Peeling Back the Vinyl and Bringing the Portland Clap Home

Started by Doktor Howl, December 18, 2014, 05:21:40 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Doktor Howl

I have often referred to Nigel's trip here in 2010 as an angelic visitation, mostly because she wasn't covered in powdered coyote shit like everyone else, but also because she made the city behave for a day.  Funny part about this is that - while a wise man knows "angel" doesn't equate to "safe" or "good" - you expect an angel to come from heaven.

Then you go to Portland, and it's like finding out that the Playboy Mansion is just a double wide trailer with a children's wading pool out back.  Or that Norway is just an ice sheet with a few miserable Lapps wandering around, and all the cool shit you hear about  it is nothing more than a mean joke played on gullible Americans by mean Danes.  Or the Taj Mahal is made out of plastic and Buckingham Palace was bought by Donald Trump.

Worse, you learn that it's contagious.  It hasn't stopped raining in Tucson since I got back.  My office toilet doesn't work, and when you force whatever titanic movement down the pipe, the "breather" out on the public sidewalk erupts with toilet paper and the remains of the 3rd-last shit flushed.  People have suddenly forgotten how to drive home, due to low visibility from the aforementioned rain.  Monday's rush hour is still circling downtown, unable to leave the legal district and slowly running out of money for the food trucks.  By this time next week, they'll all be dead, and their families will never learn their fate.

Even now, black clouds swirl above the refinery, waiting for me to go outside.  Waiting to silence my talk of Portland and its Skinsaw Queen.  But I can stay in this office for a long, long time.  Oh, yes.  I have a gallon of e-juice, 12 pounds of coffee, overweight coworkers, and A1 Sauce.

You may think this is funny or even a good thing, this displacement of Tucson by Portland, this venereal disease of the soul which I have brought home like a particularly bad case of the crabs.  Yeah, laugh it up, assholes...But consider:  If Portland has displaced Tucson, then where did Tucson go?  Yeah, that's right.  Learn to suck vacuum, you Goddamn barking monkeys.  Learn to NOT LOOK when the cops are throwing up.  Learn to ignore the detective crying into his bourbon.  Learn to fear the ANGRY FIST OF GOD that is grinding you into the pavement while you helplessly shit yourselves.

Learn to love being Sheriff Joe's next-door neighbor.

Okay until the coffee runs out,
Dok



Molon Lube

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on December 18, 2014, 05:50:28 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on December 18, 2014, 05:38:49 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 18, 2014, 05:25:59 PM
TUCSON AWAKES.


TUCSON TRAVELS.

Tucson just got rudely tossed out of bed.  Onto you.

PLENTY OF ROOM, TUCSON, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTALBLE   :horrormirth:

Portland shoves Tucson.  Tucson slams into Providence.  Providence slides into Boston.  LMNO next seen covered in spray tan.
Molon Lube

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

 :lulz:

I took another picture that you might like, Doktor. It might be a little grainy, so I will explain what you're looking at. I am, as you can probably tell by the foreground, standing in a park, looking toward a cliff on the East side of the river. At the top of the cliff you can see some buildings; that's an old folk's warehouse. At the bottom of the cliff, in the floodplain, there are three mansions... and to the very right of the picture, a trailer home.

This, my friends, is Portland, and it's here for you.


"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 18, 2014, 06:49:33 PM
:lulz:

I took another picture that you might like, Doktor. It might be a little grainy, so I will explain what you're looking at. I am, as you can probably tell by the foreground, standing in a park, looking toward a cliff on the East side of the river. At the top of the cliff you can see some buildings; that's an old folk's warehouse. At the bottom of the cliff, in the floodplain, there are three mansions... and to the very right of the picture, a trailer home.

This, my friends, is Portland, and it's here for you.



My nannywall doesn't like it (it will learn to, though, I imagine).  I will look at it at home.
Molon Lube

ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞

P E R   A S P E R A   A D   A S T R A

trippinprincezz13

Ditto. I don't always comment because I often have little to say beyond "that was awesome" and "I'll really enjoyed reading that. Keeping doing it". But I suppose even simple feedback is better than nothing, so again, I really liked it. Really good imagery and gives you a good-terrible feeling of the place and (some) of the people therein.
There's no sun shine coming through her ass, if you are sure of your penis.

Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.

If there is no order in your sexual life it may be difficult to stay with a whole skin.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I am particularly enamored of "This venereal disease of the soul".
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 19, 2014, 05:25:33 PM
I am particularly enamored of "This venereal disease of the soul".

I felt like throwing myself into the River out of sheer self disgust.

But there's no water in our river, so it would probably hurt.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on December 19, 2014, 04:15:56 PM
Ditto. I don't always comment because I often have little to say beyond "that was awesome" and "I'll really enjoyed reading that. Keeping doing it". But I suppose even simple feedback is better than nothing, so again, I really liked it. Really good imagery and gives you a good-terrible feeling of the place and (some) of the people therein.

Thanks.  I was traumatized.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on December 19, 2014, 05:58:08 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 19, 2014, 05:25:33 PM
I am particularly enamored of "This venereal disease of the soul".

I felt like throwing myself into the River out of sheer self disgust.

But there's no water in our river, so it would probably hurt.

You can actually swim in our river now, you know.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."