Quotes of the Moment II

[Cramulus]

REPUBLIC OF MINERVA!

LIBERTARIAN PARADISE!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Wow. Mike there sounds like a charmer.

Yeah, aside from his sparkling conversation, he brays laughter at his own jokes for 30 seconds at a time.

[Cain]

Here's a President who knew how to deal with Communists



Also



And

[BadBeast]

Do Chinese still count as Communists? 

[Cain]

Yes.  Yes they do.  Well, Mao certainly did, at least.

Anyway, from a teacher friend of mine in Los Angeles:

A student's mother called this morning, to warn me her son was very jet-lagged. Sure enough, an hour into the day, the student approached my desk and asked to go home to nap because his "brain was not working properly" from the jet lag. I sent him home. As he packed up, I asked, "Where did you go again for the break?" Student: "Aspen." Ummm....

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Mike the Engineer:  "That Occupy Wall Street business is good for one thing.  We can round them all up, once we get a president that isn't afraid to deal with communists."

Wow.

This man firmly believes that the Free Market™ would fix everything if those damn policiticans would just leave the banks alone.

I shit you not.

It is for people like him that I sometimes wish a true libertarian society would come to be, so I could kill and eat him.

Um, your triglyceride count would skyrocket.  Seriously.  He's like a million calories and they're all fat.

I bet he'd be delicious slow-roasted with a bourbon glaze and beer gravy. And I could skim the fat and use it for frying.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yes.  Yes they do.  Well, Mao certainly did, at least.

Anyway, from a teacher friend of mine in Los Angeles:

A student's mother called this morning, to warn me her son was very jet-lagged. Sure enough, an hour into the day, the student approached my desk and asked to go home to nap because his "brain was not working properly" from the jet lag. I sent him home. As he packed up, I asked, "Where did you go again for the break?" Student: "Aspen." Ummm....

Jet-lag... how does it work?

[Phox]

Yes.  Yes they do.  Well, Mao certainly did, at least.

Anyway, from a teacher friend of mine in Los Angeles:

A student's mother called this morning, to warn me her son was very jet-lagged. Sure enough, an hour into the day, the student approached my desk and asked to go home to nap because his "brain was not working properly" from the jet lag. I sent him home. As he packed up, I asked, "Where did you go again for the break?" Student: "Aspen." Ummm....

Jet-lag... how does it work?

Obvious, they took the long way around. 

[Eater of Clowns]

EoC:  My blood work came back.  I think I have Hepatitis.

EoCGF:  If you have Hepatitis, does that mean we're having condom sex for a while?

EoC:  Nope.  It means you're getting Hepatitis.



Edit for spelling.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

EoC:  My blood work came back.  I think I have Hepatitis.

EoCGF:  If you have Hepatitis, does that mean we're having condom sex for a while?

EoC:  Nope.  It means you're getting Heptatitis.

[Eater of Clowns]

I took a turn for the disgustingly ill last week.  When they did my blood work yesterday, I got a call from the emergency on-call doctor who said something along the lines of:

"YOUR LIVER ENZYMES ARE CRITICAL!  Your AST should be below 200.  It's at 427.  Your ALT should also be below 200.  It's at 904.  Are you feeling okay?"

"Uh.  Well yeah I felt awful last week but I'm at work now.  Bit of a sore throat."

"Okay.  These are levels we see when someone's overdosed on acetametaphine or, well your blood work from six months ago indicates you aren't a long term alcoholic, or maye you picked up Hepatitis at some bad restaurant?  Just uh, make sure you call your primary care in the morning."

The guy seemed legitimately astounded I was standing.  In fact, I felt better than I had in a week and a half.  Today they confirmed it's mono, so no I don't have Hep, but the above bit was from last night before either of us knew that.

[Richter]

 

[Telarus]

"If you have a pizza with radius z and thickness a, it's volume is pizza (or pi*z*z*a)"

[Nephew Twiddleton]

SOme gems from last night, which I can remember since I was the designated driver.

At the bar:
Angela: Mike, that girl you're interested in says stop being a pussy and go and talk to her.
Mike: Ok.
Mike: Hi. My name is Mike.
Girl: My name is [something. I don't know]
Mike: Cool. :walks away quickly:

Me: Dude, you ever have an Irish car bomb? Oh, wait, that's right, you don't like beer.
Pickles: Hmmm... I'll do one.
Me: Tonight?
Pickles: Fuck it.

(I get Pickles a car bomb, explain how it works. He gets half way though it, puts it down)

Everyone: No!!!! Keep going!!!!
Mike: :grabs glass, downs it:
Everyone: Go Mike!

Pickles: So, I think just as of a minute ago, Angela and I are dating.
Me: I'll remind you both in the morning.

Driving home (in Pickles' car):
Pickles: Can I piss out the window?
Me: No.

Mike (for the fifth time): Kev, you're awesome man, and I really mean that. I'm not just saying that cuz I'm drunk.
Me: Thanks man.

Pickles: I grabbed someone's junk at the bar. Who was it?
Me: Me.
Pickles: Sorry man.

Pulling into the drive way
Pickles: :eyeing his aunt's statue of the Mutheragawd: Can I piss on Mary?
Me: :suddenly Catholic again for a split second: NO!!!

Villager: You just missed it. Mike got down on all fours and Matt got on top of him and rode him around like a horse, and grabbed his nuts to make him go.
Me: ......

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Alty on the phone:  "Give me my stuff, cheap.  I don't want to hear about how many brown people in 3rd world countries had to suffer, I just want my shit."

(Obviously being sarcastic)