This is the place where we go to freak out for a little bit right?

[McGrupp]

I hope so, because it's happening.

I found myself with myself in a large meadow.

"I wonder what's in that tent over there?"

"I thought you gave up on that sort of thing? Wait, that one! That's the tent you're going to? You're kidding right?"

"I...I just want to see what's inside."

"......okay, knock yourself out."

I enter the tent and after a period of time emerge stumbling holding.

"FUCK! What the fuck? I....What the fuck!?"

"What happened to you? What did you find in there?"

and I told him. How I couldn't justify my life. How I'm the epitome of the priveliged American. Sure I played at poverty. I've lived on my own. Refused handouts from my parents, except for all those times I didn't. Even went hungry and slept outside a few times but I was never without the safety net. A simple phone call was all it would ever take to remedy it. One day I made it.

Got back on my feet. Get a fairly decent job (I get to use my brain and on occasion I do help some people, though they pay me for that) Move into an apartment and proceed to do this:

WEEKDAYS
Get up with much difficulty
Go to work
Come home
Enter bubble where I smoke pot and watch cartoons and movies online and avoid any news because it makes me angry and want to   smash someones head in with a hammer but I feel that smashing people in the head with a hammer is wrong. (and like a lot of pot too btw, I used multiple dealers just so they wouldn't think I was some kind of a freak or something)
Stay up too late and go to bed. (Not a real bed, that bed is buried under the debris in my bedroom where I don't go. No, I sleep on the floor in a snow angel of trash and debris that I made around the glowing rectangle I spend most of my time around.)

WEEKENDS
2 whole days of numbing bubble! Hooray!!!

And anything that separates me from that bubble is like nails on a chalkboard.

"Wow...Wait a minute, isn't all this exactly what you were telling me about before you went in the tent?"

".....yeah...."

"What's in that tent?"

The other me went to look inside the tent. But the tent was empty.

The only thing inside was a mirror.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today at lunch I took a walk on my lunch break. Turns out there is an atrium with trees over by the cancer center.

Decided to try to take a look around. Surfed the web and WOW! I don't even know where to start so I will just state that water is wet.

At some point Transmetropolitan and the Weekly World News exploded over onto reality. Somehow I found myself here http://www.wetcanvas.com/forums/showthread.php?t=166492
Try as I might I cannot bring myself to have an opinion on The Beadmakers Liberation Front. Pricefixing? Empowerment for the smalltime crafter? Do I even really know what those terms mean?

I have no idea.  I thought I had a good education but instead I'm just a good parrot. Not being full of shit is going to be very hard work.

I didn't smoke pot today. I took 18 bags of garbage to the curb. The place is still a mess but a beachhead has been established. Tomorrow I hope to regain access to the kitchen.

I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I like this. I like it a lot. It describes an incredible amount of my life and everything I've spent it trying to fight against, while still doing the same things.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And, it may be worth saying that I was part of that thread, and many of the people in it are some of the colleagues in my industry that I respect the most, but we weren't able to figure out how to break out of it, either.

And I think you are on the right path, inscrutable as it may seem now.

[LMNO]

Good start, McGrupp. And a pretty cool rant.  Let us know how it proceeds, neh?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I approve of this assbaggery.  Continue.

[Eater of Clowns]

Very good piece, McGrupp!

[McGrupp]

Thanks everyone. That felt awesome.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Thanks everyone. That felt awesome.

Ranting is very cathartic.

[McGrupp]

Inscrutable. Very apt. I've been following the breadcrumbs for a long time now but I think I just went down the rabbit hole.

I always liked the story about how when Socrates was a soldier he once spent over a day just standing and thinking. I never understood how someone could do that. Now I do. Sobriety has been effortless thus far. Honestly I think getting high would make me sober at this point.

Fortunately I work in a tiny pocket of medical academia where being scatterbrained is considered a sign of great technical prowess. Also the lab director is pretty laidback and thinks its funny when I slip Phrenology handbooks into the library or put up a cow chart next to the anatomy charts in the residents room.

I have grossly misunderstood Eastern Philosophy.

Words fail. To try to explain would be like the teenager who took acid for the first time and starts shaking his friends by the shoulders shouting "I CAN IMAGINE A TESSERACT! I CAN SEE!!!"

I watched 'Revolver' last night. It was a whole new movie. I lingered upon the quote "Once you change the rules on what controls you, you can change what you can control."

Of course I've been seeing new meaning in many things from Aleister Crowleys "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" to Dr Teeth of the Electric Mayem Band "There's a party all the time for them what choose."

Strange times. Living room and kitchen have been reclaimed. Filth has been pushed back. Also still much to read and reread. but for now putt putt golf and then maybe a nap.

Everyone always talks about seeing the world with new eyes but they never mention the part where you shove things in your mouth like a toddler to see if its food.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Everyone always talks about seeing the world with new eyes but they never mention the part where you shove things in your mouth like a toddler to see if its food.

This is a great fucking line.

Are you familiar with Alison Gopnik? She has things to say about babies and science.

[Don Coyote]

Everyone always talks about seeing the world with new eyes but they never mention the part where you shove things in your mouth like a toddler to see if its food.

This is a great fucking line.

Are you familiar with Alison Gopnik? She has things to say about babies and science.

What she said.

[McGrupp]

Everyone always talks about seeing the world with new eyes but they never mention the part where you shove things in your mouth like a toddler to see if its food.

This is a great fucking line.

Are you familiar with Alison Gopnik? She has things to say about babies and science.

No. I'm reading a bit about her online right now. I definitely need to get a library card. The amount of stuff I want to know more about is astounding.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Everyone always talks about seeing the world with new eyes but they never mention the part where you shove things in your mouth like a toddler to see if its food.

This is a great fucking line.

Are you familiar with Alison Gopnik? She has things to say about babies and science.

No. I'm reading a bit about her online right now. I definitely need to get a library card. The amount of stuff I want to know more about is astounding.

She has a really cool TED talk! http://www.ted.com/talks/alison_gopnik_what_do_babies_think.html

[McGrupp]

That was cool! I love the unlikely hypothesis experiment with the baby. Makes me think of the phrase "That might just be crazy enough to work."

[P3nT4gR4m]

Inscrutable. Very apt. I've been following the breadcrumbs for a long time now but I think I just went down the rabbit hole.

I always liked the story about how when Socrates was a soldier he once spent over a day just standing and thinking. I never understood how someone could do that. Now I do. Sobriety has been effortless thus far. Honestly I think getting high would make me sober at this point.

Fortunately I work in a tiny pocket of medical academia where being scatterbrained is considered a sign of great technical prowess. Also the lab director is pretty laidback and thinks its funny when I slip Phrenology handbooks into the library or put up a cow chart next to the anatomy charts in the residents room.

I have grossly misunderstood Eastern Philosophy.

Words fail. To try to explain would be like the teenager who took acid for the first time and starts shaking his friends by the shoulders shouting "I CAN IMAGINE A TESSERACT! I CAN SEE!!!"

I watched 'Revolver' last night. It was a whole new movie. I lingered upon the quote "Once you change the rules on what controls you, you can change what you can control."

Of course I've been seeing new meaning in many things from Aleister Crowleys "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" to Dr Teeth of the Electric Mayem Band "There's a party all the time for them what choose."

Strange times. Living room and kitchen have been reclaimed. Filth has been pushed back. Also still much to read and reread. but for now putt putt golf and then maybe a nap.

Everyone always talks about seeing the world with new eyes but they never mention the part where you shove things in your mouth like a toddler to see if its food.

I love this post. Like a trip down memory lane through someone else's eyes