast. Being a physically larger animal, even a few dozen pounds worth, means people can't shove me to the ground as easily.

It also gives me an advantage in grappling. Not much, but I'll take whatever edge I can get at this point.

You need an equalizer, not size. For intimidation, you can just get a decent-sized dog. Some people like to jump the biggest guy in the bar in order to look like a badass, especially if they know the biggest guy has some disadvantage.

Women have to think about equalizers a lot. How do you think women use parking garages, etc. without becoming power lifters? 

Can you get a permit to carry a concealed weapon?
If not, there's knives, CS gas, etc.

• I can't afford a dog. I'm broke as fuck.
• There's no way I'm ever going to be the biggest guy in the bar unless it's a dwarf bar.
• Most women have normal vision and can use self-defense techniques effectively if they've learned them. They also can carefully monitor their surroundings since their eyeballs function properly. I know self-defense techniques but sometimes, especially when I'm highly stressed, my vision gets so bad I literally can't walk down a sidewalk. The only thing I can count on is grappling if I can't talk my way out of it.
• Knives are for killing people. The law treats them as deadly weapons, and as such, are only useful in the most dire of situations. I could get shot for pulling a knife. Furthermore, I have a knife that I always carry with me, but it's purely to be used as a last resort. It's simply not useful in most violent confrontations.
• I'm going to get some pepper spray as soon as I have the money for it.

Meanwhile, I'm going to keep putting on some pounds.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Me & FBF are now halfway through disc 2 of "Weight of the Nation".

If you're a little too skinny, thank your lucky fucking stars. Jesus this shit's depressing.

It has it's benefits, for sure.

But now that I can't see straight I can no longer depend on my martial arts training to defend myself, can't run without hitting something, and can't see my surroundings well enough to use them to my advantage like I used to.

I've already been violently assaulted since I came down with this unidentified disease and it occurred to me that I'm going to need to learn some new tricks fast. Being a physically larger animal, even a few dozen pounds worth, means people can't shove me to the ground as easily.

It also gives me an advantage in grappling. Not much, but I'll take whatever edge I can get at this point.

You need an equalizer, not size. For intimidation, you can just get a decent-sized dog. Some people like to jump the biggest guy in the bar in order to look like a badass, especially if they know the biggest guy has some disadvantage.

Women have to think about equalizers a lot. How do you think women use parking garages, etc. without becoming power lifters? 

Can you get a permit to carry a concealed weapon?
If not, there's knives, CS gas, etc.

• I can't afford a dog. I'm broke as fuck.
• There's no way I'm ever going to be the biggest guy in the bar unless it's a dwarf bar.
• Most women have normal vision and can use self-defense techniques effectively if they've learned them. They also can carefully monitor their surroundings since their eyeballs function properly. I know self-defense techniques but sometimes, especially when I'm highly stressed, my vision gets so bad I literally can't walk down a sidewalk. The only thing I can count on is grappling if I can't talk my way out of it.
• Knives are for killing people. The law treats them as deadly weapons, and as such, are only useful in the most dire of situations. I could get shot for pulling a knife. Furthermore, I have a knife that I always carry with me, but it's purely to be used as a last resort. It's simply not useful in most violent confrontations.
• I'm going to get some pepper spray as soon as I have the money for it.

Meanwhile, I'm going to keep putting on some pounds.

If you can legally carry CS where you live, get that and not the pepper spray. The trick with pepper spray is you have to get it IN A PERSON'S EYES for it to really work, and that can be a problem if you're grappling and on top of that your vision is compromised.

With CS you just get it in the general vicinity of their face and they're down for the count. 

A lot of CS has UV dye in it too, so you can prove it was them if you want to press charges.

http://www.amazon.com/Mace%C2%AE-Michigan-Double-Action-Tear/dp/B0051WQBIW

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

And I disagree that knives for protection are necessarily for killing people. In some situations you might have to, but the two times that I've actually had to use a knife, the guys got all shocked when they realized they were cut and quit. I guess they didn't expect it, they thought I was going to just beg or something. Might be different with a male on male attack, I don't know.

[Juana]

Jesus, Net! I hope you get all that (and what-the-fuck-ever it is that's wrong with your eyes) sorted soon.