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Chaos Magic

Started by Slarti, November 16, 2003, 01:05:55 AM

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Horab Fibslager

#30
November 19, 2003, 05:12:59 AM
oh i;ve got a choclate spell, frist thing you need is a rather long pole, and a string, tie the stringto the pole, then tie a piece of chocolate to the other end of the string coming up from behind, dangle the chocolate in fornt of the girl/guy's/frog's face. now if it's a girl they're turn around and either jump on you liek a pack of hyenes on a pile of chicken wings left myseteriously in the middle of the veldt, or they'll slap you eat the chocolate, and then give you a nice smile. if it's a guy, i'm not sure what he'll do cuz i never tried that, and frog's, welli 'm not really sure f tehy like chocolate...


a better wat may be to use large amounts of alcohol. in retrospect, i'm gonna recomend the alcohol.
Hell is other people.

SMFabal

#31
November 19, 2003, 05:34:25 PM
Present the lady in question with a single red rose. It's always worked for me ...
SMFabal, High Pope of CoCK, PSP, CW, KSC, FP, GH, MORBJ

Q: How serious are you about this whole "Discordian" thing?
A: A blue fish Tuesday!
Q: No really, it this, like, deeply philosphical, or just a huge joke?
A: Yes.

The Good Reverend Roger

#32
November 19, 2003, 05:37:03 PM
Spell for ferocious beatings:  

components: 1 cop, 1 steel toed boot.

Casting:  Put on boot, stomp on cops foot.  This spell, unlike many others, has a VERIFIABLE, CONSISTENT result, which occurs about 3 seconds (every time) after you stomp the poor cops foot.

USEFUL HINTS:  Wear a helmet.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Bella

#33
November 19, 2003, 07:12:20 PM
Well, I'm unable to drop the idea of forms for spells.
Guess it's time to conjure some up.
So if anyone has anything you want to contribute in the way of ideas....please let me know.
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Guido Finucci

#34
November 19, 2003, 09:19:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerCasting:  Put on boot, stomp on cops foot.

I have found that the spell is more powerful if you kick the cop in the shins or if you kick a multitude of cops. There are rumours that the higher up you can kick the cop, the more powerful the spell gets but I have never had a circle of protection strong enough to be game to try it myself.

The Good Reverend Roger

#35
November 19, 2003, 09:26:02 PM
Quote from: Guido Finucci
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerCasting:  Put on boot, stomp on cops foot.

I have found that the spell is more powerful if you kick the cop in the shins or if you kick a multitude of cops. There are rumours that the higher up you can kick the cop, the more powerful the spell gets but I have never had a circle of protection strong enough to be game to try it myself.

I rather suspect those rumors are correct.

ANOTHER GOOD SPELL:  Instant audit.

Components:  Access to email.

Casting:  Write you congressman, and tell him that he's a pig-fucker.  Use your real email address.  For faster, better results, also write the IRS, and tell them that they are ALL pig-fuckers.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Commander

#36
November 20, 2003, 09:15:51 AM
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomWell, I'm unable to drop the idea of forms for spells.
Guess it's time to conjure some up.
So if anyone has anything you want to contribute in the way of ideas....please let me know.

I think military related government forms would be the most amusing.  I might have a copy of my discharge papers somewhere laying around.  Let me rephrase that...I BETTER have a copy of my discharge papers laying around.  When I get back to the states I¬•ll dig around and find them.  I could scan them and send them to you.  Then again, I bet you could find any number of forms available on the internet.

somewhere...

The Commander
DIA
The Commander
DIA
Discordian Intelligence Agency

Horab Fibslager

#37
November 20, 2003, 10:08:22 AM
spell for time travel(or at least for warping time...)


Narrator:
It's just a jump to the left.

All:
And then a step to the right.

Narrator:
With your hands on your hips.

All:
You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.

Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Hell is other people.

The Good Reverend Roger

#38
November 20, 2003, 03:45:56 PM
Quote from: horab fibslager plusspell for time travel(or at least for warping time...)


Spell for time travel:

One tequila,
Two tequila,
Three tequila,
FLOOR!

When you wake up, HOURS will have passed...DAYS, if you really try.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Bella

#39
November 20, 2003, 05:16:03 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: horab fibslager plusspell for time travel(or at least for warping time...)


Spell for time travel:

One tequila,
Two tequila,
Three tequila,
FLOOR!

When you wake up, HOURS will have passed...DAYS, if you really try.

You reckon this would work with margaritas?
Only one way to find out. :twisted:
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Lord_Caramac

#40
November 20, 2003, 10:13:42 PM
Currently I'm thinking about making some German NPIAB forms for ritual use...
May the Fnord be with you!
-><-
"This schland is your schland, this schland is my schland..."
-><-
Bart: How would I go about creating a half man, half monkey type creature?
Miss Krabapple: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God-shmod, I want my monkey man!
-><-
Lord BlackLight
aka Lord Helmet
aka ElfBoi
aka Lord Caramac the Clueless, NPIAB
Knight of the Big Toe
aka His Arrogance Pope Cereal I., KBB, GHMB, DHB
-><-
St. Yogi Bear Cabal
-><-
Jabber: elfboi@jabber.org (NOT email - check www.jabber.org)

EvilPoet

#41
November 20, 2003, 10:39:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerFor faster, better results, also write the IRS, and tell them that they are ALL pig-fuckers.

Quote from: The American Heretic's DictionaryINTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE, n. A government agency which serves the people by extorting hundreds of billions of dollars from them annually under threat of force.

Irreverend Hugh, KSC

#42
November 21, 2003, 04:44:55 AM
Spell for RoadKill

Choose any busy pre-rush-hour expressway (note: the spell's magical correspondences are such that the strongest time is pre-rush-hour)

Run across the expressway.

Ignore the screeching and honking sounds.

Road Kill will certaintly manifest within twenty seconds into the ritual.
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"

Slarti

#43
November 22, 2003, 01:33:41 AM
well in any case, Chaos Magic looks really cool. I'm gonna experiment and try some stuff, and see how it works out.

Slarti

#44
November 22, 2003, 07:07:53 PM
i found this semi-relavant joke on chaosmatrix.com

A Christian, a Wiccan, and a Sorceror were taking a whizz in a public restroom. The Christian finished first, and proceeded to scrub his hands thoroughly, to the elbow, saying, "We Christians have learned to be clean." The Wiccan finished next, and barely wet his fingertips, saying, "We Wiccans have learned to respect Mother Earth and preserve her resources." The Sorceror zipped up and headed for the door, saying, "We Sorcerors have learned not to piss on our hands."

(No offense to wiccans or christians)
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